Vibes for My Husband, Please

libby74

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
6,217
Purraise
18
Location
Illinois
My dear husband Dave is starting chemo Monday morning.  He was diagnosed with a form of leukemia (CLL) in 2006 and has been able to avoid treatment until now.  He's had to take a family medical leave from his job; he's really had a hard time at work the last couple of months.  He's now anemic and simply can't do all the physical labor that's expected of him.

He had a bone marrow biopsy a week and a half ago to determine whether he'll need a 2 or 3 drug treatment.  We won't find out which until we get to the cancer center on Monday.  Have got our fingers crossed that it's only the 2 drugs that will be needed.

Our understanding is that he'll get chemo 5 days in a row, skip 3 weeks, then start the process over for a minimum of 4 months and a maximum of 6 months.  Dave is the strong silent type, and is bottling up everything that's going on.  I, on the other hand, am a wreck.  It's so unfair---he's never been a smoker or a drinker, never used drugs, has held a job with the same company for 41 years, is the nicest man you'd ever want to meet and he's the one that gets cancer.

If you could, would you please keep this dear man in your thoughts and prayers?  We've been together for 38 years, he is the love of my life, and I"m scared to death.  I probably won't be checking in here much, as I'll be a little busy for tne next week ( the first day of chemo may take up to 6 hours ).  Any good vibes you can send his way will be very, very much appreciated.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
 

jcat

Mo(w)gli's can opener
Veteran
Joined
Feb 13, 2003
Messages
73,213
Purraise
9,851
Location
Mo(w)gli Monster's Lair
What a rough time you're having. Lots of for you, and mega :vibes: for Dave! He'll be in my thoughts, as will you. Hang in there!
 

sneakymom

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Mar 24, 2005
Messages
910
Purraise
21
Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband.

Cheryl
 

jeileen

TCS Member
Kitten
Joined
Aug 28, 2012
Messages
16
Purraise
1
Location
Pa
I will be praying for you and your husband...and I mean that sincerely.

 It does seem that life is just not fair some times..
 

carolina

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
Lots and lots of vibes for you and your husband Libby :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
Hang in there, be strong :hugs:
 

nanner

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 17, 2008
Messages
2,717
Purraise
67
Location
New York City
Many good vibes, thoughts, prayers and hugs for you and your dear hubby. Cancer surely sucks, and the randomness with which it hits people is mind-boggling. I'll be thinking of you both and praying for strength for you as this battle is waged. It is, indeed, a battle, and lean on your friends and family - they can help keep you strong!! Bless!
 

Winchester

In the kitchen with my cookies
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2009
Messages
29,730
Purraise
28,024
Location
In the kitchen
I am so sorry to hear this for your husband. Sending lots and lots of
for him to win his battle. We're here for you any time you need to talk or rant or whatever you want to do. I'm sorry.
 Please let us know how he progresses.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12

libby74

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
6,217
Purraise
18
Location
Illinois
Just had to say "thank you";  you're thoughts and prayers and vibes mean a lot to me.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

libby74

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
6,217
Purraise
18
Location
Illinois
The first treatment was actually pretty bad.  Hopefully, Dave will get used to the drug that caused the problem and the negative effects will lessen over time.

Thanks again, everyone, for sending those good thoughts/vibes his way.
 

nanner

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 17, 2008
Messages
2,717
Purraise
67
Location
New York City
Are there any meds they can give him to counter-act the side effects? And, I know it may sound trite, but if he can focus on the "1 down, 4 to go" thing, it might help.... counting down the 5 days to the 3 weeks when he doesn't have the treatment. My feeling is to latch on to anything that's positive that could get him through.

Sending more vibes and offering good thoughts - I'm sure this is extremely tough. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 

swampwitch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Sending many, many good thoughts and vibes for your husband, and some for you, too. 
 I'm sorry you are both going through this, and have been living with the cancer diagnosis over your heads for years. I'm sure you know this, but don't forget that good attitude and not giving up can work miracles, cancer is not necessarily a death sentence these days any more.

