really frustrated here

I've been off for a while, but have been reading posts from time to time. Right now I'm feeling very depressed and frustrated.

Lucy has never come back - and I worry that she's not okay. That breaks my heart and I am angry at myself that she escaped in the first place.

Tommy is here very infrequently and food has gone untouched for several days now. I don't know how I can trap him if I can't even get him on a regular feeding schedule. I worry about him, too.

And, there was a black cat hit in the highway about a mile away. I couldn't tell whether it was one of mine, but it's probably unlikely since it has a river and interstate between here and where he was hit. I did try to get a good look, but the damage was pretty severe and it would have been almost impossible to tell. But that's a worry, too.

I have a feral villa and feeding station, I've spent a lot of money to create an area where they could live comfortably, and unbelievable amounts on food that gets thrown out. Couple that with the emotional distress and I just need to know where to go and what to do from here.

Do I continue to put food out? Do I wait until fall hoping that Tommy comes back? Do I put it out only when I see him across the street? (his usual pattern when he comes here to eat) Do I just put out kibble and try to figure out a way to keep the ants out? Just shelter? I'm going to have to have some fencing put up to protect the cats' area from noisy neighbors, which is okay.

I am just feeling so sad and worried and don't quite know where to go from here.

Sorry about the length and "down" feeling of this, but I've done rescue/foster of pets for a long time and other than saying good-bye when they went to their homes, I've never had to deal with anything like this. The only other feral I've had here was going to be relocated to a managed farm colony, but he was sick and tested positive for FeLeuk and FIV and was PTS (at only 2 years old). That broke my heart, but there were no other options.

Thanks for reading this far and if you have any thoughts, I'm open to them. This whole feral/semi-feral business is breaking my heart.

catmom5

I am so sorry you are down!    I know all too well that ferals and what to do to really help them can be heartbreaking.  Especially in my area.  Feral cats are put down immediately.  They don't even have to be feral, just brought in and they are put down.  Plus the life expectancy of a feral is not too long.  About 3 years at most.  The lucky ones might survive to 5 years.  TNR cuts down on more being born but does it really help them any more than that?  I often ask myself that, too.  I am currently in a TNR situation.  I thought I had all or just about all of them captured... But now about 5 or more new cats have shown up and they are all wise to the trap so I am free feeding them for awhile and then I will put it back in the trap.  I want to get this done before my cat hating, trigger happy neighbor decides he's given me long enough. 

As for Thomas, it is roaming season.  I don't know if he's neutered or not but if not, he is probably spending most of his time roaming and looking for females.  This can go on for weeks at a time.  Just put food out when you see him.  Don't waste your food.  That is wasting money, too.  I say, if you see ferals out there and they are lingering, they are waiting for their meals.  That's when you feed them. 

As for Lucky, all you can pray for is that she is safe and happy.  Perhaps someone took her in?  Maybe not.  But try to think positive.  Many of us know that just when you think you'll never see them again, often that's when they show back up!!  Praying that happens for you, too. 

Try to stay positive and strong.  Love them and be sad for them is all we can really do most of the time.  But, often the love is what they need the most!

Oh hun! We are SO here for support. Loving feral kitties is often so hard on us emotionally. We love them no less than our own, but can't control a thing. I find it so easy to say just do your best to reassure yourself that all we can do is our best. We provide what they need, we provide love, and it's up to them to take it. :rub: Yet here I am, fretting over one of the kitties I thought of as one of our own - a friendly, outdoor stray we were unable to adopt out because he's older and FIV+. I just contacted an animal communicator and healer we've worked with on many occasions to see if she can find out anything at all about what's happened to him. :heart3: But that sure isn't something I can afford to do for every feral that goes missing from the colony.

We had over 10 in the colony 2 winters ago. The last time I saw one of the older ones was after the hurricane here this past fall. We only had four kitties this entire past winter (one of them Baloo). And he went missing a little over a week ago. All of them were sterilized - he hasn't wandered for... I can't remember how long, quite frankly. Sadly, there are coyotes in the woods here. And there's not a thing I can do about it.

