Update on my mom (it's long)

Winchester

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My mom has pneumonia.

My mom has an intestinal bacteria infection.

My mom has thrush.

Things are not going well. She's taking meds, which are messing up her taste buds, so she's not hungry (and if Mom isn't hungry, believe me, there's a problem). I've been going to see her over my lunch break at work, partly to see her, but also just to see how much she's eating. My sister and I met with the doctor Friday night and she's doing as well as can be expected with the stuff that's going on. She was doing occupational therapy, but she can't meet even the most minimal of goals (she can't even brush her hair), so now she's just doing PT to help with some problems. And despite what she says, we doubt she will ever leave the nursing home. She simply can't. The doctor said that on Friday night.

(We're going to continue to pay the rent on her apartment until the end of November, just to be on the safe side. But I think that, over our Thanksgiving break, we'll all get together and move her stuff out of the the apartment, although we're not sure where we're going to put anything. But at that point, I think we'll know a lot more about how she's doing and it will be time to actually make a decision. We can't afford to continue paying rent; we simply don't have that kind of money.)

She told me the other day not to get too attached to Muffin because "when I get home, I want her back". I don't argue; I just say "OK, Mom" and let it go. But I think Muffin is pretty much ours. (And no, I've not really tried much to find her a new home....I did ask several people who I thought would be good, but well, I'm a little too picky, I think.)

Mom is right-handed and she has trouble with dexterity in that hand (I think I mentioned before that she had fallen in the kitchen back in August and we made a midnight dash to the ER....I couldn't get her off the floor and the paramedics came, followed by the ambulance. When she fell, she fell on that hand and, despite PT, she's not getting her hand to work well at all). She's using a spoon in her left hand to eat. But when I started going in to see her at lunch, the aides were bringing her food trays and they weren't cutting her food, not even her meat. It stands to reason, or at least it does to me, that if a woman isn't using her normal hand and can no longer use a fork, well, then she is no longer able to use a knife and fork to cut her food, right? So she's wasn't eating much at all; she couldn't. When I brought that to the aide's attention, you could almost see the light bulb going off....it was like, oh crap! we didn't catch it! Now that they've realized it, her food is cut and she does eat more than she did, although the food is tasting "off" to her bc of the meds. And I get that. But she has to eat. So I go in over lunch, just to get her to eat more than she would normally.

She also complains that the food isn't the right food for a diabetic. But I finally told her to stop complaining and eat. She never worried about her diabetes before; I'd go to the apartment and she and her caregiver were eating KFC. There were cupcakes on the counter and cookies and such. Now that she's in the nursing home, she complains about the food? No, that's not going over well with me. I actually told her on Thursday to stop it. Just stop it. The food looks good and it smells good and by damned, she's eating her cherry pie! And she ate every bite. Hasn't said anything else about the food either.

She's not sleeping at night (actually I think she cries most of the night, from what she told us...thanks for the guilt, Mom), so she falls asleep during the day. She almost acts like she's drugged. She'll be awake and then suddenly, poof! she's gone. And we did ask the doctor about that. She is on a small dosage of anti-anxiety meds and he said that they will reduce the dosage if I'm that concerned. And I am. So we'll see what happens there. He did say, though, that since she's not sleeping at night, she will sleep more during the day. And it could also be from the other meds she's on, too.

Honestly, and this is probably TMI and I apologize. But if I don't write it out, I'm going to flip, so bear with me. What is it about older people and their bowels? I'm totally serious here. Most of the older people I know seem to be fixated on bowel movements.....maybe I just don't know the right older people.
 Mom is constipated, Mom has loose bowels, Mom is constipated and she needs her Miralax. Mom has loose bowels to the point where they couldn't take a stoll sample. *sigh* We discussed that with the doctor, too. They were using suppositories and they weren't working. And Mom was fixating on not being able to take the Miralax (which, yes, she was prescribed to take a wee bit daily to avoid constipation). We finally got that taken care of and the nursing home doctor changed her chart to read "Miralax every 48 hours if no bowel movement". Mom is happy now. Mom has had bowel issues for years, so this is nothing new. But it's frustrating for us, that she "needs" Miralax. The doctor really didn't want to allow her the Miralax, but it's better than the suppositories or at least I think so. And really, she's going to be 83 years old. At this point, what does it hurt?

