I think I made the wrong decision...

Hi guys, I haven't been on too much lately due to feeling a bit down about the loss of my two kitties. I've only been really in contact via PM, since it goes straight to my email. I'm starting to think I made the wrong decision for Candy...and it's too late. She had renal lymphoma. Her last night she was throwing up blood, lost control of her poor bladder and was staggering down the hall...she had dilated pupils and she didn't look like herself. Her eyes pleaded me. The next morning I took my dear beloved best friend to the vet, and had to let her go...the vet said chemo wasn't an option, but I now feel like I should have tried it at least...I feel like I gave up on her. I've been inspired by Lazlo's success story and I feel so bad that I came across this forum too late to find out about how chemo really is on kitties. I'm just feeling kind of down today and in need of some support. So sorry guys.

It sounds to me like you made the right decision.  Chemo is rough on humans, who know what it's for.  To a cat, it is just torture for no reason apparent to the cat.
 

Mike, I have to disagree. This opinion is frequently voiced, and it discourages people from trying something that may save their kitty's life without too much suffering along the way. Chemo is used completely differently in cats (and dogs) than in humans. It is not given in the same doses relative to body weight. The chemo dosages are typically targeted for therapeutic dose, adjusted for how the cat (or dog) reacts to it. Quality of life is of primary concern when an animal is under treatment, NOT length of life, which is how people are treated. When a treatment affected Lazlo for more than a day or two, the dose was scaled back. Supportive therapy with anti-nausea meds and appetite stimulants dramatically improves the quality of a cat's life - even while on the chemo. No, chemotherapy in animals is not the horror it is / can be in people. Some cats will not tolerate it well, and then IMO it should not be continued. But for MOST cats, the real question is - can they handle the weekly (then bi-weekly) trips to the vet? That is the hardest part for many, NOT the actual drug(s).

That said, it only has about a 50% chance of sending cancer into remission when that cancer is lymphoma.

And Jen, you have a wonderful vet. Lazlo did not have renal lymphoma, he had a mass in his stomach. It is one of the most treatable versions of the cancer, even though it's usually caught quite late. His bleeding was from ulcers - and when a cat has lymphoma, problems typically develop at sites of inflammation, so the ulcers are likely why the lymphoma massed there. The ulcers were easily treatable with ulcer meds. It seems your Candy's lymphoma was far more advanced, and with the multiple problems (dilated pupils, loss of bladder control, throwing up blood), it seems her cancer had progressed much further. :heart2: Lazlo only felt nauseous, was throwing up, and had tummy pains. And that was easily fixed with ulcer and anti-nausea meds. Candy was suffering with far more serious problems as a result of her condition.

In this instance, I'm sure your vet knew best.

I can only imagine how difficult it is to second-guess a decision like that. You just can't hun. :heart3: She was already suffering, and it's not something pepcid a/c was going to fix while she underwent treatment.

As her mommy, you knew what she was telling you. :rub: :heart3: I am SURE she knows how much you love her, and that what you did was for HER. And I know she would not want you to suffer for this decision.

Candy asked for release and you gave it to her. It was your final gift to her, a very brave and loving act. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Lazlo's case was completely different. You did right by your beloved little Candy .

I found what I was looking for. Hun, please read this post by Gareth in the Bridge Forum: http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes and know in your heart that you made the right decision. You listened to your baby girl.

It hurts terribly. The wound is still raw because you loved her so much. :heart3: But you gave her the greatest gift there is to give, and you're only second-guessing yourself now because you still miss her so much. :heart2:

Jen Please know that what you are feeling is so completely normal, second guessing a decision and having regret. It is one of the natural parts of grief. You did the right thing, the loving, kind and humane thing for Candy. She told you it was time. :rub: To help her to the beautiful and peaceful bridge. Be kind to yourself, sweetie. Please. You are a saint to all your kitties, indoor and outdoor. Candy is exactly where she should be and needed to be. Playing freely on that bridge.

Aw Jen, my heart goes out to you, honey. Please know that it's so easy to second guess and "what if" when we have had to make this decision, but in the end you gave her the gift of eternal life, love, and light beyond her diseased earthly body. Part of her legacy to you is that you did find TCS and Laurie's Lazlo's story, and I'm sure you'll be armed with much more knowledge if you must deal with something like cancer again. In your heart you must know that she truly was telling you it was time for her to leave; no matter how painful it was to let her go. You gave darling Candy the ultimate gift of unconditional love; she is no longer suffering and in pain, she is at peace and free. Although it might not feel like it now, you will forever have a heart chock full to overflowing with treasured moments to hold dear and to help to fill the emptiness left by her leaving. Please know that I am so, so sorry you and Candy had to go through this, sweetie, and you truly did do the right thing for your little girl.

I know when Tuffy had to leave me and Abby, I about "what if-ed" myself sick. Please don't do that if you can help it, 'kay? I feel that they really do tell us when they are ready to go, but it's up to us to recognize this. You did, which I am sure Candy is looking at you know from her amazing new world and her spirit is trying to let you know that you did as she asked and to try to find peace knowing that she is now okay. I feel that Tuffy actually became a part of Abby for awhile after he left because Abby took on so many characteristics of Tuffy--that were totally out of character for Abby. It was Tuffy's way of letting me know that he was watching over me and that he was doing okay. I still grieve for Tuffy 8 years later; I always will. Especially on the date he left. These little ones just grab our hearts and fill them up with love!

Gentle journey, precious Candy. Let your mama know you're okay please?

I am sorry for your loss and your hurt. It is such a hurtful thing when we have to make that decision. IMHO, I believe you did what your heart felt was the right thing at the time. Your vet also thought it was right. Your baby is at peace. Hugs to you. In time, I pray that your memories will be sweet and bring you much peace and comfort. Let me also say here, for those of you who read this, if your cats are young, strong, healthy and not having to take medicines, enjoy them every day as much as you can. lt can all change in the blink of any eye and be so painful. For those of you like me, who are dealing with a cat who has a diagnosis of some illness or problem, take one day at the time and snuggle with them, talk to them, love them. My gosh, how these little four legged animals do steal our hearts and souls and leave a hole forever when we have to turn them lose and let them go.

Yes, we always second guess ourselves afterwards, but letting them go IS the greatest gift we can give them.    I'm so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your sorrow. I know you did the right thing.

Thanks so much for your support, guys. I really couldn't have done it without TCS.
I think most of the problem is that I always had this unrealistic thought in my head that Candy was never going to have to leave me, that she would be here forever. In a matter of four days she got sick and passed away, and it's still so hard. I can't even believe it happened. And making that decision was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was the first time I've ever considered sending one of my kittes to the Bridge. Bobby passed away during surgery, so unexpectedly as well...I still miss him so much, three years later, I still want my little guy back. But with Candy, I had so much regret, and doubt and I just kept thinking that I was doing the wrong thing. You guys really helped heal some wounds, thank you so so much. Has anyone here ever visited the Monday Night Candle Ceremony on www.petloss.com? I go weekly, and it has brought me so much comfort. It's so unlucky that I came across TCS after Candy passed, but at least I am now armed with the knowledge to give my kitties a high quality of life and keep them healthy. I'm very glad that I was blessed with Cuddles, because I honestly feel like she was sent to me by Candy. The vet approximated her date of birth on the same day Candy died....weird huh?

Thank you so much for your kind words. they are very much appreciated, and having an opportunity to speak to such wonderful people is why I love TCS.

I am so sorry for your loss.  Just remember she is no longer in any pain.  You did what was right for her. 

:heart3: