Well, so much has changed in recent months, I guess its about time for an update! As Arlyn said in her thread, so much can change in a month! I experienced many changes as well! And it's long! I'll include cliff notes at the end :lol3:
My username is now sort of interesting, as Tara & Rob are no more.... On December 5, I moved out of the house we had built in 2009. It was a complicated situation that a lot of people may or may not understand. I gave up caring what people thought of me though, as it is my life and I'm too young to just ignore what I may want to do.
To start with, I had a small crush develop in October-ish, didn't think much of it. They were usually very short lived, a couple days max. Not to be. As I posted on here in November, I was in a bad drag racing accident that had me incredibly upset, wishing that it had turned out differently, I stopped eating regularly (was lucky if I did once a day), lost about 15lbs in 2 weeks, etc. In that time the crush (who I'll call C), who was also a friend from the car group, and I exchanged PM's on the forum. He kept my head up and gave me positive thoughts and reassurances that it could have happened no differently. I began to look forward to the messages as they kept my days brighter. After a hard overnight shift at work, where I spent 2 hours crying and cold in my truck, he invited me to lunch with him and some other friends of ours the next afternoon. I got past the wreck, but then used it as an excuse to cover up the other turmoil in my mind and heart - what do I do now?
I ended up acknowledging to myself that I had feelings for him stronger than just a friend, and that the "crush" wasn't going away. The day before Thanksgiving C came by Rob's shop while I was there, to pick up a transmission. He noted that I seemed quiet, and I said maybe one day I'll tell you why.... Things had felt different between Rob & I for a little while. I couldn't even pinpoint what happened and it drives me crazy now, it just seemed that we had gotten comfortable where we were and left it at that. I think if he had done something unforgivable, it wouldn't have been so hard on me to fight with myself for the couple weeks that I did. On Thanksgiving, we had dinner at our house with his family. I guess they noticed something different between us, because they mentioned it to him.
Two days after Thanksgiving, I went to hang out with C to help put that transmission in. Rob was working out and then going to work, so I would have been sitting at home bored all day anyway. We spent 10 hours out at the shop he uses. 5 hours were messing with the vehicle, and the other 5 were us sitting in two racing seats on the floor talking about everything, anything, and nothing at all. He asked me what had been on my mind, and it took me the entire time we were there to get it out:
I wondered what life would be like if I moved somewhere else. I'd never wanted to settle in SC forever. Sure, maybe I'd end up there for good one day - after I finished living in other places. I moved to the south on my parents' terms, not my own. Yes, I chose to move to SC to be with Rob in 2005, but I never thought it'd be the place we stayed. I love snow, seasons, colorful autumns, our trip out west showed me there is so much beauty here and I'd like to experience living in different places. I also admitted that I had feelings for "someone else, in our group". C had been telling me I should do what I want to do to be happy, whether it be stay here or leave, with Rob or without. How he thought about just up and leaving SC because its not where he wanted to be stuck at forever, never experiencing anything else. Said that when I spoke, it was like I was reading his mind. He was unaware at the time of who the other person was though. I had a hard time admitting it, because I also saw him as a best friend - the way he'd been there for me through the previous few weeks was more than anyone had done for me in a LONG time. I'd forgotten what it was like to have a friend to talk to whenever, and who's actions backed up their words. I didn't want to risk losing that friend I'd made by saying something that could change all of our lives forever. But it was eating away at me so badly I would cry on the way to work.
Finally, as we stood outside about to leave for our houses (and then go to the car meet later that night), I asked if he wondered who I was talking about. I had honestly thought he'd guessed it himself at one point, but I had to know, had to come clean with it and let the weight be lifted. I figured he'd tell me I was nuts and to go home and forget it all. I told C it was him, and he asked me why. I told him "what you said in there - when you speak, it's like you're reading my thoughts." He told me to make sure I knew what I wanted and that I had all my stuff in order before doing anything drastic with my life.... we went our separate ways home. I got ready for the car meet, feeling like a weight had been lifted, but still unsure of what was going on - his answer to what I said confused me ... It wasn't a "you're crazy we're just friends" reply.
