Eight is enough. No more. I swear.

We had to put my mother into a nursing home last night. She ended up in the ER yet again and my sister and I knew that enough was enough. She really can no longer be in her home alone, even with the caregivers coming in twice a day to cook and clean and such. She can't be alone at night any longer. She has been having panic attacks, she has been falling at night because she can't sleep and tries to walk around the apartment with her walker, and now she has shingles. For some reason, she couldn't use her right arm (and she's right-handed), but at the hospital last night, she passed all of the arm tests with both arms. The doctor wondered if she had had a stroke (or a mini-stroke), but as she cannot lie flat, not even a little bit, they couldn't do a cat scan on her. So at this point, we don't know why she couldn't use her arm, but now she can.

I should mention that Mom has stenosis of the spine, so she can no longer lie flat. She has severe osteoporosis. She cannot walk without a walker and, technically, she should be in a wheelchair. We've been lucky that our local Area Agency on Aging has been so helpful with her care for as long as they have. She has two caregivers who come in twice a day, but that's only for a total of five hours a day. The rest of the time she is alone, unless my sister or I go to her. The past few months I've been finding myself at the ER with her for a variety of reasons.

Anyway, some of you may remember about a year or so ago, I posted that, against the wishes of both my sister and me, Mom got a cat. We both begged her not to do this because we knew that we (OK....I) would end up with the cat when she had to go into a nursing home. Mom basically told us that we didn't have the right to tell her what to do and she got the cat anyway. And it really caused some harsh feelings. The apartment complex has rules about cats and Mom had to have the cat declawed....it's in the lease that all cats must be declawed and there's a $300 deposit fee per cat. I saw it. I read it. It sucks.

And now? Well, this afternoon, I'm going to Mom's apartment to bring Muffin home to my house. My sister is giving me her large cage (the one that Tabby lived in for a few weeks when she first came to live with us last year) and we're going to keep Muffin in the computer room until she gets used to being here.

Rick is going to try to talk my brother and SIL into taking the cat, at least on a foster basis, while we try to find her a new home. There's a lady where Rick works who recently lost her elderly kitty and she's hurting. She'd be a wonderful choice for a kitty to find a new loving home and Rick said Muffin would be a very lucky little girl if this works out, but we're not sure where his co-worker is at as far as another kitty yet. Meanwhile my brother and SIL already have one cat and I know he's adamant that they will only have the one. My sister has three cats, all male, and won't take a female into her house because of peeing issues with two of her males. One of Mom's caregivers had said that she would take Muffin, but that she would put her outside.....Muffin is declawed. She can't be outside. So that option won't work. I won't have Muffin hurt outside. That leaves Rick and me.

I'm angry. I'm so angry I could spit nickels. Not with Muffin. She's a good kitty and it's not her fault. I'm angry that she has to get used to a new home. I'm angry that my gang has to get used to a new kitty. They do well with kittens. They do not do well with new adults and this is going to really upset the apple cart around here. For a long time. And you know what? We can't do eight cats. We simply cannot. I don't want eight cats. We'll take her.  Because that's what we do. But it's not fair. I get that older people need animal companionship and it helps them. But you know what? People also have to realize that when they die or go into a nursing home, that animal will need a new home. You can't just throw it out to fend for itself.

My mom knew this; both my sister and I tried to talk to her. But it was basically a "You can't tell me what to do. And I'm having a cat!" So here we are with the fallout.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just really upset right now. It's been a very long night and it's not the first long night that I've had over my mother in the last few months. If you could spare some vibes that Muffin's transition to a multi-cat household will go well and that our RugCats will accept her, I'd really appreciate them.

I'm sorry about your mother. I've been through a nursing home experience with my father and it was just awful.

Lots and lots of that Muffin integrates well! :cross:

Lots of vibes for Muffin & her new roommates. Hopefully it's temporary.

Pam - rant away. That is what we are here for. I totally understand where you are coming from. My mother is always telling me that I HAVE to take Oliver if something happens and my parent's can't care for him. I feel at my limit with six, but I have two elderly dogs to care for as well. So I am totally at my limit. I worry about upsetting the apple cart, and we know how easily that can happen. But you do what you have to do, like you, I could not say no. Who knows, this might all work out beautifully! :nod: I do hope that your brother will be open to taking Muffin for the time being. This elderly lady that Rick knows might just love to have Muffin. :cross: Will keep you in thought as you try to adjust poor Muffin, who didn't ask for this :shame:, to a new home and environment. for your babies to accept this too. :cross: Please keep us posted.

AND mega, massive vibes for your mother. Very hard time for everyone - pets included when this change of life happens. for your mom.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother, and can understand what you're saying about Muffin. My sister had the same problem when our mother died, leaving two elderly dogs and a young cat. My nephew moved into her house for awhile to look after them, his sister took the cat, and after the 16-year-old dog died my sister took the remaining dog. It can be a real problem. Lots of that Muffin finds a new home asap. Maybe if Ricks explains it's a bit of an emergency the woman at work will take Muffin - that sounds like the perfect place for her.

Pam, I'm so sorry about your mom --- but at least you can be relaxed in knowing she's not alone and getting good care.

As for Muffin -- that's so sad.  I understand that 8 is just too much for you, Rick and the other kitties.    I hope you can find her a good home -- poor little innocent thing shouldn't have to suffer.    I know you'll do your best to find her a forever home.     Please let us know what's happening --- and let's talk on the phone soon!

Oh Pam!! I'm so sorry for you when I hear about the challenges that you've been through and going through right now. They sound almost overwhelming!!

I'm glad you were able to express your feelings here and I hope that the "rant" will help you disperse your anger so that you can have peace about your situation, and your mom, eventually. (I know, I know - easier said than done, huh!)

I hope that if you must keep Muffin that she will bring you joy that you never expected.
I have some experience in that (adding cats) now that we have a total of 9 Inside cats - and with each addition I thought that the responsibility was not just overwhelming, it was crazy. Yet if I had to give up just one cat I wouldn't be able to decide which one - they each have a permanent piece of my heart.

I'll be waiting to hear back from you about Muffin and hope that you are able to find the solutions you need.

BTW - if you do start spitting nickels - spit some my way - I need them for cat food. :lol3:

Thanks guys...thank you for listening to me.

Update: After a lot of wrangling around, a bed finally opened up at the nursing home and Mom was transferred yesterday. That was an ugly situation for awhile. There was a bed on Friday night, but Saturday, the bed disappeared. The hospital wanted to discharge her to her home and I was to stay there overnights as a "temporary" situation. Well, around here, temporary can quickly become permanent and I wasn't doing that. I simply wasn't. There's no way that I can handle her and help her move around. I think I said that she weighs 200 pounds and it's dead weight; she won't even try to do anything for herself anymore....I watched her Friday night. She couldn't get comfortable in the bed and we had to ring for help because she can't move around even in the bed anymore. The hospital did their best to try to "guilt" me and I pretty much spent Sunday morning in tears. But when I was adamant about not staying with her, a bed did open and she was transferred.

Muffin is still at the apartment and we don't know what to do. We thought that, for now, it was easier to keep her there where she's familiar with her own things in a familiar place, even if she is alone. I mean, it's almost like Mom is on vacation and I'm petsitting twice a day, if that makes any sense. But she is a very lonely kitty and it scares me because her prevous owners just dumped her when they moved and I don't want her to think it's happening again. So far there have been no accidents out of the box and she's really been a good girl, but nobody wants her. Rick has pretty much said that if I bring her home, that's it. He's done. And I can't really blame him. Mom says, "Oh, I'm only going to be here 4-6 weeks; just leave here up there and go see her twice a day! Not a big problem, Pam!"

But it is a problem. It's an extra 40 miles a day for me, plus time there that I don't really have. I'm not just walking in, filling the dishes, and checking the litterbox. I'm there for a good two hours a shot because Muffin is very lonely and she needs time with people. We play for awhile and then she just wants to sit in my lap and purr. It's so sad. I go up in the morning and again at night. And then Mom has a list a yard long of stuff I have to do for her and items to bring from the apartment to her room at the nursing home. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow!