I think I mentioned that my sister and I are taking turns doing her laundry and that's working out well. At least Mom hasn't complained about that...yet, although my sister just says to give her time. Mom has always been very fastidious about her laundry and we could never do it well enough to suit her. Everything always had to be washed in Tide and she hated her clothes dried in a dryer. She needs a hair appt and I told her I'd take care of that and make one for her; I'll pay for it for her. But she wants her own beautician and the home only allows their people to come in. So there's another battle we're dealing with. My sister has Mom on her cell phone plan, but that's not working out very well now bc Mom doesn't have a phone in her room. My sister said she'd take care of that for her and we could split the bill. That's fine.

The nursing home has a kitty, a great big black boy named Inky. He's a sweetie and he'll go from room to room to the people. He knows which rooms to avoid; not everybody likes cats. But Mom likes him and I took some bags (well a big container) of cat treats to her, so she can given them to Inky when he comes to visit. It's easier for her to open a container than it is to try to open and close those bags.

So.....Miss Muffin. She and Mollipop will never be best buddies and they're still hissing it out with each other. The computer room is still Muffin's sanctuary and even though she has the run of the house (except when we're at work...I just don't trust Molli and Muffin together yet unsupervised, although I know I'm going to have bite the bullet soon), she sleeps in my grandmother's rocking chair in the computer room at night. Muffin and Tabby are now the best of friends and they'll spend an hour playing with each other and chasing each other around the house. Muffin has a vet appt this Friday night for her 3-year rabies shot and an exam. We're also going to visit Mom while we're out and about.

Despite Mom's complaining that Muffin occassionally made a mess in her bathroom, we have yet to see anything like that. *knock on wood* In fact, Muffin has pretty much given up her litter box and is using one of the kids' boxes in the bathoom. Evidently she likes Tidy Cats more so than Yesterday News.
 She's still being free fed as much as I can....I can't keep the food out all the time, but I do offer her her food several times a day and she's always willing to eat. I don't think she's hungry and I don't think she's lost any weight. And she always has fresh water, too. She gets fed a different dry food than what my kids have and I can always tell her poop in the litterbox, so I know things are doing OK there.

We all play with Da Bird at night for about an hour or so. It's usually Amber, Tabby, Molli, and Muffin. BooBoo plays, too, when he can't help himself.
 Sometimes that Mr. Bird will get the best of Boo's curiousity and he'll start chasing it, too. They take turns, although they do have to deal with Muffin's hissy fits (she's simply having trouble sometimes, dealing with the other cats).  But it works out, I think, and they get their chances with Mr. Bird.

I have taken Muffin and her stroller over to our local vo-tech school at night and we walk around the parking lot a few times; that way, she still gets her stroller rides. As the weather cools down though, we'll have to stop that. And I know she's going to miss her rides. There's simply way too much traffic on our road in front of the house; I tried to take her once and it didn't go over well....she was upset with the traffic and she wasn't used to a lot of traffic. And it's just not safe either....people fly up and down our road. She's not happy about being put into her carrier and she's not happy about the car ride back and forth from the vo-tech school, but she does enjoy her stroller rides. So I guess it evens out.

Thanks for listening/reading. I think it will be OK with Mom eventually (once she gets over her illnesses) and I'm sure Muffin will fit in with the gang. It just takes awhile. I'm still keeping her in the computer room while we're at work, largely bc of the other M. They're my M & M girls. (And I do love M & Ms, you know!)
 
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swampwitch

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You are an awesome daughter, your mom is very fortunate to have you!

