it seems impossible to get over her death :(

jamie90 · Jun 12, 2012

Hi. My cat just passed away recently lyme disease. I had her for many many years and adored her more then anything else in the world. My bond with her was a once in a lifetime bond. She wasn't just my pet she was family to me.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with her. She stopped eating, and she started looking really strange,became very weak. So I took her to the vet. He gave me medicine for her and she came home. It wasn't getting any better.

It all happened to quick, one day she just couldn't breathe. She was struggling to breathe but couldn't, I rushed her to the hospital and she died.

Since the vet told me nothing about the lyme disease I looked into myself. After seeing what happened with their bodies when they catch it, I was heartbroken.. I had no idea her lymph nodes we're causing her breathing troubles. I didn't know her throat was swollen, and thats why she couldn't breathe or eat.. now that I know that, I know she suffered til her last breathe and I can't get over this. I miss her dearly and just feel this emptiness inside of me without her, and on top of it the way she died, I feel like I will never be okay. I try to think happy things but its so hard knowing she died like that. And I feel terrible not being able to help her more or know more then I did. I should have gotten her help sooner but I didn't. She was starving (the only way I got her to eat was to force feed but it wasn't as much as she usually eats) but when she swallowed it must have hurt her so bad.

I don't know what to do she must have been so scared not being able to breathe.How can I get over this. Her being gone has done so much damage. but her suffering on top of it is an unbearable thought

I feel like I let her down. She didn't deserve that at all. She was such a sweet lovable cat, all I had to do was sit by her and she would start purring like crazy. She relied on me and I couldn't stop her sickness or suffering it's too late. Please help me get through this.

I have nobody to talk to who takes me seriously. They tell me I need to get over it, like shes just an animal, and she wasn't just that at all to me.

Here's a picture of her, she was like my child

rosiemac · Jun 12, 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss

Try and not beat yourself up over it though. You did more than some people which is making sure she had medical care. And don't look at her illness online either because it's making you worse.

Your little girl isn't suffering now and that's what you have to keep telling yourself. She's safe and well again across Rainbow Bridge, but as long as you don't stop thinking about her she'll always be alive in your heart

blueyedgirl5946 · Jun 12, 2012

First, ignore those who tell you that you need to just get over it. People who have never had that kind of relationship with a pet don't understand the loss and pain in your heart. I am so sorry you are going through this and I am sorry your cat died. You did everything you could for your pet. This is not your fault. The most important thing I want to tell you is this. The first cat me and hubby had was named Betsy. I had her a long time, about ten years. She died in 1995 from cardiomyopathy. She was not my soulmate cat, but she was very special because she was our first cat. This morning while I was still in bed, in my dream, I saw her. I could hardly believe my eyes. I called her name and she looked at me and meowed. I have not been thinking about her or especially mourning her death. But for some reason, she came to me and I couldn't understand why. After reading your post, I believe it was so I could tell you. Our cats do have a special bond. They never forget us, just as we never forget them, even in death. Now I don't know how to explain that, I am not God. But I believe it with all my heart. I have seen two more of my cats since they died. So be encouraged. I believe you will see your cat again. Don't let it shock you when you do. Hugs and blessings. I pray your memories will comfort you.

It is a very special thing to have had a pet you loved so much.

kailie · Jun 12, 2012

Awwww, sweetheart, you will NEVER "just get over it". The terrible ache will fade in time, but it may never go away. Your baby will live forever in your heart. We have no control over these things, as much as we wish that we did. Your baby was loved so much, that is obvious and she had a wonderful life with you. Cherish the good times, and know that you did all that you could do.

jennyr · Jun 12, 2012

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. Those w ho have never been through it have no idea what we suffer. The sense of loss and guilt is overwhelming. I lost my Napoleon over 5 years ago now, poisoned by a neighbour only three months after we moved house. I still miss him terribly and feel that if I hadn't brought him here he would not have died a horrible death. And I lost my dog only two months ago from another tick disease (ticks as you know cause Lyme's disease) when the vet did not find the cause in time to save her. But you can only do what you know and feel is right at the time. I can only say that you will never forget her, always miss her, but in the end you will remember the good things more than the bad and be able to talk about her with love and pleasure instead of the constant grief you have now.

catlover73 · Jun 12, 2012

I completely agree with what Kallie said above.

As far as people telling you to get over it please ignore them. No one has the right to dictate how you should feel. You have every right to take the time you need to grieve for your baby. We all go through this process at our own pace. This forum is a great place filled with people who understand what you are going through right now. People are here to listen to you if you need a shoulder to cry on or want to share stories about your baby. I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a hug.

