My Cousin Is Getting Another Dog...

nerdrock

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About 10 months ago, my cousin had asked me to come to her place (about 2 hrs round trip) to help her train their 6 month old puppy. They had had him for 4 months, he didn't know any commands, chewed on things he wasn't supposed to, wasn't crate trained and wasn't even close to being potty trained. He was a mix of two pretty easy breeds to train (lab/golden mix). She complained about everything that he did from pulling on the leash to knocking his bowl over when he ate. I spent 7 hours over there working with him and her, giving her tips, showing her how to do things, answering questions and everything. The puppy was an ANGEL while I was there and I was sure that if she kept up what we had went over he would be trained in no time. Before I left, I told her I would come out again in two weeks to see where they were and work on any more problems they were having. I also told her that if she had any problems before then that she could call, text or email me. Just before I was supposed to go out again I saw she posted something on Facebook about them giving the puppy away. When I asked her about it, she told me that he was impossible to train and she just didn't have time to deal with him. 

In November when Mike and I separated, we had to find a new home for out pit bull, Josh. We were looking for either a temporary or permanent home. I asked my cousin if she wanted to try Josh out for a little bit before we searched elsewhere because she had been posting things about looking for a new puppy. Josh was 7 at the time, very friendly, kid and cat tested, trained, house broken and crate trained. Pretty much the perfect dog. Her grandmother (my aunt) even tried to convince her to try Josh out, she had met her and fallen in love. If she wasn't living in a retirement village, she would have taken her. Anyways, my cousin went on about how they wanted a puppy and that Josh was too old, she wouldn't even try her for a week. I thought, alright then, I'm done with this. I decided not to help her anymore. 

At the beginning of December, after we had placed Josh with a great foster based rescue, my cousin sends me a text asking if there's anywhere to get really cheap puppy stuff because they were going to get a JRT/Chihuahua puppy for her fiance's father. The pups had just been born, so she was going to need stuff for the start of February. I told her to check Kijiji and sites like that for the stuff. Then she sent me a message that was pretty snotty saying something along the lines of, "Don't you have anything you can give me? You have dogs all the time and I know you have two extra crates". I replied simply with, "Sorry, I don't have anything extra right now. I do have three crates, but I have two dogs and cat. I need them for vet trips and incase someone gets sick and has to be separated.". She didn't talk to me for a month after that. 

I saw just a bit ago that someone was asking if anyone knew of any English Bulldog breeders in the area. One of my friends breeds them and I wasn't thinking when I replied to it and gave the information. I hadn't actually looked to see who posted it but when it clicked with me what I had just done, so I sent her a message asking if it was for her or for someone else. She replied that it was for them and that they had found one that was trained and housebroken for $900 but it was in Ottawa. She said that they were willing to spend up to $1000 on one. I responded back with information on the breed, other things about them that I had found out through working with them through rescue and through my friend. I told her about all the medical expenses that she would almost surely have to experience with the breed, that they were difficult to train because they are stubborn, most need to have their wrinkles and tail pockets cleaned daily, etc. I also told her that she could possibly minimize the cost of these things by purchasing one for a reputable breeder but that it would cost her about double what she was willing to pay up front. I also explained that if she went that route, then she would also have a health guarantee from the breeder. She just responded that her mother in law was over and she'd talk to me later. 

I did email my friend that breeds them and told her to really investigate my cousin if she contacted her, she asked why and I explained everything. It's up to her now whether she will sell her a pup, if she is even contacted. 

I am so mad at my cousin. She has a 3 year old son and is planning on having another baby soon. She works part time and always complains that she's exhausted, how is she going to have time for a puppy? I'm trying to stay out of it, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be the one that's left to clean up the mess when she doesn't want it anymore. 

One of my friend's fiance's mom has a 1 year old dachshund that she's threatening to put down, so I have already committed to taking that dog in if I need to to rehabilitate and most likely rehome. I have enough dog stress with that, I don't need her stressing me out with this too! 
 

rafm

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She's an irresponsible dog owner, pure and simple. She won't get it, no matter how hard you try....animals are disposable to her, it is very difficult to change that attitude. 

Its really frustrating, I completely understand. I feel so sorry for any pup she drags home. 
 
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nerdrock

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Me too, she just doesn't get it. Let's hope this thing with the dachshund pup gets resolved quickly because I have a feeling that in about 6-8 months I'm going to have an EB to deal with. 

It's also frustrating for me because if I just say no to her, half of my family will be incredibly angry with me (it's always, "help out [name], she didn't know what she was getting into") and she'll just give the pup to whoever wants it, it would probably end up in a puppymill. At least my parents and her grandmother are on my side. 

