Childish Adults- mini rant

My bubba Scott (not real brother, but close friend) complains when his mom doesn't make him dinner, or do his laundry- has a great paying job and complains about not having money, yet buys things like brand new DVD's all the time etc.

My other friend, who is equally childish complains about no money, but just bought a brand new iPad AND an iPhone!!!

What is up with this? I mean does anyone else have people like that in their life? If you're struggling for money, then you're not going to be buying an iPad or iPod etc......

And whats up with an adult, 22 years old- complaining about Mom not cooking dinner one night or doing his laundry??? UGHHH Its like I just want to slap him across the face and tell him to move out!!! lol

Anyone else??

Some people need to have the best things no matter what the cost. This is the problem with society incurring so much debt and why people go bankrupt. Impulsive behaviour and the mindset of saving for what you want has gone out the window.

Credit is a terrible thing. I thankfully learned my lesson after maxing out three credit cards in college. They are all now paid off and DH and I have no debt other than our mortgage. Consumer debt is a slippery slope.

My sister is one of those people who doesn't have any money yet somehow finds a way to buy what she wants. Now she has gone bankrupt and she is 34 years old.

Well- sometimes the family members (read the mom and dad) don't help the situation any by enabling the child (or whoever) living there. 

Like my post several threads down about family members. 

Hopefully my family is learning that I am NOT their maid, cook etc, etc.  Don't mind helping out when it's needed. Though I need to step back on that one- esp when it comes to the 18 year old.  She's constantly saying "I can't help b/c I have "stuff" to do for a class".  Yet when she sits down to do something- half the time is wasted on facebook, playing mindless games etc, etc.  (she's a senior in HS taking a CC class through the high school for college credit.  And she's finding out with this class this semester that it's a lot more work than she's used to.  The grade in this class isn't bad- but she's having to bust her butt for the grade she has.  Told her this morning that it's all about TIME MANAGMENT) 

But when you're sitting on your butt saying "man I'm bored- when's dinner, I have no clean clothes" and you're an ADULT or almost one- you need to get off said butt and do some work!   And the parent needs to stop "helping" and say "yeah- this is your responsibility"

Cheryl

The "boomerang generation" is driving my generation crazy. How we grew up is entirely foreign to them.

For example, one of our friends grew up on a ranch up in Amarillo. When he went away to college and came back home for the first break, he found his dad had turned his bedroom into his office.

"Uh, Dad, where's my bed?"

"It's out in the barn, son, if you ever need it."

"So, I'm not ever moving back in, huh?"

"Nope."

I left home when I was 18, and I've never been home for more than a few weeks since then.

On the subject of credit: You need at least one credit card. Nothing else will work if you come up against an emergency when traveling. In addition, without one, you can't hold a motel room, or do any one of a hundred things. You really can't rent a car. The theory of the car rental companies is, "If a credit card company won't trust you with a credit card with a $500 limit, why should we trust you with our $20,000 car?"

It's ridiculous. I moved out when I was 18, and was back when I got stranded & homeless for like maybe 2 weeks before getting my own place again.

But like Scott, he can afford it- but refuses to move out, I get so tired of "Enablers". When you enable someone you are only destroying them long term from responsibility. I can see, a kid going to college and still living at home- maybe, but in the case of this generation boomerang, it is probably the parents who pay for college. I paid for my own college.

Time to start kicking some booties outta the house to get them to fly

As far as credit: I don't have a credit card and never have. I have had bank issues & horrible credit from stupidity when I was younger. That being said, with a debit Visa card through my bank, I have been able to do hotels and car rentals with the Debit card, they just put a pre-auth on it of like $75