Rob didn't go to the car meet that night, said he was too tired. It was the first time I went out there alone. One of our friends knew that I had been helping C all day and made jokes about us being together. Later on, he accused us of sneaking off together, which ticked both of us off. C and I didn't talk much about what was said earlier in the day while riding together to record some racing. He just said "Your life is good the way it is, you don't need to mess it up." We stayed out at the meet until 1am, then joined 2 other friends at Waffle House until 2:15ish. Rob questioned me a lot the next morning about who I was with and what I was doing, and what went on at the shop with C. I thought it was kind of weird that he asked a bunch of questions like that, but didn't think anything of it.
On Sunday nights we'd usually watch the Animation Domination shows on FOX ... he came home from being out with his mom, turned off the TV, and asked me what was bothering me. I decided to start from the littlest things - work and school stressing me out again. Then I admitted I still wondered about living elsewhere and felt sort of trapped in SC. He said he foresaw that coming because whenever we take trips some place, I always hate coming back. I left it at that, and the next day he came to my job at lunch and we talked for 2 hours in the truck about how I should go off and find out what I want for 6-8 months. I broke down and admitted that I was thinking of what it'd be like to go do that with someone who also wanted to do that, and how I was wondering how things should be. If there was a sign in all of it. He told me to talk with "that person" and make plans to do it, whether it be NJ, UT, CO, wherever. C had texted me while Rob and I were talking, saying that we needed to talk. I met him at his job that night around 6, and we talked until 10pm. I asked him if it was a one-sided situation, and he said not at all. And things then became more complicated. When I got home Rob asked if I had talked to the person, and I said yes. I said we didn't have any final plans. He asked if we were friends or if there was something more. I said it was platonic thus far, but we both had thought of what more would be like. Many tears were spilled in the following days. Rob came to my job again on a Wed night and we talked more about me going. He said he'd let me go, but couldn't promise he'd wait. He knew by then who the other person was, as he had called C on Tuesday saying they had to talk. Asked what had happened between us (nothing), what his feelings for me were, and if he indeed wanted to leave here also.
Friday was my company Christmas party. I had asked Rob to come to it, but with everything that had happened I didn't know if he still intended to. When I texted him and asked him if he was coming, he texted back with "Ask C." Ugh. I drank 5 or 6 beers hoping to get drunk enough to forget everything, as my direct coworker had asked me what was going on and that he knew something was wrong (and so I explained to him what was happening), as well as a mutual friend, M, who also worked with me and I'd known for nearly 7 years. I remembered I had to drive home so I left the party earlier than I would have. Rob didn't ask me how I got home or anything. We didn't talk about much that night. Saturday I went to the car meet alone again, though it hurt my heart to see him ask me to stay in. I just needed to be out of the house and try to have fun. The group hung out until 1am again - the best friend of the guy involved in the racing accident showed up and watched us for about an hour, kind of creepy - then C and I talked until 4:45am in the parking lot. The sun was coming up on our drives home. On Sunday Rob brought in something I wrote on Myspace a few years earlier, asking me if it all was true still, asking me if I loved C, what changed, etc. I hated seeing the pain in his eyes, knowing I caused it, and wondering what had happened. In 7 years I never let anyone get my attention away from him. He knew that something had to be different this time, as well as anyone who knew me/us - I just laughed at and brushed off anyone who tried to hit on me or turn me away. Sunday night, he told me I'd have to find somewhere else to stay if my whole heart wasn't in it - we couldn't sit and pretend things were fine anymore.
Monday I went to talk with C, and then back home to talk more with Rob. We decided to keep our bills together until I moved out of state (car insurance, cell phones, etc). Walking out the door was the hardest thing I EVER had to do in my life. I never, ever, saw myself doing that. Rob and I were supposed to be forever. We were going to prove people wrong. He told me he hoped I found happiness, and that he believed whatever was meant to be will be, no matter how we all end up there. I told him that maybe this all would be wrong, and we'd find our way back to each other. And if we don't, maybe this is what was meant to be all along. It still chokes me up to think about leaving, and wondering why my heart led me elsewhere. I had thought "can I just ignore/forget these feelings and return to a normal life?" ... I came up with no. Even if C had left the state on his own, like he intended to at some point, I think I'd still have wondered if I missed out on an opportunity I was supposed to go for. It was hard to think of giving up everything I had on a chance, but at the same time, even Rob said "Is the decision hard because of what you will lose by making it?" ... I could be losing the best person I would ever have, my house, some of my cars, the financial stability, friends, etc. Or, I could be going the path I'm supposed to, the next chapter... it messed with me SO much.
