my life feels empty

..

((((((((hugs)))))))))

I can relate to that Annabelle - quite often, I wonder to myself, what am I meant to do? I have been through a lot of crap and its basically knocked me for six. Now, I still don't know what I want to do. I do try and take it one day at a time though.

Hang in there, you will be okay, and you are young - there is a special someone out there for you and you will look back and remember what you were feeling and smile, knowing that you once felt this way.

HUGS!

Honey, the most important thing to do is to live "in the moment". Take it a day at a time and try not to speculate about what if's and maybe's. What if the world blows up? What if the plague comes back and wipes out the whole country? A zillion things could happen and we just don't know how our lives will end up. All we can do is just live day to day and follow our hearts. Volunteering is a GREAT idea! When all else fails and you just feel awful, go out and be of service somewhere. Your whole perspective will change! Don't worry, things will get better before you know it! You'll be fine!
Take care!

((((hugs))))
I've been there, too. Your idea to start volunteering is a good one - it will get you into feeling like you're contributing to the world & helping, and you will get a chance to meet other people that you may have more in common with.

I think to volunteer at a shelter is a good idea . There you can meet new people with different backgrounds and personality . But also you will get to meet people who has the love for animals . I think that would help you focus on the need of animals and their love they need . This way you will get your mind off from all you are going trough right now I think we all are going through that in some time in our life . So that is very normal what you feel . You just need to focus on something els right now like a shelter and I am sure it will help you with your feelings . Don't worry there is the Mr. right guy for you out there and when he come to you you will know it . Big ((((((( HUG ))))))) for you

Originally posted by annabelle33
I'm not particularly old and I guess on the spectrum I'm actually pretty young. But I am 23 and a college graduate and feel like it's time to move on with my life. But for some reason I end up stuck in the same place. When I was younger I thought I'd actually be doing something at this age, but I'm not really doing anything.

So lets start with basics and as a Yorkshireman- you dont get any more basic than me! You are 23 - thats young!!!! I am 34 and pegging out however, you are a graduate of college - so you are clearly well educated and I applaud you on that - however you are stuck in a rutt. I have been in the same job for donkeys years and know that I am stuck and am wanting to get out - however, you are doing something and are in a position to get on with something and do it. The change that you are wanting - the only person that is capable of carrying this out is you. I cant do it and not one person can, its time to kick yourself up the butt and get on and make a change for the better.

"I long for a family, a home, and a career."

At 23 I was as well - I wanted to settle down - have a familly and be the big responsible adult. Women mature faster than men (my wife swears I am still 12!) and its natural to want to start getting settled. I assume that you are in your own place so you are settled down already. A career - i seem to be able to point everyone else in a good direction but when it comes to me - I cant do anything for myself...however, look on line - there are thousands of sites and you may just get the peepers opened and a familly - thats all in due course young lady - all in due course. You have a life to lead before those little ankle biters come round your feet and suddenly, they are screaming mum all night and you are up doing elvis impressions in the middle of the night as you change nappies ( lifting dirty nappy and doing uh huh noises). These things all follow a pattern and kids will come although my cat always slept between Carol and I and I understand sex had something to do with it although unsure when .......

"I envy people who are out buying halloween decorations because that means they have something to decorate."

we dont do halloween that big over here. Years ago, before Christopher arrived, they used to come round trick or treating round my house. I just got fed up with it always going to the door, so I went upstairs, borrowed some of my wife's makeup inc lipstick, turned myself into the animal from hell. Got a rubber snake and dressed only in boxer shorts, I placed the snake round my neck. The next time a kid opened the door, he was off faster than a shot. I must have looked quite a sight, naked except shorts, whole tonne of make up and a huge plastic snake. For some reason the following year we did not get any kids at all?? any ideas why??

I can't wait to cook thanksgiving dinner, to wrap christmas presents signed "from santa," and to read stories to my children before bed.

All in good time my little one, all in good time. Mine is 4 next friday, he already has looked at everything and has a mental idea what he is seeking from santa...daddy here smiles and thinks - overtime may be an idea!!!

