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Why Women are so Angry

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Subject: Fwd: Why Women are so Angry
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

\tWe start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.
\t Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner).
Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies,have to wear little mattresses between our legs or inserttubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
\tThen it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry
crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee in our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the shopping, and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in
pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the obstetrician says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or10) good push(es)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the @%$&*# doctor (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.
\tAfter that, it's time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
\tThe teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's,while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
\tNow we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT (hormones) and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or constantly sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily, and bite the head off anything that moves.
\tNow, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
Women are the "weaker sex." ? Yeah, right. Bite me!

Any Comebacks from the men???? lol
post #2 of 18
Can't wait to see what Kev has to say to this!
post #3 of 18
LOL!

Alex won't appreciate that, though, after reading that, I'm definitely not having kids!!!! I was already scared about it, the giving birth part. But peeing when you sneeze? Yeah, right! I'm adopting.
post #4 of 18
LOL! That is so true. There isn't much comeback though, is there?
post #5 of 18
Its a wonder that any of us have more than one kid. If men could have babies, the world would be full of one-child families, that's for sure!
post #6 of 18
but...i'm sure men have their share of issues too...
post #7 of 18
That was great! So very true!

Cindy, I'm with ya on Kev...can't wait to read his reply!
post #8 of 18
uh huh... I hear ya sista!
post #9 of 18
Okay - I have finally read the comments and given that two of you invited me to respond, then hear goes.
Its not all that brilliant for men you know???

First, our whole lives start when we are in the womb and life is strange. First you women leave us in there for months on a time and the first time you think you feel us kicking, you call it wind!
Then when in there we are totally perplexed by the fact that you women are all interested in spicy food - we hate that stuff at that time of life - come on girls - we want nice things - so we kick you a bit more and then jump up and down on your bladder.
When all is quiet again, we want to play, you want to sleep - so we play the game of kicking anything we can when you are asleep- normally, once again - your bladder.
Then comes the strange day, we discover fingers - toes etc. We have 21 of these. 5 on each hand, 5 toes on each foot and this extra one somewhere else. Thats wierd.
Then you force us out of an opening the size of a ping pong ball when we are at least the size of a football. As that is classed as cruelty to us, we men are gonna hurt you. Then we arrive, you wrap us up and move us about - you have the nerve to tie a knot in the chord, then cut it (we are told that if you cut if before tying a knot - we squirt away like a ballon being deflated).. However, all is not lost and at the end of this bad day - we are given two huge melons to feed on. Brilliant - there is a light.
For the next few years, until nursery, we are walked up and down and then introduced to the opposite sex. we are all mummies little soldiers and then school arrives!
As school goes on, we find football more interesting than girls and playing games as "army" etc.
Then we get older and these "girls" start budding out, things start to grow and we are VERY interested. However, things are also stirring and starting to grow "get down boy" you shout to no one but our little friend.
These girls get cranky, we get horny and then get grabbed screaming and kicking into a sex education class. Here we are stunned to have to watch all this child birth thing - we experienced it already - why again - we asked.
We walk out of there and have a silent laugh at all the girls. They remind us what we have by swiftly aiming a right foot to the nether regions~!
We then goto bed on a night and pray that our friend stays down all night, however, there are times when it leaks and we pray we are asleep and dont have the electric blanket on otherwise risk getting electrocuted.
We leave school and things go from there - we spend the next few years trying to entertain as many of these young females as possible. We entice them and then for what we decide - have another beer and call it a day...
we like cars etc and stick with them and suddenly, we meet the one of our dream, shes stunning and our little friend reminds us of his prescence again!!!
All those years hell raisingnow stop and we find ourselves sending text messages like "hello lovvybumps" etc.
Then its the day - we pop the question. The nerves are on fire. Your butt is playing 50p , 20p, 50p, 20p.
She says yes - get drunk - have another party... hello little friend again.
Marriage. we are getting preconditioned to a life of marriage. .. and the minister says "do you" and she replies "he does".
The thumb is on the head already and staying there.
Then its nesting time - the home becomes a nest, the wallett becomes moth balled and the credit card gets used huge style. Suddenly we have enough airmiles for the moon and back...
Then, quelle horreur - those immortal words - I'm pregnant... look down at little friend and act stunned.
The next few months are hell - shes growing and her mood swings like a pendulumn. Suddenly the boobie fairy arrives and all is good again.
Junior arrives and you experience pain like nothing else - she grabs your bottom lip and pulls it over your head - its a girl - thank god.
As you get older, you do the parenty things, school etc and you try to squeeze it all in before 50 and she gets menopausal.
Then its downhill to retirement. From the sports car that you had as a kid, then it was the familly thing, now its the motor home
and familly hols. Suddenly, daughter announces wedding - you are going 65 and stuggl;ing to think about pension.
Then you are 70, daughter has a baby, trim eyebrows daily, cut nose hair with seceteurs, little friend looks at feet more and more as no use for him any longer.
80 - we just hope we can reach the toilet quickly
90 - wife still nagging - decide to end it all - sell car, give up... and then daughters, daughter has a son.
Silently, we laugh knowing what he has to come..... and you women think you have it bad???

