I Really Miss My Friend

I've been in a sad funk this last week. I can't concentrate on anything and I just want to sleep all the time. I miss Cheryl so so much. It seems to just now be hitting me that she's gone...forever.

She was a big part of my life. 

Cheryl and my mom were best friends from the moment they first met--they just clicked. I guess it was their love for animals that bonded them. I got to experience some of the fun too when they started to include me in everything they did. They were so much fun. I soon started to call Cheryl    Auntie Cheryl. It was so easy to love her.

Mom was diagnosed with cancer just two days after Cheryl's own mom died. And without missing a beat Cheryl took over caring for my mom. Maybe I should have been the one who put everything on hold and cared for her, I wanted to, but mom insisted she wanted only Cheryl there with her. Of course her duties included caring for all mom's dogs and cats--a job I wasn't thrilled about.  And mom wanted to die at home and that must have been so stressful for Cheryl, but she never showed it.

I've been thinking about all the goodness in her heart. When it came to people she really cared about there just weren't any limits to her kindness. 

And when it was Cheryl's time to leave this world she was all alone. 

I knew she wasn't doing well, why didn't I cancel my trip and spend some time with her?? I was so selfish!  I'll never be able to make that up to her.

Which is why I took in Turtle. It wasn't because I like cats. It was to ease a little bit of guilt. 

I talk to Turtle about her mommy. And she's been curious over my depression, but she's can still do things that make me laugh through my tears.

I'm sorry for unloading all of this on you. It was stuff I needed to get off my chest. I'm hoping it will help.Thanks for listening. 

I am so sorry for your loss and you did the best thing taking Turtle in to your place. Turtle will bring you comfort and talk to her about her mommy. I am sure Cheryl is with you, even right now. Hang in there, things will get better.

  I can understand your feelings.  And cats are great like that.  They do sense our feelings. 

But who knows; maybe Cheryl chose to leave while you were gone so you wouldn't have to watch her.  I know my friend's Mom did that.  I know my Pastor did that when she passed a few months ago. 

I hope you feel better soon.  Cheryl would just be happy knowing Turtle is so loved and well taken care of!

It must be so hard. But, coming here and sharing is a good thing. Talking about this stuff is always better than bottling it up and feeling like you don't want to burden people. Believe me - it's no burden listening and letting someone talk.

And absolutely, talking to Turtle is a wonderful thing, and very therapeutic, and she's part of Cheryl, so it makes so much sense to me. I know of all sorts of instances where I've turned to my cat, Larry, and cried about something, or talked about something that's bothering me. Our cats are very good listeners.

Take care, and come here and vent whenever you feel like it!

Oh hun, I am so sorry for your loss
I know in my heart Cheryl chose you to take care of Turtle, and she couldn't have chosen a better person
I know how you feel.... But I know also, by the way that you speak of Cheryl, that she wouldn't want you to cancel your trip to be with her.... She would like you to do just as you did.... To go, and remember her at a healthier time.... Happier.... To have good memories of her.... Because she cared so much about you then she made sure to send you her little one, a piece of her.... And through Turtle, she will always be with you.... Cherish her as Cheryl did, and you will be giving her the biggest gift of them all

We all process death of a loved one differently. And sometimes the depression comes at the oddest times and smacks you in the face. I think right after the death of a loved one most people cry. But it takes the mind a while to actually process what that death means. I know after my mom died, I cried. But it didn't really "hit" me until months later when I realized she wasn't on vacation or temporary hiatus. She was gone for good. I was numb for months...but once I realized she was actually gone, that is when the grieving really started.

You had the honor of taking in Turtle, and that took up a lot of you time and thoughts. Now, it sounds like things are settling down on that front and other things are coming to the surface. It's ok to be depressed, to cry, to truly grieve. I'm sure Turtle will grieve with you.

The relationship your mom and Cheryl had sounds like the same relationship my mom and her best friend had. I think of her as my second mom growing up. Because of your post, I'm going to call her tomorrow and just talk and catch up. We email back and forth, but I haven't seen or talked to her in a few years.

Please don't feel guilty.   I'm sure Cheryl would have understood, and it sounds like she was a strong person and the type who did not want people to grieve.   What you did for Turtle is wonderful and just what Cheryl would have wanted --- more important to her than people being with her at the end.   

Just tons of these and I am so sad to hear about you mom as well. I think Turtle and you were meant to end up together this way. Turtle will bring you much joy and peace and I think you are doing the same for Turtle. It is totally understandable that you will have good and bad days. There is no time limit on grieving for a lost loved one. We are here for unloading on anytime... :grphug: :grphug2:

MoochNNoodles said:

 

But who knows; maybe Cheryl chose to leave while you were gone so you wouldn't have to watch her.  ...  Cheryl would just be happy knowing Turtle is so loved and well taken care of!

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What you're feeling is all part of the grieving process; it's natural to wonder what you could have done differently, if anything. You were there for Cheryl when she was hospitalized, and taking Turtle in was really what she would have wanted. Turtle is a little part of Cheryl that's with you now. Give her the you'd like to give Cheryl.