My sister is going to see Mom today and she's going to try to talk her into letting us find a home for Muffin. At this point, I can't take her in, not even with the understanding that it's for fostering until we can find a good home for her. Rick knows how that works and he reminded me of what happened with Tabby....she's still here. Not that he cares anymore; he loves that little girl. (I should add that Rick and Tabby are in the kitchen as I type, sharing a bowl of frosted shredded wheat for breakfast.  He's not being cruel....he's being honest. And I do understand.) But it's really difficult to find the time to spend with Muffin, in addition to doing stuff for my mother every day. She's a rather demanding person, even on a good day, sometimes.

She yelled at me last night because I haven't brought Muffin home. I don't care, it's not my cat, so I don't care. And she's so wrong. I do care; it's why I'm such a mess right now. Mom says it's only for a month or so and then she's coming home. (But we don't think so...we think she'll end up staying there; she just doesn't know it yet.) Mom seems to think that it's perfectly logical for a kitty to spend a month or so pretty much by herself. I'm worried that while Muffin is a good girl now, if she doesn't have people around here, she'll start to poop and pee out of the box as a way to get attention. If that happens and if it becomes habitual, nobody will even try to take her. And then she'll end up at a shelter and be put down. And it's not her fault. She's innocent. It's not a good situation.

And I'm scared that, even if we can find a home for Muffin, that will hurt Mom terribly. I don't want to do that either. And if she does come home in 4-6 weeks and there's no cat at home, I wouldn't put it past her at all to just get another cat. And then we're right back where we started. Because it's all about Mom. That's just the way it is. (When she started yelling at me last night, I did tell her that my sister and I both begged her not to get a cat to start with because we would be the ones to have to deal with the cat if she went into a nursing home. She denied ever having the conversation and said I was crazy. On one hand, it's OK for the cat to spend 4-6 weeks by herself in the apartment; on the other hand, she yelled at me last night because I haven't taken Muffin home with me yet. I can't win.)

Thank you for listening. I'm pretty much at my wits end and I flat-out don't know what to do.

Oh, Pam, what a mess. I'm sorry you're in such a "can't-win" situation.

No advice, just lots of and .
 

Pam, I really feel for you.    It's so hard to be in the middle of something like that -- and poor Muffin.   I hope that you can find someone to love her and adopt her to a forever home.   I wish I could tell you to put her on a plane and fly her down here.   But right now 3 is all we can handle.      What happened with the person that I think  you said Rick works with who just lost a cat?   That sounds like it would be the perfect solution for her.  There just has to be someone that would be happy to adopt her.     Maybe someone on TCS will see your post and can take her.

My thoughts are with you  and I hope and pray things work out well for you, your mom, and especially Muffin!

A quick update.....Rick's co-worker has been on a mini-vacation; she will come back to work tomorrow (Thursday) and Rick will talk to her then to see if she'd be interested in taking Muffin. The woman who originally gave Muffin to Mom said she would foster her until such time as Mom comes back home. If Mom doesn't come back home, though, she doesn't want her permanently, but said she'd try to rehome her. I have issues with her fostering Muffin until Mom would come home, if she does. It just doesn't seem fair to make Muffin get used to her house, just to be returned to Mom, just to have to go back to foster care when Mom goes back to the nursing home. Because that's exactly what will happen. I guess I worry too much.

Mom goes from "Well, I'm only going to be here 4-6 weeks" to "I may be here as long as 3 months" to "Now that I've made the break, I should probably just stay here" to "I'm going home as soon as I can!". Back and forth between one of the four statements. And she's only been there since Sunday! Every time I go in to see her, it's something different.

I'm spending my hour lunch-break with Muffin now every day at work. And then at night, I go back up and spend an hour or so with her because the she is so lonely. Rick goes with me at night, so he can play with her, while I gather everything from my mother's daily lists of stuff she needs from her apartment. Muffin has her own pet stroller; I got it from Foster and Smith and I'm taking her for a walk every day over lunch. That way she gets outside and isn't cooped up in the apartment so much. Even 15 minutes helps....at least I hope so. She gets to see the other ladies in the complex and they coo over her. She enjoys that. Yesterday, she got two stroller rides, one at lunch and another one last night. She was a happy girl.

Mom wants to see Muffin, so I'm going to try to take her into the nursing home tonight. I hope it goes well.

