How do you let go?

Seven weeks ago, we discovered that one of the local feral cats (Minnie) had a litter of five kittens in our cat shelter.  My husband wanted to pen them all up so we could get Minnie spayed after the kittens were weaned.  I guess Minnie caught on to our plans and moved the kittens the day before we put our plan into action.  One and a half weeks ago (on Friday the 13th), my husband found out where Minnie had taken the kittens.  We figured they were weaned or at least on their way to being weaned, so we caught them and brought them inside to the "cat room" (our guest bedroom) where we've been socializing them ever since.  And we are currently trying to trap Minnie so she won't have to have any more litters.

When we first found the kittens, we found homes for three of them.  Those three will go to their forever homes in a few weeks.  It's easy for me to give those three up because I knew from the beginning where they would be going (if we ever caught them).  That leaves two kittens.  After a week of asking friends and friends of friends, we haven't had any luck finding inside homes for the other two kittens (lots of offers from friends who want them as barn cats), so I resigned myself to the fact that we would end up with two more indoor cats.  Basically, my husband has become attached to these last two kittens and can't stand the idea of them becoming outside cats where something bad could happen to them.  I admit, I kinda feel the same way.

Sunday at Petco, I ended up talking to a lady with a dog and the subject of the kittens came up.  She emailed me and said that one of her coworkers is interested in one of the kittens.  Great news, right?  It turns out that I have serious mixed feelings about this.  On one hand, the kitten they are interested in is a sweet, loving, cuddly kitten who will make a great pet and bring a family a lot of happiness.  One the other hand, I feel so sad that this little girl will leave our home.  I'm going to miss her!     As for the last kitten, he has some behavioral issues and I'm not comfortable with him going to a family with children or someone who isn't used to "difficult" cats. 

This is the first litter we have caught and socialized and I didn't realize it would be this hard to let the little ones go.  Anyone else have this problem?  Any advice on how to let go?  Did we make a mistake by giving them names? 

Also, should I ask the people intested in this one kitten to sign an adoption agreement stating they will get her spayed/vaccinated and will return her to us if they can no longer take care of her? (We know the other two people personally and know they will be great pet parents.)  Or should we insist on getting the kitten spayed/vaccinated ourselves and asking them to cover the cost?

Also, should I ask the people intested in this one kitten to sign an adoption agreement stating they will get her spayed/vaccinated and will return her to us if they can no longer take care of her? (We know the other two people personally and know they will be great pet parents.)  Or should we insist on getting the kitten spayed/vaccinated ourselves and asking them to cover the cost?

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I'd tend to have the kitten spayed/vaccinated first and then say that that is the cost of the kitten.. That way you know she will be spayed.

As for letting go, sometimes I think I must be a little weird as I don't have an issue with it.  When I was a foster person I rationalised that I can't possibly keep all the kittens and cats I'd like, but how wonderful to be able to have them for that short time, find them good homes and then do it all over again!  Of course it's always really sad to say goodbye, but it's a 'sweet sorrow' as they have a good home.

Thanks for the reply.  After reflecting on this a couple of days, I realize that I'm not having trouble letting go, just that I'm having trouble letting go of this one particular kitten to this one particular family. 

Basically, the man wants this particular kitten NOW and wants me to drop her off at his workplace this evening.  I haven't even spoken to the man who wants to adopt this particular kitten, yet he expects me to just hand over a kitten to him???  Why does he want a kitten so fast?  I haven't had a chance to figure out if he and his family are right for the kitten or if she is right for them.  Plus, she's not even 8 weeks old yet.  I wasn't planning to let any of the kittens go until they are 10-12 weeks old and spayed/neutered.  And, according to the lady I spoke with (she has been emailing me) this man's dog died recently.  I guess I wonder why would he would want a cat instead of another dog? 

Something just seems odd about this whole situation, but I can't put my finger on it.  All I can say is that I have no peace about letting her go to this man (I have peace about the other three kittens who have already found homes) , and my gut is telling me that this is not the right family for her.