I guess my parents were just tough on me. I started learning the value of a dollar young. I started babysitting when I was 12 and had to put away half of everything I made into savings.  It was that year that I had to buy my own school clothes, my parents bought a few items but I basically bought everything. I have been buying my own clothes since then. If I wanted to do anything with my friends it was with my own money, they never gave me money for anything. I had to save to buy a computer because I wanted my own. When I was 17 I wanted a car, they helped me pick it out but I had to pay for it (just officially paid it off last month!!), and the insurance for it. When I went away to college I was basically cut off at that point, the only thing they pay for still is my cell phone bill ( I buy the phones, especially since i loose them or break them), simply because I wouldn't have one if they didn't and they like to talk to me. I struggle for money sometimes, and don't always do well in school because it is hard to work full time and go to school full time. I do have debt though that is proving harder to get out from under than I thought it would be. I pay my way through college and have a bunch of student loans to pay off when I am finished. I'm 23 by the way.

What annoys me is it has never been this way with my sister, she get a lot handed to her, and she barely works. She moves back home whenever she doesn't feel like paying her bills or her roommates annoy her. She has no sense of responsibility, but at least I do.

I think those childish adults are the result of parents who refuse to let them grow up.   Although it is not the only reason, it is the main one. 

yayi said:

I think those childish adults are the result of parents who refuse to let them grow up.   Although it is not the only reason, it is the main one. 

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I think that's true. I've seen some younger people who would like to be more independent but are afraid of hurting their parents' feelings. Even the general setup in the business world is against younger workers, because the older workers don't want to (or can't afford to) retire. The Boomers don't want to admit they're getting older so they don't want to let their kids grow up and do grown-up things. Basically, the younger generation isn't being allowed to grow up.

Nebula said:

It's ridiculous. I moved out when I was 18, and was back when I got stranded & homeless for like maybe 2 weeks before getting my own place again.
But like Scott, he can afford it- but refuses to move out, I get so tired of "Enablers". When you enable someone you are only destroying them long term from responsibility. I can see, a kid going to college and still living at home- maybe, but in the case of this generation boomerang, it is probably the parents who pay for college. I paid for my own college.
Time to start kicking some booties outta the house to get them to fly
As far as credit: I don't have a credit card and never have. I have had bank issues & horrible credit from stupidity when I was younger. That being said, with a debit Visa card through my bank, I have been able to do hotels and car rentals with the Debit card, they just put a pre-auth on it of like $75

Click to expand...

I'm not sure what to do about the whole credit card thing. 

I had one when I was 21.  That was when college campuses were giving away freebies for you signing up for a card.  I'd seen friends get into trouble with credit- and was determined NOT to repeat the mistakes (couple thousand owed on a card with little income coming in). 

Dd's AP teacher last year was telling the kids they need a credit card.  And I can see why, you can't really do anything without one.  But since the only thing dd would be using it for is books, since we aren't letting her have a car on campus next year, I'm not really seeing the need for it at the moment. I'd like to see how she manages everything else that comes with living "on your own" (college isn't exactly REAL life IMHO) before she gets a credit card. 

And with the whole "not letting your child grow up" I see that as well too.  I've met my fair share of overly protective parents while my kids were growing up.  It's a balance game. 

Dd is paying for most of school.  About half of it is academic scholarships, and she has to keep a 2.7 or better to keep them.  About 20K will be in student loans.  They're giving her $750 a semester in work/study.  The rest, about $1000/ month we have to come up with.  Her grandparents have put money aside so that's covered for about a year and a half.  We have more saved, we'll see how much has to be taken out to pay for it.  If the grades are bad enough and she loses scholarships, she will HAVE to come home and go to the local 4 year school. 

Cheryl 

cheryl 

Cheryl, What is she in school for?

I think there is a Balance. I was raised a pastor's kid, so the house was strict. Allowance was given simply to teach us money management (always with 10% coming out for tithes to the church first).

Chores were expected as part of being a family. We didn't get paid for chores. If we did something extra that wasn't an assigned chore, we might get paid. We got paid a weekly amount of $2.00. When I turned 13, I started babysitting & petsitting etc to earn some extra money. When we each turned 13, we got an allowance raise of $3 per week- so that made us $ 5 a week, or $10 every 2 weeks- it was our choice.

