Becoming a foster failure

Well, guys, after nearly six years of fostering many adorable cats and kittens, there's a chance I'm going to become a foster failure - sort of. Bet some of you can guess who it might be, too - Louie, the big, black, sweet, goofy FIV+ guy who came inside in late Dec. after several years as scared neighborhood stray. Louie spent his first month inside at the rescue where I volunteer and did well - loved all the volunteers and became a big fan of belly rubs. He was with me up until a month ago, when he went to stay with the director of our spay/neuter clinic, so I could take a couple of feral kittens to socialize. - sort of my speciality. 

Unfortunately, Louie hasn't done well at his other foster home. In spite of his foster's vast cat experience, patience and love, he spends most of his time hiding and doesn't seem interested in contact with her. At my house, he was one of the gang, had become good buddies with my guy, Pete, and my girls had accepted him without too much grumpiness. He was still a little jumpy with me at times, but was otherwise very relaxed and affectionate. Maybe he knew it's where he belongs? 

I've been very tempted over the years to keep a few of my fosters, but always stuck to my limit of four permanent cats for space and financial reasons and so I can continue to foster. I'm just about ready to give in with Louie, but am not quite there yet. Living on a nun budget, I'm still not in the position to responsibly for a fifth cat, but the rescue has offered to help with any vet care Louie may need, so he would remain with me as a permanent foster. That leaves the space concerns. As many of you know, I've a got apartment - the size of small house - with a spare bedroom I used to foster. If Louie becomes a permanent foster, though, I'll need that space for him and my own crew (extra litter box, etc...) and will likely no longer be to other cats/kittens in need. That's what's really making the decision so hard, especially just as kitten season is getting into full swing. There's such a need for foster homes and so few people willing to foster. 

Any thoughts, suggestions, vibes that I can make the best decision for Louie, etc...would be appreciated. Like I said, there's been a few cases I've almost given in and become a foster failure, but never like this. Then there's the fact that I've always wanted a big, sweet, goofy, black male cat and Louie is named for my dad (Louis, who died May 12, 2010). Wish I could just give in, but still not convinced it's the right decision. 

Right!  Sounds like it was meant to be

I'm sorry Eileen....  I've just always felt this guy was for you....

I tend to agree.  Louie was meant to be with you. He obviously trusts you and loved your home and your fur kids. If Louie has a chance for a good life with you, I vote that you permanently foster Louie, even if it means you can't take in other fosters while he is with you.

Louie is meant to be with you

I hear you on not being able to foster.

I do have one foster, who I don't expect to get adopted, but she lives w/ my other cats (Sheaba is a 13 y/o kitty). So I don't have a separate room devoted to her.

Even though I have a house, I don't have an extra room/spare room where I can foster kitties. My second bedroom houses my cat boxes & surplus clothing :lol3:

I've spent a lot of time thinking about where I could put foster kitties, how I could alter my house arrangement, and I haven't been able to come up with a solution.

Thanks, guys. I'm grateful for your feedback and support.
 

As much as I want to believe that it's "meant to be" for Louie to remain with me, I'm still struggling with this. Loving him and wanting him to be part of the family isn't enough. Having been actively involved in rescue, TNR and fostering for a number of years and seeing how great the need is, I'm just not sure I can justify keeping Louie and giving up the capacity to help others, especially just as kitten season is getting underway. Still trying to figuring out a way I may be able to continue to foster a kitten here and there.

I'm not very familiar with your situation or the story, but just from reading this thread, it seems as if he was destined to be with you. He hasn't been happy any where else, and you've always wanted a cat like him... and he's named after your father. I understand how you feel about wanting to help all of the other kitties too, but could you REALLY be happy with fostering them knowing that Louie is out there somewhere pining to be with you? What would be more rewarding? Helping those other kitties for a short time, or giving Louie a lifetime of happiness? Only you have the answer. 

Natalie_ca said:

I tend to agree.  Louie was meant to be with you. He obviously trusts you and loved your home and your fur kids. If Louie has a chance for a good life with you, I vote that you permanently foster Louie, even if it means you can't take in other fosters while he is with you.

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I agree. Sometimes things are simply meant to be and that's the way it is. I hope you can figure it all out.