I also believe that you did everything you could for your baby and your love for her shows. I know from personal experience that is hard not to blame yourself but please stop beating yourself up because you did not do anything wrong. Sometimes there are things we can not control no matter how much we would like too. I lost a 15 year old cat to a stroke 2 years ago. I too was blaming myself because it happened when I was not home. I was not working at the time and went somewhere with a friend for the day. I kept thinking that maybe if I had been home and knew something was wrong I could have taken him in for treatment sooner. My hubby found Claude hiding in the closet and called me to come home. I called a vets office and was told it could wait until the next day. My cat did not even recognize me when I got home. It took me a long time to realize and accept that me not being home that day had nothing to do with Claude's stroke. Claude was our "soul kitty" and had been in my life since the day he was born. Claude was also a shower kitty and it took a months for me to be able to shower without ending up in tears. There are still days I end up in tears in the shower but it is more because remember what it was like when Claude would meow at me to turn on the shower for him and drizzle water on his head.

I can honestly say things will get easier with time. Gradually the sorrow will lift and be replaced with memories of the happiness you shared together. Your baby will always have a special place in your heart and no one can take that away from you. Life does go on even though you are hurting and you can always honor your baby by remembering the good times you shared.

feralvr · Jun 12, 2012

My heart is breaking for you reading your post. I am so sorry about your beautiful kitty - she was lovely. I agree that we never really "get over" losing our companions. Everyone deals with grief and loss differently and it is a very individual process. Please be good to yourself :heart3: My goodness, you obviously loved your kitty so deeply and she you. Cats are masters at hiding illness and disease. These things are completely out of our control and most times come out of the blue like that. I can say from experience as it has happenned to me. It is in our nature to want to blame ourselves for not doing more... In time, you will see that you did everything that you possibly could and you could not have loved you kitty anymore. :heart2: It is so hard and shatters our hearts when we lose them so suddenly that way. You are not alone in your sadness. :hugs:

I am truly sorry and hope that you get some peace from reading what others have written you here. It truly is the most painful experience in life - losing our beloved pets. :sniffle:

:shame:

Fly Freely little one :rbheart:

jcat · Jun 12, 2012

My condolences. It's very difficult to deal with the loss of one of our furry babies and natural to question whether one could have done more. The answer is "probably not", so try to stop beating yourself up, allow yourself to grieve her loss at your own pace and cherish your memories of her.

tarasgirl06 · Jun 12, 2012

<3((((((((^^))))))))<3 Your beauty is forever Loved, whole, healthy, and free of any pain, watching over you always until you are reunited in due time.

I had a similar experience when one of my beloved cats, who was relatively young and seemed healthy, developed problems. She was diagnosed with Mast cell lymphoma, a very virulent cancer, in her throat. We had her operated on, but she did not survive very long afterwards, because this cancer is one you don't walk away from. We were shocked and disbelieving that something could be so fast and so destructive! and of course, I wondered if I had missed something. Actually I had not. That is the nature of this illness, and it sounds like your cat's illness was also very fast-moving. Please try not to blame yourself.

Hoping you will be comforted in the knowledge that she certainly does not blame you! and that she is certainly feeling very well now, in a place of absolute joy and comfort. (I know for a fact that the soul survives the body's passing, as I have been present at many passings. It is a transition from this earth, and from a body that no longer serves the soul, to a better place, absolutely!)

For those ignorant of the bonds of unconditional love and loyalty that are shared between us and our loved ones, I feel sorry for them. They miss out on so much because of their narrow views and perceptions! Do not let those around you who are insensitive and ignorant cause you pain. They have never known such love. But you have. And it is a bond you share forever. Be comforted in this, and with the knowledge that she is with you always.

iris · Jun 12, 2012

Oh gosh..I was so bonded to my himalyan Caesar..he was a flame point. I had that cat when I was very lonely. He would stretch out next to me all night. He loved me so. At 12 years old he got a cancerous tumor under his tongue. He lasted about 6 weeks or so. His last night at home he stunk so bad..that tumor was rotting his flesh away. But I kept him with me and gently stroked him all night long..I cried for so long. His loss was the first of many..my other cat a year later..I got married and hubby and I had 9 family members die in 18 months. It was pretty intense. Here is what I learned..I had to remember that he was a spoiled, pampered little boy. He never knew a hard time..or had to go without food or love. I do cat rescue now and you can't believe what I see. So with your cat I am sure you spoiled him/her and it was a well loved animal. I hope the memory of your past away pet wil eventually bring you comfort. In that way the animal is still with you..The love is still in your heart. I have new cats..two ragdolls and a dumpster feral kitty I rescued when all his brothers and sisters went missing..

