I thought Id share a little bit my story as it may help someone.
My mother was always a animal lover of all kinds, but her soft spot were for cats. We only had three cats up until I was twelve when someone dropped a very pregnant mommy cat off at our door, my mother could not turn her away and soon after we had kittens. My mother had been very good at getting everyone fixed up until then as she fell onto hard times.
They continued to breed until we had somewhere around 20 cats all inside...somewhere along the way mommy cat contracted the Feline Leukemia Virus and they passed it among each other..some were born with it like my angel Gizmo.
It had gotten out of control, no one wanted a sick cat, no kill shelters wouldn't take them. So my mother cared for them the best she could as surly a short life must be better then being put down and slowly they would get sick and die. Some died as kittens, some got sick one day and the next they would be dead. The worst was when one suffered it broke our hearts. out of the 20 only three are alive today. The hardest was when my baby Gizmo developed tumors on his legs and would pass out on the floor..I had to have him put down at 7yrs.
This experience was one of the worst things of my life and my heart goes out to anyone who has or is experiencing anything like this.
It has made me OCD about my current cats health to the point some might think I'm crazy.. over protective and unable to handle the death of a beloved animal. I feel guilty, like I could of done something more.
My mother and I cry about all the cats we have lost from time to time.
I fear that my love for cats could turn into a nightmare like before because I feel like I need to help/save them all..I know it isn't possible.
My mother was always a animal lover of all kinds, but her soft spot were for cats. We only had three cats up until I was twelve when someone dropped a very pregnant mommy cat off at our door, my mother could not turn her away and soon after we had kittens. My mother had been very good at getting everyone fixed up until then as she fell onto hard times.
They continued to breed until we had somewhere around 20 cats all inside...somewhere along the way mommy cat contracted the Feline Leukemia Virus and they passed it among each other..some were born with it like my angel Gizmo.
It had gotten out of control, no one wanted a sick cat, no kill shelters wouldn't take them. So my mother cared for them the best she could as surly a short life must be better then being put down and slowly they would get sick and die. Some died as kittens, some got sick one day and the next they would be dead. The worst was when one suffered it broke our hearts. out of the 20 only three are alive today. The hardest was when my baby Gizmo developed tumors on his legs and would pass out on the floor..I had to have him put down at 7yrs.
This experience was one of the worst things of my life and my heart goes out to anyone who has or is experiencing anything like this.
It has made me OCD about my current cats health to the point some might think I'm crazy.. over protective and unable to handle the death of a beloved animal. I feel guilty, like I could of done something more.
My mother and I cry about all the cats we have lost from time to time.
I fear that my love for cats could turn into a nightmare like before because I feel like I need to help/save them all..I know it isn't possible.
, I totally understand your fears from that past experience with all of those cats. Try to look at it differently. Those cats would not have had a chance at ANY kind of life if not for you and your mother. And the mother cat catching FeLK was not your or your mother's fault. YOu did the best you could to keep them all going and gave them the best possible life. I am sorry you have so many emotional scars from that period of your life. Don't beat yourself up for loving, rescuing and trying to do the right thing. You did the right thing. 
