I am pretty positive my new roommate has a drinking problem............................

Natalie_ca said:

I agree. He needs to move, otherwise you will find yourself evicted and on the street.

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Absolutely!  That sweet older landlady living right below you can probably hear every single thing that is going on and she won't be willing to tolerate it.  Don't give him another chance or you really will get evicted from your home.  Set a definite time for the roommate to find another place to live and make sure you let your landlady know this person won't be staying much longer.

Lorie D. said:

Absolutely!  That sweet older landlady living right below you can probably hear every single thing that is going on and she won't be willing to tolerate it.  Don't give him another chance or you really will get evicted from your home.  Set a definite time for the roommate to find another place to live and make sure you let your landlady know this person won't be staying much longer.

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  My landlord not only lives below but has cameras in the halls, so every stumbling, embarrassing drunken stupor this guy has is recorded. I haven't told him about the cameras, although they are very obvious, I don't think he has a clue they are there!

   Any way he did it again yesterday......................Yeah, yeah, I know..............believe me I was expecting it but was hoping that this guy would take advantage of this awesome home Maia and I are willing to share with him and shape up. Same thing as before, and kept the drinking up through the day, being loud, slamming doors, sudden outbursts at the computer, playing music so loud again I had to pound on his door and tell him to turn it the F down! Also one of the rules was no smoking which he told me he never does inside and I know he was smoking today in his room, I can totally smell it!

   Had a couple of talks with him this morning and ofcourse he had apologies up the rear, once again girlfriend problems and work stress. I told him straight up....... I get the stress issues, but know that I can't except this behavior, we work as roommates when hes sober but I can't take another disruptive drunken stupor from him. He knows he is so wrong after the fact, but that doesn't help anyone involved at that point! He has a lot of anxiety issues, but I know that these drinking binges and cigarette smoking are fuel to the fire. I tried to really tell him whats up, gave him some advice, he thanked me over and over for being so forgiving. Now its really up to him, I laid down the final word, I will not tolerate it again............

I think you've been very good about it all and I wish if I was in the same position as you I would be so understanding but hopefully he may think it through. I feel sorry for you both, but I hope he can resolve the problem soon.

Good luck

xxx

Siberian Kitty said:

I think you've been very good about it all and I wish if I was in the same position as you I would be so understanding but hopefully he may think it through. I feel sorry for you both, but I hope he can resolve the problem soon.

Good luck

xxx

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 Thank you I really have been trying to give him a chance, let him know what he will loose if he doesn't get his **** together......

He's very lucky because I don't think many people would be as good natured as you about it. You should be proud

All the best

xxx

cheylink said:

  My landlord not only lives below but has cameras in the halls, so every stumbling, embarrassing drunken stupor this guy has is recorded. I haven't told him about the cameras, although they are very obvious, I don't think he has a clue they are there!

   Any way he did it again yesterday......................Yeah, yeah, I know..............believe me I was expecting it but was hoping that this guy would take advantage of this awesome home Maia and I are willing to share with him and shape up. Same thing as before, and kept the drinking up through the day, being loud, slamming doors, sudden outbursts at the computer, playing music so loud again I had to pound on his door and tell him to turn it the F down! Also one of the rules was no smoking which he told me he never does inside and I know he was smoking today in his room, I can totally smell it!

   Had a couple of talks with him this morning and ofcourse he had apologies up the rear, once again girlfriend problems and work stress. I told him straight up....... I get the stress issues, but know that I can't except this behavior, we work as roommates when hes sober but I can't take another disruptive drunken stupor from him. He knows he is so wrong after the fact, but that doesn't help anyone involved at that point! He has a lot of anxiety issues, but I know that these drinking binges and cigarette smoking are fuel to the fire. I tried to really tell him whats up, gave him some advice, he thanked me over and over for being so forgiving. Now its really up to him, I laid down the final word, I will not tolerate it again............

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Sorry to say, but yes you will because you've already given him more and more chances and he's still there even after all of his "slip ups".  You are totally falling into his pity part and becoming part of his addiction.

Natalie_ca said:

Sorry to say, but yes you will because you've already given him more and more chances and he's still there even after all of his "slip ups".  You are totally falling into his pity part and becoming part of his addiction.

