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Good One!
Shell, whatever happens, we're all here for you, and you'll always be our 'Queen of Hugs' no matter what!
Good Luck sweeeteeeeee
((((((SHELL))))))))
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Dilemma...men!
- Thread starter shell
- Start Date
Shell, whatever happens, we're all here for you, and you'll always be our 'Queen of Hugs' no matter what!
Good Luck sweeeteeeeee
((((((SHELL))))))))
Shell,
I know we don't know eachother that well, but I do know that you are a very sweet and very wonderful gal, and that this ex of yours doesn't deserve you.
If you feel you have to see him and talk to him to get closure then I totally support that. You know you have to be strong, and do this for yourself. Just remember what you have told us. This guy is very luring! Do *not* fall into his traps.
If it were me... I wouldn't even share a two bed hotel room with him. I would not put myself in any hotel room with himi by myself. He will be tempted or probably will try to persuade you to do something you will regret. Also, being that you are going to let loose on him and tell him everything it will be an emotional time for you, and you don't want him to take advantage of you or that situation.
IMO, you should just meet him for lunch or dinner in a restaurant (very casual restaurant) where you are in the public eye, and he'll be less likely able to use his tactics against you. Tell him exactly how you feel and how he was a total jackass and hurt you. Then tell him you've met a great guy (Ric) and that you're happy getting to know this guy. Pay your bill, get up.. walk out.. and drive over to Ric's with the good news!
Good luck sweety. You have my support 100% of the way.
I know we don't know eachother that well, but I do know that you are a very sweet and very wonderful gal, and that this ex of yours doesn't deserve you.
If you feel you have to see him and talk to him to get closure then I totally support that. You know you have to be strong, and do this for yourself. Just remember what you have told us. This guy is very luring! Do *not* fall into his traps.
If it were me... I wouldn't even share a two bed hotel room with him. I would not put myself in any hotel room with himi by myself. He will be tempted or probably will try to persuade you to do something you will regret. Also, being that you are going to let loose on him and tell him everything it will be an emotional time for you, and you don't want him to take advantage of you or that situation.
IMO, you should just meet him for lunch or dinner in a restaurant (very casual restaurant) where you are in the public eye, and he'll be less likely able to use his tactics against you. Tell him exactly how you feel and how he was a total jackass and hurt you. Then tell him you've met a great guy (Ric) and that you're happy getting to know this guy. Pay your bill, get up.. walk out.. and drive over to Ric's with the good news!
Good luck sweety. You have my support 100% of the way.
hey shell,
i really feel the same way u do... but i hope u will understand one thing..getting intimate does not make things change.. it doesn't mean that he will not be married or anything... he might really want u back but he hasn't done anything to tell u that he is trying to get u back... he hasn't gotten a divorce and stuff like that.. i agree with what the rest say.. get another room.. it's tough meeting him to talk abt things that happened in the past and it's gonna be even worse in the same room. please take our advice.
as for ric, i believe if u really wish to start something with him then be fair to him. let him know your intentions and how u feel towards your ex... end everything with your ex before starting anything with ric... he really sounds like somebody nice and i do believe u guys stand a chance. u know what i've gone thru and it really feels hurt when things are not settled between me and my ex and yet he goes for another... it's tough on everyone.
i'm not sure if it makes sense to u at all..but i do hope it helps..
i really feel the same way u do... but i hope u will understand one thing..getting intimate does not make things change.. it doesn't mean that he will not be married or anything... he might really want u back but he hasn't done anything to tell u that he is trying to get u back... he hasn't gotten a divorce and stuff like that.. i agree with what the rest say.. get another room.. it's tough meeting him to talk abt things that happened in the past and it's gonna be even worse in the same room. please take our advice.
as for ric, i believe if u really wish to start something with him then be fair to him. let him know your intentions and how u feel towards your ex... end everything with your ex before starting anything with ric... he really sounds like somebody nice and i do believe u guys stand a chance. u know what i've gone thru and it really feels hurt when things are not settled between me and my ex and yet he goes for another... it's tough on everyone.
i'm not sure if it makes sense to u at all..but i do hope it helps..
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Well my honest opinon is if you want things to work out with Ric(or have a chance at it) i would'nt go and see the ex. JMO
I am just seeing this Shell.
I agree with Hissy - the chemistry between two people can be that it is confused between love and lust. I know, I went through that with someone before I met Jake. He really confused me and I made a clean break and now I am free of my feelings for him.
It is better to cut a clean break, get on with your life, obviously he has gotten on with his and please do not let him interfere in yours - you do not deserve to have him mess up your potential relationship with Ric.
I dont want to offend you, please use your head.
Hugs going your way
I agree with Hissy - the chemistry between two people can be that it is confused between love and lust. I know, I went through that with someone before I met Jake. He really confused me and I made a clean break and now I am free of my feelings for him.
It is better to cut a clean break, get on with your life, obviously he has gotten on with his and please do not let him interfere in yours - you do not deserve to have him mess up your potential relationship with Ric.
I dont want to offend you, please use your head.
Hugs going your way
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Shell, you don't owe him anything. It doesn't matter that he is paying to go to Omaha to meet up with you. Being married negates any debt. He is a user, a manipulator, and you owe it to yourself to cut off all contact with him. Really, DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CONTACT WITH HIM.
There is nothing you can resolve by talking to him or seeing him again. You can only fix your own self esteem by staying away, and being strong. And think, are you willing to let him ruin your future as well? He may be able to say nice things to you if you see him, but that is just another chapter in the old book, where he's done this to you for years and years. Remember how he's done this before? He just wants to keep you on a hook, so he has options. Don't fall for it.
You don't need to see him to say anything, because he will not be listening. Write it down for yourself, then file it away.
How do I know this? Because I have fallen for this time and time again. And believe me, being able to say "No, I don't even have time to meet you for coffee at work, sorry. So there is no point in you driving 6 hours to drop in", felt really really good. That resolved any issues I might have had.
And the more I think about this, the more I suspect that he has had another woman on the hook for the past 6 months. You broke up with him in March. Then, suddenly in September he feels the "need" to see you again? I'd bet anything that he had someone else in the meantime, not just his wife, who just dumped him. So don't fall for it. Don't have anything to do with him.
There is nothing you can resolve by talking to him or seeing him again. You can only fix your own self esteem by staying away, and being strong. And think, are you willing to let him ruin your future as well? He may be able to say nice things to you if you see him, but that is just another chapter in the old book, where he's done this to you for years and years. Remember how he's done this before? He just wants to keep you on a hook, so he has options. Don't fall for it.
You don't need to see him to say anything, because he will not be listening. Write it down for yourself, then file it away.
How do I know this? Because I have fallen for this time and time again. And believe me, being able to say "No, I don't even have time to meet you for coffee at work, sorry. So there is no point in you driving 6 hours to drop in", felt really really good. That resolved any issues I might have had.
And the more I think about this, the more I suspect that he has had another woman on the hook for the past 6 months. You broke up with him in March. Then, suddenly in September he feels the "need" to see you again? I'd bet anything that he had someone else in the meantime, not just his wife, who just dumped him. So don't fall for it. Don't have anything to do with him.
Shell-
Your setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster ride.
I think it is a big mistake to stay involved with your ex in any capacity. You deserve so much more! Don't let yourself get caught up in this tangled mess. Run!!!!
My ex-husband cheated on me after 12 years of marriage. After his 2 year relationship with the woman he left me for failed, he came crawling back to me. I turned him away. I still loved him and cared for him, but could not subject myself or my children to any more of his head games. People don't change (as a rule).
I sense that your telling your ex that there's another man in the picture has only added fuel to the fire. He will try his darndest to win you over. It's a game that cheating men (& women) play. They want what they can't have (until the life has been sucked out of their victim).
I would just meet Ric for dinner somewhere. Tell the ex to get on with his life. If he's not happy with his new wife. . . then he should seek counseling and possibly end that relationship before hurting more people.
You don't owe him a thing. If you want closure. . . write him a long letter.
Good luck.
Laurie
Your setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster ride.
I think it is a big mistake to stay involved with your ex in any capacity. You deserve so much more! Don't let yourself get caught up in this tangled mess. Run!!!!
My ex-husband cheated on me after 12 years of marriage. After his 2 year relationship with the woman he left me for failed, he came crawling back to me. I turned him away. I still loved him and cared for him, but could not subject myself or my children to any more of his head games. People don't change (as a rule).
I sense that your telling your ex that there's another man in the picture has only added fuel to the fire. He will try his darndest to win you over. It's a game that cheating men (& women) play. They want what they can't have (until the life has been sucked out of their victim).
I would just meet Ric for dinner somewhere. Tell the ex to get on with his life. If he's not happy with his new wife. . . then he should seek counseling and possibly end that relationship before hurting more people.
You don't owe him a thing. If you want closure. . . write him a long letter.
Good luck.
Laurie
I'm just seeing this thread now!
Shell, chikk, you know what you need to do. You are finally getting on with your life, new job, new fitness strategy, etc. You have to look out for yourself and not worry about him. He's a man who wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He had no problems doing this for the years he was with you, and nothing he says today is going to reverse that.
If it were me, I would NOT meet him. I'd give him a call and tell him to discuss any issues over the phone. At that point, I would say anything else that needs to be said and end it right there and then. If you want him to know how much he hurt you, do it over the phone, NOT in a hotel room!!!
He knows he has a power over you, and he is taking advantage of that by getting you to meet him at the HOTEL! He wants a booty call, probably to pump up his self esteem and to confirm that he still has a hold on you!!!
Please don't reduce yourself by playing into his needs. Also, if you know you go 'weak' around his presence, why are you even meeting him in person???? The phone is the best way to go IF you still have things to say to him.
It's time to stand up for what you want in YOUR life, not what he wants in HIS.
Can you tell I have a strong opinion on this subject????
Shell, chikk, you know what you need to do. You are finally getting on with your life, new job, new fitness strategy, etc. You have to look out for yourself and not worry about him. He's a man who wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He had no problems doing this for the years he was with you, and nothing he says today is going to reverse that.
If it were me, I would NOT meet him. I'd give him a call and tell him to discuss any issues over the phone. At that point, I would say anything else that needs to be said and end it right there and then. If you want him to know how much he hurt you, do it over the phone, NOT in a hotel room!!!
He knows he has a power over you, and he is taking advantage of that by getting you to meet him at the HOTEL! He wants a booty call, probably to pump up his self esteem and to confirm that he still has a hold on you!!!
Please don't reduce yourself by playing into his needs. Also, if you know you go 'weak' around his presence, why are you even meeting him in person???? The phone is the best way to go IF you still have things to say to him.
It's time to stand up for what you want in YOUR life, not what he wants in HIS.
Can you tell I have a strong opinion on this subject????
Shell, why are you even CONSIDERING seeing this lying, cheating piece of dreck! Surely, you can do better. Its quite obvious that something has happened in his life and he's going to try to use you to prop his ego.
He's expecting you to drive all that way to meet him AND share a motel room. What an arrogant SOB! I think that you've said before, that you met him on the Internet. He's probably one those jerks, like MY ex, who trolls the Web looking for some action.
If you DO go to see him, try to sneak some Ben-Gay into the crotch of his shorts. Let him explain THOSE blisters to his wife!
He's expecting you to drive all that way to meet him AND share a motel room. What an arrogant SOB! I think that you've said before, that you met him on the Internet. He's probably one those jerks, like MY ex, who trolls the Web looking for some action.
If you DO go to see him, try to sneak some Ben-Gay into the crotch of his shorts. Let him explain THOSE blisters to his wife!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #30
Ok Guys...I just got off the phone with him. I told him that I could not go up there & see him. I told him that he plays with my emotions & I can't handle that anymore. I'm moving on in my life and I don't need that pressure anymore. I told him that I've been trying so hard to move forward, but every time I hear from him I feel like I'm back pedaling. He asked me why I can't see him ever again and I just blew up. I told him "Because you're &*#%ing married..that's why! You've promised me for 3 1/2 years that you were going to follow through, but you have no intentions of doing that.". His reply was "Yeah, I know.".
I'm done with him...I can't handle this kind of stress anymore. I need to look towards the future & never look back to that relationship again. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I think it was a way to make me a stronger person & to show me that I need some growing up to do yet.
Thank you everyone for your support. It truly means a lot to me! I just needed people telling me to snap out of this haze & start thinking about myself more. I need to be happy...that's one of the most important things. If I'm not happy, how can I make anyone else happy too?
Thanks once again! Love you all!
I'm done with him...I can't handle this kind of stress anymore. I need to look towards the future & never look back to that relationship again. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I think it was a way to make me a stronger person & to show me that I need some growing up to do yet.
Thank you everyone for your support. It truly means a lot to me! I just needed people telling me to snap out of this haze & start thinking about myself more. I need to be happy...that's one of the most important things. If I'm not happy, how can I make anyone else happy too?
Thanks once again! Love you all!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #32
Thanks Hon! Tears are just flowing right now...tears of happiness & tears of sadness. I know it's the right thing to do...but it hurts. I just hate feeling this way. It just doesn't feel normal anymore...but what has been normal the past few years? Definitely not Bill & my relationship. It'll be good to be able to release all this extra burden on my back. It's left some bruises, but they will heal. It'll take a bit of time, but I'm sure it'll be ok.
I emailed Ric & told him that I wasn't going to meet Bill. Now we've got to come up with a plan for today. I'm hoping that maybe we can go out for lunch or do something fun. I'm still waiting for his reply though.
Thanks again Kell!
I emailed Ric & told him that I wasn't going to meet Bill. Now we've got to come up with a plan for today. I'm hoping that maybe we can go out for lunch or do something fun. I'm still waiting for his reply though.
Thanks again Kell!
Shell,
Just read this thread, have to say that I'm proud of you !
Just read this thread, have to say that I'm proud of you !
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #34
Thanks Cindy! Thanks for your support!
Shell, I am so proud of you! Sending more hugs your way.
You go, girl!
You go, girl!
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Shell i think you made the right choice and i'm proud of you for being strong enough to make that choice. Good job!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #37
Thanks Guys! I appreciate it!
Sue, you better tell Tybalt!
Sue, you better tell Tybalt!
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Oh Man! Am I ever so glad to read this! Way to Go Girl, you showed your backbone!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #39
MA...check your email!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I was staying out of this because I don't know you well, and also didn't want to accidentally hurt your feelings...I am SO relieved to see this. Good for you for taking good care of you!
Now...I thought that Ric sounded wonderful, and I hope he *is* wonderful..I hope to read that you are getting to know him better.