I know what you mean about the bowel talk all the time with older people. I guess what's going on in our guts and intestines really affects our overall health. Researchers have even now linked autism with an imbalance of gut bacteria in children (and advise to not give kids under 3 years antibiotics unless it's life-threatening). When my sister was going through a bunch of horrible chemotherapies which triggered intestinal problems, she coined the phrase "constarrhea" which made her doctors laugh. 


I've had some eating issues the last few years (stress-related) and might be able to offer some advice on foods not tasting right. I'm super-picky and the smallest thing can turn me off to an entire meal, even if I'm really really hungry. I feel like I'm starving almost all of the time but nothing looks/sounds good to eat and things often don't taste right.

The way I get around it is try eat weird foods I don't usually eat. My husband brought back a big bag of strange Asian snacks last time he was there and those have been interesting to eat. I've never liked Indian food, for example, but now it's okay, it tastes different, but I don't eat it enough for it to taste "off." If you find your mom isn't eating enough (since you've fixed the cutting-up food problem) try bringing her some different things to try and she might eat more. Sweets usually taste good when other foods don't, so I can see why your mom ate the pie. 

Good luck with all of this, you sure have a lot going on! 
 
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nurseangel

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You and your sister are taking excellent care of your mom.  I know the situation is exhausting for everyone, including her.  Once she is off high powered antibiotics, they should be able to clear up the thrush and hopefully her appetite will return to normal. 
 

feralvr

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Pam - you and your sister are wonderful daughters! :nod: I really do hope that your mother will get better very soon and recover fully. It is so hard when our parent's become ill as my mother is having many issues this last year. Seems when something goes wrong, everything else follows suit. Hard on everyone. I hope that Inky the cat :rub: will bring her some comfort and I think it is great that the nursing home has a kitty!!!!!!!! Continuing the vibes for your mom. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:

OH Boy - your little Molli is not a happy girl with Muffin, huh??!!! BUT good news that Tabby and Muffin have hit it off. Maybe Molli is jealous. Weren't Molli and Tabby bff's? Hopefully the girls will work it out very soon and everyone will get used to the new family member. :cross: Muffin seems like she is getting quite comfy with her new situation and routine. Glad to see your update, long or not. :hugs: :hugs: :D
 
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Winchester

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Thanks, guys.
 Althought I don't feel very wonderful; in fact, most of the time I feel rather overwhelmed and kind of stressed, to be honest. I am glad that I decided not to go to Oregon with Rick because I would have never been able to integrate Muffin into the clan as well as it worked out had I not been here with them. Bless her heart, she's doing OK overall. Muffin and Molli, though, will never be friends. They're going to (barely) tolerate each other, I'm afraid.

And yes, Mollipop is jealous....can't say that I blame her. But Muffin has really bonded with me (probably from me going to the apartment twice a day for almost two weeks before she came into our house). And I don't think Muffin really had all that much attention before, when she was with Mom anyway. She's turned into quite the lap kitty, something Molli really is not, and it's upset Mollipop. The computer room is Muffin's sanctuary and when I'm back here, she's back here, too, usually lying on the desk in front of the monitor. Molli used to come back here with me and flop over my right shoulder for awhile; then she'd settle down on the chair right next to me. She won't come in here if Muffin is here and, if I'm back here, so is Muffin. I tried bringing Molli back anyway, but such hissing and growling from both of them. Molli used to go to the bathroom with me; well, so does Muffin. And Tabby, too. Even if I awaken in the middle of the night, I've got company in the bathroom. It used to be that I could pick up Molli and Tabby and take them both back to the bedroom with me and we'd all settle back in bed. Can't do that with the three of them now. 

We still have play time at night and everybody gets into the mix for awhile.

I'm slowly switching Muffin over to the regular feeding schedule around here....she's doing OK. If she gets the munchies, she does what everybody else does.....starts meowing. And I can tell what she wants.

