devastated

today my cat died we got her off the streets 7 years ago and she is family. the past week she wasnt eating or drinking so we took her to the vet and it was a disease from a tick she was blind anorexic he said she had anemia and today she died in my arms while we were speeding to the vet and she was looking up at me crying and gasping for air like she wanted me to help her and i couldnt do anything 

this mountain of missing her and guilt keeps going through my head, when we got a kitten i wasnt paying as much attention to her like before and thats making me feel evil

i feel like i could have done more, like take her to the vet sooner than i did

im afraid she didnt know how much i love her.

i dont even know if it was a painful death for her i hope not.

i should have taken her to the vet before and i didnt and now shes dead and its my fault. i cant stand being in my house, looking at the spots she used to lay and her toys knowing i wont hear her voice anymore or see her face is killing me

she might be alive if we took her sooner then we did to the vet

i just need someone to talk to about this. ive never been through so much pain in my life i cant get the picture of her dying out of my head.

Oh hun, I am so sorry for your loss
Please, don't feel like it's your fault.... It's obvious how much you loved her, and she knows that, you can be sure of that
I know we can't help ourselves sometimes, and all these what ifs keep running through our minds.... It is so hard, so painful.... They are family, and it hurts very very much when they leave us
She will be forever in your heart, and forever loved, never forgotten
We are here for you

Cats are masters of hiding their illnesses and injuries from anyone, often until it's too late.  This is an instinct they have, and there's not much we can do to change it.

It's easy to play the "what if" game, but it's not productive.  We can only do what we can do, and seeing every subtle little sign is something we usually can't do.
 

mrblanche said:

Cats are masters of hiding their illnesses and injuries from anyone, often until it's too late.  This is an instinct they have, and they're not much we can do to change it.

It's easy to play the "what if" game, but it's not productive.  We can only do what we can do, and seeing every subtle little sign is something we usually can't do.

 

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I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so difficult to lose our furry babies and natural to ask ourselves if we could have done something more. In the vast majority of cases, matters are simply beyond our control.

mrblanche said:

Cats are masters of hiding their illnesses and injuries from anyone, often until it's too late.  This is an instinct they have, and they're not much we can do to change it.

It's easy to play the "what if" game, but it's not productive.  We can only do what we can do, and seeing every subtle little sign is something we usually can't do.
 

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I agree with this too.  Please don't beat yourself up over your cat's death.  However, you do need to give yourself time to grieve and don't try to rush through it.  The grieving process is the strongest and most difficult in the beginning, but it does get better.  The day will eventually come when you can think about all the happy times the two of you shared instead of the sadness you are feeling now.

  She does know how much she was loved, and she will wait patiently at the Rainbow Bridge until the day you join her. 

Hun... I, too, lost a cat two summer's ago and had absolutely no idea he was sick until the day he died. Same thing - gasping/panting for air on our way rushing to the vet. It is human nature to want to blame ourselves, have great regret over what we should have done. I do know that pain, the heartbreak, the deep, deep sadness and grief. I am filled with tears for you because I know what you are going through. I also agree with the above, cats are professionals at hiding/masking pain until sometimes it is just too late to save them. It is going to take some time for you to accept this and try to turn that picture in your mind into love. Because - you loved your cat so very much and your cat did love you just the same. You were trying to save your kitty - keep telling yourself that over and over. You did everything you could at the time, in that moment to save your kitty. Be good to yourself and allow yourself much time to recover. So very sorry :heart3: