Conflicted and need advice

I hope this is an ok place to put this as I couldn't figure out another spot, it was here or the Mother/ kitten forum and a lot of this is... well ranty and I just need some advice.

I'm very conflicted right now. We're trying to find homes for the kittens we took in. My husbands aunt knows a lady who adopts out kittens. They screen the prospective new owners and it seemed like a good idea since this lady has been doing this for a long time. Then she tells us that we have to give her all the kittens and mom then she will give us the mom back when the kittens have been adopted. First off we want to keep two of the kittens, so we say so and it's all or none.

Last night his aunt calls out of the blue and asks about the kittens. She tells us that we don't have the funds to take care of the cats we have much less more. All because she offered to neuter the boys for us via her charity clinic, and that turned into a nightmare. We've been taking care of these cats for over a month now, what right does she have to call us up and start making demands and basically insulting us.

Then she says fine we'll lie and tell her you only have four kittens to adopt out. Well it's not a lie we only have four kittens who need a home. You'd thinks they'd be happy that some of the kittens have a home. Then the truth comes out, they want all the kittens because they charge an adoption fee which goes to animal charities (the charity his aunt runs). They wanted us to pay them to let us adopt the cats we took in. How crazy is that?

Then she wants to know what colors well there's an orange tiger and the rest are black. Well she doesn't know if the lady will take black kittens because their to hard to place. Well it's not like I can change their coats.

I know the charity is low on funds right now, and other than some advice we never asked her to do anything. She assumed we needed help which would have been appreciated, but I was doing fine finding the funds I needed, without her. I'm so angry that she would insinuate that we don't take care of our pets. When in reality they are so pampered it's not funny.

I want the kittens to go to people who will love and care for them. I know this women is better equipped to find homes for the kittens, but after all this I don't want them any where near her. Am I out of line? Should I swallow my pride and let her do her thing? Or should I say no way, and find homes myself?

I'm totally out of my element here, I've never had to do something like this before. What would you do?

PS Sorry for the long ranting post but I'm really mad, and confused and sad. I mean part of me just wants to keep them, as I'm slightly attached and more than likely will cry when they go.

PSS I have to face his aunt Saturday at my MIL wedding and pretend to not want to rip her a new one.

if the kittens are in good health and being looked after properly (and I am sure they are from what you say) then no-one has any right to try and take them from you or bully you into giving them up. But you must take a good long hard look at your circumstances and decide with your head not your heart (and I know well how hard it can be) how many cats you can keep for 16 years or more. Then think about other options for the adoption of those you need to find homes for - a shelter, the ASPCA, Craig's list etc. It is not easy finding good homes when you want to vet the owners etc. And yes, you should make a small charge to cover costs and ideally get them vaccinated yourself before giving them away and charge the new owners for that. It puts a small value on them that helps to ensure their safety. Make them promise (via a contract or returnable deposit) to spay or neuter. And keep in touch if you can for at least a while so you know the kittens are safely growing up. But stand your ground and go by your gut feeling - just put the interests of the cats first and you won't go far wrong.

Thank you Jenny. What you're saying makes sense. We thought really hard about how many pets we could afford and keep long term. It will take some cut backs on frivolous spending, so we can take them to the vet and spay/ neuter them, but we can do it.

I guess I need to take a step back and figure out what's in the kittens best interest. But I'm going to have to cool off first, what she said really bothered me. I can't shake the feeling it's all about the money for them. Not getting them into a good home or making sure they are healthy and loved. It's about the money they'll get. Maybe I'm wrong but that's how I feel.

Once I can talk to his aunt without losing my cool, because she insinuated some things I'm not happy about, I'll figure it out. In the mean time I will focus on getting the kittens to the vet and make sure they are healthy so we can find them homes.

It sounds to me like the aunt isn't running a charity as much as she's running a Dickensian kitten store. That she expects you to pay her for absolutely nothing is a pretty good indicator of her motives. She sounds positively toxic. If this happened to me, I'd cut her off, no contact whatsoever, period. But that's me. It sounds like you're doing a good job without her, awesome!
 

That's how it feels. I hope I'm wrong and I didn't get the whole story. After I cool off, I'll talk to the aunt myself and figure out whats going on. But right now I'm to upset.
 

What about looking for another place that will at least courtesy post your kittens?  Some shelters have boards or what not.  You are keeping the kittens out of their shelter and preventing them from getting sick/needing medicine so they may be able to assist you.  Just inform them it was a stray and not your cat who had the kittens.