Seems like the only me-time Molli and I have anymore is at night in bed. She still settles into my left arm and sleeps there for quite a while. Then later on, she'll go to her spot on my pillow for the rest of the night. As a rule, Muffin doesn't get into the bed much; she will if Molli isn't there, but when Molli jumps up, Muffin is gone. Or they sit across from each other and play the "I can growl louder than you!" game. The other night all eight cats were on the bed; I think it was bc I had put flannel sheets on the bed and they love their flannel. But even then, there were wary eyes staring at each other throughout the night, along with the occasional growl.

Yesterday I was out all morning running errands and looking for paint. I came home and everybody seemed OK....I had left Muffin out into the house. And tomorrow (Thursday) when I go back to work, I'm keeping her out.

I think Muffin is trying to find her place within the gang. I think Molli is trying to keep her place within the gang. And I think that Molli is worried that I'm not paying enough attention to her, even though I'm really trying. Tabby, bless that girl's heart, just wants to play. Amber just wants to play. The rest of the gang? They don't care.

I don't know, maybe it's just me and everything that's going on right now. But trying to integrate an adult cat into our clan is a lot harder than a kitten. I knew it would be, but it does get overwhelming.

Thank you.
 
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andrya

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Vibes for your mom in getting over her pneumonia and infections 


lt sounds like little Miss Muffin is settled in and loving her new life, yay!

lf your mom isn't eating all she should, have you considered augmenting her intake with Glucerna?

l haven't tried it, but if it's anything like its Ensure counterpart, it's delicious, easy, and always ready.

Just a thought :)
 

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:vibes::vibes::vibes: for your mother, and that the M&Ms learn to get along better.
Cat's advice about "weird" foods is really good. We learned with both my parents and my in-laws that "ethnic food" becomes much more appealing with age, even if the person was a "meat and potatoes" sort previously (like my mother and father-in-law). It might simply be that the more exotic spices stimulate the taste buds/appetite. My mother became quite fond of both Mexican and Chinese food, and for a time the only way to get my f-i-l to eat enough was to take him to a Chinese buffet (something he was always extremely suspicious of when he was younger).
 
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Winchester

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Thank you.

Drinks like Ensure and Glucerna wouldn't work with my mother; she won't drink them. She's never been much of a milk drinker at all and that included milk shakes and such, although she does like ice cream. My dad drank Ensure and my mother always said how much she hated it (she never tasted it though) and would never drink it. As for Chinese food, now that's something that Mom has always loved. In fact, my sister and I took her to a Chinese buffet back in July and she really enjoyed it. She didn't eat much, but what she did have, she really liked. She has always liked Chinese food.
 

catspaw66

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There is one that doesn't taste like milk.  It is called Resource, and tastes like a fruit drink.  It is what they gave me in the hospital after I had part of my large intestine removed.
 

aeevr

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I make smoothie's around here that are popular, even with children and I don't even sweeten them.

.5 cup full fat plain yogurt + .5 cup coconut milk + 2 cups of frozen fruit (berries and/or pineapple and/or mango). Blend.

(measurements approximate, makes 2 big smoothies)
 

speakhandsforme

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I hear you, Pam. I had to help take care of my 87-year-old grandmother after she was in the hospital for her second fractured vertebra. :eek:

She's always been a bit ornery and picky, but it was like it multiplied after the hospital visit. We decided her situation was sufficient enough for her to not need a nursing home, so I was also her caretaker for a while after she got back to her house. There was always something not quite right... it nearly drove me crazy, but I kept reminding myself that she had raised me until I was five, so it was my turn to "deal with it." :lol3:

Anyway. No real advice, just some commiseration and support. I hope everything works out. :hug:

PS -- for the thrush -- have they tried the diflucan pill? The one-dose thing? That's the only thing that works for me when I get yeast infections in the other usual location. :rolleyes:
 

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SOOOOO how did it go today? Was Muffin a good girl ( of course :D) while you were at work? I certainly hope that everyone was in one piece when you got home :lol3: :cross: I think your Molli time in bed at night will be very special for both of you. I bet in time Molli will begin to accept the old lady. We can hope anyway. Sending prayers and vibes to you and your mom tonight. I am sure this whole ordeal has taken it's toll on you, hun. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 
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Winchester