So, what happens to him if you don't take him in permanently?

As much as I hate it, we have had to give up fostering for a bit too. One of our feral litters left us with an unadoptable girl and one of our fosters has a behavior problem where he attacks kitties, viciously, if they weren't in the home before him and recently lost two older kitties we had taken in. The last two older kitties became very expensive at the end and required so much work and literally tore our hearts out when we had to let them go to the bridge. We are just fatigued right now. Our oldest kitty is now 14 and we have a 12 yo labx. We know, especially with the labx, that it is only a matter of time before his expenses start increasing.

All that to say, love will only get the kitty so far, there will come a time when someone needs vet care or maintenance care or something and will having a 5th kitty prevent you from doing everything you need to for the kitties currently in your home. If the rescue group will indeed be there to cover his medical expenses then I would be more open to it, but does that mean they get to decide on the medical treatment or will you be out of pocket if they don't agree with the course of treatment?

It is so easy to say "it's just one kitty, do it" but there is a reality behind that decision. There will always be sweet wonderful kitties needing homes, is this the right time, financially and emotionally, for you to add another kitty to your home permanently? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no, there is no shame in that. You do wonderful work and enjoy the rescue work immensely, you are not letting anyone down. If the answer is that you can do it, with the help of the rescue, then take him back and welcome him into your home with all the love you have, committed to a 5 cat household and a break from fostering.

It sound like Louie picked you to be his mom. You two were meant to be together.

This is a TOUGH situation to be in hun, one I have struggled with many times myself. Hopefully you'll be able to keep Louie and still foster here and there so you can have the best of both worlds, but whatever you decide, know you're supported 100%.

RAFM said:

So, what happens to him if you don't take him in permanently?
As much as I hate it, we have had to give up fostering for a bit too. One of our feral litters left us with an unadoptable girl and one of our fosters has a behavior problem where he attacks kitties, viciously, if they weren't in the home before him and recently lost two older kitties we had taken in. The last two older kitties became very expensive at the end and required so much work and literally tore our hearts out when we had to let them go to the bridge. We are just fatigued right now. Our oldest kitty is now 14 and we have a 12 yo labx. We know, especially with the labx, that it is only a matter of time before his expenses start increasing.
All that to say, love will only get the kitty so far, there will come a time when someone needs vet care or maintenance care or something and will having a 5th kitty prevent you from doing everything you need to for the kitties currently in your home. If the rescue group will indeed be there to cover his medical expenses then I would be more open to it, but does that mean they get to decide on the medical treatment or will you be out of pocket if they don't agree with the course of treatment?
It is so easy to say "it's just one kitty, do it" but there is a reality behind that decision. There will always be sweet wonderful kitties needing homes, is this the right time, financially and emotionally, for you to add another kitty to your home permanently? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no, there is no shame in that. You do wonderful work and enjoy the rescue work immensely, you are not letting anyone down. If the answer is that you can do it, with the help of the rescue, then take him back and welcome him into your home with all the love you have, committed to a 5 cat household and a break from fostering.

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There are other options if I don't take him permanently: finding another foster home (presents a bit of a challenge since many people have concerns about fostering an FIV+ cat - for me it's not an issue), placing him with a local no-kill rescue that takes in FIV+ cats, or with another group or sanctuary. We currently don't have the capacity to house FIV+ cats longterm, but our rescue is undergoing extensive renovation and will have this capability in the future. 

Thanks for sharing your own experiences. That's definitely helps. You're absolutely right: love will only get the kitty so far. There's no way I could consider keeping Louie without the rescue's willingness to provide for his vet. I have two senior cats, ages 13 and 19, who are both healthy for now, but need to keep their needs and future vet care in mind. My younger cats, 8-year-old litter mates, are also healthy, but both have heart disease, which could lead to potential health issues down the road, so I need to be prepared for that. 

Fortunately, I have no concerns with what kind of care Louie would receive with the rescue picking up the tab for his vet bills. We have a wonderful, experienced vet tech on staff who monitors the daily care of our shelter cats and fosters. She knows Louie and loves and what he means to me, so no worried there. I'm also familiar with both of the vets the rescue uses having taken many strays and fosters there and am totally comfortable with their knowledge and compassion. The rescue cats and fosters receive the best possible care and the director of the organization is awesome. She knows how much I love Louie, too. 