Far as adopting them out see if you can review some applications online from local rescues and see what they ask for as your guide to create your own by using some questions.

I would REALLY try to get them fixed pore adoption-at least the girls and send the boys with a neuter clause.
 

Yea, lots of people feel when they "help" out on a situation once, they can hold it over your head forever.  Tell her to mind her own business.  As for the adopt-a-cat lady, that is nuts... Are you sure she is not a hoarder?  I would think, as much trouble as it is to find suitable homes for kitties anyway, that the less number she has, the better?  Anyone who has tried to find homes for kitties and done it the right way will tell you it can be very difficult to find a good and responsible home.  This "all or nothing" statement concerns me and I would steer clear of her.  If she is really that successful, she is not screening right.  She is giving them to anyone or she is keeping them herself.  I would say, "Thanks but we've decided to handle it ourselves." and leave it at that.   I would go to a rescue or a non kill shelter about the rest of them you don't want to keep instead of an individual.  There are a lot of creeps out there. 

From what you've posted, i'd say you have every right to be offended and questioning her intentions. You say that she doesn't know if the lady will take the black kittens because they are harder to place? I've never heard of any decent rescue/shelter turning away a kitten because of its color. That to me is a HUGE red flag, if she's only wanting little orange tabbies or calicos and such sounds to me like she's just trying to make some quick money along with the adoption fee and wanting 'all of them or none'. I would definitely look to other areas to find these babies safe homes and ensure they will be loved and taken care of. I found some very amazing adopters from Craigslist- you just gotta ask the right questions and not be afraid to put your foot down when you feel uneasy about a situation or person. The people on this site helped me SO much with what questions to ask, etc. It is amazing what you are doing for these babies and for her to even talk down to you or act like you are doing an injustice by keeping any when you've cared for them this whole time is absurd.

Please trust your instinct and keep the momma and kittens away from the lady your husband's aunt knows. You can also trust yourself to find homes for the four kittens; just read up on precautions on how to place them because you don't want one of them ending up as snake food or something. (Do the research but trust your instincts again when you meet the people who want to adopt.) You can do it! Good luck!

I'm not sure if I don't get the entire picture here but this is what came to my mind.

In my rescue group, when the kittens are close to making 2lb weight to be fixed, we pull the momma cat so she will dry up and can be spayed.

We only adopt out cats/kittens after they are fixed, dewormed, deflead, vaccinated, microchipped and tested for FIV/FELV.

Perhaps she wants to get them all fixed, and will return the 3 to you and you agree to pay the cost of their spay/neutering.

I get cats fixed at a very low cost, $20 males, $30.00 females. I would imagine she does too id=f she is a non-profit as well.

If the original rescuer or foster wants to keep any, they only need to pay this small amt, nothing more.

Do you think this is what she might mean?

SwampWitch said:

Please trust your instinct and keep the momma and kittens away from the lady your husband's aunt knows. You can also trust yourself to find homes for the four kittens; just read up on precautions on how to place them because you don't want one of them ending up as snake food or something. (Do the research but trust your instincts again when you meet the people who want to adopt.) You can do it! Good luck!

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  Do people really do that? That is freakin' monstrous!

Thank you for all your advice, I apologize for not replying sooner, I've been helping my MIL with her wedding. Due to that and some other craziness we haven't been able to make any decisions but you have given me a lot to think about.

catwoman707 said:

I'm not sure if I don't get the entire picture here but this is what came to my mind.

In my rescue group, when the kittens are close to making 2lb weight to be fixed, we pull the momma cat so she will dry up and can be spayed.

We only adopt out cats/kittens after they are fixed, dewormed, deflead, vaccinated, microchipped and tested for FIV/FELV.

Perhaps she wants to get them all fixed, and will return the 3 to you and you agree to pay the cost of their spay/neutering.

I get cats fixed at a very low cost, $20 males, $30.00 females. I would imagine she does too id=f she is a non-profit as well.

If the original rescuer or foster wants to keep any, they only need to pay this small amt, nothing more.

Do you think this is what she might mean?

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It's possible but if it is she didn't explain it very well, or if she did my husband got it screwed up. Because he said she want an adoption fee but never mentioned getting them fixed or shots (that's all they will do). If this was the case I wouldn't have minded so much. Although her insinuations weren't appreciated. I wasn't able to speak to her at the wedding, which was probably for the best, she ignored me except to criticize my parenting skills.
 

I think since this is coming second hand, the first thing to do is get all of the facts and talk to her directly.

If this is the way it all is, I would dodge her completely. Even if she tells you it isn't that way, etc go with your gut.