In January I got an apartment with C, 2 miles from my job. Our lease ends in August, and we intend to visit Portland, OR in between the lease ending and his brother's wedding Sept 9. He's never been out west, I've never been to OR. We are taking a trip to VT (where he's from; another place I've not been even though I've been to every other eastern state!) in March to visit C's aunt. VT was another possible place to move to, though there are no dragstrips there, which may be tough for two car nuts like ourselves. I have to say I've been happy, we enjoy ourselves. Our friends are another story, and we are learning who matters and who doesn't. Some have been completely neutral in the whole thing, as it should be. Others are picking sides (and it sure isn't mine! A lot of them quit talking to me altogether). I've spent two Saturdays moving stuff out of the house into the apartment. I dread going through all of it though. It has been hard just up and changing my life after 7 years (Feb 5 would have been our 4th wedding anniversary and 7th of being together). Everything I've known since I was 17, the life I built, the house, etc. I've cried twice while pulling out of the driveway. But I put on a strong face for so long I think I just needed to let it all out too.
The cats are still with Rob, as I don't want to move them multiple times. I visit them weekly. Nero is staying with his parents for now, and he has Hoshi and Neko at the house. He asked me for Hoshi when we talked about what we each wanted, and that I'll take Nero and Neko when I leave SC. He's filing for a separation, to give me a year to figure out what I want from life. If I'm gone and happy, then it'll be finalized into a divorce. If I'm unhappy or want to come back, we could let the separation agreement expire and work on us if we want. He has grounds for divorce on me if he wanted to proceed with a 90 day one, but says he doesn't. We've since split bank accounts, but have kept the cars together on insurance, our cell phones on the same bill, etc. I don't pay the mortgage anymore, and in turn I had to pay the balance remaining on my Mustang's damages ($5,425 was left after Rob had already put $3k down for parts!) When our auto policy is up in April we'll split the phones as well.
Sorry so long - SO much happened in such a short time. I'm still sort of in disbelief. Luckily my family supports me. My mom and I have gotten a bit closer in all this as well. My dad is pretty upset as he genuinely saw Rob as a son, and cant understand what happened. But he's coming around to it now, knowing that its my life and I'm only 24. Even Rob agreed he'd rather me go find out what I want in life NOW rather than wait til we're 45-50 and wake up and regret settling and then leave. He wanted to know how to try harder, which broke my heart, because I didn't know the answer. I felt like I needed to be set free to find out where to go. He originally said he believed if you love something you have to set it free in order to keep it. I learned in the wreck that nothing is guaranteed. I know we are not promised anything but the present moment we are in.
Yep, I probably seem like a horrible person to some now. People have judged me left and right for this. Though I've noticed those who've judged me the hardest are those who've done worse (one was sleeping with multiple girls while living with his girlfriend, the other was cheating on his 1st wife with his current wife)... Rob and I want to remain civil and able to talk to each other. It's been pretty tense and we haven't talked much except the last time I went and got more of my stuff. He seems so much different now, I don't know if he is trying to be someone else or if it is who he always was and just was different with me...
CN: Rob and I split in December, shock to us, shock to everyone. My heart led me in a different direction and I followed it. Cats are still with him, I get Nero & Neko, he will keep Hoshi. Left me a year to figure out what I want and where I want to be. It was my choice to go, but still has been hard. I AM with someone else now, happy, and planning to visit VT and OR before fall. Probably moving out of SC by the end of September and who knows where things'll go from there.
My username is now sort of interesting, as Tara & Rob are no more.... On December 5, I moved out of the house we had built in 2009. It was a complicated situation that a lot of people may or may not understand. I gave up caring what people thought of me though, as it is my life and I'm too young to just ignore what I may want to do.
To start with, I had a small crush develop in October-ish, didn't think much of it. They were usually very short lived, a couple days max. Not to be. As I posted on here in November, I was in a bad drag racing accident that had me incredibly upset, wishing that it had turned out differently, I stopped eating regularly (was lucky if I did once a day), lost about 15lbs in 2 weeks, etc. In that time the crush (who I'll call C), who was also a friend from the car group, and I exchanged PM's on the forum. He kept my head up and gave me positive thoughts and reassurances that it could have happened no differently. I began to look forward to the messages as they kept my days brighter. After a hard overnight shift at work, where I spent 2 hours crying and cold in my truck, he invited me to lunch with him and some other friends of ours the next afternoon. I got past the wreck, but then used it as an excuse to cover up the other turmoil in my mind and heart - what do I do now?
I ended up acknowledging to myself that I had feelings for him stronger than just a friend, and that the "crush" wasn't going away. The day before Thanksgiving C came by Rob's shop while I was there, to pick up a transmission. He noted that I seemed quiet, and I said maybe one day I'll tell you why.... Things had felt different between Rob & I for a little while. I couldn't even pinpoint what happened and it drives me crazy now, it just seemed that we had gotten comfortable where we were and left it at that. I think if he had done something unforgivable, it wouldn't have been so hard on me to fight with myself for the couple weeks that I did. On Thanksgiving, we had dinner at our house with his family. I guess they noticed something different between us, because they mentioned it to him.
Two days after Thanksgiving, I went to hang out with C to help put that transmission in. Rob was working out and then going to work, so I would have been sitting at home bored all day anyway. We spent 10 hours out at the shop he uses. 5 hours were messing with the vehicle, and the other 5 were us sitting in two racing seats on the floor talking about everything, anything, and nothing at all. He asked me what had been on my mind, and it took me the entire time we were there to get it out:
I wondered what life would be like if I moved somewhere else. I'd never wanted to settle in SC forever. Sure, maybe I'd end up there for good one day - after I finished living in other places. I moved to the south on my parents' terms, not my own. Yes, I chose to move to SC to be with Rob in 2005, but I never thought it'd be the place we stayed. I love snow, seasons, colorful autumns, our trip out west showed me there is so much beauty here and I'd like to experience living in different places. I also admitted that I had feelings for "someone else, in our group". C had been telling me I should do what I want to do to be happy, whether it be stay here or leave, with Rob or without. How he thought about just up and leaving SC because its not where he wanted to be stuck at forever, never experiencing anything else. Said that when I spoke, it was like I was reading his mind. He was unaware at the time of who the other person was though. I had a hard time admitting it, because I also saw him as a best friend - the way he'd been there for me through the previous few weeks was more than anyone had done for me in a LONG time. I'd forgotten what it was like to have a friend to talk to whenever, and who's actions backed up their words. I didn't want to risk losing that friend I'd made by saying something that could change all of our lives forever. But it was eating away at me so badly I would cry on the way to work.
Finally, as we stood outside about to leave for our houses (and then go to the car meet later that night), I asked if he wondered who I was talking about. I had honestly thought he'd guessed it himself at one point, but I had to know, had to come clean with it and let the weight be lifted. I figured he'd tell me I was nuts and to go home and forget it all. I told C it was him, and he asked me why. I told him "what you said in there - when you speak, it's like you're reading my thoughts." He told me to make sure I knew what I wanted and that I had all my stuff in order before doing anything drastic with my life.... we went our separate ways home. I got ready for the car meet, feeling like a weight had been lifted, but still unsure of what was going on - his answer to what I said confused me ... It wasn't a "you're crazy we're just friends" reply.
Rob didn't go to the car meet that night, said he was too tired. It was the first time I went out there alone. One of our friends knew that I had been helping C all day and made jokes about us being together. Later on, he accused us of sneaking off together, which ticked both of us off. C and I didn't talk much about what was said earlier in the day while riding together to record some racing. He just said "Your life is good the way it is, you don't need to mess it up." We stayed out at the meet until 1am, then joined 2 other friends at Waffle House until 2:15ish. Rob questioned me a lot the next morning about who I was with and what I was doing, and what went on at the shop with C. I thought it was kind of weird that he asked a bunch of questions like that, but didn't think anything of it.
On Sunday nights we'd usually watch the Animation Domination shows on FOX ... he came home from being out with his mom, turned off the TV, and asked me what was bothering me. I decided to start from the littlest things - work and school stressing me out again. Then I admitted I still wondered about living elsewhere and felt sort of trapped in SC. He said he foresaw that coming because whenever we take trips some place, I always hate coming back. I left it at that, and the next day he came to my job at lunch and we talked for 2 hours in the truck about how I should go off and find out what I want for 6-8 months. I broke down and admitted that I was thinking of what it'd be like to go do that with someone who also wanted to do that, and how I was wondering how things should be. If there was a sign in all of it. He told me to talk with "that person" and make plans to do it, whether it be NJ, UT, CO, wherever. C had texted me while Rob and I were talking, saying that we needed to talk. I met him at his job that night around 6, and we talked until 10pm. I asked him if it was a one-sided situation, and he said not at all. And things then became more complicated. When I got home Rob asked if I had talked to the person, and I said yes. I said we didn't have any final plans. He asked if we were friends or if there was something more. I said it was platonic thus far, but we both had thought of what more would be like. Many tears were spilled in the following days. Rob came to my job again on a Wed night and we talked more about me going. He said he'd let me go, but couldn't promise he'd wait. He knew by then who the other person was, as he had called C on Tuesday saying they had to talk. Asked what had happened between us (nothing), what his feelings for me were, and if he indeed wanted to leave here also.
Friday was my company Christmas party. I had asked Rob to come to it, but with everything that had happened I didn't know if he still intended to. When I texted him and asked him if he was coming, he texted back with "Ask C." Ugh. I drank 5 or 6 beers hoping to get drunk enough to forget everything, as my direct coworker had asked me what was going on and that he knew something was wrong (and so I explained to him what was happening), as well as a mutual friend, M, who also worked with me and I'd known for nearly 7 years. I remembered I had to drive home so I left the party earlier than I would have. Rob didn't ask me how I got home or anything. We didn't talk about much that night. Saturday I went to the car meet alone again, though it hurt my heart to see him ask me to stay in. I just needed to be out of the house and try to have fun. The group hung out until 1am again - the best friend of the guy involved in the racing accident showed up and watched us for about an hour, kind of creepy - then C and I talked until 4:45am in the parking lot. The sun was coming up on our drives home. On Sunday Rob brought in something I wrote on Myspace a few years earlier, asking me if it all was true still, asking me if I loved C, what changed, etc. I hated seeing the pain in his eyes, knowing I caused it, and wondering what had happened. In 7 years I never let anyone get my attention away from him. He knew that something had to be different this time, as well as anyone who knew me/us - I just laughed at and brushed off anyone who tried to hit on me or turn me away. Sunday night, he told me I'd have to find somewhere else to stay if my whole heart wasn't in it - we couldn't sit and pretend things were fine anymore.
Monday I went to talk with C, and then back home to talk more with Rob. We decided to keep our bills together until I moved out of state (car insurance, cell phones, etc). Walking out the door was the hardest thing I EVER had to do in my life. I never, ever, saw myself doing that. Rob and I were supposed to be forever. We were going to prove people wrong. He told me he hoped I found happiness, and that he believed whatever was meant to be will be, no matter how we all end up there. I told him that maybe this all would be wrong, and we'd find our way back to each other. And if we don't, maybe this is what was meant to be all along. It still chokes me up to think about leaving, and wondering why my heart led me elsewhere. I had thought "can I just ignore/forget these feelings and return to a normal life?" ... I came up with no. Even if C had left the state on his own, like he intended to at some point, I think I'd still have wondered if I missed out on an opportunity I was supposed to go for. It was hard to think of giving up everything I had on a chance, but at the same time, even Rob said "Is the decision hard because of what you will lose by making it?" ... I could be losing the best person I would ever have, my house, some of my cars, the financial stability, friends, etc. Or, I could be going the path I'm supposed to, the next chapter... it messed with me SO much.