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   Believe me, if I could have pointed at the door and said get out of my apartment permanently the first time, I would have, but at this point all I can do is send him to his room. You can't just throw someone out once they have moved in. Not only do I have to respect his legal rights, but I am worried about any retaliation after I tell him he has to move out. I have to give him 30 day notice to move and since things have only been getting worse throughout the first month he has lived here, I am fearful how he will react and possibly retaliate, who knows what he will do when hes drunk and just doesn't care anymore.

    At this point I am looking for another roommate, although I haven't told him this. I do not expect him to suddenly get his **** together, and I am not going to let him take advantage of me any more. Tonight I had to mop up some drippy trail from his bedroom through the building hallway, down the stairs and out the front door, which only makes me more concerned about what is going on in his room. I do know for sure he has been smoking in his room since not only have I been smelling it all week but I told him such and since then I have seen him smoking out front of the building several times.................mind it was only yesterday morning I told him. This was one of the restrictions he agreed to moving in, no smoking. Before moving in he told me he never smokes at home, only occasional socially,  he rarely drinks........So obviously I have been played like a cheap violin

   I have been so stressed about this situation, everyone says get rid of him, and believe me if I could have already, I would have! I worked 35 hours in 3 days with 7 hours of sleep because of his crap! I am nervous to leave my apartment, nervous when I come home, nervous when I sleep and constantly thinking when is the next confrontation. I hate living like this and have already told him this much!

    So if anything I am asking anyone if they have any suggestions how to approach him about moving out and avoiding any confrontation or how to legally protect myself in the process.

       YES, I am this concerned because if this little can happen in such a short period of time, who knows what could happen after 30 days notice.......

Did he sign a lease agreement with you? If not, you have nothing to worry about. If he did sign a lease, does your lease with the original landlord allow sub-leasing? If not, you are in violation of YOUR lease agreement and subject to eviction. So, the only legal issues you should be concerned with are your own.

Also, he's an alcoholic and a very non-functioning alcoholic it would seem. I highly doubt he would have the wherewithal to actually follow-through on any type of lawsuit.

All that said, you most certainly can tell him to pack his stuff and go. There is no reason you can't. And making excuses about how you can't just do that is an excuse. You will be taken advantage of until you stand up for yourself and tell him no.

If it were me, I'd have a friend come by after work one night, walk in the door and ask him to come out of his room and tell him he has to go. You can tell him his drinking and smoking are unacceptable and that you won't tolerate it in your home any longer. I would then tell him he has through the weekend to leave or the next time he came home, his stuff would be packed for him, sitting outside and the locks changed. No discussion, no whining, no nothing.

Take back control of your life and home.

RAFM said:

Did he sign a lease agreement with you? If not, you have nothing to worry about.

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As per her original post he is not on the lease.

"I am on the lease by myself and am responsible for his actions..."

Simply approach him and tell him things are not working out and that he has to find a new place to live. Give him 1 week's notice.  By having him living with you in that apartment you have violated the lease agreement you had with your landlady which was you renting the apartment, not you+1.   You have no legal obligation to give him any notice.  It's generous to give 1 week.

Natalie_ca said:

As per her original post he is not on the lease.

"I am on the lease by myself and am responsible for his actions..."

Simply approach him and tell him things are not working out and that he has to find a new place to live. Give him 1 week's notice.  By having him living with you in that apartment you have violated the lease agreement you had with your landlady which was you renting the apartment, not you+1.   You have no legal obligation to give him any notice.  It's generous to give 1 week.

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  Actually the lease is me +1 person, legally 2 people can live here, but only 2 and that was by my wishes so that once I did find a roommate they couldn't have someone else move in with them. My landlord preferred my name only on the lease because she knows I am a responsible person and will only except checks from me as well. Also I wrote up a contract between the 2 of us to protect I thought me more then him that it was a one person occupancy room and 30 day notice has to be given for move. That way if he duct out he would still be responsible for one month rent.....

    He was drunk again yesterday, smoking in his room, I had to leave my room because I was not only getting a headache from the cigarette smoke but he was getting loud on the phone. I got dressed and went to run a couple errands, by the time I came back his computer was really loud, some movie, and he was yelling on the phone. I knocked on his door, as soon as he opened it was completely obvious, even though I already knew. I said to him "Your wasted again. I can't take this anymore, you have to move, please turn it down."  Then I went to my room and called my friend almost in tears, Andy came into the living room and was trying to talk to me, I told him to go away, he has to move, he has 30 days.