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SOOOOO how did it go today? Was Muffin a good girl ( of course
) while you were at work? I certainly hope that everyone was in one piece when you got home
I think your Molli time in bed at night will be very special for both of you. I bet in time Molli will begin to accept the old lady. We can hope anyway. Sending prayers and vibes to you and your mom tonight. I am sure this whole ordeal has taken it's toll on you, hun.
Thanks, Lauren! Well, I came home and, first thing I did was check both Molli and Muffin to make sure they were both OK. They seemed to be and they were both out and about, so I figured it must not have been too traumatic for them. But I think that they are going to get sore throats from all the hissing and spitting still going on!

Ummm, actually, Mollipop is the "old lady"!
 She's a year older than Muffin. Muffin and Tabby are right around the same age; Muffin might be about 3 months older than Tabby. They're both right around 1-1/2 years old; Mollipop is about 2-1/2 years old now.

It's interesting about the me-time in bed with Molli...she used to go up to her side of the pillow during the night and curl up there. I think she's afraid that if she does that now, though, Muffin may squeeze in next to me. The last couple of nights Molli's not moved at all! She curls up in my left arm and she's there for the night now! She may get up and circle, but she's staying right tight against me.

I asked Mom about smoothies and she wrinkled up her face at me (are we 3 years old??). I asked her about Resource and told her it's like a fruit drink....she wouldn't even try it. Thank you for those ideas.

Had a long talk with one of the aides yesterday....they are getting very concerned at the weight loss. She simply won't eat and she has lost a great deal of weight in the almost-month she's been in the nursing home. The lady said that Mom was "spunky" when she first got there, but she's not anymore. She just sits in the chair, sometimes she might read some of the newspaper. That's pretty much it. She won't take part in any of the activities and she says she's too sick to do her PT now. (I'm sure she doesn't feel well, with everything that's wrong right now, but she's starting to make me angry at this point. My sister was in last night and she got so frustrated with Mom she walked out.)  I don't know if  Mom is just trying to get attention or what, but this is not a good situation.

She asked me about Muffin yesterday. I told her that Muffin was doing fine, that I was taking her to her vet appt tonight and we'd stop in afterward. I had taken some pictures of Muffin when she and Tabby were playing and I showed them to her. She looked at me and said, "Well, you should be happy now; you got the cat. You didn't have any rest in your a** until you took my cat." I was speechless. Speechless....I didn't know what to say. We didn't want this cat. But what the heck were we supposed to do? Let the poor cat rot in the apartment?? By herself?

I think I'm going to stay away today. I may bring Muffin in to see her tonight. I may. I honestly don't know at this point.
 
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kookycats

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Pam, you are a saint and have more patience than I would have. I know it's your mom but at this point you just can't change her. (we went thru that with my late father-in-law). Just take care of yourself now.

Glad to hear Muffin is doing well and settling in. She is such a pretty little girl and she's lucky to have you.

Take care and we'll talk soon.
 
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Winchester

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Thanks, Lana.
 I did take Muffin into the nursing home after her vet appt. It turns out that one of my mother's caregivers had said she would take the cat, but I wouldn't let her have her. Why? Because Muffin is declawed (apartment rules). And this woman said she'd put her outside. A declawed cat wouldn't last a week around here. No way. And nothing against the woman; she's a very nice lady and she's done a lot for Mom. But she's Mennonite and (nothing against the Mennonites, but) they have a different mindset when it comes to animals (around here, they're well known for their puppy mills). She really thinks nothing of putting a declawed cat outside. And she was upset when I wouldn't give Muffin up. And that upset my mother. So that's the story behind that.

When Mom saw Muffin, she started crying. I felt so bad. She just kept saying, "Muffin, Muffie." And she kept touching her. Muffin lay on the bed with her for a couple minutes, then she came over to me. We didn't stay very long, maybe about 15 minutes or so. It broke my heart.