. He is very sweet..but on his terms..not mine..they all have different personalties. My female Peanut is such a bitch..lol. She cracks me up. She is a diva and cannot stand her brother. She thinks she is the most beautiful Princess of all time and she actually poses for me to admire her. Her brother was my pick..hubby picked out Peanut and boy did she work him...lol. Oliver is crossed eyed..and is huge. He is the sheriff of the house and very gentle until he gets sick of his sisters antics..then he whomps her on the head..lol. Or chases her and she SCREAMS like he is going to kill her. Such a drama queen..But Oliver loves my husband only. He adores my husband. It's a good thing as he has had bladder issues and just had surgery..We have spent over 3500.00 on this cat..My husband would be grumpy about it if Oliver didn't adore him so much..My heart is full with the new fur babies in my life and one day yours will be as well. But go ahead and cry until you can't anymore..you lost such a good friend..and you did your best. Hugs Sweetheart

otto · Jun 12, 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved special girl. This is a very new and fresh to you. It takes time to absorb such a shock. It takes time to process. Everyone grieves in his or her own way, but grieving is a natural way to feel. Guilt, too is normal, though I will tell you that you have no reason to feel it. You did what you could for her, with the knowledge you had. You took her to the vet. I'm sure the struggling to breathe must have been horrifying for you to watch. But she knew you were there with her loving her and wanting to help her.

And she is not suffering now. She is free and at peace and waiting for you. Be gentle with yourself. This kind of loss can be agonizing in the best of situations. Everyone here understands. It can take a long time, but some day you will be able to remember your relationship with her and smile and be happy again.

I lost my Tolly six months ago and I still cry from missing him almost daily. It takes time to learn to cope with such pain and loss.

You're among people who understand and care, here.

nancyb · Jun 12, 2012

I had a very similar experience with my beloved 17 year old cat who passed away 6 years ago on Valentine's Day. Like yours, she was like a child to me. I had taken her to the vet when she started to get sick with a liver tumor. I took her home and babied her for around six months. She started having problems breathing and I took her to the animal ER and they advised me to put her down - which I did. She died in my arms and I wrapped her up and took her home with me because I didn't want anybody touching her. I had her cremated the next day and I still cry sometimes when I think of her. I too, felt that I did not do right by her and that I allowed her to suffer needlessly. But over time I came to realize that she had a wonderful life and she knew that I loved her. I thought I would never get over the loss and many people told me the things that they are telling you - "It's only a cat, animals die - get over it." Ignore them. I had a picture made of her and a plaque on it that says, "Always Loved." You will find that things like that will help you. I swore I would never get another cat but three years after she passed away somebody came up to me at a charity event in a park with a box of kittens and asked me to take the smallest one because they were worried it wouldn't survive. Then they talked me into taking another one that they said looked out for the tiny one. So, I did and they are my sweet girls. I work on a large property and a week ago one of the grounds workers walked into my office with a baby kitten that was left out to starve and now I have him too. My point is that you have a lot of love to offer these wonderful animals that are so often abused or sit in shelters or pet stores waiting for someone to love them. In time, give your love to another - there are so many who need people like you. Save a life in your baby's name. And always remember that she will be waiting for you on the other side.

jamie90 · Jun 13, 2012

@ jennyranson thank you, I am so sorry to hear about your kitty and dog

when I am ready I am going to adopt an older cat from the pound in memory of my baby. i hope she will be proud of me.

jamie90 · Jun 13, 2012

catlover73 said:
I completely agree with what Kallie said above.

As far as people telling you to get over it please ignore them. No one has the right to dictate how you should feel. You have every right to take the time you need to grieve for your baby. We all go through this process at our own pace. This forum is a great place filled with people who understand what you are going through right now. People are here to listen to you if you need a shoulder to cry on or want to share stories about your baby. I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a hug.

I also believe that you did everything you could for your baby and your love for her shows. I know from personal experience that is hard not to blame yourself but please stop beating yourself up because you did not do anything wrong. Sometimes there are things we can not control no matter how much we would like too. I lost a 15 year old cat to a stroke 2 years ago. I too was blaming myself because it happened when I was not home. I was not working at the time and went somewhere with a friend for the day. I kept thinking that maybe if I had been home and knew something was wrong I could have taken him in for treatment sooner. My hubby found Claude hiding in the closet and called me to come home. I called a vets office and was told it could wait until the next day. My cat did not even recognize me when I got home. It took me a long time to realize and accept that me not being home that day had nothing to do with Claude's stroke. Claude was our "soul kitty" and had been in my life since the day he was born. Claude was also a shower kitty and it took a months for me to be able to shower without ending up in tears. There are still days I end up in tears in the shower but it is more because remember what it was like when Claude would meow at me to turn on the shower for him and drizzle water on his head.