     So then today I was ofcourse planning on talking to him when hes sober, which is more like hung over and that seems to be the best I can get lately. He was again sorry, sorry, sorry, 'I'm such an idiot. I should have never started drinking again'  I told him while sorry is a nice word, at this point it doesn't mean anything other then I can't trust him. I told him he has 30 days to move but it might be better for him to find a place before the 1st since more places will be available. He cried, went into excuse mode, even tried to say at one point that it's the apartment, so then I told him then this is a good thing, he needs to find a place to live that suits him. He left then came back 30 minutes later saying he is going to go to AA tomorrow, hes just embarrassed and nervous. I told him that he needs to take that first step and then he will feel so much better. Then he begged me to give him a grace period, if he is going to AA and cleans up if he could stay ............R you freaking kidding me?! We had the same conversation 4 days ago! SO ofcourse I said NO!

You did your best.

AW hun You are handling this very well. Of course, he is sorry and has regrets... all substance abuse people do when they come out of their "high". He needs to get into rehab/AA or therapy and get himself help. You are helping him more than you know right now by not enabling him any longer. Don't break down - stay strong no matter how sorry you might feel for him. Think of yourself and Maia's well being first and foremost.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. People have given you excellent advice.  Please make sure you are protecting yourself and your baby. 

I had a room-mate that had issues with alcohol years ago.  I moved out because this was a friend of my boyfriend's at the time and he could be scary when he was drunk.

I ran into this person a few years ago when my hubby and I were out for karaoke.  My hubby knew him through mutual friends from going out.  My friend approached us and apologized for his actions when we were room-mates.  He had actually become homeless for a while at one point and that was when he decided he had a problem and needed to make changes in his life. This whole situation happened well over 10 years ago but he felt horrible about how treated me and wanted to acknowledge that he was wrong.  Both my hubby and I are friends with this person.  He has invited us to his wedding.  The night we ran into him he was auditioning for a job with someone we know.  I could tell that his whole attitude had changed since the last time I saw him.  We gave him a good reference for this job with the company he was wanting to work for.  We also tried to help the company get the gig at that bar because we knew the owners.  They decided to have karaoke on a night that this company was not available.  They had other shows that night and no more spare equipment to take on anything else.

The point here is that your room-mate is not going to change unless he wants to.  You can not make someone change their behavior if they do not think they have a problem.   My friend is in a great relationship right now and is engaged.  His fiance has a child and he has become a great role model for this kid.

  Thanks everyone for the support. I have had such a string of bad luck with finding a roommate to live with this past year, this makes it so much harder to trust anyone. I wish Maia could be my only roommate again, but she has been unemployed for 6 years now . I need help with the rent and bills, cute, soft, and cuddly just doesn't 'bring home the bacon' .

Find a nice quiet university student. Female, non-smoker. Make it clear from the onset that it is a "board and room" situation, and that there are no male overnight guests, or parties allowed.

Natalie_ca said:

Find a nice quiet university student. Female, non-smoker. Make it clear from the onset that it is a "board and room" situation, and that there are no male overnight guests, or parties allowed.

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  Ideally a grad student; they have no time for anything except sleep and study.

Too bad we aren't a bit closer, or I'd offer a chance to be your roommate! It's hard living on your own and save at the same time!

I am just now seeing this thread. Good luck to you, & good for you for kicking him out. It looks like he was just full of excuses!

"Stick to your guns girlfriend!"  I wouldn't have given him 30 days, I would have given him a week, or two, but that's it!! 

He needs to grow up, & get it together, & not at your, & your babies expense! 

I will send up a prayer, that you will find the right fit for a roommate.   

  As I have mentioned before, I had to legally give him 30 day notice to move............. Yesterday I spoke with my landlord, she basically confirmed my concerns. Tonight I am nervous because he has been gone since early this afternoon, and I don't know what I may have to deal with when he comes home. I literally wake at any sound concerned I may have to deal with a drunk A** at any moment.

I'd call cops if to bad if you fear safety.  And glad landlord knows and can keep eye on things.  Does landlord have your work or cell number?