In January I got an apartment with C, 2 miles from my job. Our lease ends in August, and we intend to visit Portland, OR in between the lease ending and his brother's wedding Sept 9. He's never been out west, I've never been to OR. We are taking a trip to VT (where he's from; another place I've not been even though I've been to every other eastern state!) in March to visit C's aunt. VT was another possible place to move to, though there are no dragstrips there, which may be tough for two car nuts like ourselves. I have to say I've been happy, we enjoy ourselves. Our friends are another story, and we are learning who matters and who doesn't. Some have been completely neutral in the whole thing, as it should be. Others are picking sides (and it sure isn't mine! A lot of them quit talking to me altogether). I've spent two Saturdays moving stuff out of the house into the apartment. I dread going through all of it though. It has been hard just up and changing my life after 7 years (Feb 5 would have been our 4th wedding anniversary and 7th of being together). Everything I've known since I was 17, the life I built, the house, etc. I've cried twice while pulling out of the driveway. But I put on a strong face for so long I think I just needed to let it all out too.
The cats are still with Rob, as I don't want to move them multiple times. I visit them weekly. Nero is staying with his parents for now, and he has Hoshi and Neko at the house. He asked me for Hoshi when we talked about what we each wanted, and that I'll take Nero and Neko when I leave SC. He's filing for a separation, to give me a year to figure out what I want from life. If I'm gone and happy, then it'll be finalized into a divorce. If I'm unhappy or want to come back, we could let the separation agreement expire and work on us if we want. He has grounds for divorce on me if he wanted to proceed with a 90 day one, but says he doesn't. We've since split bank accounts, but have kept the cars together on insurance, our cell phones on the same bill, etc. I don't pay the mortgage anymore, and in turn I had to pay the balance remaining on my Mustang's damages ($5,425 was left after Rob had already put $3k down for parts!) When our auto policy is up in April we'll split the phones as well.
Sorry so long - SO much happened in such a short time. I'm still sort of in disbelief. Luckily my family supports me. My mom and I have gotten a bit closer in all this as well. My dad is pretty upset as he genuinely saw Rob as a son, and cant understand what happened. But he's coming around to it now, knowing that its my life and I'm only 24. Even Rob agreed he'd rather me go find out what I want in life NOW rather than wait til we're 45-50 and wake up and regret settling and then leave. He wanted to know how to try harder, which broke my heart, because I didn't know the answer. I felt like I needed to be set free to find out where to go. He originally said he believed if you love something you have to set it free in order to keep it. I learned in the wreck that nothing is guaranteed. I know we are not promised anything but the present moment we are in.
Yep, I probably seem like a horrible person to some now. People have judged me left and right for this. Though I've noticed those who've judged me the hardest are those who've done worse (one was sleeping with multiple girls while living with his girlfriend, the other was cheating on his 1st wife with his current wife)... Rob and I want to remain civil and able to talk to each other. It's been pretty tense and we haven't talked much except the last time I went and got more of my stuff. He seems so much different now, I don't know if he is trying to be someone else or if it is who he always was and just was different with me...
CN: Rob and I split in December, shock to us, shock to everyone. My heart led me in a different direction and I followed it. Cats are still with him, I get Nero & Neko, he will keep Hoshi. Left me a year to figure out what I want and where I want to be. It was my choice to go, but still has been hard. I AM with someone else now, happy, and planning to visit VT and OR before fall. Probably moving out of SC by the end of September and who knows where things'll go from there.
Last edited:
I got my package the day before I drove from SC to NJ for a week to spend Christmas with my family, and just relax for awhile with my grandma (who is so incredibly awesome and always there for me). And the fact you called it my relaxation kit fit perfectly as well! If you ever want to talk about whats going on with you as well, you know where to find me on here and FB too! 
thanks for share my friend...