I want a career where I am really doing something I love,

Get up and look on line - change happens in a second, a split second. Only you can get off your rear and do something about it.

and then I come home to a man that I love and beautiful kids that I love.
Time - thats all - be patient.

There seem to be 2 groups of people in my area that are my age: the young parents and the party animals. The parents are too busy to hang out and the party animals just want to drink and have fun. Me, I guess I'm not in any group. I'm just me wishing I was someone else.

I was like that - I never wanted to get drunk or hell raising - believe me in later life - its stood me in a lot better stead. Be yourself and you will find people want to be with you more.

"I used to base my judgement of a potential husband on cuteness and personality. Now I'm judging them on money and personality. Not because I'm materialistic, but because I want someone who is at a point in his life to settle down and raise children. It really all comes down to children and a home."

No it does not - money is not everything at all. I would rather be married to my wife and in love with her and skint than have money and unhappy. If a man can make you laugh without showing you the size of his .... wallet - bet you thought I was gonna say something else there - its more important than cash. Cash is a means to buy something - being with someone you love is priceless and all this takes time. A realtionship is like a plant, it needs to be grown and nurtured slowly but surely. Dont rush it.

I have went thru 2 fiances and 2 more that asked. What are my chances of really finding someone for me? I don't ever want a divorce, but people change. A wedding band doesn't alter the fact that in 5 years he could be a completely different person, and in reality I know that I myself could be a different person. How do you deal with the uncertainity? Marriage has to be the biggest risk ever, for the hope of the biggest rewards ever.

Nothing is for ever, I hope and pray i never split with Carol and we have nearly done it more than a few times. We stay together and are both stubborn - marriage is not a risk, its a commitment to each other - where he says something like "whats mine is yours" and you say "whats mine is my own"!!!!

I guess I'm going thru a nesting stage right now. Maybe it's because I've been out of work with a lot of time to think, or maybe it's just my biological clock ticking away.

Thats a crock - no ticking heard on this side of the pond.
Just someone who wants a little TLC

someone cheer me uP!!

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#

That help at all??

Kev

lmao.. thanks kev You put things in perspective well. I'm depressed because I was called to interview for this awesome job while I was on vacation and they weren't willing to wait until I got back, so now I'm back to the drawing board. Trust me, it's not easy for a recent grad to get a job in a town with more cows then people.. And being that most people will not hire out of their general metro area I can't look out of state for most things..

I do not have my own place at this moment, but am trying.. I can't afford much and my parents are cool enough to let me live here (as they lived with their parents until they got married--it's kind of the standard in our culture)..

It's not like I want babies NOW, but I feel if I get a career, work about 4 years, getting married will take about 2 additional, so by then I'll be around 29, then I don't want to have kids right after marriage, so maybe wait 3 years, then I'll be 32... so I need to get started right away! But the more I plan the more stupid things happen to screw it up..

But you did help me a bit! Now on my list of qualifications for men is a big "NO SMART ASSES" or condescending individuals, sugar dumpling, so thanks for that at least!

Originally posted by annabelle33
lmao.. thanks kev

You put things in perspective well. I'm depressed because I was called to interview for this awesome job while I was on vacation and they weren't willing to wait until I got back, so now I'm back to the drawing board.

That was a bit of bad news , however, in my opinion you were way too good for them anyway and if thats the case - to heck with them - there are jobs like fish in the sea - plenty more of them.

Trust me, it's not easy for a recent grad to get a job in a town with more cows then people..

Sounds like that song " Mooooove over, Mooove your body real closer" speaking of cows, what was the first person that worked out how to milk a cow by hand thinking he was doing?????

I do not have my own place at this moment, but am trying.. I can't afford much and my parents are cool enough to let me live here (as they lived with their parents until they got married--it's kind of the standard in our culture)..

I did the same for years - Carol and I lived with my mother. I was glad to break free!!

It's not like I want babies NOW, but I feel if I get a career, work about 4 years, getting married will take about 2 additional, so by then I'll be around 29, then I don't want to have kids right after marriage, so maybe wait 3 years, then I'll be 32... so I need to get started right away! But the more I plan the more stupid things happen to screw it up..

