Should I approve or deny this adoption?

ziggy'smom

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I'm grappling with the decision of whether to approve or deny a family who have applied to adopt one of my fosters. The cat, Lilly, has been with us for two years since she was a kitten. Her eight littermates were adopted a long time ago but because Lilly is black nobody has expressed any interest in her. Now there has finally been a family who has expressed interest in her. Their application looks just fine and I did a home visit with them today with Lilly. They seemed like nice people and I'm sure they would take good care of a cat. The problem though is that I don't think they would be a good match for Lilly and I don't think she would be a good match for them. They have two 4-year olds and I think they want a little cat they can cuddle with and carry around but I don't think Lilly would be willing to play along with that. She's a sweet and friendly cat but she's also pretty independent and prefers human contact on her terms. I think the family is looking for a social, cuddly cat that the kids can play with and that's not Lilly.

Because Lilly has been with me since she was very little the transition to a new home is not going to be easy. I have no doubt that she will come around and be a wonderful cat for someone but whoever adopts her needs to know how to help the cat come around and unfortunately this family has no cat experience. I'm also afraid that two rowdy 4-year olds, as 4-year olds tend to be, would be quite frightening to Lilly and make the transition harder.

Basically, I don't think this family is right for Lilly and I don't think she is right for them. But would I be a complete idiot to turn down a family for a little black cat who has been waiting to be adopted for two years? I'm really split about this so I could use some input from other people. There is nothing particularly wrong with the family. They seem nice and responsible. I just don't feel right about it. But then again Lilly is a hard to place cat. We have some plans on advertising her more through flyers and on the internet and I hope something will come of that but maybe nothing better will come. So would it be foolish to turn down this family? Should I go through with the adoption or should I hold on to Lily and work towards finding her a more suitable family? What do you think?
 

StefanZ

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You should tell them what you just told us and let them decide.

Good advice I think.

Is it possible for Lily to come back to you if this doesnt work out?

We know many cats do like a companion.  So really if they want one cat, they should probably have two.

Is Lily cat sociale?  A solution may perhaps be a pair - adoption.  The other cat this  kid-friendly, loving to cuddle and even some harsh cuddle will be responsible mainly for the kids...   And Lily companion for this cat - and first friend for the parents.

Something like that?
 

jennyr

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I think that by posting your very strong doubts you have answered your own question. You know Lily - you know in your heart she would not be happy there. She does not know she is hard to place - she is happy where she has been for two years. So I think it better to wait till the right family comes along, however long that takes.
 

Draco

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Do you know of another cat that might fit the family's lifestyle and expectations in a cat? You can call, tell them what you said here, and add "But I know if this wonderful cat that fits your criteria perfectly!"
 

ritz

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I agree with Jennyranson.  For reasons too long/too complicated to go in to, I regret letting "Becky" be adopted by the first family who expressed interest (six children, ranging in ages 3 to 16).  The mother has not responded to any of our email inquiries asking how Becky is doing. I fostered/fed Becky for over a year and feel sad.

Bottom line:  go with your gut.  The right family will come along.

Just as it did for J.D., an all-black cat.  Two college age studens, mature for their age, adopted J.D., and he is doing well.  Right cat, right fit, right time.
 

aeevr

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If the family is really taken with her and are willing to give it a go, I think you should give them at least a trial period. You never know; it might just be what the kitty needed.
 

aeevr

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I agree with Jennyranson.  For reasons too long/too complicated to go in to, I regret letting "Becky" be adopted by the first family who expressed interest (six children, ranging in ages 3 to 16).  The mother has not responded to any of our email inquiries asking how Becky is doing. I fostered/fed Becky for over a year and feel sad.

Bottom line:  go with your gut.  The right family will come along.

Just as it did for J.D., an all-black cat.  Two college age studens, mature for their age, adopted J.D., and he is doing well.  Right cat, right fit, right time.
Ritz has a point.

And why would a family with two four year olds be looking to get a pet? Don't they have enough on their plate?
 

p3 and the king

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There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't think this cat is a good match for you." and going into details why.  I know you want and need to find her a home but if your instincts are right, it could be a disaster... It will probably end with her being returned, thrown out or even put down.  Go with your instincts.  I would.
 

ruthyb

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Ritz has a point.

And why would a family with two four year olds be looking to get a pet? Don't they have enough on their plate?

I have 3 children,2 very close in age and I adopted one of my cats when they were both young. I was advised it may not work out with young children but do you know what it worked out fine and when I adopt a cat its always a forever home.My kids do respect my kittys though so my advise would be definetly tell them what you have told us and make them understand that they have to teach their children,at 4 years old a child has a very good understanding of right and wrong (well mine does). Also if you go ahead with the adoption make it clear if it does not work out then she be returned to you and only you,I had to sign when I got Angel that I would return her to her foster mum if it didn't work out.x
 

feralvr

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HI .... here is my two cents for what it is worth. I also adopted out a socialized feral two years ago - she was black too and about one year old. The family had two young girls- one was five and the other was almost 7. They wanted the cat for their children. And this cat would stay in the girls room initially - that would be her "safe" room. I, too, was very worried, but I told them IF it didn't work out, I would take her back and had them sign a contract saying so, which I would recommend. I had my reservations as well - and second thoughts - but I made it clear that this cat would probably be hiding initially and that the girls would have to learn to be very gentle and quiet in the beginning. I also told them that not all cats turn out to be lap cats as they are all different. BUT I have seen young cats that never wanted to cuddle, all of the sudden change as they got older. I just told them everything right up front and let them make the decision. They knew that this kitty would take a lot of love and patience. The little girls wanted so much to feel responsible for this little scared kitty and they felt they were doing something wonderful by rescuing her and giving her a forever home. :heart3: It has worked out beautifully - and they still have the kitty and the girls are very protective of her. It was one of the best homes I ever found for a cat. She is well loved and cared for and even though she is not a cuddly duddly - the girls say that she lays right next to them and sleeps with them every night. AND she follows them around the house now.

I think if you tell them up front about your concerns, they should understand them and take them into consideration. Let them decide - but I would probably let her go to them if they still want her. Good luck!!!! It is wonderful what you do for all the kitties in your care :hugs: :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 
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rafm

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I agree with Feralvr. The kitty has only known you and your home, she may very well come to love activity and two little boys. 

Could you do a foster to adopt situation?  That way they can sign a foster contract and if it works out, they can become the adoptive family. If nothing else, it can show you how she does in other environments. 
 

txcatmom

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Bless you for fostering and caring so much.   While your gut should be your guide, I thought I'd ask...are you sure they are expecting to carry the cat around, or just assuming?  (And I can understand why you would assume that.)  I ask because it reminds me of our situation when we adopted our first cat a little over a year ago.

At the time I had two boys, age 5 and 7.  I had always planned on waiting until my youngest was 5 to add a pet to the family.  The kids never asked for a pet (though they liked the idea.)  We were definitely not adding a pet "for the kids."

At a local vet we met two 4 month old playful kitty brothers (black and tuxie) who were up for adoption.  (They run a small cat rescue.)  On the way out the door someone said, "Wait, did you show them the dilute tortie?"  Then we met Emily, a 6 month old extremely shy kitten who had been rescued from a feral colony as a young kitten.  She didn't "show" well because of her shyness and we almost didn't even meet her.  We went home to consider the 3 cats.  I had done some reading and knew shy cats could be a risk but really felt like Emily was the cat for us.  (Plus the vet folks and us were both rooting for the boys to find a home together.  We had no idea at the time that we would become a mutiple cat family.)

When I called the next day they sort of steered me toward the playful boys (because we have young kids) but I said we decided on Emily.  They were fine with that.  Long story short, my kids really had no expectations of this cat.  They were just thrilled to have her.  We sat in the laundry room and read books to her while she hid under a blanket in her carrier.  We thrilled at just the sight of her nose or paw peeking out.  After two days, she would come out and play with string with us.  Never were the boys disappointed that they couldn't hold or pet her.  This cat has adapted remarkably to our home and the vet folks have since said they were not sure how she would do in a home.  Now my kids are good kids, but they do get a little rowdy and loud (with each other, not the cats) at times.  I've always been amazed that Emily doesn't even flinch at this.  She was scared of the TV for months, but never the kids.  Go figure.  (Side note, she has warmed up to petting, but would never be happy being carried around.)

And it turns out we loved her so much that we went back 6 weeks later and adopted the playful black brother kitten.  Everyone had given up hope that the brothers would have a home together.  We had no idea we would take the leap to 3 cats a couple of months later.  The tuxie was adopted but returned to the vet twice (no fault of his own) and is still living there.  We found out he was being returned just days after adopting our 3rd cat.  We have a very happy family of young cats, but can't help considering whether there is room for one more...our black kitty's brother.  Sorry to get off topic,  just wanted to give the ending ending of the story for the first two playful brothers we met.

Oh, and in no way was the decision to add more cats related to any "deficiency" in Emily.  We think she is awesome.  It is a nice balance though, that our two boy cats are a little more into affection.  They love each other and make a great trio.

Hope my story helps.  I enjoy sharing it.  Others had a good idea to discuss your concerns with the family.  If they do want a doll kitty to tote around, then you are right.  It might not be a good fit.
 

catwoman707

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Since it's been 4+ days since you originally asked for advice/opinions, you probably made a decision.

In my rescue group, when this happens, I usually go with my instincts, but occasionally I have more invested and am a bit more sensitive about "the right home".

This is why I will just come right out and tell the prospective adoptors that I have some reservations, and do they mind doing a foster situation to be sure the cat is right for them and they are right for him.

It's a win-win situation either way.

Be cautious not to run off any interest though, we all know how much longer it takes a black kitty to find their forever home.....good luck.
 
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