Asperger's syndrome

Did you know autism does not just mean a person is very low-functioning?

It is true. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means it ranges in severity from barely disabled to inability to function. A person who is slightly disabled and was late developing does not want to be called autistic because of the stigma attached to that word, so they use a different term for the same disability: Asperger's syndrome, named after the European pediatrician who discovered it. I have this condition.

I understand some of my comments seem to be insensitive after they are brought to my attention. Sometimes it seems I make statements not to help others but for my own good. Let me set the record straight about this; I am not using a disability as an excuse for being bad. What I want to do is help people understand the reason for those insensitive comments is not that I don't care, but rather I lack social skills required to judge what a bad comment is because of my disability.

One symptom of AS that I struggle with is blindness to "negative overtones," meaning people get mad at me for saying what I think is a good, harmless statement. Example: When I saw bald spots on both sides of a cat's nose, I thought saying Patricia has almost the same thing might help that Persian's owner feel better about the fur loss. Instead, I got a PM advising me it is "insensitive" to say something about my own cat - as opposed to expressing concern for the Persian whose fur is not growing back. My thinking on that was by saying that fur loss is caused by old age, the OP would be assured it is normal and nothing is wrong with her cat.

I hope you will understand from now on I really do want to be your friend and never, ever say anything inflammatory on purpose.

I sort of had you pegged as Aspie already :tongue2:. I consider myself Aspie as well, though I've never been officially diagnosed. I'm OK in writing (mostly), because I can read what I wrote as edit accordingly, but in person my social skills are iffy at best. It is hard.

Thank you for sharing that Emily.  We have a friend whose child has asperger's and my husband has studied this.

Thank you for sharing that! 

I know the autism spectrum very well and wish more people would learn more about the autism spectrum and show more understanding and patience, instead of beeing judgemental if people are not strictly inside the frame of what they call "normal".

I went and found the thread and I could not in any way see how what you said could be interpreted as insensitive.

Some people really are  over sensitive.

aeevr said:

I went and found the thread and I could not in any way see how what you said could be interpreted as insensitive.

Some people really are  over sensitive.

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I TOTALLY agree with you!

I see the issue. I didn't really read all the way down to the bottom of the thread.

Seems like an honest mistake.

I still think it was lame that someone felt the need to call you out in a PM.

The way I see it is none of us are normal. I mean really, what is the definition of "normal"....to be like everyone else? Why would anyone want to be just like everyone else? It's our own little quirks and differences that make us unique and individual. That is what gives us a separate identity. The way I look at it, if someone doesn't like me for what I say or do, that's their problem, not mine.

Also, just for the record, I think almost everyone here has posted something that pissed someone else off. It's the beauty of the internet. You can post a joking comment and it is taken too personally. Or you post a helpful comment and you come across as being preachy. The bad thing about online is you can't tell a person's tone or intent sometimes. 

As for the thread, I haven't read it but if I posted a concern I had about one of my kitties and someone came back with a personal experience of dealing with the same thing, I would be grateful for the input. 

calico2222 said:

The way I see it is none of us are normal. I mean really, what is the definition of "normal"....to be like everyone else? Why would anyone want to be just like everyone else? It's our own little quirks and differences that make us unique and individual. That is what gives us a separate identity. The way I look at it, if someone doesn't like me for what I say or do, that's their problem, not mine.

Also, just for the record, I think almost everyone here has posted something that pissed someone else off. It's the beauty of the internet. You can post a joking comment and it is taken too personally. Or you post a helpful comment and you come across as being preachy. The bad thing about online is you can't tell a person's tone or intent sometimes. 

As for the thread, I haven't read it but if I posted a concern I had about one of my kitties and someone came back with a personal experience of dealing with the same thing, I would be grateful for the input. 

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Totally agree with there.

I  have posted my personal experience as a reply to someones problem, but that is meant as an understanding reply, not as a discussion about me or my cat or my prblem or whatever the issue was. I would also be grateful for such reply.

Thank you, Emily.  I agree, none of us are 'normal'.  How boring would that be?!!?

