Getting over it..

Hello everybody.

I am new here. I discovered this website yesterday morning, when I was still deciding wether or not put my cat to sleep.

I found many posts across the whole forum that helped me.

She was 13 (but only adopted 6 years ago) and was suffering of lung insuffiency, so we ended her life before she started to feel pain : the 28th at 7pm. I spent all the day with her, watching her, before somebody could bring us to the vet. I was holding her until her last moments. I also burried her myself, in my garden. It was a very hard moment.

Anyway.. I wanted to ask you how did you personally get over your loss, because since the moment I realised she was not going well  until now, I couldn't stop crying.  I'm feeling  so terribly sad, I'm becoming crazy. As I told you, i've cried for almost two days and nights now - yes, even before she died-

I'm feeling very pathetic, and incredibly sad. I have problems accepting, realizing life without her. She was part of my life from too much time.

So, as strange as it is for me, I'm coming here to ask some help. Thanks.

PS: Sorry for eventually bad english.

You never get over it, that's the tough part of loving any living thing.

I can tell you that it does get easier with time though.

I am sorry for your loss, but remember, you gave her love in her last years, and she knew this.

Like 'Arlyn says, you don't get over it.  You live with it.  Eventually, the tears will become fewer and the smiles of good memories replace them.  Your choice to let her go before she became too sick is very touching.  They say rather one day too soon, than a day too long.

I lost my baby girl a month ago.  And at times, it's like an hour ago.  Like you, I burried her in our kitty cemetary.  Heart wrenching.

Our kitties are now peaceful.  I wouldn't wish my Beeshee Marie back being so sick. 

I will keep you and your little one in my prayers.  In time, I hope you can look back with more smiles than tears.  Smile because she "was".  And still is. Over the Bridge. 

God bless.

Let me recommend www.petloss.com.  It's a web site with memorials for passed pets.  Many people find it very comforting. I even have a couple of poems on there.

Whatever you might believe about cats and an afterlife, it is true that all we can know about them is this life.  They become very much a part of us, and losing them leaves a hole in our heart the exact shape of that cat.  No other cat can fill the hole perfectly; there will always be a sense of loss, but eventually we learn to concentrate on the good things and leave behind the bad.

Your reaction isn't unusual, but you certainly want to look back to the good times.

Many of our members describe feeling their cat on their bed, or hearing their voice, or some such thing.  I don't believe in ghost cats, but our minds are quite capable of comforting themselves with such strong sensory memories.

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.( If I even think about loosing my baby, I tear right up, so i can't even imagine.) Sending healing vibes & a prayer your way.  

I only had my little boy for 10 months, I lost him 4 months ago, I have never felt so much pain! probably because I had.never felt so much love!

Oh love, my heart goes out to you, I have no words as I lost my beloved Coco on the 29th of January this year, she was such a beautiful little cat and I loved her with all my heart, the pain of her loss will never leave me, I would like to tell you that things get better, they do in a way but you will NEVER forget your furry friend, take comfort in the knowledge that your little boy is not in any pain and is safe with the Angels as is my precious Coco. I would give everything I own to have her back with me, even though she was in so much pain, she loved her cuddles, I carried her around like a baby, so much love and, when her soul left her broken little body, my heart broke, at least I have the comfort in knowing that she passed in my arms.

Sometimes, God gives us the gift of a furry friend, I believe my Coco was sent to me to comfort me after the sad loss of little Crumble, talk to him as you always did, miss him but let him go because it was his time.......

From one herartbroken mum to another, God Bless and help you through the pain, cry if you want to, talk to him, I believe that animals have souls and that one day, we will meet again in a better place...

Cheryl (Cocos mum) xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've come to the right place for support though

I'm sorry for your loss. We go through the same stages of grief for our fur babies as we do for our human family members. The pain becomes less acute with time, and the positive memories come more to the fore, but the loss is always there, though more accepted.

Well said lilymac. So true!

 

lilymac said:

I only had my little boy for 10 months, I lost him 4 months ago, I have never felt so much pain! probably because I had.never felt so much love!

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Thank you all. I needed to read about personnal stories like yours, because people around me do not have cats. I am actually considering adopting another cat soon, since a friend of mine told me it is the best remedy.. I am currently searching

I have found that a new cat is a real help.  It will not be your old cat, even if it looks like it.  The younger you get it, the more you can mold it the way you want, to some extent.  But cats' personalities are so different, you will have no trouble at all seeing plenty of differences.  Cats are important in my life, and if I lost them all for some reason, I would have to replace them with at least one or two new cats.

In addition, since I volunteer at a shelter, I know how many perfectly wonderful cats go to that terrible dark room in the back, just because we don't have enough room and enough people who come to the shelter to adopt their cats.

I am so sorry for your loss!  If any of our three died, I'd be lost.  Nothing can replace your beloved cat because each cat has a unique personality and is special.  Allow yourself time to grieve and miss your friend and in time it will be easier, but you never completely 'get over' a loss of someone dear to you.  Getting involved with raising another cat may indeed in time help, but it will not 'solve' the issue...only time heals the hurt and the pain.  Talking to other 'cat parents' (here and elsewhere) will probably be one of the most helpful things...and getting a new cat and becoming involved with him/her will also be a good distraction, but your precious cat-friend who has died is cannot be replaced.  I always tell the Lord, "I better find that my cats are waiting for me in Eternity---or You'll have some serious explaining to do!"   I know He understands...and I'm sure I will see them there in Eternity when I join them.  Until then...become involved in life as you feel strong enough and know that we all have much sympathy for you and are here to listen and we care.

With my poor prayers,

+Fr. Gregory  

When I lost Max, my soulmate cat, I wrote a book about his life.  I included pictures and memorials from friends.  I never wanted to forget the fun things he did that most cats never do.  I gave a copy to his former owners and one to my vet.  They knew how special a cat he was.  The writing process was a healing for me.  My husband never read the story, but I get it out once in a while and read it.  The tears come when I do, but even that is part of loving them and healing.  Life is never the same, but you learn to live with it.

I started having serious second guessing and problems with the euthanasia issue AFTER we had Elmo put down. Finally, a note from the Vet outlining his end stage congestive heart failure issues helped me start getting past the euthanasia decision. Gareth's post "WHEN THE MOMENT COMES" from October 14, 2011 helped me tremendously too.

Within grief, I had heard the rule of threes - which parallels pretty closely what I went through: The first 3 days are horrific, "what are we gonna do without this little guy around?", and no interest in anything... At the point of three weeks, the death is still fresh and the shock is wearing off... plenty more grief ahead but not like the first 3 days...

Today, I am at the 3 month point and hit hurts badly. I have consistently visited his grave 3 times a day and atleast one of those ends up in me getting choked up. Everyone deals with it differently.

His death left his 13 year old tortoiseshell companion - who is very territorial. We were afraid that if we waited too long to introduce another cat to the house - it would be more difficult on the older cat. By the end of January we added a 1.5 old tortoiseshell that was living in a foster home. It has not been easy for the two to get acquainted... but it is working better each day. My wife and I think that the presence of the new cat, has helped heal our hearts more than anything else...

Please read Gareth's post, When The Moment Comes...