Then always go with your gut :nod: It is very hard to let them go when you have socialized and raised the babies. You will know in your heart and have a good feeling about the new homes. From your description, I would not let this kitten go to this man. I think you are right. I always tell myself that I cannot keep them all. If a good home comes along, no matter how attached you are, let them go to that loving home :heart3: IF you really have a deep bond and connection with a kitten and just can't part with them and have thought about the lifelong commitment, then you have to make that decision :heart2: Of course, if you want to keep fostering and socializing kitten's, then you might not want to make that commitment of taking on another kitten for life. I know if I keep all of the ones I have that close connection with, I would be a "true" crazy cat lady :lol3: You have to know your limits and also consider the other pets in your home and their well being and overall health issues. :nod: Muck luck. Keep us updated

If your gut says this is not a good situation for the kitten, don't let this family take her. There are other cats and kittens available. From what you say, something just doesn't sound right. Did you do a vet reference check on this family?

When I fostered for the humane society, if I had a bad feeling the humane society would honor that and wouldn't adopt to that person.

I say, trust your gut!
 

Let the man know that the kitten is not available for adoption for another month, and that you have an adoption process which includes and interview with the prospective family. If he's not willing to do this he's definitely not the right person for this kitten. You may find after the interview that he's not the right person anyway, but you should at least give him the opportunity to prove it to you. You never need to apologize for saying "no" when a kitty's life is at stake.

Thanks for all the replies.  I have yet to hear from the man, and I doubt I will.  Good riddance!

The good news is that while I was at Petsmart yesterday, one of the people who works there gave me the phone number of a lady who works with a local feline rescue organization that adopts cats and kittens out of the Petsmart on weekends.  I called the lady and she said she wanted to help me find a home for little Abby.  She was thrilled when I told her that we would, of course, continue to foster Abby until she finds her furrever home.  The best thing about this is that the organization screens applicants, and does reference checks and home visits after adoption. She also offered to help set me up with vets in the area who offere low- or no-cost spay/neuter and check-ups for ferals since wemanage a feral colony.  I guess I realize that technically we have a feral colony in our backyard, but to me they're just our outside cats that we feed, water, shelter and provide medical care for.  Of course, my motto is, "If a cat has the balls to come in our backyard, he'd better be prepared to lose them."    Sorry if that a little off-color.

So I told my husband the good news, and he sounded disappointed that we won't be keeping Abby.  It's funny because lsat year when I asked him if we could adopt another cat, he said we don't need a fourth cat.  When I asked last month if we could adopt this absolutely sweet 5 month old kitten, he said he wasn't sure we needed another cat.  Now that we are fostering this litter of kittens, he has fallen head over heels in love with  one of the black males (who will stay with us) and Abby.  I can handle four cats, but that's my limit because I would like to keep fostering and socializing kittens in the future.

So now I'm at peace with letting Abby go to a new home, and I have found a helpful resource in taking care of our outdoor cats. 

Yes, you have found a wonderful, helpful resource for your upcoming rescues. I am so happy for Abby... I bet she will be adopted quickly too. :nod: :cross: Your DH sounds like he has a heart of gold when it comes to the kitties. What a great guy!!!! Keep us posted on Abby and this new black kitten :heart2:

Just a short update

Abby, Angus (the boy tabby), and Casper (the black kitten we're keeping) are going to get fixed and dewormed today. Spooky and Sprinkles (the black kittens our friend is taking) are just being dewormed. Angus, Spooky and Sprinkles will be going to their new homes on Monday. We won't take Abby to Petsmart until she is completely free of worms.

Sorry, late seeing this update. Hope all went well with the kittens surgeries. And....that they are doing well in their new homes !!! Keep us posted on Abby and Casper :happy3:

All went well with the surgeries.  The main problem was keeping 10 week-old kittens from running, jumping and wrestling with each other after the surgery.  We ended up keeping them in their carriers (with litter trays and water) for a  few days, letting them out to eat and stretch their legs a few times a day.  Spooky, Sprinkles and Angus (now called Ace) are all adjusting well to their new homes, and Abby and Casper are adjusting well to it being just them now.  It's amazing how much more calm they are now that it's just them two in the room.

Now it's time to integrate Casper and Abby into the household.  Our boy, Demon, has already met them through the baby gate and has done wonderfully with them, playing 'footsie' with them.  Gidget just looks at them through the baby gate, but won't approach them.  Angel hisses and growls at them from a distance, but we knew she would be the tough nut to crack.

Your Angel sounds like my Perla (whom I call Angel - one of her nicknames) YES - some can take awhile to adjust to the new family members. But don't give up hope IF Angel doesn't accept willingly. Perla after ONE YEAR is finally starting to accept Wendall. It really can take a very, very long time. It is worth it in the end when you see the two finally getting along peacefully.

Glad that all is going so well