No you dont - get a career first, then get a place, then you want to meet mr right and not mr right now. So what about the age thing and babies - I was near as 30 when Christopher arrived - have a baby for the right reasons - for love and nothing else. So what if you were 32 when the little one arrived, or 33, 34 or 36
Its better to give the little one security and love than anything else.
In my wife town where she is from, if you aint preggers by 16 - 18, you have something wrong with you. carol was nothing like it when she had our son.
All this takes time and at your age - you have heaps of the stuff.

Have a great labour weekend and for any woman out there that goes into labour on weekend - never have a child by ceasarean section unless absolutely ness. The reason is simple. As the child gets older, every time you stop the car, they always get out of the sunroof!!

But you did help me a bit! Now on my list of qualifications for men is a big "NO SMART ASSES" or condescending individuals, sugar dumpling, so thanks for that at least!

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Two questions for you - whats IMAO and sugar dumpling? You lot think we Yorkshire folk tralk strange - i dont know - sigh...

kev
apologising for SO much waffle

Anna have you heard of the JET Programme? Japenese Exchange Teaching Programme? My niece recently graduated from college and took an interview with them and decided to go for it. She is in Japan for 3 years, getting paid. She is on Iwaka right now, but apparently they move you around a bit.

Here is there website. I understand some recruiters came to Shawn's college right before graduation, but I am sure if you are interested something could be arranged?JET Programme

IMAO= "Laugh My A** Off"

Hugs Anne but I think you should heed what everyone here is saying and I would be really nice to you but I won't be.

Get off your bum and get a life. Sitting there isn't going to do it or make it better. First and foremost, get out of your parent's house! What the heck, my adopted parents kicked my out by 19 and I started working in jobs that had nothing to do with what I was studying in college! And 23 going through 2 fiancees, too young. I been there, those relationships you will look back 10 years from now and know that those were inmature relationships. I regret big time the last relationship with my 'fiancee' what a freaking jerk and to think all the stupid stuff I would put up with and do for that guy!! Eck! Start looking for a job, why would you think a job that calls you for an interview would sit around and wait for you to come back from 'vacation'?!! Anyone here experienced that? That would be great to tell a job who wants an interview 'uh, yeah I'm on vacation, can you wait for me to get back?' haaaa!!! That's the real world!!!! Deal with it and keep looking. I am married to a foreigner who bust his hiney when he first came to this country. I see all his friends who bust their hineys when they come here, they hardly speak the language but they are working two or more jobs to make a living, have their own rinky dinky studio apartment and going to college fulltime!!!! And they have no family to lean on here since their family is back in Bangladesh or India or Morrocco or China. I can't believe you are sitting there being depressed when you have all your faculties, you have sight, hearing, your two legs and feet, your hands, do something!!!! Stop feeling sorry for yourself when you have it far better than anyone else that I've seen or met. And definitely volunteer, not only at a animal shelter but at a homeless place so that you can get a reality slap and see how lucky you are and see how ridiculous it is to be depressed with what you have.

I like what was said earlier, live each day because you don't have a guarantee that tomorrow you will be alive. Why are you thinking that far ahead in your life about marriage and kids, etc? It is hard to have kids, I know because I have a 11 month old son, it is hard and to think I wanted 11 kids, heck no. I feel sorry for my friend though who has two kids, a single mom and having to work two jobs so why should I complain?

What are you doing with your life?

btw, usually I'm not tough but when I see people who have everything in front of them not doing anything about it, it irritates me, because I see the foreigners come here to the land of freedom working harder than us, yet we sit here whining and complaining about what we have or don't have.

Hi,

I can relate to this, even at my older age (how the heck did I get to be this age, I still feel 27...hah!), because after a failed engagement at 29 - after 2 years), I spent most of my 30's "thinking" about the men I dated, what I wanted in life and feeling like it would never happen for me.

So I'm slow..don't you take years to think about it all. The biggest lesson I learned was to live now, not wait. To not be bitter if I didn't have what I most wanted, but to make the most of the life I had...be active, do things I found interesting and loved, and when my career became one I was unhappy with, I began seeking what I wanted/needed for a change. Just as I was happiest, and interviewing to move out of a very busy hospital unit, I met Frej. Voila...there was everything I'd ever dreamed of. I wouldn't have ever met him if I hadn't been doing the things I loved, continued to grow as a person during the years between my first engagement and meeting him (a 10 year span).

Now I know I'm getting old to be about to say this..go be happy. Find a job/career path you can love for now, the volunteering sounds wonderful, set some personal goals for things you want to do, to learn...and along the way, you will find the right person - or he will find you

That is so true! Get out & keep looking for a job, and find a volunteer job that you enjoy. Build your life around what you enjoy - don't worry about finding a man. I blew my 20's working 3 jobs to make ends meet & support a loser who couldn't keep a job because I'd built my life around him instead of focusing on my own future. I was so busy supporting us that I never finished college. I finally woke up & left him (thank goodness I'd always refused to marry him!) and started building goals of my own. Then I met my husband & we took our time getting to know one another, we dated for 4 years before we became engaged. Now I'm 34 and newly married, and hoping we won't have trouble having children, but he was SO worth the wait. Don't let your biological clock start making choices for you that you may regret. Build your own life and enjoy it, and love will come when it comes. A loving marriage is the foundation to which you can add children to make a family. A strong sense of self & a knowledge of how to make yourself happy is the best way to begin.

Originally posted by Pat & Alix
you will find the right person - or he will find you

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I agree, 'he' will find you, mine did!!! At the time I met my husband, I pretty much cut off the idea of ever dating men so I was pretty 'bitter' and holed up. He even said when he first met me that I seemed like a 'b****!' HAAAA!!! LOL!!!! Which I was because I had been scorned and hurt in the past.

Live your life though now so that you don't look back at life thinking I wish I had done this or that. And even when you are 10 years older, you will go through some of the same feelings I think, at least for me I do, question if I can be a mom or if I'm strong enough to handle both mom and wife and still keep in contact with my friends. All of us go through this, but the thing is to not let it get to you to the point that you are depressed, we are so much luckier than others. When my hubby and I were travelling back from LVegas to move to Texas, we entered El Paso. We were stuck there because of the border patrol and they had to verify my hubby's passport, etc. Anyway, I was looking right across Mexico, it was like right there, I could walk to it and be in Mexico and I saw how filthy and slum and miserable and even the air had a different look to it. I felt so bad for them, so bad, because they risk their lives to cross over here illegally to come here to get jobs to support their families back home. It really made me sad thinking about how they struggle every day to make ends meet to get one meal! How close they are to us yet so very far apart. Anyway....now I'm getting bummed out!! Well anyway, I hope you realize that you have a network of friends here that are willing to listen to you and encourage you and give you advise and whatnot, you have a second family here. This is one thing I do like about this site is everyone's willingness to listen and be kind and concerned. sniffle, okay Group HUUUUGG!!!

My dear, you are very young! And what you're going through are just normal life stages! You're in that awkward place between young adulthood and adulthood! Believe me, your life is just beginning and you have plenty of time for all the things you want.

I think you're wise to change your views of potential life mates. Cuteness fades quickly. You need to find a mate that will last a lifetime and share the same main goals with you. Such as stability & family.

When I was your age I already had 3 children and it wasn't easy! Although I love all of my kids, there are times I wish I could have waited and made better decissions when I was a bit more mature (like you are now). So take advantage of this time! And look at this as a positive stage in your life! You have plenty if time and everything will come together when you least expect it!

hey anna...

