I miss you, Aviendha, our little squeaky...

This is so hard... I am so sad to share that our kitten, Aviendha, recently left our lives. Even after a month, I am still breaking down in tears on occasion, like right now.  But this is something I have to do and share and talk about. My husband keeps telling me that I need to let it out and cope and deal. I just repress... but I know that's no good for anyone.

We noticed strange breathing one night three weeks ago, took her to the emergency vet, and it turned out that she had a bad little heart that didn't form well. The x-rays revealed fluid in the chest cavity. The prognosis wasn't good. To summarize, her heart couldn't go on. We had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye the following day. We were simply not prepared!!! You can't prepare for that... but a kitten... MONTHS old? I was so angry at the cosmos. I guess I have to admit that I still am. I am trying to let go of the anger and pain and focus on what a great home we gave her for her short months of life.

So I'll try:

I am grateful that we discovered the situation and she didn't die alone and scared and in pain overnight... the vet said she would've basically drowned that night if we hadn't brought her in. We were able to let her go in our arms, warm, and loved. I am grateful that we picked her and she got an awesome home, with lots of attention. I am grateful she met my mom, who loved her and played with her while she was visiting. I am grateful for her little squeaking that filled our lives for such a short amount of time. I am grateful we rescued her, and she didn't have to leave this world without having known a home. I am grateful she had lots of toys and she was strong enough to play with them for the time she did. I am grateful she had her mentor, our older cat Gwen, who took to her slowly and he taught her to jump on the counter when we weren't looking. I will continue to try to focus on the good and to remember the love we have for her, and to learn to let her go.

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It was (is!) SO hard. I know parents shouldn't have favorites, but she was my favorite. I was a puddle for days... and on occasion, I am still a puddle. I love her so much. And I see her all over the apartment still. The wound is healing, but some spots are pretty darn fresh. I want to scream "GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!!!!" from the top of my lungs.... I know that's silly, but there it is.  :::::::  

I picture her on the other side, with my other little angel, Isis. I know Isis is showing her the ropes, and teaching her to pin down lizards.

Rest my little Avi. I love you so very much.

AW hun... what a beautiful little angel Aviendha was and what a beautiful name too. I am sooooooo sorry that you lost her WAY too young. My heart goes out to you right now. :heart3: They seem to take a piece of our heart with them. She will forever be in yours. My deepest condolences on your loss.

Fly Freely little Aviendha

I'm so sorry for your loss. She was far too young to leave you, but it sounds like she packed a lot of living into the few months she had and was very lucky to have been able to spend them with you. RIP, Aviendha,

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j130/foxyady60/cat20sorry20for20your20loss.jpg


Beautiful Aviendha

Thank you all~  I do appreciate the kind words. One day at a time...

aegisrose said:

 I want to scream "GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!!!!" from the top of my lungs.... I know that's silly, but there it is.  :::::::  

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It's not silly at all. In my half asleep half crying stupor last night I woke up and screamed "WHERE IS HE" over and over. Then cried myself back to sleep. I lost my world 2 days ago, I don't think I'll ever recover. I hope you can.

aegisrose said:

Thank you all~  I do appreciate the kind words. One day at a time...

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Hang in there, hun....

SilentEarth said:

It's not silly at all. In my half asleep half crying stupor last night I woke up and screamed "WHERE IS HE" over and over. Then cried myself back to sleep. I lost my world 2 days ago, I don't think I'll ever recover. I hope you can.

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More of these to you, too, SilentEarth I don't think we ever recover from their loss - but we do learn to accept and go on, somehow, that is what they would want from us. We give them our whole heart, soul and being and when they leave us - a part of those three things go with them. That is just the way it is and one of the hardest things in life to deal with and try to overcome.

Feralvr said:

Hang in there, hun....

More of these to you, too, SilentEarth

I don't think we ever recover from their loss - but we do learn to accept and go on, somehow, that is what they would want from us. We give them our whole heart, soul and being and when they leave us - a part of those three things go with them. That is just the way it is and one of the hardest things in life to deal with and try to overcome.

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I just try to remember that he would never ever want me to be sad, especially over him. None of our pets would ever want us to cry over them.

SilentEarth said:

I just try to remember that he would never ever want me to be sad, especially over him. None of our pets would ever want us to cry over them.

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I try to keep that in mind too... But we all know it's so very very very hard.  :::: I hope time helps you heal SilentEarth. Hang in there~ one day at a time is all we can do. Try to accept and slowly, one day, you will be able to smile at the memory along with the dull pain that I know always remains underneath.   ::HUG::

SilentEarth said:

I just try to remember that he would never ever want me to be sad, especially over him. None of our pets would ever want us to cry over them.

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And thank you all again for your words, and sharing and support...  I appreciate the good vibes sent in my direct. 

I am so sorry for your loss.  I pray that in time, your memories will be sweet and comfort you.