- Joined
- Jan 3, 2010
- Messages
- 971
- Purraise
- 34
Since there have been other people here updating on their lives over the last few months I thought I would join in.
I'm not sure if I posted about it on here, alluded to it, or just wrote a post and then deleted it, but Mike and I are not living together anymore.
At the start of November we started to argue a lot, something that we had previously never really done in our relationship. We had been living together for a year and a half, and in that time we had had one big fight, but other than that, we were pretty good about talking about things that were bothering us without it becoming a big ordeal. He started spending more time away from home, going out with friends, to the bar, etc and when he was home he spent a lot of time in "the hole" (that's what we called the spare bedroom where we had all of our recording equipment and instruments), often staying up until 5 or 6 in the morning and then sleeping most of the day. We rarely went to bed together anymore, which was something that was really important to me. I didn't care if we fell asleep at the same time, we would normally put a movie or tv show on, he'd have his computer in bed, I would fall asleep and he would about an hour later. We would also get up around the same time, unless I was working. I started nagging him about different things; him not having a steady job (he had one shift a week at a bar here, but was also faithfully putting out resumes), not putting his weight with house work, etc. In turn, he started picking fights with me; that I was putting all of the responsibility for my pets on him (the dogs), that I wasn't doing enough housework, that we never had any money to do anything, etc. In late November, everything blew up and we got into a huge fight, he packed up a bit of stuff and moved out. We briefly broke up at that point. He left a lot of his things at our place for about a week because neither of us wanted to see the other. After a week, he sent me a text and asked if him and one of our mutual friends, M, could come and pick up some things while I was there, because I told him that he couldn't come and get things unless I was there. We also made plans to get together and talk the day after, just the two of us. I bought a bottle of wine and ended up drinking the majority of it before they came over, I thought it would help me be able to talk to him and lessen the hurt that I knew I would feel when I saw him. We all hung out for a little while and genuinely had a good time. When the time came for them to leave, M waited in the car while Mike and I said goodbye. I lost it at that point, I started crying and telling him I missed him. He held me, rubbed my back, told me that everything would be fine and that we'd talk about it tomorrow.
The next day, he came over. We talked a lot about our relationship, his drinking, the blame that we had both put on each other for stupid things and decided that we would start over and try again with our relationship. We had moved very fast when we first got together. We had met two springs ago, in March, and by the beginning of June we were living together. I also found out that when he left he had pawned his computer, guitar, amp and two pedals so that he had enough money to rent a room in one of the sketchy hotels downtown. He had bug bites all over his arms and legs. The day before M and Mike came over to get some things, Mike had found a room to rent in a nicer place, although he was still sharing a bathroom and kitchen, but the price was right, it was safe, and bug free.
I also made the decision to move and had given notice where we had shared an apartment, even though I didn't have another apartment to move to. Thankfully, I found a nice one and was able to have nearly a month between taking possession of where I am now and giving up the old place. Unfortunately, we had to make the painful decision to rehome our 7 year old pit bull, Josh. We had had her for nearly 3 months and she was very much Mike's dog, although she was very good with me as well. I could not afford to take care of all of our pets myself and didn't have the emotional capacity or energy to care for all of them - Josh needed much more attention than the dachshunds and was not content to just lay around all the time. Mike was going to take her, but the only places that he could afford didn't allow pets. We were both running out of time to find her a new home, thankfully, my boss at my new job really stepped up and helped us out. She got Josh into a very good rescue and foster home so that she wouldn't have to be in a cage all day. She still updates me on how Josh is doing, but can't tell me where she is or whether she has been adopted for legal reasons - she isn't even supposed to talk to me about it at all. I am very grateful to her and everything that she has done for me (she also gave me two months off to pack, move and get settled). We both miss Josh a lot but also know that it's what was best for her in the situation. It was one of the most painful decisions that we had to make, I don't envy anyone that has to go through something like that.
Things between Mike and I have been going very well. He has drastically cut back his drinking, although he did have a bit of a set back for two weeks. We have talked about it and are working together to get him through this. He realizes that he goes out too much, but he becomes very bored at home alone and doesn't know what to do then. I think that he is also depressed and since I am bipolar, I am very worried about him because of that. He doesn't think he is, but has agreed to go see someone to talk to, so we are working on that together.
I also have another friend, H, that I have known for about 6 months longer than Mike. H has always had a crush on me, but I have always made it quite clear that I won't date him. We are just not compatible and he is much younger than I am. About a week ago, he sent me a message saying that Mike is not who I think he his and has been sending another girl (H's ex, a mutual friend of all of ours) messages behind my back. I told him that I had seen all of the messages, because I had. He started saying that there was more to it and that the girl had called him the other day to tell him about it. This was after I had talked to Mike about it and sent her a message asking her not talk to him, the messages were also from the time when Mike and I were not together and he had a really bad spell with drinking. I don't know what the girl told H, they are not on good terms themselves. I have a strong suspicion that the girl is trying to cover her butt with me and that H is using it to get between Mike and I. Regardless, I was very upset with H because of this and told him so. He told me, "it's obvious what Mike's intentions where. What you do with the information is up to you, but you know how I feel about it". This upset me even more because H does not know what went on between Mike and myself, he is also unaware of what Mike was and is going through and continuing to deal with. I feel like he's using something that both Mike and myself have moved on from to try to break us up so that he can make his move.
Mike has been absolutely wonderful through everything going on with H. He has volunteered to let me read all of his emails, facebook messages and texts whenever I want to, I will admit that I have taken him up on this twice and it made me feel horrible each time because there was nothing to read there (messages went back years, emails a month, texts the past few weeks) and I felt bad for not trusting him.
We have also worked out a schedule to help him cope with being bored. On the Tuesdays that I work all day (every other one) and Fridays, he comes over and walks the dogs while I'm at work. I pay him $5 each time, even if it's snowy out and he only has to walk Fynn (Sadie won't walk in the snow). Saturday to Thursday, he is free to come over and hang out with me whenever he wants and he can stay overnight any of those nights if he wants to. He usually will come over Saturday or Sunday and stay through to Wednesday or Thursday. Friday and Saturday I work weird shifts, so I prefer that he doesn't stay over (I work late and early the next morning).
All in all, it's really helped us reconnect. He knows that we will not be living together again until he has a steady job, has made himself financially responsible and has gotten his drinking under control. One thing that I would also like him to do, is to get a proper apartment and live there for 6 months before we move in together. This is something that isn't a requirement but that we are both leaning towards. He has also been talking a lot about getting a cat when he does get an apartment and I have caught him browsing shelter listings and Kijiji a few times in the past few weeks. We are also actually enjoying the time that we're spending together and are having fun again. He had even taken me out to dinner three times and paid for it himself, which may not seem like a lot to most, but it is.
For Valentine's Day this year I'm going to get him a copy of a book I've been reading that I think will really help. It's called 365 Thank Yous, reading it has really helped me realize that I have a lot to be thankful for, overall I'm happier and able to find the good in most situations. I think that Mike will be able to relate to the book even more than I do, plus it will give him something to do on the nights when he is not here.
Anyways, that's my update from the past few months! Thanks for reading!
I'm not sure if I posted about it on here, alluded to it, or just wrote a post and then deleted it, but Mike and I are not living together anymore.
At the start of November we started to argue a lot, something that we had previously never really done in our relationship. We had been living together for a year and a half, and in that time we had had one big fight, but other than that, we were pretty good about talking about things that were bothering us without it becoming a big ordeal. He started spending more time away from home, going out with friends, to the bar, etc and when he was home he spent a lot of time in "the hole" (that's what we called the spare bedroom where we had all of our recording equipment and instruments), often staying up until 5 or 6 in the morning and then sleeping most of the day. We rarely went to bed together anymore, which was something that was really important to me. I didn't care if we fell asleep at the same time, we would normally put a movie or tv show on, he'd have his computer in bed, I would fall asleep and he would about an hour later. We would also get up around the same time, unless I was working. I started nagging him about different things; him not having a steady job (he had one shift a week at a bar here, but was also faithfully putting out resumes), not putting his weight with house work, etc. In turn, he started picking fights with me; that I was putting all of the responsibility for my pets on him (the dogs), that I wasn't doing enough housework, that we never had any money to do anything, etc. In late November, everything blew up and we got into a huge fight, he packed up a bit of stuff and moved out. We briefly broke up at that point. He left a lot of his things at our place for about a week because neither of us wanted to see the other. After a week, he sent me a text and asked if him and one of our mutual friends, M, could come and pick up some things while I was there, because I told him that he couldn't come and get things unless I was there. We also made plans to get together and talk the day after, just the two of us. I bought a bottle of wine and ended up drinking the majority of it before they came over, I thought it would help me be able to talk to him and lessen the hurt that I knew I would feel when I saw him. We all hung out for a little while and genuinely had a good time. When the time came for them to leave, M waited in the car while Mike and I said goodbye. I lost it at that point, I started crying and telling him I missed him. He held me, rubbed my back, told me that everything would be fine and that we'd talk about it tomorrow.
The next day, he came over. We talked a lot about our relationship, his drinking, the blame that we had both put on each other for stupid things and decided that we would start over and try again with our relationship. We had moved very fast when we first got together. We had met two springs ago, in March, and by the beginning of June we were living together. I also found out that when he left he had pawned his computer, guitar, amp and two pedals so that he had enough money to rent a room in one of the sketchy hotels downtown. He had bug bites all over his arms and legs. The day before M and Mike came over to get some things, Mike had found a room to rent in a nicer place, although he was still sharing a bathroom and kitchen, but the price was right, it was safe, and bug free.
I also made the decision to move and had given notice where we had shared an apartment, even though I didn't have another apartment to move to. Thankfully, I found a nice one and was able to have nearly a month between taking possession of where I am now and giving up the old place. Unfortunately, we had to make the painful decision to rehome our 7 year old pit bull, Josh. We had had her for nearly 3 months and she was very much Mike's dog, although she was very good with me as well. I could not afford to take care of all of our pets myself and didn't have the emotional capacity or energy to care for all of them - Josh needed much more attention than the dachshunds and was not content to just lay around all the time. Mike was going to take her, but the only places that he could afford didn't allow pets. We were both running out of time to find her a new home, thankfully, my boss at my new job really stepped up and helped us out. She got Josh into a very good rescue and foster home so that she wouldn't have to be in a cage all day. She still updates me on how Josh is doing, but can't tell me where she is or whether she has been adopted for legal reasons - she isn't even supposed to talk to me about it at all. I am very grateful to her and everything that she has done for me (she also gave me two months off to pack, move and get settled). We both miss Josh a lot but also know that it's what was best for her in the situation. It was one of the most painful decisions that we had to make, I don't envy anyone that has to go through something like that.
Things between Mike and I have been going very well. He has drastically cut back his drinking, although he did have a bit of a set back for two weeks. We have talked about it and are working together to get him through this. He realizes that he goes out too much, but he becomes very bored at home alone and doesn't know what to do then. I think that he is also depressed and since I am bipolar, I am very worried about him because of that. He doesn't think he is, but has agreed to go see someone to talk to, so we are working on that together.
I also have another friend, H, that I have known for about 6 months longer than Mike. H has always had a crush on me, but I have always made it quite clear that I won't date him. We are just not compatible and he is much younger than I am. About a week ago, he sent me a message saying that Mike is not who I think he his and has been sending another girl (H's ex, a mutual friend of all of ours) messages behind my back. I told him that I had seen all of the messages, because I had. He started saying that there was more to it and that the girl had called him the other day to tell him about it. This was after I had talked to Mike about it and sent her a message asking her not talk to him, the messages were also from the time when Mike and I were not together and he had a really bad spell with drinking. I don't know what the girl told H, they are not on good terms themselves. I have a strong suspicion that the girl is trying to cover her butt with me and that H is using it to get between Mike and I. Regardless, I was very upset with H because of this and told him so. He told me, "it's obvious what Mike's intentions where. What you do with the information is up to you, but you know how I feel about it". This upset me even more because H does not know what went on between Mike and myself, he is also unaware of what Mike was and is going through and continuing to deal with. I feel like he's using something that both Mike and myself have moved on from to try to break us up so that he can make his move.
Mike has been absolutely wonderful through everything going on with H. He has volunteered to let me read all of his emails, facebook messages and texts whenever I want to, I will admit that I have taken him up on this twice and it made me feel horrible each time because there was nothing to read there (messages went back years, emails a month, texts the past few weeks) and I felt bad for not trusting him.
We have also worked out a schedule to help him cope with being bored. On the Tuesdays that I work all day (every other one) and Fridays, he comes over and walks the dogs while I'm at work. I pay him $5 each time, even if it's snowy out and he only has to walk Fynn (Sadie won't walk in the snow). Saturday to Thursday, he is free to come over and hang out with me whenever he wants and he can stay overnight any of those nights if he wants to. He usually will come over Saturday or Sunday and stay through to Wednesday or Thursday. Friday and Saturday I work weird shifts, so I prefer that he doesn't stay over (I work late and early the next morning).
All in all, it's really helped us reconnect. He knows that we will not be living together again until he has a steady job, has made himself financially responsible and has gotten his drinking under control. One thing that I would also like him to do, is to get a proper apartment and live there for 6 months before we move in together. This is something that isn't a requirement but that we are both leaning towards. He has also been talking a lot about getting a cat when he does get an apartment and I have caught him browsing shelter listings and Kijiji a few times in the past few weeks. We are also actually enjoying the time that we're spending together and are having fun again. He had even taken me out to dinner three times and paid for it himself, which may not seem like a lot to most, but it is.
For Valentine's Day this year I'm going to get him a copy of a book I've been reading that I think will really help. It's called 365 Thank Yous, reading it has really helped me realize that I have a lot to be thankful for, overall I'm happier and able to find the good in most situations. I think that Mike will be able to relate to the book even more than I do, plus it will give him something to do on the nights when he is not here.
Anyways, that's my update from the past few months! Thanks for reading!
