In another thread I asked the question about the habits of a Mommy and her kittens. (1)
Tonight, as in all day, both she and 3 of her 4 kittens are not in our yard, at least as far as I can tell.
I saw one kitten eating, none of the others have appeared at their usual feeding times.
The last time I saw Mommy (Pepper) was about 12 a.m. when I put out their food - she was laying next to the house wall, in the warm rocks (we have a desert landscape) - behind some containers. She watched me put the food out, in fact wasn't in the least alarmed by my presence, continuing to rest with her eyes closed. The kittens had been out in front of the house, and my guess is she was exhausted from herding them back into our enclosed yard.
Today I have been busy with the newly trapped calico (2), as I was last night, so maybe that's why I haven't noticed them?
My stomach is churning with distress as I am so concerned.
The thing is, I have no control over their safety - it's left to Nature - and not knowing about where or how they are is almost too much to bare.
I need to gain a calus on my heart, and another way of thinking like trying to be able to think "whatever will be will be" attitude - I doubt I can.
How do others deal with trying to care for these homeless kitties?
gloria
Threads I referenced:
(1) http://www.thecatsite.com/t/240175/is-it-possible-for-mommy-just-to-bring-them-to-me-to-feed
(2) http://www.thecatsite.com/t/240460/just-trapped-a-calico-taking-for-surgery-tomorrow
It does take a huge toll on our hearts and hard as I try, it still causes me distress and worry when they disappear. BUT I look at it this way and it works well for me when I put it into perspective. I have saved many kittens from being born into a life of hunger, disease, fear and possibly suffering a terrible death by TNRing as many cat's as I can. I then try to take care of them as best as I can..... Food, water and proper shelter. The rest is up to them. We have absolutely no control over their safety and I have to remind myself of that fact... Each day I see them is possibly the last day I will see them. You have to face that possibility and be alright with that fact. It helps to know that you were the one person who did care for them and show them love and that gives some peace of mind. Better to have loved and cared for them than not at all or just turning a blind eye to a feral cat, I could not do that. It is worth the toll it takes on my heart. I also tell myself that they have a better life now than they did before finding their way to me. It is hard not to get attached but in the big picture of things, the purpose of what we do IS to stop the breeding and thereby reducing the feral cat population little by little and that alone gives my heart relief. It does make it easier if the ferals just stay feral though and keep their distance. It makes it even harder when they start to get close to you and much more complicated with emotions. I do the best that I can for them and will do as much as they will allow me to do and that helps me get by day to day. 
If I could just keep from observing them, or watching them as they deal with they're lot in life - I'd be better off. 
YEP - but we can't stop watching out for them 
. They could have it a lot worse. 
It's impossible not to worry... you just have to keep reminding yourself you're doing what you can. 