Touche

kev
That took me ages to write - be kind!!!!!
post #10 of 18
LMAO ! Love the response kev !
post #11 of 18
Thread Starter 
That was great Kev! Much longer than mine, but I just copied and pasted mine!

We then go to bed on a night and pray that our friend stays down all night, however, there are times when it leaks and we pray we are asleep and dont have the electric blanket on otherwise risk getting electrocuted.

That was hilarious!!!! I just about peed my pants from laughing so hard!

Anyone with anything else to add to the girls side/boys side???
post #12 of 18
Ohh.. and did I forget that daily thing of agony - shaving - cutting away all of the previous day off ones face - applying aftershave ... count that as an extra.
Wierd how that came to me at 3am in the night!
Kev
post #13 of 18
Thread Starter 
All I can say to that is:

Waxing!!!!
Shaving
Depilatories
Razor burn that lasts days???

Bikini Lines/Areas???? I think we have it way worse than you guys in that area!

Although in the winter time, it's not as bad, but summer...everyday??? Awful awful awful!!! lol

And working out to make sure that guys think we look good? Granted though that can both ways....but a lot more girls are not born "skinny" so it takes work!

And have you tried keeping house, raising kids and doing generally 3 million things a day to keep it all together? lol

Just a few points....
post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally posted by 22angel
All I can say to that is:

Waxing!!!!
Shaving
Depilatories
Razor burn that lasts days???

Bikini Lines/Areas???? I think we have it way worse than you guys in that area!

Although in the winter time, it's not as bad, but summer...everyday??? Awful awful awful!!! lol

And working out to make sure that guys think we look good? Granted though that can both ways....but a lot more girls are not born "skinny" so it takes work!

And have you tried keeping house, raising kids and doing generally 3 million things a day to keep it all together? lol

Just a few points....
Concede!!!! white flag of truce - both are equal???

Best wishes

Kev
post #15 of 18
LOL! Funny Thread!
post #16 of 18
Thread Starter 
Sure Kev....

It's getting harder and harder to think of things! lol

We are equal...just different which is a good thing!

Anyways it's been kind of funny and fun to think of things that say guys have it worse than girls/girls have it worse than guys! We have that debate all the time at work, but only when we have guys working, and they have to be amicable about it....some you just don't even want to talk to never mind joke around with! lol

Thanks for the laughs!
post #17 of 18
Quote:
Originally posted by 22angel
Sure Kev....


We are equal...just different which is a good thing!

I can say I am different on one point - I have to take my wife to the bathroom every trime I need to spend a penny... reason for this is that the doctor says I am not to lift anything heavy!!!!

Thanks for the laughs!
Agreed - its been a corker of a thread

Kev
post #18 of 18
I was dying laughing so hard in my office! Good thing 90% of people in my working area are deaf so they wouldn't hear me laughing like a crazy lady all alone in her office!

I've forwarded both your remarks to my family, friends and co workers and now am awaiting their responses!!

22angel & Kev- u guys are so creative with what u've said!
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