I can honestly say things will get easier with time. Gradually the sorrow will lift and be replaced with memories of the happiness you shared together. Your baby will always have a special place in your heart and no one can take that away from you. Life does go on even though you are hurting and you can always honor your baby by remembering the good times you shared.

im so sorry about claude. and thank you. i wish it was easier. shes the first thing ive ever loved that has passed away. i just hope it gets better soon. everything i do makes me cry, Its so hard to even look around my house right now, and not see her face. such a terrible feeling, thank you again.

jamie90 · Jun 13, 2012

NancyB said:
I had a very similar experience with my beloved 17 year old cat who passed away 6 years ago on Valentine's Day. Like yours, she was like a child to me. I had taken her to the vet when she started to get sick with a liver tumor. I took her home and babied her for around six months. She started having problems breathing and I took her to the animal ER and they advised me to put her down - which I did. She died in my arms and I wrapped her up and took her home with me because I didn't want anybody touching her. I had her cremated the next day and I still cry sometimes when I think of her. I too, felt that I did not do right by her and that I allowed her to suffer needlessly. But over time I came to realize that she had a wonderful life and she knew that I loved her. I thought I would never get over the loss and many people told me the things that they are telling you - "It's only a cat, animals die - get over it." Ignore them. I had a picture made of her and a plaque on it that says, "Always Loved." You will find that things like that will help you. I swore I would never get another cat but three years after she passed away somebody came up to me at a charity event in a park with a box of kittens and asked me to take the smallest one because they were worried it wouldn't survive. Then they talked me into taking another one that they said looked out for the tiny one. So, I did and they are my sweet girls. I work on a large property and a week ago one of the grounds workers walked into my office with a baby kitten that was left out to starve and now I have him too. My point is that you have a lot of love to offer these wonderful animals that are so often abused or sit in shelters or pet stores waiting for someone to love them. In time, give your love to another - there are so many who need people like you. Save a life in your baby's name. And always remember that she will be waiting for you on the other side.

Nancy thank you. I am very sorry for your kitty too

I am going to get her picture framed and make it very big and put it on my wall. i hope always seeing her how she was before will help me not think about the image of her when she was dying and remember her as she was when she was healthy and happy.

catlover73 · Jun 13, 2012

Jamie90 said:
im so sorry about claude. and thank you. i wish it was easier. shes the first thing ive ever loved that has passed away. i just hope it gets better soon. everything i do makes me cry, Its so hard to even look around my house right now, and not see her face. such a terrible feeling, thank you again.

Thank you. I too went through a period of time where it seemed to me everything made me cry too. It is also much more difficult the first time you experience such a big loss for the first time. I am not surprised you are feeling a little overwhelmed right now. That is perfectly normal. I have had other members of my fur family and human family pass away and I do miss them all. When Claude passed away it was just a totally different feeling and experience. I am not even sure how to completely describe the emotional roller coaster I went through when I had to put Claude to sleep. I did notice though that gradually it became easier to remember the good time I shared with Claude without being in tears all the time.

I did adopt another kitty to honor Claude's memory and that could be very helpful to you when you are ready to do so. Just be patient with yourself during this time.

iris · Jun 13, 2012

Hey folks, it's all grief right? There is no way to get over it or take a shortcut though it, One just has to feel the feelings and cry all you need to. When it's over, it's over. The timing is different for each person. I personally think it's much worse if you TRY to get over it. If that means you are burying your feelings then that's bad. It's important to feel the grief and realize that you truly loved the person or animal..I know for sure it does get better. I lost my best friend to suicide almost 4 years ago. I cry alot less over her now. I miss her but I am able to see her problems more clearly now and understand in her mind her only option was suicide. Life is full of loss at times..but also happy times and joyous times. When I see these little kittens with their baby faces I realize life is more good and happy than sad. Love to all of you who have to deal with those losses. It hurts like hell..but you will feel happy again.

my4llma · Jun 17, 2012

She was such a beautiful cat

aeevr · Jun 17, 2012

Please don't feel guilty - you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.

save our paws · Jul 24, 2012

Please try to forgive yourself. If anyone is to blame, it is your vet for not giving you all the information you needed to make sure that you cat was at least comfortable.

My friend went through something similar with her cat, but it was rabies rather than lyme disease. She feels the same way that you do. The only thing that helped her fight her grief and depression was adopting another kitten.

I know, it won't be the same. I am not trying to tell you the SSDD garbage: "It was just a cat. Get over it." On the contrary. Pets are not just pets. They wiggle themselves into our hearts and fill them full of love and devotion. When anything happens to these pets, our hearts break into millions of pieces. All true pet lovers experience this with the loss of their animal children.

So knowing that another cat will definitely not be the same as the one you lost, find comfort in nurturing a new furry face that needs you. The time and attentions you give to the new kitten/cat will lessen the pain of missing the one you lost. Before you know it, the new baby will, in his own special way, fill in the furry hole in you heart almost completely. You will still miss your first baby, but the second one will make the pain so much softer and more bearable. Talking to the new baby about the first baby will also help ease the loss.

I hope this helps comfort you. May the Lord ease your suffering and bless you with a new furry face to love.

it seems impossible to get over her death :(

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