I'm at the same stage as you..23 and hoping for a family and a bunch of kids..hoping for more control in my life... i think u know what i have gone thru and now i'm slowly climbing out of the pits and giving myself more space and more time to do whatever i want.. despite all that, i do wonder if there's gonna be anyone out there for me at all... but i keep telling myself that if that as long as i bid my time..he's gonna be there..even if there isn't, i still have my frens and family... the thing here is not to remain stagnant... u can give yourself time to mope around and just let yourself go..but always know that there is a time u need to bounce back and move on with life.. no matter what we say here is not gonna make sense now but u've gotta realise it yourself before u can do anything...

do drop me an email if u need anybody to talk to, would welcome any kind of [email protected]

Anna, don't feel bad Hon. I know exactly what you are going through. There are times when I feel the same exact way and then are times when I realize that I am the only one who can make my life what it needs to be.

I'm 26, single, live with my folks, live in a small town (4000 people) and don't have many friends. Sound familiar? There are times when I feel down about having to live with my folks, or that I'm still single at my age or that I don't have many friends. It's really hard to meet to new people my age in this area...mainly because there aren't many people my age here. If so, they are party animals & I've out grown that stage in life. I don't mind partying once in a while, but around here that is all that people my age have to do in this town. Same goes with men. All the good ones are married (or got smart & left this town right out of HS), the ones left in the bars are drunken fools or married men looking for "friends with benefits".

I am looking forward to leaving this place. I'm hoping that I get accepted officially to the Management Program because that will require me to get out on my own, meet new people and possibly run into the man of my dreams. Maybe that could be an option for you? I know it's a big step moving to a big city, but it will give you that sense of being independent. I know that there is no way I can afford to move out. I've already talked to my banker and he told me that he'd give me a loan for a couple thousand if I need it. I'm sure I will considering I don't have any furniture and paying all of those dreaded deposits. This is something I know I need to do...maybe it's an option for you too.

I do wish you the very best! Just remember, Chin up & things will get better!

Sweetie, I'm not going to say anything that hasn't already been said, but let me say it my way. Some combination of all these messages will perhaps resonate.

Thing One: You're young, dear. You have your whole life before you. Don't rush into anything.

Thing Two: The best way of taking care of tomorrow is to do your best with today.

Thing Three: My stepson is 30, a university graduate, a really bright, personable young man. He's having the same difficulty finding employment. But he's taking every opportunity he can grab to do things that interest him and will look good on his resume. One day, it'll pay off. Meanwhile, he's not navel-gazing and feeling sorry for himself, and he's interacting in a meaningful way with people of like interests -- a good way of being in the right place at the right time to connect with that Right Person. He's also had a couple of what looked like long-term, possibly permanent relationships, but in retrospect, there wasn't really enough truly common interest, so they ended up not going anywhere. They were important relationships in terms of personal development, but that's as far as they went.

Thing Four: My husband married for the first time at age 27, was a father at 30, and within a year of that event knew his marriage was in trouble. His first wife is a good woman, but it just wasn't the right match -- it didn't have staying power. They kept trying for 11 years.

We had been casual friends with a common interest in choral singing for a number of years, though out of contact for a while around the end of the marriage, as he had cut back on his outside commitments. When the marriage broke up, he started reconnecting with some of us, and he and I started seeing each other and realized there was more there than we had allowed ourselves to see previously.

Rob had lotsa stuff to work through, so it was several years before he could trust himself with such a relationship again. But -- and this is where I'm going with this -- a common interest was what brought us together in the first place, what reconnected us when the time was right, and is one of the strongest supports of our relationship today.

BTW, I was 33 when he called me, and 42 when he decided he was tired of sharing two residences. That's 13 years ago. I had had a few relationships that didn't go anywhere, but they weren't for nothing. They all contribute. It took a long time -- relatively speaking -- for Mr Right to come out of the woodwork, but am I ever glad I didn't jump the gun. And no, by the time we got together, having kids was not an option, but the only real regret I have about that NOW is that I didn't give my Dad any grandkids, 'cuz he is such an awesome grandfather.

Dear, get out there and live your life. Do the things that matter to you. One day, you will cross paths with Mr Right, and you will know it -- maybe not instantly, but if you live in today, doing the best you can with it, the right time will come, and you will know which of the things you have wished for over the years still matter to you. There was a time when I wanted 14 kids! YIKES!

Fran, that was very well written! Thank you for the encouragement even though I know it was directed to me...it indeed was very helpful!