Gert, I do not mean for this to prey on your emotions right now, Lord knows you've been through an ordeal.
Having said that however, I've read your posts here and am quite concerned with your vet and his/her professionalism and level of care given to your cats.
First let me say, I know of NO professional vet who would honor a client's wish not to be told of a fatal infectious disease upon diagnosis, this is bordering on unethical, negligence and, least of all, not giving you the full opportunity to explore treatment options.
You did not post what treatment options your vet made available to you, or even IF your vet did. You only mentioned that your vet either agreed or supported whatever it was you did at home while your kitties were so sick. I'm assuming you actually knew that they were suffering FELV, and even if you didn't, your vet is deplorable for not taking this seriously and for not explaining treatment options to you. In effect, your vet has, and IS failing you and your cats, and I personally would not have a vet like this in my favor (least of all, my cats)
Your vet was obligated to inform you of FELV treatment options, in which you could decline if you so wished (I assume due to costs)....however, you made no mention in your posts that your vet did anything of the sort nor offered you any recourse should you be faced with end stage disease of FELV. As you sadly witnessed, much of what your kitties suffered, could have been treated with supportive care, medications to stabilize, etc etc. (and at reasonable cost, as opposed to the cost of suffering)
Your vet was also obligated to inform you three years ago that your other kitties would be exposed to the virus, and therefore obligated to inform you of treatment options you could explore to help halt the progression of the disease (and was also negligent in informing you of vaccinating accordingly). FELV is not necessarily a death sentence for all cats. With proper care and support, and treating secondary conditions as they occur, many FELV+ kitties can lead long, happy, healthy lives, providing that treatment is given them in cases of infections, secondary problems, etc. There are various things one can do to help aid an FELV+ kitty, and reduce clinical signs and symptoms. While there is no cure for FELV, there IS treatment available to help reduce the signs, alleviate some problems, and to extend quality of life.
Please check out the following links to help you understand this disease, and what you CAN do for your kitties. Your kitties deserve the best care available, and YOU deserve a comitted, professional vet who is committed to their lives and well being and optimal health.FELV (Cornell)Fighting FELV
Personally, and as one in the profession, I would not see this vet again, nor use that clinic's services. Please find a new vet who is a professional, and is bound by ethics.
My heart aches over your recent losses......................Traci