Muffin is doing well. She weighs 9.5 pounds. The vet remembers my mother bc of the walker and how she walks. He had even gone to the apartment to give Muffin a check-up last year when Mom couldn't get down to the vet. (Very nice of him to do that) And he says it's quite common when elderly people pass away or have to go into the hospital or nursing home for the animals to be put down. Even younger animals. (And, you know, Mom had talked about that....she said that when she died, she thought Muffin should be put down, cremated, and her ashes should be mixed in with Mom's....that's not happening. Not to a young kitty.) Nobody wants them; that's just the way it is. It's either put them down or take them to the pound where, chances are they'll be put down anyway. I told him that, if I could find an absolutely perfect home for her, I would consider rehoming her, but it would have to be absolutely perfect. The vet looked at me, started laughing and said, "I think she's already found her perfect home! She's one lucky kitty!" Whew! I was relieved to hear that, since we have seven other cats. He didn't even blink an eye when I told him that....asked me about my kids' ages and how they were doing. Evidently, things were OK.

When Muffin goes in for her six-months check-up next March (we take our cats to the vet every six months), I'm just going to add her to my bunch and take her down to my vet. No sense in having two vets.
 
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feralvr

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:lol3: For some reason, I thought Muffin was older!!!! WOW, she is a baby then! Good news that Molli and Muffin survived the day while you were at work. That is GREAT progress! I bet you were sweating :sweat: the day away at work. I am thrilled to hear that Muffin's vet check went well! :clap::clap: It is a good thing that the lady who wanted Muffin told you about letting her outside :nono: Not good, with her being declawed. I am sure she didn't know any better. I have been trying to find the perfect home for Walden/Wendall together, the abuse case rescue brother's, BUT I just can't part with them, especially now. I love them so very much and Larry is VERY attached to Walden. I think Muffin will be staying with you for the long haul too. :heart3: Sorry to hear your mom cried when she saw Muffin. It breaks our hearts to see our mom's cry. My mom has been ill too, and she cried on the phone the other day. I broke down crying when we got off the phone. Not easy to see or hear them cry. Keeping up the vibes for smooth sailing with Muffin and Molli AND for you mom. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 

catspaw66

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That's how I ended up with Sheba.  I have had her almost 2 years now. She is probably about 6 or so. Right now, she is playing full-contact tag with S&S. 
 
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Winchester

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Lauren, I'm sorry about your mom. It's so hard.


Our three youngest are Mollipop at 2-1/2 years, Muffin at about 1-1/2 years, and Tabby at a little under 1-1/2 years....she's about 2-3 months younger than Muffin. So they're all right around the same age; that's why I was hoping so much that Molli and Muffin would get along better than they do. That's breaking my heart. But you're right, Lauren....Muffin is here for the long haul. She's a RugCat now.

And when we brought Muffin home, Tabby looked at me and said, "Mom! You mean that Muffin is the last one to come inside our house and I'm STILL the youngest cat?? How fair is that?"
 That girl doesn't have a mean whisker in her body. Bringing her into the house was the best thing we ever could have done. Rick just adores Tabby.

When I said six-months checkup, I meant that we take our cats to the vet every six months, esp since most of them are geriatric kitties (Whisper-18, Bootser-18, BooBoo-16, Ms. Pepe-16, and Amber Louise-10) and need to be seen more often. I didn't mean that Muffin would be six months old. Sorry for the mix-up.

We have kitties of all ages!


Catspaw66, bless you for taking Sheba in to your heart!
 
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kookycats

TCS Member
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Pam you are truly wonderful, and if I were a cat I'd like to live in your house!! Mollipop and Muffin will never be best friends ---- just like my Angel and Tippytoes. Angel just tolerates Tippy and Tippy just doesn't care. She and Tony are good friends. He follows her around the house and loves her.

Keep us posted on how things are going!!
 
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