Oh , and dad took taxes out of our allowance lol. We would get a "refund" at the end of the year at Christmas, interesting but kinda cool I guess.

I was good in HS , never even had friends to go hang out with- so that wasn't a worry!!

A car & cell phone didn't come until I had a job and could pay for it. My first car was at 18, my first cell phone too- gaah that thing was expensive, remember those Nokia trac fones lol.. antiques now.

I don't know about the credit. I know my rating is slowing coming up - at the moment it is 510 which is horrrible, but all my bills are paid on time etc, I really don't want a credit card, I have been able to get by with a debit card so far. Maybe your daughter can get a debit card with no overdraft protection?

Willowy said:

I think that's true. I've seen some younger people who would like to be more independent but are afraid of hurting their parents' feelings. Even the general setup in the business world is against younger workers, because the older workers don't want to (or can't afford to) retire. The Boomers don't want to admit they're getting older so they don't want to let their kids grow up and do grown-up things. Basically, the younger generation isn't being allowed to grow up.

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See, that's the way my parents were. I went to college and had big plans. I went on interviews and was offered a job in Baltimore, but Mom was worried about me living down there by myself (the job didn't pay a lot since it was entry level). I even had a few chances to get an apartment closer to work with some co-workers. She said "you can't pay your bills now, how are you going to afford rent and utilities?" (I wracked up some major credit cards while in college). I said "How am I going to learn unless I try??". Needless to say, I didn't get the apartment with my friends because Mom didn't want me to. Basically, she wanted me to live at home until I got married. So finally, at age 29 I packed my bags and moved to Guam, 10,000 miles away, and I never had to ask them for a cent (well, they did pay for my first trip home 10 months later but that was because they wanted to see me!). 

I will say when I was living with my parents I paid rent, I did my own laundry and theirs too if I had time, I bought my own food, cooked meals for the family and helped with the cleaning and upkeep of the house and yard. 

None of that around here. I have 4 kids, and one thing I always believed was that if I had children, they'd be taught to be contributing members of society. If you raise children, and do everything for them, until they get a little older then expect them to just accept chores and jobs and responsibility-you're too late. My 6 year old has been picking up laundry, putting away his own laundry, feeding dogs, and making his bed for at least 3 years. Of course he needs assistance, but if you don't help them, and teach them when they are little, you will be doing it yourself until you have to sell your house to get them out of it!! (Don't laugh-my In-laws had to do this with my husbands youngest brother!)

My older sons have already gone to work (side work-construction) with my husband, and my 13 year old is counting the days until he can get his working papers in August. My daughter babysits, and just applied for a job at the local Yacht Club, since she likes nice things, and babysitting doesn't pay for all of that. I have already told her, if she wants to go away to college, she will be footing the bill for her dorm, since we have one of the best colleges in the state just 20 minutes away, and she can live at home. (SUNY Stony Brook-it doesn't get much better or more affordable) She cleans stalls, and grooms my horse to help pay for her riding lessons, and the board to keep him. I cover shoes, medications and veterinary visits. 

She also knows that if she lives at home, she will begin paying rent when she turns 18. Not a whole lot, but enough that it will teach her how it feels. (Of course this money will go into a savings account, so when she needs it, it will be there) 

I was raised by parents that did not believe in a free ride either. From early childhood, I worked at my fathers store on weekends and when I had breaks from school I went into the city and worked at his other job at a military hat factory-yes, a sweat shop type of factory, ironing seams so the linings could be sewed on. I made 2 dollars an hour (It was a long time ago) and I went home with burns and blisters and achy arms from holding the iron for hours. It was miserable work, but you know it was work, and doing an honest days worth was what mattered. My entire childhood, my father worked 7 days a week. I got to see him by going with him and working alongside. 

As far as credit cards go-I have 1, and it's for extreme emergencies. Animal emergencies, household emergencies. For everything else-I have a debit card, and if I don't have the cash in the bank, I obviously cannot afford the purchase. 