If you aren't feeding other kitties... then it just depends on whether the cost is a problem for you or not. It's kind of a chicken-and-the-egg thing. If there's no food to attract them, they may not come back. Given you typically see Tommy across the street before he eats there, then perhaps the best idea is to put food out when you see him again. :rub: Do you make any kind of call when you put the food out? Perhaps consider leaving it out for a limited period of time? That's how I got the ferals here on a schedule. I put food out am and pm, call when I put it down, and I leave it out for two hours, then pick it up. If they want to eat, they learn to come during those windows of time.

I doubt the expense you put into making a wonderful environment will be wasted. It may feel that way now, but... sadly, there will always be more cats, and winters in Michigan aren't easy.

As P3 says, it's wandering season, and Tommy's intact. This is normal behavior. I don't know what the weather is there, but it has been SO unseasonably warm (right now it's 90 degrees out!). The cats are eating almost no food right now - but I'm seeing three of them pretty regularly, so at least I know they're here.

All we can do is take comfort in knowing that we care, we try, and we're here when they need us. :heart3:

Thank you both for answering my post. It at least helps to know that there are others out there who understand.

I put food out tonight, calling "supper, kitty" and will leave it out for a couple of hours. I'll try to do that for several nights and see if someone comes to eat!

Do you think it might help to put the unset trap away? I have cleaned it completely and it has been out for a few weeks now - unset - just so Tommy will get used to it being there. The last time he ate (I assume it was him because their area is on the side of the garage away from the house and they have some "back ways" to get to it without me seeing them) the food was at the opening to the trap, but not in it.

I will, of course, keep them in my prayers - all of them.

Bless you for what you do to help the cats in your areas. I know it's hard and you are doing work of the heart, for sure.

catmom5

I just spotted Tom sneaking around the back way to get to the food. I'll give him some time and then go pick it up so he has to get used to coming at a certain time. I'm so relieved just to see him and know he's okay!

Aw that is just GREAT news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rub: It always makes the heart jump to see them again when they've gone missing!

Aw, that made my night!

He didn't eat much, but he was here!

Aww, ferals are my weakness! I so know how you feel

LDG's idea about setting a time frame and calling is an excellent idea!

I have a cat route I have been caring for with 12 stops, cats who are feral/homeless/dumped that I have TNR'd over the past 9+ years now. They are truly my cats away from home, I love and worry about each and every one of them, knowing all too well that things happen, lots of things, bad things, and I have no control over any of it, this city where I live has over 200,000 people in it, lots of streets, busy with cars, business owners and crazy cat-hating people who think poisoning is the way to "get rid of the nuisances", etc etc. There's sickos who will find a homeless cat and use it for pit bull training, teach them the taste of blood, can you even imagine?? Uh!

Anytime I show up and someone's not there, I look and worry, always keeping track so if there's ever a missing cat more than one time in a row, I start to worry. It's endless.

My advantage here is they all know the sound of my car. I pull in and some spots hardly make the turn off of a busy street and they come out from all over to greet me, knowing it's time to eat!

LDG saying you can try calling them, YES! I would soo do this, nice and loud, they will learn fast this means time to eat! Saying the same thing everytime.

If I remember right, it was Lucy who escaped through the window screen, yes?

I also wanted to add, it sounds like there are other homes around, if they don't always show up for food, perhaps they are getting it someplace else?

Also mating time! Tommy is busy wandering.

P3 and the King, California is just the same way, ANY cat, no matter what breed, age, tame, feral, pretty, long haired, young, old, baby, no dif, they ALL get euthanized!  Sickens me, I pull as many as possible but....

My thoughts on spaying/neutering?

Not only does it help with the population, but know this-when a cat lives outdoors, life is already tough. By fixing the males, you are preventing the spread of FIV/FELV because the cat will no longer fight, no longer be tortured by screaming hormones, will roam far less, all around be much safer.

By fixing females, you are also preventing the spread of FIV/FELV because they contract it just as easily by the male biting their neck during mating, you are allowing that female to live a life that is not having one litter on top of the next, over and over until she has nothing left in her and dies at a far too young age.

Plus the enormous part, for every cat you fix, imagine the stats here, all the generations of litters born by just 1 pair of cats, in just a few years it is thousands! THAT many cats less will be killed in the world.

One small and kindhearted gesture of fixing a cat, has an enormous positive impact! Always remember this.

Great to hear you caught a peek at Thomas!

Tom was back for dinner last night, looking kind of scruffy, so I am going to make a concerted effort to get him to feel comfortable eating in the unset trap so I can get him vetted and neutered ASAP.

Keep your fingers crossed that this happens quickly for him.

AWWW hun, we all totally get your feelings and understand that feeling of despair in caring for these feral cats. SO SO SO very hard on our hearts, no doubt about that. BUT, I always tell myself that they are much better off with me caring for them than not. I also tell myself that I have absolutely NO control whatsoever over their safety. It breaks my heart, yes, but you also have to try to keep that frame of mind that what you are doing for them is THE best that you can do. The worry is part of what we do. Can't be helped. I always "call" to my ferals when I put food out. Loud too I am sure the neighbor's often hear me... But is does help to round them up if they are out in the woods. :nod:

Glad that Tom is back again. There are days when I don't see any kitties. I always put the food out in the morning. IF it is not eaten by dark, then I take it back up, and they get more food the next morning. Most times it does get eaten. You will just have to make that decision as to whether you want to feed or not. Of course, after you trap Tom. You will have to just decide if this IS what you want to do, feeding and trapping and releasing..... becoming a caretaker of ferals. It is an emotional roller coaster, unavoidable. :nod: To me, I would have it no other way. To others, they just cannot emotionally handle the stress of it. BUT we are ALL here for you to help you and support you!!!! COME ON, TOM!!!!! Into the trap you go !!!!!!! :cross:

P.S. I am sorry, so sorry about Lucy. :rub: I know that must be tearing you up inside how she got out that day.... but please know, you do not walk alone in your anguish and dejection over her. We all have had similar, unfortunate incidences.

Tom seems to be here sporadically. Yesterday he was a no-show so I put out kibble this morning and may just stick with that for a while, unless I see him around dinner time. Then he will get the "good stuff"!

I'm thinking he may not be "trappable" until the weather gets colder and the food supply more scarce.

Thanks for understanding and supporting me in this experience. Still hoping and praying that Lucy shows up and is safe and well fed.

catmom5
 

catmom5 said:

Thanks for understanding and supporting me in this experience. Still hoping and praying that Lucy shows up and is safe and well fed.

catmom5

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I know, your heart hurts..... More vibes for Lucy. We just have to think positively and know she is alright, where ever she is!! It is very possible that she will find her way back to you. :cross:

As for Tom, I would just keep putting out that food on a regular schedule. Hopefully he will start to come on schedule and that will make it easier for you to get him. Yes, that makes it very, very difficult to trap a tom cat who only sporadically comes around for food. I have one in particular, whom I have been trying to trap for almost two years :shocker:!!!!!!!!!!!! He only rarely passes through my yard, never on a schedule. He will walk right up to the trap, turn and spray the trap It is almost hilarious to me that he does that. Like he is marking it for himself to use later.... but he never uses it OR he is warning other's to stay away from the trap !!!!! He just sprays the trap and then leaves. What a STINKER!!!!! :rofl: He just saunters off and goes to where ever it is he goes :dk: It really bother's me that I cannot trap him. He won't even go near a drop trap. I have tried. But I will keep trying to get this elusive, savvy, smart tom cat. :cross:

Lauren that is definitely a little stinker tom that you've got there!!  Seriously has the fella no manners?

Catmom am sending huge vibes that your sweet Lucy comes home to you safely. 

SadiecAt said:

Lauren that is definitely a little stinker tom that you've got there!!  Seriously has the fella no manners?

