Someone else's cat...seems to prefer being with us!

Hi there,

I'm new here and I've come with a bit of a problem and seeking some advice so I hope someone can help.

We moved in to a new property in January and at first we noticed a little black cat that kept coming into our garden. At first he ran away and was scared of us, but because we love animals and didn't have any pets of our own we got him to come round and trust us. He would come in the house but we didn't feed him and then he'd wander off again (home we presumed). We'd sometimes go days without seeing him and the visits were becoming quite sporadic but we liked giving him a bit of attention. We were then away for a few weeks and when we came back the cat no longer had a collar on. After some time of trying to figure out if he belonged to anyone we gave him a little food as he looked unwell and he just decided to stay with us for the night. The next day he disappeared again. He continued to visit but not stay over until one day some time later he decided that this was now going to be his home and barely left at all for about a week. We assumed he had been adandoned because of this behaviour and took him to the local vet to see if he had been microchipped and to get a check up. The vet said he was very dehydrated and needed to be put on a drip for 24 hours and also have a blood test done. They also said he was microchipped and they would try to get hold of the owners. 

It turned out that the original owner had lived behind our house and had died about a year ago. The vet said he was still living at the same address though so we assumed the new tenants had taken care of him. The thing that upset me was that despite the vet saying he was very ill and dehydrated, he was back in our garden later that day after the owners went to collect him from the vet. 

We are currently helping out the RSPCA with fostering rescue cats and I asked them for advice and I was pretty much told not to get involved. Stop feeding the cat and let the owners deal with it etc. I was very sad about the whole thing as he just didn't seem to be getting the care he needed. I was also quite confused about the fact they'd given the cat a female name when it's a male! I had hoped that after that episode of him going missing for several days that they'd have made more of an effort to keep him in for a while to recover and stop wandering off so much but they haven't and it's made me quite angry.

It has been raining recently and I looked out my bedroom window only to see the poor cat out in the rain going to the toilet in a garden of an abandoned farm house. It breaks my heart really, since when he was with us he barely left our house, especially if it rained! Anyway, he hadn't hung around our garden for long in about a week, but for the past couple of days he's been sitting outside our door as if he expects to be let in. I have felt so bad and I went outside to stroke him and he just sat on my lap and curled up. I left him out and came back inside but he continued to hang around outside. Eventually he went home. Today he was back, sitting outside the door meowing to come in. We are currently fostering another cat but I would've let him in if we weren't. 

I am just not sure what to do. I'd love to get in touch with the owners and say that if they don't want him, I'm happy to have him..but that seems rude. I can't keep watching him sit at the door though. I feel terribly sad for him. And when it's warm and we leave the door open it will be hard to keep him out. I really just want what's best for the cat, but I don't believe his owners are taking good care of him. 

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Thank you

Dee

Go asked the owners if you can have him. Explain you feel you have formed a bond and are willing to pay for any cost of transfer of ownership. If they are letting him run and neglecting him, then they may said Yes. If they say No, then let them know you understand, but had to ask. Also let them know that it's an open offer and will happily accept him at anytime.  

That is what I would do. Hope it helps or someone comes up with a super Ninja Kitty Plan 

Hi and thanks for your reply.

I'd like to ask them, but I have no idea how to do it without sounding rude. I mean, how would you feel if someone contacted you and asked if they could have your cat? haha. And I can't suggest that they aren't caring for the animal because that would also be rude. 

The money issue does worry me...I don't have much. Does it cost money to switch ownership of a cat? I realise I'd have to cover the vet bills but I guess that's something you have to do and otherwise it means feeling this poor cat's pain. I don't know how much cats feel exactly, but it seems so heartless just to ignore this animal crying to come inside who is obviously starved for attention.

No, transferring cat ownership doesn't need to cost anything, unless they want you to buy the cat from them.

But he's not really their cat either, is he? They inherited him with the property, didn't they? How did you find out he "belonged" to them? And how did it come about that they collected him from the vet? Did they pay the bill for him?