There is no sense of entitlement in this house. Nobody expects anything for free, and I'm pretty sure they, like myself and my husband would rather do any work at all before taking a handout. When they come home tired-they sleep well, knowing they earned everything they have. They, like me, have no patience for those who don't take responsibility for things they have and expect things for free. If a parent doesn't raise their child to work for what they have, they are not doing their job properly. 

That's very true. The only exception I see for that rule is disabled kids. Now grant it, they can still be taught to do SOMETHING- even if it is just picking up trash on the highway to contribute to society. I'm on disability but I did work- for a long time (since I was 18) even being a disabled child, my parents still had me working & doing chores etc.

Nebula said:

Cheryl, What is she in school for?
I think there is a Balance. I was raised a pastor's kid, so the house was strict. Allowance was given simply to teach us money management (always with 10% coming out for tithes to the church first).
Chores were expected as part of being a family. We didn't get paid for chores. If we did something extra that wasn't an assigned chore, we might get paid. We got paid a weekly amount of $2.00. When I turned 13, I started babysitting & petsitting etc to earn some extra money. When we each turned 13, we got an allowance raise of $3 per week- so that made us $ 5 a week, or $10 every 2 weeks- it was our choice.
Oh , and dad took taxes out of our allowance lol. We would get a "refund" at the end of the year at Christmas, interesting but kinda cool I guess.
I was good in HS , never even had friends to go hang out with- so that wasn't a worry!!
A car & cell phone didn't come until I had a job and could pay for it. My first car was at 18, my first cell phone too- gaah that thing was expensive, remember those Nokia trac fones lol.. antiques now.
I don't know about the credit. I know my rating is slowing coming up - at the moment it is 510 which is horrrible, but all my bills are paid on time etc, I really don't want a credit card, I have been able to get by with a debit card so far. Maybe your daughter can get a debit card with no overdraft protection?

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At the moment she wants Music Ed.  Will that change?  I don't know.  She's not going to a specific music school, the school she's going to is a small private liberal-arts school. 

She likes history, and is toying with the idea of a history minor.  Which can easily become a teaching job if she gets the credits/training for that.

It kind of worries me b/c arts education is the first to be "chopped" when it comes time for budget cuts.  And getting an entry-level teaching job in our area is kind of tough too.  One local  school system just sent out notices to all of the 1st year teachers saying that due to budget cuts, they were not being asked to come back next year

She keeps saying also that she's not moving back here after graduation.  The job market around here is kind of saturated with military transitioning from active-duty to civilian jobs, so finding something here can be a challenge.  So while I'd be sad if she never came back here full-time, I can certainly understand her not wanting to live here.

Cheryl

I get that. I guess when I was thinking of a career, I wanted to choose something that would be in demand. Anything in the medical or computer field leaps to mind- so I went for Paramedic, and might go on to med school later-- maybe if I have it in me!!

The economy is rough everywhere.. Texas just laid off a bunch of teachers and most schools are on a hiring freeze- however its an honorable job. Dealing with the snot nosed minors all day isn't for me lol.

I guess be glad she isn't trying to pay for Juliard!

I think I'm doing okay...

I'm 19, moved out at 18 to go to a public research university 400 miles away. I worked my butt off in high school and I have a full ride scholarship. Pays for tuition, books, rent, food, everything. My mom and stepdad helped me move into my apartment and bought me cheap used furniture, paid my prorated first month's rent, original security deposit, pet fees, etc. They also give me $200 a month, out of which I pay my cell bill (I buy my own phones too), and I got my mom's old car when she got a new one. I pay for gas and upkeep and parents pay myene car insurance. My first year in college I didn't have a car, which was fine because I lived in the dorms. My dad gives me a few hundred dollars every couple months when he can.

So right now, my parents pay my car insurance, $200 monthly allowance, and a little extra money every few months if I need to scrape by. Otherwise I have no debt. I don't have a credit card, nor do I have student loans.

I promise, my generation aren't all lazy!!! :lol3: