What would you do?

This is a bit off-topic here but can't see where is a better place to put it.

Have just had a phone call, a friend has been diagnosed with cancer and a type with a potentially poor outcome.  Of course she is in shock, and she is rushing around trying to make arrangements for her pets should she not make it.  She is being booked for a scan to determine how much it has spread so a treatment plan can be forumalted.  She was a nurse, so she knows the score.

I've been asked by a mutual friend if I could rehome her neutered Siamese boy, if it comes to it.

Now I have two Oriental blacks (same mum, different dad) who are about 5 years old now, and am about to get two kittens, an Oriental and a Siamese.

Of course I want to say yes to her, but would you?  Her cat is used to living with other cats - they have two red Oriental boys - and he is used to dogs as well.  My existing cats did surprisingly well when I had a foster last year, the boy in particular.  The girl always looked a bit aghast at them.

To add the the difficulty of knowing what to say, it is of course quite unclear as to when he might need a new home, though that might be clearer after her scan and initial treatment.

IF I thought my cats could handle the new one, I'd go ahead and take him/her. But I'm a sucker for cats-in-need anyway! Once I got to 3, numbers 4 and 5 weren't a big deal.

I'm sorry that your friend is having to deal with this diagnosis. Hopefully, she will be able to have treatment that will at least buy her lots of good bonus time.

catmom5
 

Does she have a family member who would take the cat?

I ask only because a cat could provide a tangible memory of a loved one.  I know were I to die, my sister would want to adopt Ritz, even though she is a dog person, because Ritz would remind her of me.

She has three cats and some dogs.  She thinks hubby will struggle with this one - he's quite active being a Siamese.  The other two are red oriental boys, but older and they've calmed down and she thinks they will be OK with him.  Also I gather she thinks I will be the right person for the cat - very flattering!  But in thinking of the cat before family members, personally I believe she's doing the right thing.

There's a long way to go on this one.  My friend I am visiting this weekend (she breed both my cats and this one that might end up here) has replied to the email that I'm visiting her this weekend and I'm giving it serious thought.  I want to leave it at that until she has had her scan and the results, but while I'm waiting for those things to happen it gives me thinking time - time to talk to my various friends and see what they all think.

I'd do it, especially if there's nobody else who would take the kitty. If your resident cats have no issues with a stranger coming in, at least try it and see what happens.

I'm sorry that your friend is going through so much! It is truly frightening when you hear the word cancer in the same sentence as your name! Lots of vibes going her way!!!

Your friend is in shock right now, and is thinking the absolute worse.  The word cancer has a stigma of a death sentence attached to it.  You don't say what kind of cancer, just that it's a "potentially poor outcome".  All cancer has the potential for a poor outcome.  No one has a crystal ball.  Doctor's give life expectancy prognosis to patient's all of the time, yet man of these people who were expected to live only 6 months are still visiting my clinics today, 3 years or more after they were told they would be dead.

She was just diagnosed and is still having tests done to determine the extent of the disease progression and a treatment plan.

My advice is to just be there as a friend for her.  No need for her to be working herself up about finding homes for her pets just yet.  In fact, facing the loss of a pet at this stage would only add to her anxiety.

Let her know that if it ever comes to that, that you would be happy to take her boy, but for now he's right where he needs to be, with her

This is not about your original question, but is spot-in information when someone you know has cancer. It's from an e-newsletter I received from Cancer Treatment Centers of America, but I cannot find this info on their site so I cannot link it. I hope it's okay to repost from an email (with credit given), and hope it helps you and your friend.

 

12 Tips for Talking to Someone With Cancer

• 
  [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Don't ignore them.[/color]  Some people disappear when someone they know gets cancer. The worst thing you can do is avoid the person because you don’t know how to handle it. Cancer can be lonely and isolating as it is. Tell them “I’m here for you,” or “I love you and we’ll get through this together.” It’s even okay to say “I don’t know what to say” or send a note that says “I’m thinking of you." Just stay connected.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Think before you speak.[/color]  Your words and actions can be powerful. One comment can instantly undo someone’s positive mood. Don’t be overly grave and mournful. Avoid clichés, like “hero” and “battle.” If the person gets worse, does it mean they didn’t fight hard enough? Try to imagine if you were in their shoes. What you would want someone to say to you?
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Follow their lead.[/color]  Let the person with cancer set the tone about what they want to talk about. It doesn’t always have to be about cancer. Chances are they want to feel as normal as possible. Tell them about something funny that happened. When they want to talk about cancer, let them. And save the pity eyes and voice.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Keep it about them, not you.[/color]  Don’t lose your focus on the person with cancer. Avoid talking about your headache, backache, etc. This isn’t about you. And as bad as you feel, they feel worse. They aren’t interested in hearing about how hard this has been on your life. Don’t put them in the position of having to comfort you. Only ask questions if you truly want to hear the response.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Just listen.[/color]  Sometimes just being there to listen—really listen— is the best thing you can do. Let the person with cancer talk without interrupting them. You don’t always have to have all the answers, just a sympathetic ear. They may not want to talk at all, and would rather sit quietly. It’s okay to sit in silence.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Don’t minimize their experience.[/color]  Try not to say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” You don’t know that. Instead say “I’m really sorry” or “I hope it will be okay.” And don’t refer to their cancer as “the good cancer.” These statements downplay what they’re going through. Leave the door to communication open so they can talk about their fears and concerns.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Don’t be intrusive.[/color]  Don’t ask the person with cancer questions about their numbers or tumor markers. If they want to talk about their blood results, they will. Give them the freedom to offer this information or not. Also, don’t ask personal questions that you wouldn't have asked before, especially when it comes to subjects like sex and religion.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Don’t preach to them.[/color]  Don’t try to tell the person with cancer what to think, feel or how to act. You don’t know what they’re going through, so don’t act like you do. Instead of saying “I know how you feel,” try saying “I care about you and want to help.” Don't suggest alternative forms of treatment, a healthier lifestyle, etc. And don’t tell them to “stay positive,” it will only cause frustration and guilt.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Refrain from physical assessments.[/color]  Refrain from comments about how the person with cancer looks, particularly if it’s negative. They don’t need their weight loss or hair loss pointed out to them. And if they just started treatment, don’t ask them about potential side effects. If you say anything at all, tell them they look stronger or more beautiful, but mean what you say.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Avoid comparisons.[/color]  Everyone does cancer their own way. Don’t bring up the private medical problems of other people you know. And don’t talk about your friend with cancer who is running marathons or never missed a day of work. Avoid talking about the odds or making assumptions about their prognosis. Just allow them to be themselves.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Show them you care.[/color]  Show the person with cancer that they’re still needed and loved. Give them a hug. Surprise them with a smoothie, books, magazines, or music. Offer to help, such as cooking, laundry, babysitting, or running errands. Be specific by asking “What day can I bring you dinner?” And, offer to help only if you intend to follow through with it and won’t expect something in return.
• [color= rgb(61, 127, 183)]Share encouraging stories.[/color]  Offer encouragement through success stories of long-term cancer survivors. Avoid saying “They had the same thing as you.” No two cancers are the same. And never ever tell stories with unhappy endings. If you know someone with the same type of cancer, offer to connect them.

My avatar (Sheba) was adopted from a shelter by my brother for me after one of her owners died.  My Siamese Psy had died earlier that year and when he sent me a picture, I told him that Sheba and I needed each other.  I don't have any advice of how to talk to your friend, because I have an outlook on life that is strange to most people.

I am sorry about your friends diagnosis.. :shame: I think I would definitely help her with taking this cat and either keeping him or rehoming. What an awful situation and I would just try to be so very helpful to her so she won't have to worry about what will happen to her cats. For you friend.

I think we all have to plan for our animals in the face of some tragedy or illness. My DH and I, as a matter of fact, just made out a plan for all of our pets in the event of our deaths. Hard to do, but as we all know, life is SO fragile.

Hi all

Was away this weekend.  Have concluded that so long as she is OK with me homeing him on if absolutely necessary, I'll take him if it comes to that.  But, I've emailed that she needs to ring me to talk and she will do that some time this coming week.

He's a beautiful cat, he will come with papers & registration transfer.

She was a nurse and did quite a bit of nursing people with terminal illnesses, and she knows what the prognosis for her kind of cancer usually is - not good.

And sorry, I was rude in not thanking the people thinking of my friend.