I have been called out on posts where I was sharing my own experiences trying to relate to the OP as well.  I don't have AS, but do sometimes say things that come off wrong.
The internet has a way of doing that, I guess.  I am the 'hijack queen' without trying to be.  Not good.  But I certainly don't mind when someone hijacks my threads.

I wish people would not immediately flame someone, rather assume best intentions were meant, just not conveyed correctly.

We often come here when we are in a panic, in desperation, when our babies are not well, and we often are not in the best frame of mind.  I think everyone here shares the common interest of wanting what is best for our cats and everyone else's and would not intentionally offer ill advice.

A few things gave it away early on to me cause the brother of a friend had gone through these mini missions for xyz.  We supported him and helped gather info.  Nice kid definatley lower functioning and never possible to live on own but he had big dreams of a dog kennel.  Never had a dog in his life
 

Willowy said:

I sort of had you pegged as Aspie already. I consider myself Aspie as well, though I've never been officially diagnosed. I'm OK in writing (mostly), because I can read what I wrote as edit accordingly, but in person my social skills are iffy at best. It is hard.

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Really? Were you late talking and walking? Do you struggle with jokes, sarcasm, and other statements not meant to be taken literally?

Pollyanna said:

Thank you for sharing that! 

I know the autism spectrum very well and wish more people would learn more about the autism spectrum and show more understanding and patience, instead of being judgemental if people are not strictly inside the frame of what they call "normal."

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The problem is autism spectrum disorders cannot be seen if you don't know what to watch for. I don't have a guide dog or wheelchair. I do not sign. If a disability is invisible, of course people are just going to think I am "weird." That is human nature, unfortunately.

I have thought about the red, yellow, and blue jigsaw puzzle that symbolizes autism awareness. Would it help if you wore it or bought a jigsaw puzzle car magnet? Or would people in the real world think it is just another awareness ribbon and not care about it?

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tjcarst said:

Thank you, Emily. I agree, none of us are 'normal.' How boring would that be?

I have been called out on posts where I was sharing my own experiences trying to relate to the OP as well. I don't have AS, but do sometimes say things that come off wrong.
The internet has a way of doing that, I guess. I am the 'hijack queen' without trying to be. Not good. But I certainly don't mind when someone hijacks my threads.

I wish people would not immediately flame someone, rather assume best intentions were meant, just not conveyed correctly.

We often come here when we are in a panic, in desperation, when our babies are not well, and we often are not in the best frame of mind. I think everyone here shares the common interest of wanting what is best for our cats and everyone else's and would not intentionally offer ill advice.

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It is boring enough as it is. I read on AOL, "If you have not been hiding in a bat cave, you know The Dark Knight Rises premieres this week." I never would have heard of that movie if James Holmes had not ruined it in Aurora, Colorado. The fact that it was assumed everybody knew in the United States The Dark Knight Rises will premiere at midnight on July 20 means people don't think, "Somebody who hates Batman would not know about this movie."  Thank James Holmes for the fact that I now know there are three Batman movies! (I thought there was just one.)

All I can do is tell people I have AS (sometimes I call it "high-functioning autism" to make sure they understand) and that causes social errors. Until everyone knows and fully understands how my messed-up brain works, they will never realize I am just as nice as they are when treated nicely in return.

Of course I understand how people feel when their kitties have problems. I have been there and done that with Emily and Wilbur. (Fortunately Patricia has always been healthy except for ringworm and gingivitis.) But that does not always make wearing somebody's shoes an easy task because people have cats with different problems. It can be hard to say the right things when I have no experience but want to say something as a person who cares about all cats. Unfortunately AS increases the difficulty of figuring out when to say what.

I think I read people well sometimes because I have some of my own issues.  I feel for the person as long as they are not hurting me/my crew.  And as a few know I get angry and will state my opinions (spay/neuter ESPECIALLY!!!!!!!!  I see to much to take any less and I think almost all here get that. 

We all are messed up.  No one has raised that perfect kid or one with no issues born with or inflicted upon them.  IMO it will never ever happen.

I also live in my own world.  I don't care about alot of "current events"  so I come off at times as a bit odd.  I got enough to deal with in MY life without trying to learn things to impress others with.  there are people for everyone to have friends so why try super hard and be fake
 

Also think Autism,alzheimers and many things are getting alot more attention then they used to.  used to be the slow people or the crazy old person.  A name for what is wrong and openly discussed.  Few months ago I started talking to the daughter of a alzheimers mom.  The Mom was wandering and I helped redirect her to the lane a bit.  Gave her a little bit of info to local resources available.

"I have thought about the red, yellow, and blue jigsaw puzzle that symbolizes autism awareness. Would it help if you wore it or bought a jigsaw puzzle car magnet? Or would people in the real world think it is just another awareness ribbon and not care about it?"

Emily - this is a horrible idea. You do not want a scarlet letter. This is what the Nazi's did - had the Jews wear the arm bands with the star of david.

If you think "normal" people are cruel and unsympathetic now, you can't imagine what they would do if they saw you coming down the street wearing your scarlet letter. You would become an easy object of scorn.

Interestingly AS folks seem to be quite kind, honest, guileless, hardworking, smart. I think it could be argued that the world might be a better place if "normal" people were a bit more like AS people.

EmilyMayWilcha said:

The problem is autism spectrum disorders cannot be seen if you don't know what to watch for. I don't have a guide dog or wheelchair. I do not sign. If a disability is invisible, of course people are just going to think I am "weird." That is human nature, unfortunately.

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What I mean, when wishing people were patient and understanding and patient instead of judgemental, is that people would allow people to be "different" or have difficulties without instant judging and also that people would learn more about Autism to understand what it means instead of putting a label on all autistic people, that  they are retarded  or stupid or that all autistic people are staring at the  wall, while turning things around. High functioning autistic person can be no different from a "regular" person,  who happens to be a little bit "strange" or have an  unusual hobby or specialation in their career, apart from maybe all the anxiety, obsessions, how they see or take in the social interaction around them and some other things that noone can see anyway.

But if there is a heads up the compassionate people may stop and think to try and take it a bit differently.  If I think a person has a brain injury or something I try to adjust my way of talking to fit them.  I can;t be the only one?

I do read those magnets.  I have started conversations over a few.  I am more social some days and very reclusive others.  It is cool to be able to say oh that sticker is GREAT and just how I feel.  Or sorry your family member has whatever disease.

I am so glad you started this post. It explains a lot and helps us to understand We never discuss Moderator action publicly, but because you and others have brought it up, and to help people understand what is acceptable, I will say that the problem with the post on fur loss was not what you said, but when you said it. It would have been fine about three or four posts earlier, but unfortunately it was published as the next post after the news that the cat had died, and therefore made it seem as if you only cared about your own experience and were not offering any sympathy to the OP who had just lost a cat. I hope that makes it clear. Of course we want people to share their experiences and offer advice based on that experience - that is what TCS is all about.

I am PM'ing you with some suggestions. But thank you again for being brave enough to share this with us.

jennyranson said:

I am so glad you started this post. It explains a lot and helps us to understand . thank you again for being brave enough to share this with us.

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I agree with Jenny and am adding in my thanks for you sharing with us about your condition. This helps explain a lot. :nod:

jennyranson said:

I am so glad you started this post. It explains a lot and helps us to understand We never discuss Moderator action publicly, but because you and others have brought it up, and to help people understand what is acceptable, I will say that the problem with the post on fur loss was not what you said, but when you said it. It would have been fine about three or four posts earlier, but unfortunately it was published as the next post after the news that the cat had died, and therefore made it seem as if you only cared about your own experience and were not offering any sympathy to the OP who had just lost a cat. I hope that makes it clear. Of course we want people to share their experiences and offer advice based on that experience - that is what TCS is all about.
I am PMing you with some suggestions. But thank you again for being brave enough to share this with us.

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Yes, I can see that now after going back to the thread.  RIP Cali.  I hope Tori is not mad at me for that.