When my sister was fighting melanoma, her husband passed around the info below to friends and family and was very helpful. It's from an e-newsletter from Cancer Treatment Centers of America, but I cannot find this info on their site so I cannot link it. I hope it's okay to repost from an email (with credit given). I'm posting it not only for you but for anyone reading this thread who knows someone who is fighting.

 

12 Tips for Talking to Someone With Cancer

 

  • Don't ignore them.  Some people disappear when someone they know gets cancer. The worst thing you can do is avoid the person because you don’t know how to handle it. Cancer can be lonely and isolating as it is. Tell them “I’m here for you,” or “I love you and we’ll get through this together.” It’s even okay to say “I don’t know what to say” or send a note that says “I’m thinking of you." Just stay connected.
  • Think before you speak.  Your words and actions can be powerful. One comment can instantly undo someone’s positive mood. Don’t be overly grave and mournful. Avoid clichés, like “hero” and “battle.” If the person gets worse, does it mean they didn’t fight hard enough? Try to imagine if you were in their shoes. What you would want someone to say to you?
  • Follow their lead.  Let the person with cancer set the tone about what they want to talk about. It doesn’t always have to be about cancer. Chances are they want to feel as normal as possible. Tell them about something funny that happened. When they want to talk about cancer, let them. And save the pity eyes and voice.
  • Keep it about them, not you.  Don’t lose your focus on the person with cancer. Avoid talking about your headache, backache, etc. This isn’t about you. And as bad as you feel, they feel worse. They aren’t interested in hearing about how hard this has been on your life. Don’t put them in the position of having to comfort you. Only ask questions if you truly want to hear the response.
  • Just listen.  Sometimes just being there to listen—really listen— is the best thing you can do. Let the person with cancer talk without interrupting them. You don’t always have to have all the answers, just a sympathetic ear. They may not want to talk at all, and would rather sit quietly. It’s okay to sit in silence.
  • Don’t minimize their experience.  Try not to say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” You don’t know that. Instead say “I’m really sorry” or “I hope it will be okay.” And don’t refer to their cancer as “the good cancer.” These statements downplay what they’re going through. Leave the door to communication open so they can talk about their fears and concerns.
  • Don’t be intrusive.  Don’t ask the person with cancer questions about their numbers or tumor markers. If they want to talk about their blood results, they will. Give them the freedom to offer this information or not. Also, don’t ask personal questions that you wouldn't have asked before, especially when it comes to subjects like sex and religion.
  • Don’t preach to them.  Don’t try to tell the person with cancer what to think, feel or how to act. You don’t know what they’re going through, so don’t act like you do. Instead of saying “I know how you feel,” try saying “I care about you and want to help.” Don't suggest alternative forms of treatment, a healthier lifestyle, etc. And don’t tell them to “stay positive,” it will only cause frustration and guilt.
  • Refrain from physical assessments.  Refrain from comments about how the person with cancer looks, particularly if it’s negative. They don’t need their weight loss or hair loss pointed out to them. And if they just started treatment, don’t ask them about potential side effects. If you say anything at all, tell them they look stronger or more beautiful, but mean what you say.
  • Avoid comparisons.  Everyone does cancer their own way. Don’t bring up the private medical problems of other people you know. And don’t talk about your friend with cancer who is running marathons or never missed a day of work. Avoid talking about the odds or making assumptions about their prognosis. Just allow them to be themselves.
  • Show them you care.  Show the person with cancer that they’re still needed and loved. Give them a hug. Surprise them with a smoothie, books, magazines, or music. Offer to help, such as cooking, laundry, babysitting, or running errands. Be specific by asking “What day can I bring you dinner?” And, offer to help only if you intend to follow through with it and won’t expect something in return.
  • Share encouraging stories.  Offer encouragement through success stories of long-term cancer survivors. Avoid saying “They had the same thing as you.” No two cancers are the same. And never ever tell stories with unhappy endings. If you know someone with the same type of cancer, offer to connect them.
 
Top