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post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

Thursday, 7 June, 2001, 00:26 GMT 01:26 UK

Cuddles 'more important than sex'

TV's Sex and the City: An unrealistic view of women's lives?

Cuddles, affection and hugs are more important than sex, say many women in long term relationships.

A survey suggests the "Sex and the City" image of promiscuous women jumping from bed to bed does not reflect real life, with the average woman having eight partners before settling down at the age of 27.

Website reddirect.co.uk found a quarter of more than 3,000 women aged 18-45 said they "often can't be bothered" to have sex.

And just over a quarter say they were "happy with a cuddle".


“Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationshipâ€
Sarah Stone, reddirect.co.uk


The average woman in a long-term relationship is likely to have sex once or twice a week, showed the survey.

But despite the preference for a cuddle, 55% of women said they would like to have more sex.

However 62% said they were often "too worn out from work."

Still, if they have to choose between sex and shopping, more than half would choose sex.

Sarah Stone, editor of reddirect.co.uk told BBC News Online the survey had confirmed what they had heard anecdotally.

"Certainly sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship," she said.


Sarah Stone said: "Despite a seemingly constant TV diet of sex and affairs, this definitive survey shows the average woman in a long term relationship in the UK today wants to protect and nurture her relationship, not throw it away.

"Shows such as Sex and the City depict women jumping in and out of bed with a string of sexy men, but it's simply not true."

Love and affection: 3,000 women were quizzed

She added: "Like men, they might want to sow a few wild oats while they're still young, but by their mid to late 20s they're ready to settle down with a partner for life.

"Ultimately, a loving long-term relationship is a bit like a comfy pair of shoes - most women love the feeling of slipping into them after years of hot high-heeled stilettos."

Half of the women surveyed wanted their men to be more romantic and just under three-quarters of women tried to spice up their relationships with romantic dinners and weekends away.

And seven years into their relationships, a massive 80% still found their partner attractive.

Why couples argue

Unfaithfulness would not be tolerated by the majority of women, with eight out of 10 saying they would dump their partners if they had an affair.

But things are different if its the women's eyes which stray.

Seventeen per cent admit to having an affair, and 60% say it would be best not to confess to infidelity if they wanted to stay in the relationship.

Questioned about the most common causes for rows, women said the top five were money (28%), housework (27%), "the hours he works" (15%), "his snoring" (12%) and "his drinking" (10%).

Julia Cole, couple counsellor and psycho-sexual therapist for Relate, said: "Women aren't saying they don't want sex - they want sex as well.

"But actually what's important to them is that their partner is capable of expressing love and affection in ways other than sex."

She said some couples came to her worried they were not having sex, but added: "I would be much more worried if a couple came to me and said they were cold and unaffectionate to each other."


post #2 of 20
Luckily for me...I get Both!

post #3 of 20

post #4 of 20
I'm trying to decide which one of those dresses I should of squeezed into today while I was weedeating the yard????? Which one would of gone with my "Willie" handkerchief headband???? Oh the decisions...
post #5 of 20

Thanks for an interesting article. And to think I thought it was going to be a post about determining the gender of a pet!
post #6 of 20
That's what I originally thought also. That's what I really need to find out how to do. I know I have 3 kittens, 2 are one thing and the other is something else? Does anyone have a delicate way of telling me exactly what I'm looking at?
post #7 of 20
okay, how's this for delicate......... this is the way I tell.. if the holes are very close together....as in right above each other, no space, no "swelling" they are females!!

If there is a space of maybe an eight of an inch to a quarter, depending on the age of the kittens,and a bit of swelling around the "top" genetals, they are Male!!!!!!!

I hope someone with way more knowledge in this area (no pun intended), can help me out here....
post #8 of 20
You know, I think the women on the show are not like that either, well except for Samantha. The others are looking for a meaningful relationship and they love cuddles and romance.

For too long women have been portrayed as wanting only romance and cuddles, so SATC is a nice refreshing change...
post #9 of 20
Okay. didn't realize this was the sex and the city thread when I posted in answer to a question about telling the difference between the males and females. Sorry.
post #10 of 20
Thread Starter 
Well, actually it's a thread about an article by the BBC regarding sex versus affection — give or take a related subject or two. But, hey, any input is appreciated!

post #11 of 20
Debby, Thanks to your brief and to the point explanation, in terms even I can understand, I have an answer. I have 2 male kittens and 1 female kitten. Thanks!

post #12 of 20
Glad I could help Jeano!!

Okay....since this is a SEX thread....I have a huge question....