There is a member here who has kind of "shared" ownership of a neighbor's cat, with their knowledge, and they're friends, and kitty stays where kitty likes. :nod: Maybe it would help if, in your mind, you're not trying to adopt the kitty away from them (even if that really is the goal), but you're letting them know that before you KNEW he was theirs, the little guy stole your heart, and since he's often out and about, and stops by for visits, would they mind if you let him from time-to-time, you love cuddling with him? :dk:

Depending on how they react to that, see if it's comfortable to ask that given they just kind of inherited him with the property, and you fell in love with him before you knew they were caring for him, would they mind if you just took him in and became responsible for his care?

That way you're not being derogatory to them - you're being "selfish" in wanting the little guy.

Oh I don't know for sure that they inherited him, I'm just guessing. They said the old lady who owned him used to live behind our house (where the people who own him now live) and she died. So I'm just guessing that the cat got forgotten about and the new tenants adopted him, but I don't know for sure. The fact they gave him a girl's name also tells me they might've taken him on by accident. We shouldn't really even know their address - we overheard the vet saying it. But we knew that he wandered off towards that area anyway. 

When we took him to the vet we asked that they let us know if they speak to the owners and that if he didn't belong to anyone or they didn't want him that we would take him. The vet phoned us that afternoon and told us the owners had said he'd wandered off and disappeared for a few days and were going to collect him. I don't know why they didn't try and look for him, but that's just another indication that they weren't that bothered about his welfare. The vet also told us that he was registered at another vet so he wasn't treated at the one we took him to and I don't know if he was treated anywhere else. All I know is that the vet said he needed to be put on a drip urgently for 24 hours or that he'd get kidney failure and die soon, but he was back in our yard that day. I don't know what could have occurred - maybe he was on medication for the dehydration, I don't know. He's very old and doesn't look well though, but he's such a sweet cat. He loves the attention I give him and loves to curl up on my lap. 

I don't think a shared ownership would work because when we took him in thinking he was abandoned he barely left our house/yard. When the sun was out he'd sit with us in the yard and when it was cold he'd curl up on my bed. He would leave briefly (probably to go home instinctively) but he was back soon after so they might never see him! He comes by our place multiple times a day...checking if the door's open! 

The other problem is that with foster cats you have to be sure that any other cats they are around have been vaccinated. I'd take that responsibility if he was mine of course, but not much can be done with someone else's cat. 

I would have to get in touch with them via the vet probably...we're not supposed to know where he lives so can't show up on their doorstep. I can ask them to pass on our phone number though I guess...or maybe we could give them a letter to pass on? I don't feel that confident with my own mannerisms that they wouldn't think I'm being totally cheeky! I'll probably get over it if the cat stops coming by but since it's been going on for months I don't see that happening. My mom is also not comfortable with me letting him in the house and encouraging him by giving him affection so I guess a conversation with the owners will ease her mind either way. 

Do they know you're the one that took him to the vet?

If not, I'd do what we suggest people do when a stray turns up and they're not sure if kitty has a home or was abandoned. :nod: Take a piece of paper, and write a short note on it with your name (first, not full) and phone number. Something along the lines of "Kitty was hungry and seems in need of medical care. I'm happy to adopt this kitty if he doesn't have a home. If he does, please call Amy at XXXXXXX" or whatever. :nod:

Kitty doesn't wear a collar, right? Fold the paper so you can turn it into a kind of collar with a little tape.

If they call, and it seems appropriate to ask if you can adopt him, ask. If not, there's not much you can do.

If no one calls after a few days, maybe take him to a different vet than you took him the first time, and show them the note (if he still has it on), or tell them about the note, and the fact that no one called, so you assume that IF he had owners, they no longer want to take responsibility for him, so you'd like to adopt him and care for him.

Maybe that would work AND make your mum feel comfortable? :dk:

Hi LDG,

Thanks for your reply. 

They don't know who, specifically, brought the cat to the vet but I assume the vet told them that someone had brought him in and had been looking after him. I imagine if we spoke they'd figure out it was us, but they don't know that we know anything about them. So I guess we could just behave as though we took this cat to the vet and left him there for them to find his owners and he turned up at our door again. It does kind of suggest he has owners still, but not that they particularly want him.

