neighbor dumping her feral kitty

(sorry for the length had to get it all out!)

Hi all, I am new to this site but have read here often and can tell there are lots of true cat lovers.  I need some advice and perspective.   I live in an apartment complex on an upper floor that backs up onto some woods.   Last year I noticed behind a neighboring building young cats playing outside.   I approached the neighbors and found out that they had started feeding an unspayed feral quite some time ago and these were her kittens (now about 5 months old, familiar with humans but not handleable or tame).   And even worse, there was a batch of 4 week old kittens in the bushes.  These neighbors had no intention of getting any of them fixed and seemed clueless about what to do claiming that the five month old ones were perfectly adoptable.   One of them actually was - he'd tamed himself.    I was torn about what to do because I had just suffered a devastating loss of my fifteen year old kitty to cancer and having a hard time in my life in general, but I saw what was happening and likely to happen.   Our county animal shelter is so cashed strapped that they literally will not come out even if one wanted them to.  

So against my better judgment I got involved.  It was like pushing a boulder uphill as they people kept breaking appointments and throwing delays in my way at every point.  It was like they wanted the new batch of kittens to grow up untamed like the first one even though they gave lip service to wanting otherwise.  But eventually I got them to work with me in getting the mother trapped at the same time as the tiny kittens, and I took over getting the mother fixed.   They took the kittens into their apartment and only worked with them to tame them for one week and turned them over to the pound.   Fortunately it was enough and they got homes.   The first generation of kittens wasn't so lucky though - all scattered to the wind and disappeared included the mother over a period of months.    One cat was left who I call Oscar.  

Now I get a call from my neighbor wanting me to do her a "big favor" because she's moving in one week and wants me to take over feeding Oscar.   Like it's no big deal, just moving and leaving.   She's moving somewhere that would be very inhospitable to an outdoor cat even if she were to try to bring him.   But in her mind he never was her responsibility anyway....    I encouraged her to ask some of the neighbors that live closer to her to feed him instead, but I'll be surprised if anyone says yes.    I can't see the cat starve in front of me, so I'll end up feeding it.   I'm worried that she's lying and that she's actually feeding more than just this one cat - she's lied before to me to make things look better than they are.    I'm not on the ground floor, I have no good spot to feed him (or them), and honestly I'm not in a good position to be in charge of feral cats and could end up getting evicted for this as it is explicitly forbidden in my lease.    Still if I don't feed him he dies.   If he goes to the shelter I would have to trap and take him there, and he dies.   I can't live with that.

I am so frustrated and angry!   This lady is so incredibly clueless - there's no getting through to her as I've already tried in the past.   She believes she is a friend to the animals and doesn't understand that when you feed an animal there are consequences and you take on certain responsibilities.  I have two indoor cats, one that is part feral and another with multiple expensive health problems (IBD and FLUTD).  I'm also moving away from here in six months possibly out of state.  My own health is poor and I'm under a lot of life stress which is ongoing, this is the last thing I need but unlike my neighbor my conscience won't let me walk away.

Advice and support appreciated, thank you!

I know I'm new, but I still hope someone can respond.   I realize maybe some of you are just hearing that I don't want to feed this cat and thinking I'm an awful person.   I've done a fair amount of cat rescue over my lifetime and love cats very much.    I'm so torn up because there's so many problems with me taking this on.   Being on an upper floor I have no patio and only one private place to feed Oscar - right near the patio of my downstairs neighbor who has had a stalker-ish interest in me for years and who dislikes cats.   It's not too safe for me to make myself so visible to this guy (putting out food at regular times everyday) near his apartment and not so safe for Oscar either.   Last year when all this started up I called a lot of cat rescue orgs in my city and while there are resources for loaning traps and low cost neutering, there were no groups that were willing to help resettle any of the ferals last year.   And all that aside, what do I do in six months if I'm the only one feeding him and I have to move out-of-state or even just across town?   It feels right now like the only answer is to pray for a miracle that someone in a better situation who signed a really long lease will step up out of nowhere.

I don't think anyone is going to think you are terrible. I have no experience or advice to offer you, only sympathy for your plight, but I'm sure our members who work in rescue and feral care will be along to offer you some advice after a while.

Welcome to TCS.

Hi Otto!  Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not terrible - I just really want to do the right thing.

Is it possible Oscar could be trapped and located to a colony somewhere in the country?  Do the TNR people in your area know of anything like that being possible?  That's the only thing I can think of

Thanks Jenn, that's a thought....last time I looked into this I just called around locally.   It's possible things could have changed over a year too.   After reading about Hershey Rose's awful experience with the TSA though (could not believe it!) I'd be nervous to ship a feral by air.    I'm trying to calm down and remind myself that I have time to work this out.   Worst case scenario no one else steps up and I'll feed Oscar and try to dodge the stalker while working things out.  
 

I do sympathise - it is a difficult position you find yourself in. Is there any chance you can at least trap Oscar and get him neutered to stop the whole cycle starting over again? In case there are females in the area? ANd then maybe someone would be more interested in taking over his feeding when you go, if they know it is just one cat and he is less likely to have health problems or spray everywhere.

Hi Jenny, yep I'm thinking about that -  as far as I know and hope and pray there aren't females nearby.  We've got a really good low cost feral neutering program here, so I could do it or help someone else with it.    It's all so crazy - I haven't actually seen Oscar for four months he never even comes by my building anymore.    Right now I'm waiting to hear back from the moving neighbor about if she's asked any of her closer neighbors to feed him. 
 

Welcome, Bastfriend!! You are wonderful in that you are here posting and trying to find a way to help Oscar. I hear your situation and am sorry about your health as well. I think if I were you I would try to find a place to relocate Oscar :nod: Call as many TNR organizations as you can, all the local humane societies. Most have a foster network in progress as well with names of feral caretakers. This happens all the time in my area and I will readily take in a feral from another caretaker's colony who can no longer feed. The thing is... IF you start feeding and there are other cats then that is a whole other ball of wax and will put more work and pressure on you as you would need to start getting them all TNRd. Since you are moving within 6 mos. too, then I would see about getting Oscar relocated with the assistance of a TNR group. Too bad that other lady wouldn't try to help in doing so. Maybe she doesn't realize that relocating Oscar is a possibility?? Good luck with this situation and bless you for wanting to help Oscar.

Welcome, and bless you for taking this seemingly overwhelming situation on yourself.

I am a almost totally unsuccessful rescuer and have ended up with many dear cats passing through my life at a ripe old age. My last rescue is 8 years old and still lives with me. My first one was rescued at 4 weeks and passed away at 18.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't think you could get any better advice than you have gotten from our TCS rescuers. They are truly dedicated and always ready to offer advice and encouragement. Good luck with this, and please keep us posted.

Thanks for the advice and welcome Feralvr!   You sound like a wonderful person yourself taking on caring for the feral kitties.   I hope there's someone like you in my town who can help me out when the time comes.  There's a very active TNR group here, so I sure hope they can help.  I started another thread about potentially taming Oscar - I don't even know yet if that's a possibility because I still haven't laid eyes on him.    And you are so right, it is a shame my neighbor wasn't willing to do any phone work at all, she just assumed I'd take over.  I think to her feeding an outside cat is not big deal, so she doesn't understand what she's asking of me.   To do it right is a big deal indeed.    I still haven't heard from her - they haven't fully moved out yet and I see the bowl of food and water still there.

Thank you also Krazy Kat!   You sound like a very successful rescuer to me, but I know what you mean when I tried to adopt out my rescues the group said it was "foster failure" if you just ended up keeping them which I did for two.   Still it's a failure that's brought me a lot of joy! 
 

Bastfriend said:

   To do it right is a big deal indeed.    

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:bigthumb: You hit the nail on the head with those words, hun. That lax attitude has been the hardest thing for me to deal with in all the years I have been working with feral cats. SO many people just do not get it, or maybe they do, and they just do not care, or they are truly ignorant/blind to the life of a feral cat and what the RIGHT thing would be to do. I also think many people don't see cats the way I and other rescuers do. Sometimes I feel that I am fighting a never ending battle against other people who let their unaltered cats outdoors. Because, that is where this all began in the first place. I won't give up fighting for the feral cats and wanting to do right by them.

I did see your other thread!!! Maybe Oscar will bring something good into your life OR just add some more good. :rub: It is possible that you could get the ball rolling with him as far as socializing and see about this TNR group in your area. I DO think there are many people out there with big huge hearts that might be willing to take Oscar under their "wing" care. :heart3:

Feralvr, those feral cats are lucky to have you - you are a Feral Cat Warrior Woman!    I think you are so right that the lax folks just don't see things the way we do - guess that's the problem the world over.   I did a lot of Google searches while I was mad about neighbors abandoning pets and read stories that made my hair stand on end and my neighbor look like a saint for at least calling me.   Still...there's a song by BB King that comes to mind  "There must be a better world somewhere..."      I've got some regular life stuff in the next couple of days, so I'll give her the week she said she'd call me back and then get the ball rolling.   There's still a remote chance she will have found someone else to take over.  Also checking each day to make sure the food is still out there - no sign of Oscar, he doesn't hang around the building at all so he must be hiding out in the woods.   Oh and here's for you!

I'm so angry and sad you guys!       I gave my neighbor too much credit believe it or not.    I had been checking from a distance seeing that the food and water bowls were still there - assuming that they were keeping them filled since they haven't moved all their stuff over to their new place yet.  I looked more closely today and I think that their "stuff" is just lots of junk they abandoned and they've actually moved out.  I went over to their patio today and looked in the bowls.  The food bowl was empty and the water bowl had a little water and a lot of dirt and leaves mixed in.   While it's remotely possible the food just got finished, that water bowl hadn't been refreshed in a long time.  There are raccoons around that might be dirtying the bowl up but it still looked really bad.   I'm beginning to wonder that the reason I don't see any cats around there because they stopped feeding them last week when she called me.  That there actually was no one week notice and she abandoned them that day but wouldn't admit it to me.   If this is the case, who knows how far away Oscar has gone off to look for food.   I'm going to put some out tonight and just hope.

How terrible. You must be feeling so worried. Prayers for Oscar! :heart3:

Thanks so much for the vibes Otto     When I checked today all the food was gone (2 cups worth of dry) which was good, but the water had lots of dirt in it and had clearly been splashed about.   So while I still hold hope that Oscar ate some of that food, I'm pretty sure some raccoons got a good meal too.     My plan is to have food out overnight the next two nights, just in case Oscar circles back around and can see there is food again.   And then I'll start putting it out during the day only to try to get the raccoons out of the equation.    What do you all think - will it work?
 

OH dear.... I am sorry to hear that you have not seen Oscar and that those people just abandoned him. I am sorry to say that IF the water was dirty, then raccoons ate the food. They use water to eat their meals and then wash up in the water bowls. I try to feed only in the mornings and at dusk. My feral cats know this schedule though and come to eat. I am so sorry about this. I guess I would suggest putting food out in the morning. At night, the raccoons might be coming to eat that food if the water is muddy and dirty. Poor Oscar.... but you are doing all you can in trying to rescue him. Oscar :rub:

Thanks Feralvr, so it was racoons, drat!    Well I just went out there in the dark with a flashlight hoping to catch someone at the food dishes - nothing.     I have to say it's not looking good.   Some smart cats do cultivate multiple food sources - I'm sure hoping Oscar has just gone to join some other group.   A few months ago I talked to someone who had lost their cat and put up posters all around our neighborhood, and he told me that multiple people from my apartment complex called him who feed strays who thought they saw his cat.    So that tells me my ex-neighbor wasn't the only one.....even if I can't help Oscar maybe someone else will.   Thanks for the good energy!

Well, it sounds like there are other residents in the complex that are feeding the cats. So Oscar is probably hanging out in those areas. Maybe you could find out who these people are and assist them in TNRing all of the cats. Will continue the vibes for Oscar, hun!! Good luck. :cross:

Your vibes must have worked Feralvr - I saw Oscar at the food bowl!!!    He ran for the hills when he saw me about thirty feet away though so a bit of socializing is needed.    Now I feel like I can actually accomplish something!     Looks like he's a water spasher too (though the water wasn't dirty) maybe he's learned something from those raccoons.

Now a question for you and everyone....how well does trapping a cat multiple times go?   I know that a year ago Oscar was trapped but let out (looong ranty story there), at some point I'll be needing to trap him to get him TNR'd, but after that later on I might want to trap him yet again to bring him in or relocate him.    Is he going to get wise and not go in at some point?