The moment of clarity - when you know you have a problem

So, I've just had an epiphany.  I think I may need to see a doctor.  I don't know for sure, but I think I have a problem.

You see, I'm trying to write a law brief in opposition of a motion to dismiss.  If you don't know what that is, no problem - I can assure you that you're not missing anything interesting.  All that you need to know, is that for me as a student, it's a lot of work because I'm not used to writing these things yet.

So, anyways, as I'm writing, Alfie keeps jumping up on the keyboard.  Things like the word "plaintiff" turn into "alkjdhgljkhkfhdslkfhsfd".  This would be all fine and good if that were the plaintiff's name, but it's not.  There was also a citation to the U.S.C. which similarly was turned into "aw;rbeawr;lkjahkjhlkjhla".  I checked, and sure enough that is not a valid citation, nor is it in any appropriate citation format.

So, this continues, and continues.  I keep pulling him off the desk, and he keeps jumping up.  Obviously I get agitated.... frustrated.... even a little angry.  Then, finally I snap.  The fact that I snapped is not what concerns me.  The way that I snapped is what concerns me, as it's troubling, and disturbing.  Warning: the following quote from my snap is slightly graphic.  Please do not read further if you are easily offended.

Here is what I said after he jumped up on the keyboard for perhaps the 100th time:

"Alfie!  Stop!  Stop!  No!  IF YOU DO NOT STOP, I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TICKLE YOU TO DEATH!  I don't want to do this, but you've left me little choice.  If you jump up one more time, I will tickle you more than any cat has ever been tickled before!  Do you want that?  Do you want to force me to do that?"

I didn't yell, but you see, that's just not a normal expression of frustration.  What is up with that?

Hi, my name is LawGuy, and I have a problem.

Easy.

Steps:

1.  Find cat

2.  Position cat exposing belly

3.  Maneuver left or right hand (depending upon hand dominance) atop belly

4.  Rapidly move fingers of that hand applying slight pressure to belly

5.  If fingers are not making contact with a cat, restart at step 1.

6.  If fingers are making contact with cat, begin saying, "TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE!"

7.  Repeat as necessary.

The above guide is an abridged version of the LawGuy Tickle System.  The full version can be found in my upcoming book, which will be available at all major booksellers, and by all major booksellers, I mean nowhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by calico2222 

To you, it's a threat. To Alfie, it's a promise! You better follow through... (I'm guessing Alfie loves this?)

 

And here I thought this thread was about drugs or alcohol or something, and it's all about kitty love. 

 

BTW, I hope you got your law brief done. Spell check is a wonderful thing! 

Yeah.  He does.  Ally used to love it too, but now she only gets into it when she's in the mood and super affectionate.

I got it done.  I realized this morning that I messed up.  I both opposed the defense's motion to dismiss and moved for summary judgment and I was only supposed to oppose their motion to dismiss.  Good thing it was just for class right?

I also know that I love little Alfie when I wake up at 4 AM to go to school early and get my reading done for my classes, but then find right before I leave that he found a chocolate chip cookie that was still in the wrapper in my bag and ate a tiny bit (really tiny).  There was a 99.999% chance that he didn't even eat a chocolate chip, but I called 2 vets to ask if he needs to be seen, and spent hours with him watching closely for neurological symptoms and ended up walking into class mostly unprepared.  If you've seen the paper chase (or even Legally Blonde), you'll know why walking in unprepared to a law school class is a horrible idea.  The .001% chance that he would get ill came out on top though.

Potentially, yes.  Are you also in lawschool?

"Your argument is overly simplistic and invalid so therefore I have deleted it for you."

I don't know what the message Alfie is trying to get across is, over than BOING! BOING! BOING! (the noise of him bouncing off the walls with energy).