I don't like kids - Page 2

Awww Pam...I feel for you having to deal with the potential of that birthday party issue.

 

M&K are almost 9 and 8 and when they have bday parties most of the parents stay there and dont do the drop off and go, the few that do drop off have cleared it ahead of time asking if its ok to drop off and go.

 

I do not like other peoples kids at all. I like my own, just not anyone elses. Mine it takes one hairy eyeball look and the screaming and yelling and girly shrieking turns into quiet time. They know the rules, they play by the rules (of course there are a few exception where someone gets rammy) but all in all, they are pretty dang good kids. But I made them act that way, I inforce the please and thank yous, proper acknowledgment of grown ups, and especially respect the animals or suffer the consequences.

 

 

I have a nephew who is the spoiled demon child from you know where. At Christmas he was trying to rip off ornaments, into everything, throwing stuff around..general banshee behavior..where were the parents...off doing their own thing not paying attention. OMG irked the crap outta me, and it wasnt the kids fault it was the parents.

 

As a parent its their job to start from day one instilling right from wrong, how to act in public, how to behave and be a normal human being, general respect for other people their space and property. In black and white it sounds strict but its probably the one good thing I took out of how I was raised. Im 27 and I still call my moms friends by Mr. so and so or Mrs so and so. I feel sooooooooooo uncomfortable calling what I still consider the grown ups by their first names. It gives me the heebie jeebies. I want M and K and Gremlin to be the same way.

I didn't say it was abuse. But I consider to be bullying, uncivilized, unacceptable behavior and I don't like bullies. I have an extremely low opinion of people who hit other people, no matter how old they are. Very low. As in, I don't like them. Not even a little. I may even hate them. So, of course, people can do whatever they want, but I don't have to like them.

And, yes, many people in jail are there because they lack discipline. But most of them grew up with no lack of punishment. There is a big difference between discipline and punishment.


Of course this has not much to do with the OP and I don't want to hijack the thread. I just thought that at least one person should stand up on the kids' side .
Edited by Willowy - 2/15/12 at 9:19am

I always call people Mr and Mrs. It's pretty funny because my husband and I have a friend, Kevin, that my husband grew up with. (DH is 48). Kevins mom passed away when they were young teenagers, and His dad, Mr Mooney, remarried probably 20 years ago. Well, they have 2 more kids, MY KIDS AGES!! So I see Kevins dad and step mom, all the time. When I see them, I STILL call them Mr and Mrs Mooney. I did manage to call Mrs Mooney, Kathy, when our boys were in scouts together, but Mr Mooney is Mr Mooney. So one day at LAX (yes, our sons play together) I said "Hi, Mr Mooney!" and he said "I know I've known you for 25 years, and I think you're old enough to call me Ed". Even funnier is when we see Kevin, MY kids call HIM Mr Mooney, along with his dad, Mr Mooney. Confusing , but I cannot imagine calling him Ed. He's my friends FATHER for Gods sake!  My kids friends call me, Mrs, except the ones that call me Mom. I love going to the store with a bunch of them-they all call me mom, and people look at me like "You don't LOOK like you have 13 children, and 1 of them is asian, 3 are hispanic, and 2 are black!" 

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps if you are asked to help chaperone, you say you would just rather join the party. I wouldn't pretend to have a cold or another engagement, as some have suggested. Just be honest. Say you would rather not. Then go and be cheerful and enjoy YOUR grandkids. They will remember you for it. I miss my Grandma. I'm so glad that we enjoyed each other while she was still with us.

 

I have 3 children and I HATE birthday parties and having loads of kids running round screaming and certainly NOT in my house We normally just do a family party and they can choose one friend to come. I try and avoid going to kids parties,if my kids get invited I drop them off and pick them up later My mum doesn't particuraly like a lot of screaming kids so she probably wouldn't attend a big party if we had one (well come on who does). Hey my kids are no angels but I would like to think that they have some respect. I am sure that your daughter would understand if you just missed the party and went when all the other kids had gone home,surely you won't be able to spend quality time with your grandson with a load of other kids running around?x

I love kids. If you don't want to go, nobody is forcing you.. right? Get him a birthday present in advance so his parents can take with for him to the party or just show up for an hour or so. That's a lot of kids to handle though for a person who doesn't like kids. Birthday parties are fun for the kids, it may not be that bad! I love going to birthday parties for kids, no matter if they are hyper or not and my best friend's kids are WILD but they have a lot of people at their parties and I don't mind.