I'm tired. Sorry, but I'm just tired. Between taking care of Muffin twice a day and doing for my mother, plus my own stuff at home, I'm getting behind on everything. The nursing home said that they will charge us $55 a month to do Mom's laundry. Well, that's just ridiculous. My sister and I agreed to take turns....we can just add her laundry to our own. Mom wants to get her hair done, so I told the admin to have it done and I'd pay for it every other week. (I did it for my aunt, too, while she was still functioning mentally and cared about her appearance.)

When I get home from being with Mom's cat, my own gang sniffs me over very carefully. At first, Molli was not amused at smelling another kitty all over me, but now she's getting used to the strange smell. She still sniffs me, but the tail doesn't bush out anymore. Silly girl.  I've always paid a lot of attention to Muffin when I go up to visit with Mom, but now that Muffin is alone, she crawls all over me and I get down on the floor with her, so she can rub me down. I sure wish I could bring her home, but Rick is not backing down at all. And I understand; I really do. I don't like it, but I get it. And if his co-worker does agree to take her, Rick says she would be a very lucky little girl.

If you could continue to keep Muffin in your thoughts and send vibes that Rick's co-worker agrees to take this little girl, I would really appreciate it. She needs a loving home. (Or, if that fails, send "Change your mind, Rick!" vibes his way, that would be even better!)

Thank you.

I just want to give you a hug, what a difficult situation. I hope that your husbands coworker is open to taking in muffin ( or that he changes his mind on you bringing her home). 

I've gone through a little of this with my mother in law who is in her 80s and it's so hard. ((HUG))

Sounds like "change your mind Rick" is the outcome you're hoping for, and I fully understand.    Either way I pray Muffin gets her forever home, either with you or Rick's co-worker.     She doesn't need any more trauma in her life.    

Pls keep us posted on what's happening and you and the kitties are in our thoughts.

{{hugs}}.  If we lived closer- I'd take the cat.  That's how we wound up with Jasper.  And sadly- we had to put him down 3 weeks ago- he had cancer and wasn't doing very well at all

At least my neighbor was able to talk her sister-in-law out of getting another animal.  Her apartment won't let them have animals- and she was kind of attached to Jasper when we got him.

You, your mom and the animals are in my thoughts.

Cheryl

Pam - this HAS to be completely exhausting. Mega vibes and strength vibes that you get through all of this, as you will :nod:

I do hope that Rick's co-worker will take Muffin - I really bet she will too. It would be a perfect solution since she recently lost her cat. Good luck and hang in there. Day by day.

Cheryl, I'm so sorry about Jasper.  That's so difficult.

Well, the woman still isn't back to work yet. I'm really hoping she comes in today, but since it's Friday, I don't have a lot of faith at this point.

We had some nasty t-storms last night, and Rick had to bowl (and make up matches from last week), so he was gone until midnight or so. I went up to Muffin and stayed there until around 9:30. We went for a walk in her stroller, then we played with toys....she loves to play with Da Bird (when I got my kids Da Bird, I got one for Muffin, too, but she hardly ever gets to play with it). I tuckered her out a bit, then I got down on the floor and let her lie down on my chest....she's recently learned that she can do that. Mom can't get on the floor with her at all, so since I do, Muffin has learned that she can lie on me. We were on the floor for awhile, then we moved to the couch. She just laid there and purred with her head in my hand. She was nervous with the thunder, so I just stayed there for awhile. And then after the storm passed, I came home. I feel so bad for her.

Rick is still adamant there will be no more cats. He really likes her, too, but he's so wary of upsetting the gang that he won't try.

There is an aide at the nursing home who is married, has a two-year old boy, a cat and a dog. She said she'd be willing to take Muffin. But Muffin has been an only kitty and I don't know how she'd handle everything else. Maybe it's just me. I want her to be happy and I want her to have a good life. At this point, if it doesn't work out with Rick's co-worker, we may have to give her up to the aide, even though I don't know her well and I don't know what her family is like. Muffin cannot continue to spend her time so alone; it's not right. I go up to her every day during ,my lunch break and then i go again at night. But those few hours aren't enough for a kitty.

Thanks for thinking of us.