My husband and I got into a big fight last night...and I need some input from both males and females here...because if I was making a big deal out of nothing and should apologize, then I want to know...but if I had a right to be offended, then I need to know that too!!

Here's the story.....

There is this absolutely abnoxious show on the comedy channel called the "Man Show".
It is extremely degrading to women, they have these gorgious model type women that dance around on it, barely dressed, and they are called..."The Juggies"
I HATE this show...
My husband LOVES it...
I have to either sit through it every sunday night, or go find something else to do.
The constantly put women down, and act like women have to have perfect bodies to be worth anything...and then they need to keep their mouths shut.
This is my interpretation of the show...so if you guys watch it, and have a different view, I would welcome hearing it.
ANYWAY.... here's what happened last night...
They (the ManShow) had done a survey....and of course they posted it on the bottom of the screen....it said......
"87% of married men, pretend there wives are someone else during sex"
So my hubby says..."boy, that's a high number"
and I said..."well are you one of them?"
no answer.
He could have said...well of course not honey... but I'm not sure if he didn't answer me because he thought it was a stupid question for me to ask, or because he just wanted to irritate me and make me wonder....
So then...One of the hosts of this stupid show says...." Well, I can't fantasize very well, because my wife keeps talking"
So I said to my hubby....Does it bother you when I talk?
And he says....Well ya, you do talk too much, there needs to be more s____ing and less talking.

I was SO mad!!!!!!!!!

So I said...does this mean I am interupting your fantasy?
And then we got into a huge fight....he said he was only joking, and I was acting like a big baby...well...I told him, the next time we make love...I will be wondering who is thinking about.

Okay...I know this is a family site, and maybe I should not have posted this, but since the thread is already here, titled Sex, I don't think kids should be reading it anyway...and I really need some feedback here....should I apologize to him? If he was joking, then I made a big deal out of it....but still....it really made me mad!!!!!

Any comments???????

Anne, I hope it is okay I posted this question....if you would prefer I not, please tell me...I will respect that.

And also....do you men think that is true? That 87% of all men do that???
post #13 of 20
I have seen that show & I too think it's obnoxious. I know that my boyfriend & I could end up getting into some big fights over issues raised in that show (and in my opinion, solely to cause conflict), so I just don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers too. that sounds lame, but I just don't feel like getting involved in conflict.

Usually when it's on I read a book, or flip during the commercials. I don't think you need to apoligize for feeling the way you feel, but if it were me, I would probably say something like 'I'm sorry that we let a stupid show cause an argument between us. let's forget about it' and leave it at that. life is too short. Don't get me wrong, I think your feelings are legitimate, but I don't think that stupid show is worth being in a fight over.
post #14 of 20
I agree with Airprincess, in several areas.

I try to avoid conflict, without compromising my values, beliefs, or feelings.
Her advice on how to smooth things over is good, but I would be sure he understands that you were hurt.

If this had happened to me, I would have been angry, hurt, and probably feel a bit insecure.

You're a beautiful woman, and don't ever think otherwise!

post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 
I'm with Air Princess on this one! You've a dog, right? How about taking your dog for a nice long walk while that program is being televised? (Please don't tell me you need your husband's permission to leave the house.)

I've never seen the program in question, but it sure sounds totally-stupid to me! I believe Air Princess hit the nail on the head in pointing out such programs are designed to cause conflict. Don't fall into the trap they've spent millions of dollars setting!

Bear in mind, however, that one ought not to ask questions for which one is not prepared to hear answers. You asked your husband totally-loaded questions, which isn't a helpful thing to do if "things" are a bit rocky to begin with.

post #16 of 20
Joe...you are SO right...this show is designed to cause problems, and I should not ask my hubby questions that I am not prepared to hear the answer to. I guess ignorance is bliss.....but it still sucks.
post #17 of 20

I gotta jump on the bandwagon here. Don't ask loaded questions. To risk sounding like Dr. Phil, be honest. You asked because you wanted to hear "Oh, no, honey, that's not me. That's all those other men." Sometimes we just don't want to know what's going on in their little heads. I'll share an example story with you, but it will have to be in a PM. It's a little bit too much for this thread.
post #18 of 20
But I DO want to know what is going on his head!!!
Okay....you are right, better not to know.
post #19 of 20
#1: I know you want to know, but the best time is not when he is bonding with all the other males during the Man Show.

#2: I am assuming you got my PM.
post #20 of 20
Deb25, that's not fair! that is like whispering at the table! I want to hear the story

you can pm me
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