 

 I used to be a co-leader for girl scouts and I enjoyed that. Kids can be brats though, so I understand where you are coming from. If you don't want to go, just tell the parents. They may just want your help since that is a lot of kids but maybe shouldn't have invited so many and they shouldn't force you to go. I don't want kids, but enjoy being around them if that makes any sense. :) I like being able to give them back.. hehe.

Spanking isn't bullying.

 

And yes, Discipline is different from Punishment, both have a place in the household. Discipline is guidance toward correct behavior, punishment is after the behavior has been done.

 

Spanking has a place in the FOUR D'S

 

D-isobedeince

D-isrespect

D-ishonest

and D-anger Situations

 

Never in anger, always in love- and never in excess..

 

 

 

 

 

I agree 100% x

 

Your opinion. Not mine. I do not see how hitting people to get your own way is not bullying just because they are smaller and younger than you (even more so!). Living in fear that someone is going to hit you if you mess up is being bullied. Because someone disrespects you, you get to hit them? Because someone doesn't do as you say, you get to hit them? Not acceptable behavior in my book. And really, hitting children because they display anger? I would laugh if that weren't so sad. But go on thinking whatever you want. I will never feel that hitting is ever acceptable, and I will always have a very low opinion of people who engage in such behavior.

Maybe we should make an IMO thread on this topic?

There has been . It's one of those discussions that just goes 'round and 'round because nobody ever changes their opinion on the subject. So no point really.

Like I said, with all the anti-child sentiment going around, I just thought someone should root for the other team . I like kids but I don't like bowling alleys--too many rowdy adults. So I do feel sorry for the OP, just for different reasons .

I don't see anywhere where she said it's acceptable to hit a child when they're angry. ???

Haha, I read D-anger as anger, not danger . I don't see how a dangerous situation would require hitting someone, though. I mean, if you had to get physical to protect someone in an emergency maybe. But as a deliberate punishment? No.

Funny...my sister and I were just talking about this same thing last weekend.

We were apparently born without the "Mommy" gene. Neither of us wanted kids. We had different reasons for it, though. She married into kids and was good with that. She didn't want the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing. To me that's the easy part of having kids. Pregnancy only lasts 9 months and childbirth usually lasts a few hours. Raising kids lasts for the rest of your/their lives.

I got pregnant when I was 16 and miscarried. The fates were definitely looking out for me! Sure, I played with dollies when I was little but after I wasn't pregnant and wasn't going to have a baby, I never wanted one. Ever. Like Pam, I just don't like them. I liked my godson when he was little...but I could always leave and my friend never asked me to babysit.

The stereotype is that men run when they find out that a woman has a kid. I would run the other way if I found out that a man I was dating had a kid that he was responsible for (had custody of). Weekend dad or a guy with grown kids? I could handle that. But I am kind of the anti-chick kind of chick (I don't like chocolate that much, do not see the point of Valentine's Day, and don't get into the whole "romance" thing...).

Our cousins are all having kids now. Both my sister and I shutter at the thought. But I have 4 cats (my house can't hold more without major issues) and she has 8 dogs (they live on a large property now that the kids are gone). We are both caretakers, maternal even. We are just maternal to the four-legged, furry kind of children. Definitely not skin-kids!

Pam, I think I would drink enough tequila before the party that I wouldn't be lying by telling them that I'm just too sick to go!

See, I like the thought of raising a child to my own excellent standards. Smart, free-thinking, working to actively change the world around them for the better. I like the idea of having a thoughtful teenager that I could sort of mold to my standards. But,

1. Thoughtful teenagers are exceedingly rare,
2. Kids are people too, and even if you're their parents they're not going to be what you want them to be, at least not all/most of the time,
3. Having to deal with the screaming toddler/elementary school years before it is just not worth it. Just can't stomach the idea of being 24/7 responsible for another human. Sorry, I'm just too lazy/selfish/whatever for that. Obviously this is the biggest reason for my being childfree.

It's going to be really hard explaining to my mom's family that I'm CF, too. Mom's family is very child-oriented; my mom's sister and SIL are both stay at home moms, and my mom would have been if she hadn't had to work out of financial necessity. The concept of a career woman isn't really one they've thought of as natural. I'm only 19, but they're ALREADY pressuring me to marry my boyfriend (we've been together 2 years, he's 19 too) and have kids while he finishes school and then "finds a good job to support you."

I'm like, NO. I can and will support myself, thank you. Recipe for disaster is to depend on a man for your financial income and then have kids. -___-

Ok I've been reading this thread for 2 days now and I'm still sad over it. 

 

First off; Pam I don't blame you for not wanting to chaperon 20 kids.  You'd be either crazy or called to want that.  But is it REALLY going to be 20 kids to 2-3 adults?  If not; it's just one day.  I hope you talked to your Son and DIL about it; about exactly what they expect of you.  If it's unreasonable; the time to speak up is sooner rather than later!

 

I can't imagine my Grandparents not coming to my parties as a kid.  They are a huge part of so many memories for me.  This thread may have hit a nerve because I'm missing mine so terribly right now.  The other day I got to finally tell my Grandpa we are giving this baby his name as the middle name.  I had 2 sets of doting Grandparents and they are the reasons I like most of the stuff I do now.  I saw my Mom's a lot more than Dad's but it's still like that.  I would have missed out on so much without them.  I'm sure some of the things they did for me weren't fun for them; but they did it anyway.  And I appreciate it and respect them all the more for it now.  Heck my Mom's parent's helped take care of 2 of their great-grandkids so my cousin, a very young single mom, could work.  Those 2 are now in their mid and late teens and that house is the first one they think of when they think of home.  I haven't been able to see any of them since last Summer and with a new baby coming in a few months; I probably won't be able to get up there again before Fall.  Words cannot describe how much I miss them.  How bad I would love to turn back time for a while and curl up in my Grandpa's chair with him to read the comics before school.  My DD may be 2, my DS unborn, but there is a part of me that can't wait to get to be Grandma and make those memories for my Grandkids!  And I don't typically consider myself a "kid" person.  I dont want to work with them; but I want to cherish the ones given to me!

I'm going to give the example of WHY I gave my son a spanking the one time he got one. He was probably 7 at the time, and he HIT his then 2 year old brother in the back with a wiffle ball bat. I gave him a come to Jesus moment, and whacked him on the butt. I asked him if he liked the way it felt to get hit. he said, obviously, No. I said do you think the baby deserved to be hit, he said, no. 

Problem solved. Now I let them duke it out themselves, being brothers and all. they don't hit each other but the poking and pushing and breathing the others air is normal. 

 

To the OP, I like the suggestion of just letting the parents know you are there to be with your grandchild, not 20 other children. You are not there to assist them in wrangling unruly children, and just go and enjoy yourself.

I was thinking about this yesterday and when I have conflicting mental thoughts I go to df to be the ref for my brain. LOL So basically after explaining this thread and what the details where. It was one of those things where if we were the parents we would never expect a grandparent to chaperone a birthday party because if we did that we would be the ones responsible for it not grandparents.

 

We are also the type of people where we didnt have birthday parties as kids, we dont feel like we missed out on anything by not having parties and as of right now we will have family cake and ice cream type thing but not a hullabaloo birthday party. Also even if we do have a family type thing for birthdays it will be us, gremlin and grandparents only and since my mom is likely to knock the evil step witch out within two seconds they would probably have to be seperate. LOL

I agree. This isn't the thread to question parenting skills.

Pam, been there done that. I drank after the event.

I also relate to them better as I get older, especially the older I get. My godchild had his birthday party at a bowling alley for five years in a row. It probably won't be as bad as you think, but it won't be a bed of roses either. Some of the parents did stay and since they knew the kids they would do the bulk of the chaperoning. Are there video games at the bowling alley? Steer clear of video game time! I can not stress this enough! I used to be very helpful. I would help set up the table with the tablecloth, plates, etc. and then do cleanup after the cake. You'll be too busy at the table to watch the bowling. If you take over your son's camera and take pictures you'll also be able to stay a bit removed from the chaos. If all else fails, many bowling alleys have a bar.

Maybe when they are just a little bit older and can do something special with just Grandpa an overnight would be better.   Something like camping out in the backyard! hehe

 

I hope you enjoy what you get to off the bowling party...and dinner afterward! 

I know I'm late to this party, but just adding that I don't like kids either, that's why I never had any.  When DH asked me to marry him, I said I would, but ONLY if he didn't want any more kids (unfortunately, he already had two from a previous marriage), and he was more than happy not to have any more. 

 

As far as the bowling party,...maybe you'll even have fun for that half hour if everyone is behaving

I get along with cats and dogs better than a bunch of kids.

Unlike many high-school teachers, I like most teenagers.  It's teenagers' parents I usually can't stand.

 

That said, on our cruise last week, there were virtually no kids.  The least I've ever seen on a cruise. 

 

Mark Twain said, "There are two ways to travel.  First class, and with children."