Since there are always going to be kitties in need and ones that need to be fostered, there will never be a perfect time to bring Louie home. I think of all the cats/kittens I've fostered (16 in the past year - just one at time or two kittens), though, and realize that I've loved all of them, but none like I love Louie. That says something, doesn't it? 

eilcon said:

Since there are always going to be kitties in need and ones that need to be fostered, there will never be a perfect time to bring Louie home. I think of all the cats/kittens I've fostered (16 in the past year - just one at time or two kittens), though, and realize that I've loved all of them, but none like I love Louie. That says something, doesn't it? 

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Yes, Eileen, it does to me. :heart2: And his reaction to his current foster home speaks volumes too. :nod: :rub:

I know how much you're struggling with this. But here's a question for you. Many fosters use crates for socializing. I know it's not a method you've used. BUT.... for kittens, is there a reason you can't get one of those large multi-story cage thingies to put in the "foster" room? When you're at home, you can close the door to spend time in the room with the cage open, and kitties can come out if they want to.... enabling you to permanently foster Louie AND foster kittens? :dk:

Or does that not work for Claire? :dk:

If finances are the problem, I expect perhaps TCS and maybe the rescue could raise the money for the cage thingie? :dk:

Just a thought.....

LDG said:

Yes, Eileen, it does to me.

And his reaction to his current foster home speaks volumes too.

I know how much you're struggling with this. But here's a question for you. Many fosters use crates for socializing. I know it's not a method you've used. BUT.... for kittens, is there a reason you can't get one of those large multi-story cage thingies to put in the "foster" room? When you're at home, you can close the door to spend time in the room with the cage open, and kitties can come out if they want to.... enabling you to permanently foster Louie AND foster kittens?

Or does that not work for Claire?

If fiances are the problem, I expect perhaps TCS and maybe the rescue could raise the money for the cage thingie?

Just a thought.....

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Thanks, Laurie. 

Would you believe that with all of the kittens I fostered last year (12 total - only 2 or 3 at a time - and most in need of socialization) a playpen pretty much became a fixture in my spare bedroom? I used to have one of my own, but gave it to the rescue and now have one on loan from a fellow rescuer (currently housing my two little calicos). I've spoken to the director of the rescue and we're thinking that I can still foster a couple of kittens here and there and that Louie, being the big, gentle, goofy guy that he is, may actually a great buddy for them. I'm so grateful that the director and our vet staff are well-educated about FIV and don't consider it an issue with the kittens. My only concern is if the kittens would need to be isolated for any reasons, but that would be a rare circumstance. 

Claire's litter box issues are a concern, but since they don't see to be related to me fostering, I'm not really factoring that in with the decision regarding Louie. She's actually gone for 3 weeks or more without any pooping incidents, even when I've had other cats/kittens here. I've been working with my vet on this for several months and her latest recommendation was to put Claire on a low does of amitriptyline, so we'll see how that goes.  

I'm picking Louie up at the clinic director's house tomorrow evening and we'll see how things go from there. At this point, I don't how I'll ever be able to let him go to another home. As a number of people have said, "Louie's been yours for 3 years anyway." (it was the spring of 2009 that I started feeding him). Guess that speaks volumes too? 

Sounds like Louie has found his forever home, what a great story he has. I hope he settles right back in like he was never gone!

No advice from me, but I hope that this works out for all of you.

Eileen- I have read many threads about your Louie :rub: AND I do believe that you have always had a VERY special bond/connection with him. I think in your heart, he is your kitty and is meant to be with you. Sometimes, we just cannot change how that works out - no matter how hard we try. I do hope this works out for you and Louie :cross:

Feralvr said:

Eileen- I have read many threads about your Louie :rub: AND I do believe that you have always had a VERY special bond/connection with him. I think in your heart, he is your kitty and is meant to be with you. Sometimes, we just cannot change how that works out - no matter how hard we try. I do hope this works out for you and Louie :cross:

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Really, I have to agree. :nod: Sometimes it just SEEMS like we have a choice. :lol3:

Welcome (back) home, Louie! :rub:

:heart3: