Guidance and assistance desperately needed

My husband and I moved into our neighborhood about two years ago and we have been taking care ofa good six ferals daily. We learned the hard way that we needed to trap them after a good four litters of kittens were brought to us. We have trapped any and all of them that would go into the trap. Only two males refuse to go in. The last round of kittens to be brough to us were much older. The vets thinks they were 5 months old. One had to be released back out bc he just couldn't calm down and injured himself trying to escape (the vet treated the injury before we released him). The other two we brought in in an attempt to socialize. One is male and the other is female. The male is just about ready to be adopted he's friendly he purrs etc. the female is still hissing and growling after a good 7 weeks. However, she doesnt hide as much and sometimes stays out in the room with us. She even started to plays and even takes treats from our hands so I know we have made great.progress. Our problem is we don't have a lot of time at all. If we spend a half hour per day w them it's a lot. A friend of mine that has extensive experience socializing kittens (and who has a lot more time) took them on Friday last week to work with them. She agrees that the male is great but told me she doesn't think Mini can be socialiized and suggested we release her. I really don't think that is best for her. My friend is already able to pet her tummy but she is worried that she is not purring yet. She has only had them for four days so despite her experience, I think her expectation of purring is very premature especially since we rarely were able to pet her. We are taking them back from my friend eventually and want to try to work w her so she could get adopted but I'm worried she won't adjust to anyone else if she bonds w us. We have four cats inside already and w the other 6 outside we really cannot add another cat to our household. I have tried calling shelters but everyone gives me the same answer....they can't help don't have time etc. I won't bring her to a shelter for fear they will put her to sleep. We would love to find one patient home for both of then so they could stay together but we do not want to keep holding the boy and keeping him from getting adopted since he is just about ready. Please offer any advice, thoughts or suggestions you may have. We are at a loss for what to do here. Thanks so much.

Welcome to the site !!!! A big thank you for caring for all of these feral cats and getting them TNRd. Your little Mini sounds just like my Avery was. I trapped three feral kittens over a year ago and they were older too - about seven months. Avery took the absolute longest to socialize. Same thing - we thought we were going to have to release her back outside but were determined to get her into a home, somehow, someway. Avery was very nasty - lashed out, hissed and even bit. But look how it turned out - she just needed TONS of time. I had the support of a wonderful local shelter that put her on their website. This local shelter also has a huge network of foster families. That was the key - Avery was placed in a foster home and kept in this woman's computer room. Eventually she was able to allow her own cats into that room to help comfort Avery. It worked very well to help her come out even more - having the other friendly cats around. It really took about six months with Avery. And she is finally in a wonderful, loving home. I just found out as a matter of fact the other day - that after a year in the new home - she is now a lap cat . The feral cat's all have many varying personalities just like home raised kittens. Some cat's, socialized ferals or not, will not want to be pet, won't be lap cats - other's will be very loving and cuddly. It is too early in this process to say that Mini must be released. AND if down the road, you do decide - at least she has your yard to be cared for and sheltered.

I totally agree with you in that this person who has her right now cannot presume in four days time that Mini will never be socialized That is not nearly enough time :lol3: I would think this person, with experience, would know this I would give her much more time. She really does need someone to spend as much time with her as possible. But even if you are only able to spend 1/2 hour a day - that is better than being in a shelter and possibly being euthanized. IF you can - see if you can find a foster network of compassionate, caring cat lover's. Maybe someone has space for this kitty. :cross: We are here to offer you support - I really hope that Mini can be socialized and I think she can :rub: :heart3:

p.s. IF you find a home for the boy - just let him go. It is perfectly alright to separate them. It would be difficult at best to find someone to take them both - adopt them both together. BUT it is possible. It would be great to keep them together - but that may not be feasible at this point.

I agree that four days is not enough to determine that she can't be socialized. And if she can pet her belly after only four days I think that's great progress. However, I do think it's important to have a plan B when you take in feral cats because not all do come around. One problem is that if Mini doesn't come around and you keep her for a long time she may have forgotten how to manage outside. If that does happen though you could always try to find a barn home for her where she could live with other cats in a barn. It takes some work to find a good barn home - the barn owner has to be wiling and able to keep the cats confined at first until they've gotten used to their new homes - but it's not impossible.

Then there is the issue of socialized ferals only getting used to one or two people and have a very hard time when getting adopted. I have a foster cat who came in at about the same age as yours and was actually pretty easily socialized. Unfortunately he didn't get adopted when he was young but after about a year with me he was adopted. He was returned after four days because he wouldn't come out from behind the washer and was just terrified. In hindsight the girl that adopted him probably wasn't the right person. She had no experience with cats at all and didn't follow the advice I gave her. I do expect that when he does get adopted again it will be difficult and he will need a lot of work and patience to get used to a new home. Because of that he has to be adopted by the right family and can't just go to anyone. Of course that will make an adopter harder to find.

It's a tough decision. I'd give Mini some more time but if you are going to give her a lot more time you have to be sure that you or your friend can keep her for that time and that you have a plan B in case an appropriate home can't be found in the right amount of time. It sounds to me that she is making good progress though.

Saving mini said:

 She even started to plays and even takes treats from our hands so I know we have made great.progress.

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You havent mentioned Feliway diffusers nor calming music.  Do you use these?  If not, I think it is  time.

I think fear and anxiousness is the negative key here locking down her development and socialization.

This above triggered me.  She started to play recently you tell... Ie, earlier, she was too scared to cool down and play...

I myself believed as an axiom, "ferales doesnt play" - if they play, they arent no ferales (any longer).  But quite recently, I got proof here it is not true.

Anxious ferales dont play.  Ferales in safe, comfortable situation do play.

And thus, when a fostered cat begins to play, this is a strong signal  NOW she does begin to feel decently safe. NOW she does dare to relax and even play a little...

Its NOW your fostering really starts. Now when she is calm enough to listen to you, learn from you.

Feliway diffuser and calming music are nice helpers.  Not absolutely necessary. Good people, rescuers and fosterers do and did managed without them.  But they are very innocent "cheats", cant hurt but often helps quite much.

Good luck!   *vibes*

ps.  Welcome to TCS site and our Forums!