I'm so glad that we didn't end up letting them take Josh. How bad it is that I'm happier that I had to send my dog to a rescue than send her to my cousin for 6 months?!
 

rafm

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Any family member that would give you grief over not being able to help her has serious issues. Unless they are willing to put up some cash to help you they need to keep their traps shut.

A friend of mine kept talking about wanting a yorkie. She went on and on and no matter how many pups I sent her from petfinder, she was bound and determined to get a purebred yorkie puppy. When she told me she was getting one at a flea market, I sent her tons of info on puppy mills, health issues in dogs that were poorly bred, articles on how to choose a breeder, etc. I told her that if she wanted a purebred yorkie to spend the money and get a good quality dog from a reputable breeder....she told me she couldn't afford one of those. So, very long story short, she got one at a flea market and spent thousands of dollars on its health issues and finally had to put the dog down at 4 years of age due to a nasty hereditary problem, after spending over $2,000 in the last 2 weeks of its life. But, she learned the value of getting a well-bred dog. She still talks about getting another dog but has told me she will either get a rescue or find a good breeder next time. Hard way to learn a lesson but at least the lesson was learned.

You do all you can for your pets and the rescue pets you bring in. You can't take responsibility for people that won't learn.
 
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nerdrock

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It's her mom that starts things, she was always kind of the black sheep of her family to begin with. Then she made my cousin that way (she also has another daughter and a son). My cousin was basically raised by her grandmother (my aunt) and our cousin (my aunt's daughter). My cousin will tell her mother something that is only partially true, her mother will tell her sister and it will just go on like that until I look like the bad guy in it all. I rarely see them anymore, except for my aunt because she knows how they all are. 

I have warned my friend about her but I'm on the fence about asking her to inform the other breeders around here. I know the breeders that she's going to contact are friends with my friend. If I do contact them, then she'll end up getting a puppy off of Kijiji or some other site like that that will cost her a ton of money, the pup would be sent onto me sooner. If she gets one from a reputable breeder, then she'll have less health problems, or at least a health guarantee, and then maybe she will actually keep it. If she doesn't, then I know who the breeder is and can return the pup to them. At that point, the breeder may or may not be able to do something legal with her breaking the contract - all of the breeders she's looking at have a stipulation that if you cannot keep the puppy you are to return it to them, no exceptions. I will be honest, I'm thinking about which is going to cost me less in all of this. I do have some sponsors for the dachshund pup, thank god, so most of her care will be covered if she does end up coming here, but I know no matter what an EB is going to cost me a lot. I've had one before (foster) and I wanted to get one before I got into dachshunds, but when I read up on all of the possible medical costs I decided it would be more responsible to go with a different breed. 

I did remind her about my Sadie. I got her from a puppymill when I didn't know any better. The first year I had her I ended up spending almost $3000 in vet care, she was diagnosed with epilepsy and had back problems. She had to have surgery just over a year ago that was almost $2000. Her annual vet visits average out to about $1000, not including that first year. I know what it's like to have a special needs dog because you purchased them from the wrong type of breeder. I know that my cousin will not spend that kind of money, honestly, I know a lot of people that wouldn't or couldn't (and that's what's happening with the dachshund pup, sort of). Reminding her about Sadie did seem to lock her into going with a reputable breeder, so hopefully she sticks with that. 
 

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I know how you feel. Its incredibly frustrating, especially when you can't stop the person and just KNOW the dog is going to suffer in the end.

3 years ago my brother and his wife paid 1000+ for a Valley Bulldog just around the time they had a newborn and a toddler. The puppy was completely deaf...they had NO idea how to train a dog that could hear, let alone a deaf dog and had no patience because of the two babies. They ended up giving her to a friend that had other dogs and lots of space. The dog is doing great now...
 

Just tonight my SIL was over and was talking about how the kids want a puppy. My brother works full time and she works almost full time hours...who is going to look after it? They are going to end up asking me for help. I LOVE dogs and want one of my own when I can afford it...but I don't want to end up looking after it only for them to ditch it when they lose their patience again.

Irresponsible pet owners are a real sore spot for me. Your cousin needs to stop and think "am I really capable of caring for a puppy?" Like I said...its the animals that suffer. 
 
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nerdrock

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Exactly, but she doesn't think that way. 

Before they got the first puppy, I had offered them a puppy out of the litter that we're having. I told her that I would keep it until it was 6 months old, only charge her half of what we charge for them (basically enough to cover food and vetting) and that way it would be mostly potty trained and have basic training down. She was really interested until I told her that she'd have to wait about a year for the litter. Since everything has gone on, I've told her that I will not let her have one of my puppies. 

I have also told her that she should look into getting a retired show dog or older puppy that just didn't make the cut for the show ring because they would already have quite a bit of training, would probably be potty trained and wouldn't be as much work as a young puppy, but she wasn't going for that either. 

I checked out her facebook this morning and saw that someone had posted that their neighbour had puppies but they weren't bulldogs, my cousin asked to see a picture. I honestly think if she can't get a bulldog right away from a breeder, she's just going to end up getting the first puppy that comes along. 

Ugh. She is the reason that rescues and breeders put people through the ringer when they want to get a dog. 
 
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nerdrock

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No word yet from my cousin on what she's doing... not to comfortable about that :(

My friend stopped in today to pick up a bag of food when I was doing my demo, I had sent her a text and told her they had a big bag that was close to expire and she'd save $13 on it if came and got it while I was there. Anyways, while she was there we were talking about the dachshund I mentioned earlier in this thread and we went through the store so she could show me different brands that her mother in law had been trying her on. I wanted to smack my head against the wall, 90% of the foods she was trying to give her were not gluten free - no wonder the poor dog has been so sick the entire time. I gave her a few sample bags of NV LID diet to give to her and even bought a trial bag of raw medallions, I told my friend if the MIL refuses to feed the raw then she can give it to her dogs as a treat. A few hours after my demo was done, my friend sent me a text and said that the MIL won't even try the sample bags I gave her and definitely won't try the raw. UGH! She knows what her dog's problems are (gluten intolerance and possible allergies) but she insists on feeding her foods that are MORE expensive than what we're suggesting and contain the things that she can't tolerate. She's also the one that asked my friend to ask me what she could feed her. This woman is frustrating me so much! Apparently, my friend told her that if she doesn't get her act together, start taking responsibility for her dog and start feeding her foods that are actually appropriate for her condition, she's going to come up and get her. I think it's an empty threat, but maybe it'll be enough to get her butt into gear with this. Did I mention before that the MIL has said on multiple occasions that she's going to put the dachshund down because it's costing her so much in vet bills? Yet she refuses to try foods that might help with the problem so that she won't have to go to the vet so much... I really don't understand some people... 
 

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To me, that sounds like classic passive-aggressive. And passive-aggressive people have never made sense to me. I have a feeling they never will. :lol3:
 
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nerdrock

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I've heard stories like this before but I've never experienced it first hand to see just how truly frustrating it is. This lady is making her dog suffer and spending so much money on vet visits and different foods that aren't doing ANYTHING for the dog, but she's refusing to try some foods that don't contain the allergens or triggers for intolerance AND are cheaper than what she's been feeding. It also seems like should would rather put her dog down and have everyone feel sorry that she "lost her baby" rather than surrender it to an organization or someone that knows what they're doing and can actually help the dog. 

I even offered to foster the dog for her or a month or so so I could try some different diets with no influence (table scraps, canned food, whatever) but she won't go for that either. 

I have a feeling it's going to be a long process with her but that I'll eventually have the dachshund here. 

As for my cousin, ugh, I don't even want to think about that right now!
 

rafm

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People can be insufferable when it comes to pets. Just Friday I was talking to a coworker and he told me about the cat he had to take to a kill shelter because she started peeing outside the box. He said they tried EVERYTHING but she still wouldn't use the box and the house was starting to smell like urine. He said if I had been around he would have given her to me to see if I could have done anything with her. I asked if they took her to the vet and he said no. I explained that she probably just had a urinary tract infection. She was 6 yo, probably didn't find a new home. Makes me so sad. I hope it made him feel at least a little sad/bad because he didn't even give her a single trip to the vet. Poor girl.
 
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nerdrock

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Well I have a few updates on this... 

I saw pictures my cousin posted on facebook the other day, they were of her and her son holding a tiny puppy. I read the comments and it's a shih tzu puppy that her fiance's father had bred, they're debating between that puppy (free) and getting an english bulldog. I really hope that they go with the shih tzu, they're easier to train but I do have concerns about the puppy and her son. Her son is almost 3 but very slow to learn, he only knows a few words and gets frustrated easily. When they had their other puppy, he was always pulling the dog's tail and smacking it instead of petting it. Unless he's changed a lot, I could see him easily hurting this puppy unless my cousin and her fiance are on him constantly. I could see her fiance being responsible about it, but not my cousin... 

An update on the dachshund that I was talking about... I got a message from my friend today that her fiance's mother had lost her job just this morning. She thinks that this will be what it takes to get the dachshund out of there and here with me. I talked to Mike about it today, we think it will take about a month of work to get her all fixed up and adopted out. After learning about everything they were doing with her, we have a pretty good idea of what the problem is and it should be a quick fix. She's already spayed, up to date on shots... the only problem is the throwing up and diarrhea which are most likely food related. If all goes as planned, with the limited time we'll have with her, we should be able to cover almost all of the costs of having her here with her adoption fee! So fingers crossed that she will give the the dog to my friend and we can get her here, and that her medical bills will be low. 
 
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