I am at wits end here. I am a car person and have been all my life. This is the first cat I have had that acts like this. Let me line up all the details and maybe someone here can help me get on common ground with my Cher.
it is verbose and I understand if you do not read it however I need to make sure all the details are here.
Cher is adopted. She was at the humane society and we noticed she was 5 years old. When we met her in the family room she was very vocal and extremely skittish however when we put her on the table and started petting her she turned into a love bug. I do not know the words to put into a sentence to adequately describe how much Cher LOVES to be petted...she likes it more than fat kids like cake. While we were petting here she was still vocal and very drooly...I found this charming and I begged my wife (I am a 40 year old male and she is...she is beautiful :)) to let us take the cat home so we did. She talked all the way home, which I found charming again. Once home we took the carrier into my den (we had pre-planned this) and opened it with the french doors (full of windows) closed. This closed off the room to give her a secure place. She did not get out of the carrier. 2 hours later I went in there (she was talking again) and coaxed her out with silly kitty talk - I know you know what I mean. Again once she was out and getting love she was completely oblivious to everything else. To best describe her reaction to being pet I would say pet is akin to crack and that is not an embellishment. At the first stroke everything else melts away. Anyway - I digress...so we let her stay in the den for a few days because we have a Shiat-zu (sp?) as well. There is enough space under the door they could smell each other and Cher could hear everything that was going on. Sashi (the dog) was used to cats because our precious Purrcy had been in the house for 18 years and had recently passed on. 3 days after getting Cher we opened the den doors however she did not come out at all. She was beginning to show signs of anxiety as well...skittish whenever I or my wife would enter even though all we did was love her. In order to coax her to explore the house we move the litter box from the main floor to the basement (it had been in the den with her up to this point). It worked. She began to explore however she would hide ALL THE TIME!!!! Sashi was a bit hesitant with her as well and did chase her twice. Cher was much to fast and clever for Sashi so there never was any real encounter save for the initial chase. This was all in February of this year. Cher never adjusted to the house although she ate, drank, and used the litter box regularly. My wife and I would have to coax her out from under something in order to pet her. After a few weeks my wife told me that Cher would come to bed with her at night ( I worked thirds) however Cher was still deathly afraid of me (unless I was somehow able to pet her - even just one stroke). This continued on until May when my wife went to Florida for 10 days to help her mother drive back to MIchigan. While mom/wife was gone Sashi was at the pet hotel in our town secondary to my schedule. After 4 days of my wife's absence Cher began to join me in bed only after much vocal activity. Her confidence improved daily until she was following me into the bedroom when I went to bed. Then my wife came home. Cher loves my wife so I became nothing to her again, and Sashi went to mother in law's house (Mother In Law and my wife share ownership of the dog and Mother in law had been gone for several months.). It was at this time that Cher began peeing in the den. She would run away from me vocalizing all the way whenever she saw me. My wife goes to bed before me and we soon noticed that Cher would go to bed with my wife and crawl under the sheets purring and happy as a clam. The dog also sleeps in bed with us however the dog and cat do not fight. When I go to bed the cat (as long as it has been there with mom for a bit.) is not scared of me at all however she vocalizes that she knows I am there and lets me pet her at will. Anywhere other than that bed with my wife in it and Cher runs away upon approach.
That brings us up to today. Yesterday my wife cleaned up the spot in the den where Cher had been urinating. My wife indicated that area of carpet was drenched and I can tell you there are never pee-clumps in the litter box (only poop). The only way I can pet Cher is if I go to bed with my wife which is not always possible. Once I start petting Cher she turns to butter again even if the dog is in there however if Cher leaves the room for any reason and I follow her she would run away.
I have tried feeding her treats - she will not eat them
Every time I get a chance to pet her she turns to mush however she will run away when she first sees me if she is not in our bed.
The peeing is insane - she only pees in the den now.
I think that is everything...please let me know if you have any ideas...she does no like me unless I am in bed with her and my wife.
catnip from me = no interest
holding by me : only in bed and only if wife is there.
I am a large man however I am not at all violent or abusive.
Every other weekend my sons come over (11 and 12)