Pooka, my baby

Monday we are putting Pooka to sleep. She has suffered with IBD and Pancreatitis for years, and I have helped her get through it. I made her her own food, gave her meds, her own bed for when she wasn't sleeping with me at night....everything I could. A week ago she stopped eating, I force fed her for 2 days assuming it was a small cold. On the 3rd day she woke up and was so wobbly and weak, I rushed her to the vet and they gave her a antibiotic shot, sent me home with fluids and pain meds. To the vets, upon exam, she seemed healthy. I couldn't afford a blood panel. It is all downhill from there. She can barely move she is so weak, only gets up to go pee and then sleep more. She keeps jerking like something scares her, I don't know if its seizures or something else, and she keeps salivating on and off like she tastes something bad. Not eating, and I can see the misery in her.

This will be the first cat I make the primary decision to put down and I am having such a hard time with it, parents cats I had a say on but it wasn't the same as a cat I have taken care of on my own for 6 years. I try and tell myself its kind, but it keeps coming back to me that no matter what I say I am signing her death order on Monday. I am going to hold her and comfort her as the vet injects medicine that will kill her. I am a mess. I almost hope she slips away in the night before Monday, but it is so hard! I wish she could stay, she is only 13 and she has fought so hard. Yet I cannot afford to keep testing her for everything that could be wrong, and besides the fact that whatever is wrong is obviously not going to be an easy fix if its fixable at all. 

How does one deal with this? Knowing you are killing your pet, even if its for all the right reasons?

I'm very, very sorry you've had to make this decision.Thirteen years is such a short life in human terms, but in a cat it's a manifestation of the love and care you've given her. Now it's time to give her a last gift - an easy death. Most people, including vets, will tell you it's better to do so a day too soon than a day too late. Treasure the time you have left with her this weekend, and afterwards the memories of the life you had together. The love will always remain.

It's not easy and no matter how many times you have done it, it just doesn't get easier.

You are doing the right thing for her. You have been there for here all these years and in the end, you will make the ultimate decision of love.

Enjoy your weekend with her.

I have had to make this decision myself and it never is easy and it always seems like the time we have had with our pets has been way too short.  But you are right to tell youself that it's kind, and you ARE doing the right thing.  In fact this is the greatest act of kindness that can ever be given to an animal that is suffering.  You will be doing this for Pooka on Monday.

  Give yourself plenty of time to grieve, and my thoughts are with you. 

I can't imagine having to make the decision, and l hope l don't have to for a long time, so my heart goes out to you.

It's now Tuesday, so l hope Pooka had a comfortable and quick passing 

Pooka

She passed away on March 20th, first day of spring...at 5:03pm, before her vet appt at 5:30pm. In a way, it was very Pooka, always doing things her way. My mother was on her way to get us, since I knew I would be unable to drive after and I had just gotten off the phone when I heard a odd noise from the bedroom. I went in and Pooka was there, breathing deeply with a slight wheeze and they slowly got slower until they stopped. My mother says it was her last gift to me, to take the guilt off my shoulders at having to put her down myself. She just slipped away, her little body (she was only ever 5lbs healthy) just gave up the fight and she let go. I am in deep mourning, my world feels so much emptier, but I know that is just me as she is in a much better place with all the kitties she knew and loved that had passed before her.

I'm so sorry.

, Pooka.

I am so very sorry for your loss! I was not able to be there at my Kitty's passing(my parents took him to the vet) and I wish I could have spent his final moments with him petting him and saying my goodbyes again so sorry my thoughts are definitely with you!

Oh yes she is in a beautiful place now.  Head buts with all our little ones that dwell there too.

What a lovely girl.

God bless

The definition of "Euthanasia" is "good death" and also, the freeing from chronic, incurable illness and/or pain.  I always use the criteria of asking myself, "What would I want done for ME if I was in this condition?"  This makes it quite a lot easier to answer, because I would not want to linger in this situation, and I am certain your beloved cat does not want to do so, either. Though I also hope she will transcend peacefully in her sleep, if she does not, you will be doing the greatest act of love and kindness by assisting her to leave a worn-out and painful earthly existence for one which will be far better, in wholeness and health once again.  No matter what your beliefs may be, I am sure that you would never wish pain on anyone you love, and pain and sickness without cure or help is not a good way to have to exist.  Spend as much time with her as you can, letting her know you love and cherish her.  She knows this, and she will be with you always, watching over you until you are reunited in due time, never to part again.  Trust in this, because it is absolutely true -- the soul is eternal! 

(I posted this before reading your post above; I thought to edit it now, but I decided to let it stand, because it may be of help to you now.  Know she is wth you!)