I do like your idea though - it sounds like a good message. I had thought about doing something similar but just to say "call us if this is your cat", which could be seen as we're annoyed because he's visiting us. Your way would let them know he keeps coming by and we are concerned about his health. I will give it a go when he comes by next. It's been raining today so he's probably taking shelter, but still concerned about the couple of times we've seen him out in the rain. That's another reason we thought he was stray. Why would a cat go out in the rain if he had a home?! 

I don't have another vet nearby but I could find another one somewhere. The thing that bothers me is that at the last vet they said that because he was microchipped they could not give him back to us. They said that if, after 5 days, no one had claimed him they would call us and we could take him home. So I worry that another vet will do the same thing...or worse, he'll be registered there! There's only one other vet in the vicinity that I'm aware of and I believe most people in the area with cars go there because it's cheaper than the local one. It would take me getting a bus or a taxi to take him there. 

The best outcome is that they call and are happy for us to keep him...if they don't call I don't think we'll get anywhere by taking him to a vet, apart from back where we started :-/. My mom doesn't like the idea of asking them if we can have him...I wanted to do that when we first took him to the vet. I wanted to knock on their door and tell them their cat was at the local vet and try to get some info and suggest that if they didn't want him we'd be happy to have him. I think I'd be on my own with it, but hey!

Thanks for all the help and I'll let you know how I get on

Here's the problem- if you were to just take him and keep him, chances are they would get another one and you'd have to deal with that cat being outside and uncared for. 

What I would do is a full vetting, neuter etc. on this kitty and treat him like you have shared custody. I don't think they will say anything if you vet their cat. It is the best thing for the kitty and at some point they might just give him over to you.

When you are dealing with people who have different beliefs about how pets should be treated, there isn't much else to do except pick up the slack, act like an indulgent aunt or relative who loves to spoil their "fur child", offer to look after them when they go on vacation, and slowly weave your way into their pets' life and into their life like that. Find common ground with them and cultivate their affection, trust and respect, as if they are the kitty you want. Then you will have a lot more leverage.

One of my foster cats, Curly, is a discarded neighbor's cat. I saw him for almost 9 months. My friends in rescue told me to just take him and TNR him but I had been told he was the neighbor's cat and I'd already dealt with them about a cat (see below) so I didn't think it would do any good. And Curly looked ok. I finally took him in when I started seeing him in the middle of winter, he had moved into the shelter I had for my two feral kitties. I did not contact the neighbor at that time.

When I took him for his TNR I learned he had contracted FIV. Also he had lacerations and other problems. I decided he was not going back to his old house and I never contacted the neighbor until a year later. He called me back after two messages that i left. I found out that the neighbor's wife had died, Curly had been her cat, and Curly began eliminating outside the box etc. so the husband threw him out. I told the husband that Curly was with me and had feline aids and was being sponsored by an adoption group. He said good riddance. 

This same neighbor had a cat years earlier. I had put a note on that cat's collar saying there are diseases in our neighborhood that will kill cats and to call me. He did call and I told him about aids but he said well this is a cat's life and he's got it better than a lot of cats.

After this experience, I don't think he will have any more pets. I never yelled at him because of my two feral kitties. 

Oh also, about the microchip, you can check with a (different!) rescue about getting another chip for him or having the existing chip changed to that rescue group. If he is chipped, I very much doubt that whoever adopted him out to these people knew that he would be living like this outside and sick. Some rescue groups are very rigid and do not interfere with a situation like this, but others will work with you or at least rechip him. 

Hi BarbB,

I'm not sure if they'd get another cat. I mean, it depends on how they got this cat but I would imagine that since his original owner lived where they do now before she died that they were given him. Perhaps they are her family or something. Either way, they probably took him on accidentally and from what I know, don't seem that bothered about him. So maybe they wouldn't get another pet. But anyway, this cat is very old and obviously needs a lot of affection and care and that's what bothers me. 

I believe he has been neutered already, not sure about vaccinated. To be honest even though the cat's welfare is what matters most, I can't take on the financial responsibility of someone else's cat. If they are the legal owners then it's up to them to make sure he gets treated properly, unless they want to give him to us. I have a very low income and I couldn't just pay for his treatment and then have him wander off home again and not get the love and affection he needs. If money wasn't an issue then I would do it and I hope it doesn't sound selfish, but for me it has to be all or nothing. He's either ours and we take full care of him and pay for his treatment or they do. Not something I can enforce completely but if they don't want is interfering then they need to make sure they are keeping him near.

It's probably best to see what comes of asking them to contact me. If they ask me to stay out of it then I can try another rescue group and see what their suggestions are and if they're prepared to get involved. After all, whilst the cat is coming onto my property it's my business surely...

I don't know the laws in the UK, but I do know they're stricter than they are here about proper care. :nod: I GUESS if they're feeding him, it's not abandonment. :dk: But I would try the note, see what comes of it. And if this little kitty doesn't wind up being transferred to you for ownership, then contact another rescue group. :nod:

Vibes you can become officially responsible for this little kitty in need!

Hey--you know, sometimes you just have to deal with the fact that talking to somebody is going to scare you, and you have to do it anyway. Fear and embarrassment are just emotions. You can deal with them, if you have to. If it will help the cat, won't it be worth it?

I guess it really all depends on what you want to deal with.

Around here, any animal not under strict control of it's owner and not on it's property is technically a stray.  You do have a bit of a moral dilemma in the fact that you are pretty sure the cat has owners, but what if you didn't know and in all truth do you really know? Aren't you just assuming with some bits of information you overheard or were told?  if you can pretend you don't know this, put up a general found cat notice and if no one responds consider the cat yours. (and if they respond it might open the door to a slightly easier conversation to have)

If you are OK with shared custody, then go ahead and feed the kitty and give it any care it might need.  If you want to be passive about the whole thing you could even put a collar on it and see what happens.  If they care, then they will probably come to you.  that is if you intend to continue to let the cat out, in which case it will most likely continue to stop by it's old house out of habit.

I doubt talking to the current 'owners' will get you where you want to go.  Since someone obviously claimed the cat from the vet, they think they are doing right by the cat regardless of the care it is actually getting.  If you walk up to them and even insinuate that they aren't caring for the cat properly they will probably get very upset at the accusation.

In an ideal world it would be easy.  heck in an ideal world it wouldn't be necessary. 

I wouldn't worry about a possible second cat that might or might not happen.  I'd deal with the situation in front of me, and if a second one did come up, then a call to the animal control officer might be necessary.  If they are owning pets and not giving them the medical attention they need then that is generally considered against the law.

I just got resolution from a similar situation last week. 9 months ago we moved in, very nice friendly kitty was living outside and wanted to come in our house. Found out it was the neighbors cat. We let her come in and we petted her when we saw her outside, she didn't want to stay in our house all the time. She would come visit but then want back out. When the winter storms hit we left the garage open so she could get shelter. Then we started feeding her. Last week my husband saw a for sale sign on their lawn and went over nicely told them that if they couldn't take her when they moved we would love to take her in. They thanked us and said they noticed we had been caring for her and they thought it would be perfect if we take her in. So, this kitty that is 5 years old and has been living outside for years I suspect is now our indoor cat. She supposedly had a little box problem but she took right to the box I set up for her. She is still negotiating a friendship with our 2 other indoor cats. 

I cried when my husband told me because I didn't want to steal their cat but I knew she needed an inside home that loved her. She is home now. 

I would feed and shelter that cat. 

Hi all, thank you for your replies.

The cat hasn't been by today...probably because we wouldn't let him in the past 2 days. Maybe it's better that way. But we'll see if he comes back. 

Cesg - initially we did assume he was stray. I mean he wouldn't come round every day, but it just seemed too often for a cat that had a home and we thought maybe he was so old and taking shelter under a tree or something. When it was sunny my mom would also find him lying on one of our chairs in the sun! We had pretty much accepted that he was our cat after he stayed with us consistently for a few days (apart from the odd change of scenery walk we thought), but I had to notify the RSPCA that we'd taken him in because we were going to foster another cat for them. I got a bit of a telling off saying I must put up lost cat posters and take him to the vets and find out for sure if he's stray or not before I did anything or I would effectively be stealing someone else's cat. I suppose they would have said something similar at the vet when we'd taken him to get a check up anyway. There's not really anywhere I could put up a notice that the owners would see because of the position of their house, but when he comes by again I'll try to affix a paper collar to him. He might pull it off though! I think I would have to speak to the owners because otherwise I suspect they will do the same at another vet as they did at the last one and tell us they have to keep him since he's microchipped. He might even be registered at the vet we take him to next time! And there's a worry that he may be on some medication or something or have a special diet and we could make it worse. The RSPCA said that when a cat gets old they can develop hyperthyroidism which makes them feel like they need to eat all the time and so they can seem like they're not being fed. For me though, if the cat was roaming and looking for food all the time I'd be happy to just leave food out for it so it didn't see the need to go hunting for more.

I don't suppose I'd mind shared custody - it's just the worry about any medical conditions he might have. If we start feeding him and he spends most of his time with us he may miss out on medication or special food. That was actually why we wanted to take him to the vet initially...he kept getting diarrhea and acting very unwell and needy so I worried that we'd actually caused him harm. I do think he'd continue to go by his old home out of habit if he goes out, but that might change. I suppose this is another thing...if they say we can have him but then he keeps going back there we have a bit of a problem. I guess there's also the possibility that they work or are out a lot in the day, whereas I'm not very well so not currently working and I am home a lot. He might just go wandering when they're out...

Melesine - I wouldn't feed a cat knowing it had owners because apparently cats don't have a lot of loyalty and might just decide to stay with whoever the new person is feeding them for whatever reason (no other pets, no children etc). Even though the cat's welfare should be the most important thing, a lot of people don't take kindly to others feeding their pets or again, they could have a medical problem. I'm glad it's all worked out for you though and I'm sure the new kitty is much happier with you

Ok so I put a collar on the cat and it stayed on while he was in our yard for a while, but then when he left I watched him from my upstairs window and saw him in the neighbour's garden and he took the collar off. So the collar was sitting in the neighbour's yard...I'm not sure what I can do now if he's just going to take the collar off.

:lol3: Maybe buy him a break-away collar and attach the note to that? Perhaps that would be more difficult for him to get off?

Apparently it is actually a she as we first thought...I don't know why the vet we took her too thought she was a male :-/.

There have been a few developments since my last post. The collar I put on her flew into one of the neighbours' yards and they called us. The woman said she has also had the same cat come into her yard and house and they too thought she was stray so have been feeding her! Sounds like they would have kept her if not for the rules against them owning pets in their property. She told us that they took the cat to a vet last week (different vet to the one we took her to) and that vet also said she was in very poor condition. They had to leave her at the vet as she's microchipped but the vet apparently told the owner that she's in bad condition. This is now AFTER we took her to the vet nearby! But yet the owner still does nothing and lets the cat come roaming around eating scraps and not taking care of her at all. 

Later on the cat was back in our yard but funnily enough was wearing a collar with a bell on it. Clearly the owner wants people to know that she has a home, but it doesn't take away from the cat's behaviour and condition.

My mom spoke to the RSPCA again this morning about it and they said all they can do is get an inspector to go round and tell them to keep the cat indoors, put a litter box down, make sure she's getting enough food etc...after that if she's still not looking after the cat then I will have to think about taking more action I suppose. As much as I love the little thing, we are now fostering 2 cats for the RSPCA who have to be kept indoors and it makes it very difficult having this other cat coming onto the property and trying to get in the house. The neighbour said the same about feeling sad having to see the poor thing sitting at her door crying to come in. If she was mine I'd make a plan to fit her into our household, but otherwise the owner needs to keep her on her own property I think.

Well I don't know if anyone is still paying attention to this thread but I thought I'd give an update. The other day the cat (Rosie) was in our garden again and when it started raining he didn't move. I felt so bad for him so I let him in and he followed me upstairs and curled up on my lap. I decided I just couldn't take it anymore so when it stopped raining I types out a letter to the owner explaining the situation and if they weren't in a position to give him care then I would be happy to. I put the cat in a cat carrier and took him round to where his home is and then I put the letter through the letter box.

The next day he was back again of course. Can't open the door without him pushing his way in and then he goes and grabs any cat food that is lying around! I got a call from the owner in the evening and she explained that he had been to the vet but they said nothing was wrong with him apart from one kidney being bigger than the other. She said she didn't know why he had gotten so thin and said that now she assumes when he's gone for long periods of time that he's at my house. She said she has been told to put him on a special diet so asked me not to feed him. She said I can let him in and stroke him, but I explained that he seems to think this is his home because if I let him in then he will settle down and won't want to leave again. She then mentioned how he had a vet appointment but he didn't come home so she had to miss it and assumed he was at my house. So I agreed to bring him back home if he was in my garden for too long. She also said that he is an outdoor cat and she doesn't want to lock him up indoors as she wants him to have his freedom. She has 2 cats and the other one is his brother, but the brother doesn't wander off like he does. I suggested maybe he was senile and she said he was hit by a car when he was younger. 

I am glad to have spoken to her, but I really don't think a cat should be let out if he is unwell and needs to be kept to a special diet. If he is wandering off for long periods then who knows where else he is getting food! I told her that at one point our neighbour said she was also feeding him! And apparently when he goes home he's not interested in the food she puts out for him. I didn't want to try and tell her how to look after her pet, but the poor cat obviously doesn't know what's going on and I can't really keep taking him home every time he turns up in my garden. I can do it occasionally, but he comes here a lot. He goes anywhere that there is people. Maybe he needs company during the day, but then it's obviously not good for him to be out because he'll get confused as to where his home is. Last night when I saw it was about to rain I took him back to his house and knocked on the door otherwise we'd have had to keep him inside ours whilst it rained.

He's been out in the garden again today...just sleeping on the lawn or waiting patiently at the door to be let in. There is absolutely nothing I can do it seems because she doesn't want to take his freedom away by keeping him in, but she complains about him wandering off for long periods. When he was with us he didn't wander off much at all and I guess he must just be confused or something, I don't know. Why else would he just come and lay in the garden?? I feel so helpless and sorry for the poor thing.

I think now that you have talked to the cat's mom, you should just become friends with her, find excuses to say hi to her, and tell her to call you whenever she can't find kitty in case he is at your house. Ask her who she uses for a vet and find out more info. I think you will feel better if you participate in this cat's life, make friends with the owner/mom of the kitty and be in a position to influence her. If you find out what he's eating and why he is on a special diet, you can still help him. Also you can find out more about his brother, since it sounds like that cat may be around now and then too. 

hi BarbB,

Thanks for your advice. 

I admit I'm a little socially awkward...I'm terribly shy and lacking in confidence. I felt really dumb taking the cat to his home last night, dunno why! I should have said to her to call me whenever she couldn't find him but didn't think of that at the time. I don't see her around the neighbourhood or anything so to say hi I'd have to actually call her or go to her house. I feel like maybe she doesn't want me involved, but unfortunately it's not up to me! I was actually wondering if I should ask her if she wanted me to look after him in the day and bring him home at dinner time or something. I'm not sure if I should, but it's just because he seems to just want to be around people. Granted I often find him just curled up on the lawn, but if he hears the door open he runs inside and I cannot get him to leave without force and then he very grumpily sits outside the door until he realises no one's letting him in! 

I took him back to his home earlier today, just put him outside and went back home. He was back in my garden within minutes! I can't take him home multiple times a day - it's a bit of a hassle - and at least if I look after him in the day then she knows where he is. If I put him out he doesn't go home, he just wanders onto someone else's property or onto the abandoned farm house's lawn. I believe the vet suggested a special diet because he's so thin and they don't know why. 

I think his brother would have been by if he was going to, but by the sounds of it he doesn't wander as much as Rosie does. I think you're right though and I should just pluck up the courage to talk to her. If we can agree on me looking after him in the day then at least that will put my mind at ease. She's insistent about him not being kept indoors, but it's quite possible that she puts him out and then goes to work so he probably can't go inside until she gets home. It's the only reason I can think he comes to my place and is so insistent on coming inside even when there's no food. I don't think he actually wants to be outside that much though, but if I sit outside with him and he can sit on my lap he seems OK with that, but still looks over at the door as if expecting it to open so he can run in!