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:lol3: Yeah, he definitely has a big time catitude. AND because of his antics, I have to keep bleaching and hosing off the trap, otherwise, his "stank" will keep other cats needing TNR away from the trap

Okay, need more advice here. Tom has been here a couple of times (that I've seen) but he's eating NOTHING! I have kibble out (really smelly stuff that he liked before) but got tired of throwing out cans and cans of wet food. Is there a wet food that he won't be able to resist cause he's looking pretty scruffy, from what I can see? I'm not willing to buy the really high-priced stuff but I'm willing to try to get him to eat something here.

He tends to come around 8 - 9 at night and hangs out, but is not eating. I did assemble the feral villa and new feeding station, but that was over the weekend and it shouldn't be that threatening, I wouldn't think. The only other change is that I had a board propped over the old plastic tub I put the food in, but don't have the board up by the feeding station since it's deep enough for him to get right up in.

Thanks for any hints!
 

UPDATE

Tom was hanging out across the street at his regular time, so I hurried out and put wet food into the feeding station I bought. He wandered over this way, but didn't eat a thing - again! So, I put the same dish of food on a patio block (right where he was eating before - next to the feeding station) and propped the board to cover the dish on the block. About 15 minutes later I went back to pick up the food, not wanting to leave it out all night and half of it was gone already.

So - I am wondering if he doesn't like the feeding station (closed in on 3 sides) or if he just feels more comfortable with the old arrangements.

I'm going to give him a bit longer to come back and finish the food and then go pick up what I hope is an empty dish. SMH

Anyone who "gets" these feral cats - please help me understand them.

catmom5
 

IF Tom was really, really hungry, he would eat. I don't think it has much to do with the feeding station set up or you moving that board. YES - at first they will hesitate and might not eat that day, but they are smart and know how to survive. They know they have to keep themselves thriving. Unless a cat is sick. If Tom is looking worse and worse, then he might be sick. OR he could be getting food elsewhere, maybe another caretaker somewhere else? OR he is hunting. There could be many reasons. In the warmer months, I tend to have to toss food into the woods at dusk too. The cats are not as hungry because the prey is plentiful enough. For canned food, I would recommend anything with fish or tuna. Fancy Feast is one that can be irresistible. Especially the Fish/Shrimp. Actually, Whiskas pouches is another one that could work for Tom. I guess I would try one of those types to see if you can get him to eat. :cross:

Interesting -

Tonight I decided to try a little experiment. I divided one can of food and put one dish in the shelter and the other on the block. He ate the one on the block but not in the shelter. He didn't eat a lot, but did eat. So . . . I am going to prop a board against the shelter tomorrow and feed in both places and see what happens. I'm just glad that he came to eat again.

Question about Mister Tom -

When he is around (like now) he hides in plain sight - laying in the middle of front porches with people walking and driving by. Last night I watched him sit down in the middle of the street, just checking out who/what was around. He has walked across the half-wall of the porch next door and seems to be comfortable in plain sight, but will take off if anyone acts like they see him.

Just curious if this is typical feral behavior . . .

catmom5 said:

Question about Mister Tom -
When he is around (like now) he hides in plain sight - laying in the middle of front porches with people walking and driving by. Last night I watched him sit down in the middle of the street, just checking out who/what was around. He has walked across the half-wall of the porch next door and seems to be comfortable in plain sight, but will take off if anyone acts like they see him.

Just curious if this is typical feral behavior . . .

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:lol3: What a character he is.... and in answer to your question... Yes and no I have seen many feral cats lounge out in open areas once they are completely secure and feeling very safe to do so. If Tom is feeling comfortable in his territory and that might include the street (odd though) he could possibly lounge around out in the open. Although that really is not typical of a truly feral cat to stay put with people walking by :lol3: Honestly, you don't know for sure IF he is feral or just a reverted feral stray. Anyway, I think it is great that he is starting to warm up like this and is feeling safe enough to lay around in plain sight. I am sure he is on high alert though - watching all around him. But a great, wonderful sign :nod: