Should I tell her?

I work with a girl who is 22 or 23 years old.  She is a single mother of a 7 year old.  She has been under the weather with a respiratory issue for several weeks, and has been more ill than well for the past several months with one thing or another. 

Her work assignment is very busy and she is very stressed, not only with work, but also her life in general. It isn't easy being a single parent.  Her family is not very supportive of her and don't help her out.  Her ex gives her grief over visitation of their daughter.

Yesterday she was about 20 minutes late getting into work. Turns out that there was an issue with her daughter having soiled her pants on the way out the door.  She was curt with her daughter, and usually helps her take her coat off at daycare and kisses her bye, but yesterday she dropped her off and ran out the door without having done either, because she was going to be late for a meeting at work.  Apparently her daughter was crying.

She felt soooo badly. She was talking to me about it in the afternoon and she was crying because she felt so badly about how she had taken her stress out on her daughter and left her at the daycare with her coat on and crying.

Today I got to work early and ordered her some flowers... anonymously.  I had them put on the card  "I love you Mommy!   Abby"

She has no clue who sent them.  She called her boy friend who told her that it wasn't him.  So now she is completely clueless as to who sent them.

I acted unknowing and curious about her flowers and asked who sent them and "awwwed" at the card. I'm pretty good at keeping secrets.

So should I tell her it was me, or just let her stew and wonder?

Don't say a word.  Ever.  To anyone.

The mystery is much better than the knowledge.
 

That was a nice thing to do! I wouldn't tell her unless she directly "accused" you of being the one who sent them.

I wouldn't say anything either! That's so sweet!

I do that for my father at times.. send him flowers at his office with little notes. he figured out it was me after a while

I wouldn't say anything either.. keep the secret

I won't say anything.

She sort of did give me a funny look and said my name in a suspicious way when I got back to my desk, but I feigned hearing her and checked my messages.  It was lunch time, so I turned around to chat a bit and saw her flowers and pretended to be surprised and asked who they were from. The card was visible so I "awwwwed" when I read it.  So I put her off the scent, for now.  But I haven't said anything.

I even told the florist to keep my name confidential if she calls to ask who sent them.

She's in a happy mood now though.  So I achieved my goal   She is such a good Mom, and it really bothered me to see her beating herself up yesterday.

That was very sweet! You are a good coworker/friend.   Sometimes when life gets hard, or stressful, a small act of kindness can mean the world!  ("You acted as a secret angel!") 

That is so sweet!! and yeah I wouldn't tell her either

Ugh! She's starting to freak out a bit trying to figure out who it is.  The girl who sits next to me (her friend) asked if she found out who it was.  Then whispered a suggestion about who it might be, and then said "you may as well burn them if they are from that person."

What's adding to the creep factor is that I happened to send her her favourite flowers (Asiatic Lillies) which I didn't know. I picked them because they are my favourite flower and also because the bouquet was the least expensive one I saw. Even so it cost almost  $60 with delivery and taxes.

So I'm starting to feel some guilt keeping this from her. *sigh*

Natalie_ca said:

Ugh! She's starting to freak out a bit trying to figure out who it is.  The girl who sits next to me (her friend) asked if she found out who it was.  Then whispered a suggestion about who it might be, and then said "you may as well burn them if they are from that person."

What's adding to the creep factor is that I happened to send her her favourite flowers (Asiatic Lillies) which I didn't know. I picked them because they are my favourite flower and also because the bouquet was the least expensive one I saw. Even so it cost almost  $60 with delivery and taxes.

So I'm starting to feel some guilt keeping this from her. *sigh*

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It may be time to say something if she is possibly thinking they are from an ex or something? Otherwise, it will pass and just know you made someone's day.

I think that was so, so kind and thoughtful of you to do that for her; you're a great friend! :heart2:

Since she is stressing over who may have sent them and throwing around the possibility of her ex, it might be best to quietly mentioned to her that you sent them if she still seems concerned.

I decided to play it by ear. If she stresses out about it today I'll fess up.

This morning when she arrived, she and the 2 girls that sit with us were talking about the flowers, and saying how strange it was because she had no clue who they were from. Apparently she and her boy friend got into a little tiff about it last night because she thought he was lying about having sent them and told us that he really didn't send them because he would have confessed it last night if he had.

Then she came right out and said "It was you wasn't it, Linda?"  To which I replied "No, it wasn't. I'm just as curious as you are."

She doesn't seem too bothered by it today, so we'll see.

Keeping the secret for a short time is fun, but if you don't tell her now, it becomes creepy. 

I quietly told her today.  I sent her an email saying "It was me."

She sent me an email back, thanking me for my thoughtfulness and added that now she can enjoy them without feeling guilt. She thought they were from a guy she had dated; a relationship that had lots of problems. Seems he mini-stalked her for awhile after she broke up with him.

So I'm glad that I told her.  And I told her that I was sorry if it creeped her out and told her that the reason I picked the Lillies was because they were my favourite flower and that I had no idea they were also hers, which added to the creep factor of the anonymous gift.

So anyway, she loves them. And I'm happy to know that she is now really enjoying them on her desk.

Sounds like it worked out fine then!

Oh Linda, that was such a sweet thing to do!! You are truly a wonderful person! I'm so glad it lifted her spirits. I can't even image what it would be like to be that young and have the kind of schedule she has with a young one. No wonder she's stressed!

I'm glad it all worked out then.
That was a wonderfully thoughtful thing to do Linda. She's lucky to have such a nice co-worker!

Under the circumstances, I think you made the correct, brilliant choice!
 

Thanks everyone.  She is a really sweet girl, and judging from the look of her desk which is decorated with pictures of her daughter and some of her daughter's art work, and hearing her talk about her daughter, she sounds like such a good Mom. I just wanted to do something to lift her spirits. I'm glad I accomplished that....quietly, so it was between me and her.