I am pretty positive my new roommate has a drinking problem............................

cheylink

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   This sucks! I thought he would be a good fit in our new home, but 2 times in one week, the first week
he moved in!!! He came home wasted, sloppy drunk both times calling me from the living room, first time 5 am on a Thursday and 5 hours later still wasted with this story of breaking up with his girlfriend so he got drunk. I gave him the benefit if the doubt, cooked breakfast the next morning for us, tried to be a friend. Then Sunday morning, 8 am comes home stumbling wasted again! Calling me from the living room waking me up! Then goes in his room playing music really loud to the point where I had to pound on his door and tell him to turn it down! Then he continues to call people, like his mother, and piss them off to the point of yelling on the phone, then yelling at the computer while watching a movie so loud he was competing with it! I was so mad I had to leave, and when I came back an hour later I found him calling my name again but in the building hall....I told him that I was pissed, that this was the second time he was wasted in 4 days in the morning, that if this is how he is this won't work. I literally had to get loud with him and tell him to go sleep it off, and we would talk when he was sober. He also has left the main door not only unlocked but ajar a few times......and Maia being the most important thing in my life, really freaks me out!

   So hes been out since Friday afternoon and came home a couple hours ago, I heard what sounded like someone fall in the hall, then lots of stumbling with his door. He is avoiding me because he doesn't want to be confronted again, but I am embarrassed and humiliated! There are cameras in the halls that I am pretty sure he doesn't know about. I love my new home, my landlord lives below us and is the sweetest older lady. I am on the lease by myself and am responsible for his actions......It hasn't even been 2 weeks.........

    Also the reason why I chose him was because he is in his 30's, part owner of a company, even though works from home as a graphics artist ( I'm also an artist) he seemed responsible, and presented all proper documents the third time we met . Thought I was avoiding the college student, immature bull.

    What would you do? Or better how would you approach this because I already know what I need to do..............
 

stephanietx

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He needs to go, especially since he's not on the lease.  If need be, call the police to be there when you ask him to move out.
 
 

rockcat

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He's evidently inconsiderate. Leaving the door ajar, drunk or not, is unacceptable! Something you don't need in your life. Like you said, you know what to do, just how? Tell him he has to move ASAP. Set a short time limit (a few days?) and notify your landlady that you have done so. In the meantime, perhaps Maia should stay in your room.
 
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cheylink

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  So he was quiet, slept most of last night and today thank god! I went to hang with some friends,  had some awesome homemade Shepherds pie
, the real deal, friend is Irish............... Any way, when I came home I found Andy chilling in the living room watching TV, he told me him and his girlfriend broke up yesterday for real this time. Hes depressed and has a lot of work this week, didn't want to talk about it which is honestly fine with me because I have been celibate for 5 years for this very reason! Who needs the hassle of relationships and heartbreak!

   So Now I feel bad again for him, how can I throw him out after that? I am a big baseball fan, he has 3 strikes but I think I am going to give him one more chance.......
 

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Give him at LEAST 2 more chances and tell him this, it's not acceptable to be walkin in drunk leaving the door ajar, even when he isn't drunk. You have a cat and she could run loose. You have responsibilities. And its only the first week. It will get worse... Believe me it will get worse
 

calico2222

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To play the devil's advocate here, it could be that he really is upset about the breakup and is "drowning his sorrows".  Not an excuse, but a reason. Yes, it's stupid and immature but we have all done stupid and immature things. It's only been 2 weeks. Do you know any of his friends that could tell you if the drinking is an every night thing or if maybe this is just a stage that he will "grow out of" once his heart mends? Do you know what I mean? It could be that he is really upset and is just handling it badly.

BUT, I would tell him he CAN NOT leave the door unlocked or ajar. Not only is he putting Maia at risk, who I know is your first concern, but he's putting YOU at risk! Definitely talk to him about that.
 

stephanietx

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If you give him another chance, be sure that you have given him a warning.  Tell him this behavior is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it any longer, no matter what the situation.  Getting drunk is not how to handle a breakup, especially if it endangers you or your kitty.  Then tell him that if he comes home sloppy drunk like that again, you'll call the cops and evict him.
 
 
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cheylink

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Give him at LEAST 2 more chances and tell him this, it's not acceptable to be walkin in drunk leaving the door ajar, even when he isn't drunk. You have a cat and she could run loose. You have responsibilities. And its only the first week. It will get worse... Believe me it will get worse
  I know, I already told him this........ The second drunkin time I scolded him, and I have told him several times about making sure the door is closed.........

Probably will end up giving him a couple more chances, but if there is another major belligerent drunk confrontation, thats it!
 

clairebear

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I would give him one more chance. He could just be heartbroken by his recent breakup. It's not right but sometimes situations like that make people behave irrationally. However if his behavior doesn't improve drastically soon I would tell him he needs to go.
 

rafm

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One more or ten more chances won't change his behavior. I will preface this by saying my father was an alcoholic so I may be a bit jaded but there is a pattern developing here and it's one I would not want to be a part of. If, at the age of 30, he has no better coping mechanism for dealing with the loss of a girlfriend, he has big issues. And I would never jeopardize my living situation over someone else's inability to manage their life better.
 
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cheylink

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One more or ten more chances won't change his behavior. I will preface this by saying my father was an alcoholic so I may be a bit jaded but there is a pattern developing here and it's one I would not want to be a part of. If, at the age of 30, he has no better coping mechanism for dealing with the loss of a girlfriend, he has big issues. And I would never jeopardize my living situation over someone else's inability to manage their life better.
   This is exactly where I am coming from, I to have had experience with family and a friend from high school who was my roommate for years till he had an obvious alcohol problem. He was my best friend for 15 years and it became unbearable to live with him, leaving the door to apartment unlocked, trying to open the door to my bedroom in the middle of the night sideways thinking it was a window, bringing people home he didn't even know there names the next day, moving furniture around! Family I don't even want to go there.......I am also sensitive to this, I don't have patience, time, or simply in it in me to deal with this all over again.

    SO one more incident and hes out. I hope he doesn't make a scene again, because this is not something I will tolerate any more.  
 

Winchester

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Maia comes first....no ifs, ands, buts or maybes....that girl comes first. If you're trying to give your roommate another chance, that's fine. But keep a close eye on Maia to make sure she doesn't accidently get out. Good luck!
 

feralvr

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Hun, no matter how many chances you give him, he will not change if he is an alcoholic. There will just be another reason, another excuse, another bad day, etc. etc. to go out and get drunk. Don't allow this person to bring you down with him. AND risk Maia slipping out. Not sure it is worth all of that just to have someone helping with the bills. :think: Good luck, hun!!!!! :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 

natalie_ca

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Hun, no matter how many chances you give him, he will not change if he is an alcoholic. There will just be another reason, another excuse, another bad day, etc. etc. to go out and get drunk. Don't allow this person to bring you down with him. AND risk Maia slipping out. Not sure it is worth all of that just to have someone helping with the bills.
Good luck, hun!!!!!
I agree with this 100%.  My step-father was an alcoholic. I have no patience for drunks and this guy would be out on his ear faster than you can say "Get out! NOW!"

His drinking is not your problem. Neither are his problems your problems.  You need a roommate that is responsible and an alcoholic is not responsible.

Don't get stuck in the rut of feeling badly for him.  He needs to hit rock bottom before he admits to having a problem and only then will he seek help for his addiction.  Many lose their families, homes, jobs and end up homeless before they admit to having a problem with alcohol.   Don't let him drag you into his alcoholism.
 
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