NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications for women, available only by prescription.
ST. MOM'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we do it now?"
BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
SEXCEDRIN - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now,
dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
NAGAMET - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications for women, available only by prescription.
ST. MOM'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we do it now?"
BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
SEXCEDRIN - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now,
dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
NAGAMET - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
