I am getting to the end of the rope with my Cat

First of all, welcome to TCS!!

All of the cats in my household were born feral. When you start socializing them at an early age, there is no reason why their feral birth would cause aggression as an adult, particularly if the aggression started as an adult. Shy when young is normal until they are socialized. The fact that she bonded only to you is a tendency for feral cats, but not limited to feral cats. I would separate her current behavior to her feral birth.

How old is she now? You mentioned that her aggression got worse sometime last year. I'm trying to understand when the behavior started. What is her name?

Start with this thread. With most aggressive cats, there is a trigger that causes them to be aggressive, and if you can find what the trigger is, you can start working towards modifying the behavior. Time outs can be very effective and it sounds like she did respond to those. Spraying with a water bottle, IMO, never works, as the only thing it does with a cat like yours is to make them fear you, causing even more aggression.

What do you have in your home for her to use? Cat condos? What types of toys? How often do you play with her? Sometimes just enriching their environment and offering her an outlet to work out her energy can redirect a cat.

Just a couple of quick things besides going to the aggression thread...it sounds like she does her attacking from the ground...she's somehow threatened by people when she's down there. Make sure not to make eye contact with her, unless you are doing the "slow blink and squeeze" because direct eye contact is a challenge. So if she's on the ground, I would suggest walking away, and maybe sitting down on the floor in another room and seeing if she comes to you.

 

Also, people on this site have had great luck with Bach's Rescue Remedy in the water, and Feliway plug-ins. Both seem to calm kitties. I hope this helps some, and welcome!!!

Your vet told you to try disciplining her with water bottles and time outs?  Your vet is clearly and idiot and doesn't know or seem to even like cats!  I am sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be.  I myself went through a couple of vets before I found one my cats liked and that knew cats. I would be switching vets if I were you.  He's/She's treating a cat not an unruly toddler!! 

 

What breed is she or does she most resemble is my first question?  Do you have plenty of space for her to get up off the floor and explore up high?  Does she have access to a window or outdoor patio (enclosed of course)?  I ask because it sounds to me as if she has a lot of anxiety.  Cats that experience this have a lot of "bipolar" actions.  She has some pinned up energy she needs to get rid of. 

 

You can try Feliway or The Calming Collar.  These will help to an extent.  But, if she doesn't already, give her some places where she can jump up high and look down on everything.   Find a cat tree- a kitty condo is good but it doesn't get her high enough and it's more of a place to sleep.  The primo place to put it is by a window so she can look out and down on the world.  This will help a lot!!!  Also play with her.  Use the mimik a real bird feather chaser or a laser light.   Play until she can't take it anymore.  All these should make her a lot happier and less bipolar. 

 

Your cat isn't damaged or psycho.  She is trying to tell you something.  Just "listen" to her.  I hope you see a much happier and calmer cat soon.

I understand about the counters and the tables.  I am the same way.  I compromise with my cats and I let them play on top of the refridgerator.  This makes them happy.  They don't even try to get on the counters or table.  As long as they can get up high and look out a window and see a lot, cats are pretty happy.  Playing helps a lot.  You might consider getting a harness and a leash too and taking your cat for walks.  Sounds silly I know.  But it makes them happy to be outside with nature and playing with bugs and rolling around in and chewing grass.  The Calming Collar helps them a lot.  I haven't had much luck with Feliway but I know many have.  So both are excellent products. 

 

I wasn't trying to insult your vet.  But, I've been there and done that with vets.  I even had one tell me once that he didn't like cats!!!  I asked him why in the world he went into animal medicine?  I walked out without paying!! 

Edited by P3 and The King - 1/18/12 at 3:37pm

She is spayed, right? If not, I'd recommend doing that ASAP because hormones can do wacky things to a cat's personality.

There are medications that may help. There are several to choose from, so if one doesn't work, try a different one. Ask your vet about med options. If he isn't helpful, try a different vet. It's worth trying whatever you can before you give up and have her put to sleep (which, face it, is really the only option if you want to "get rid" of her).

I definitely recommend trying meds. But first, try a calming collar (only $10, can't hurt, might help) and maybe a pheromone plug-in.

Usually it takes a few days to a few weeks for the hormones to kind of taper off after a spay/neuter.  So if she was spayed some time ago, it would not be the hormones.  Do you have other pets, is she OK with them?  I am trying to think of why she is acting this way?  You seem to be dismissing everyone suggestions as already done or tried or you have it.  It is possible, though a long shot that they didn't get all of the tissue from the spaying out.  Some part of her uterus could still be there and that is why she is "hormonal" as you put it.  It's a long shot, though.  It would require surgery again to be sure and no sense putting her through that until you've exhausted all other cheaper methods.  I know in this economy not everyone has the money for all the suggestions we've given. 

 

Has something changed recently around the time that she started becoming more aggressive?  You might not think it's a big deal but cats often do not like change and have a harder time adjusting to it, depending on their personalities.  She just sounds, to me, to be a very anxious and unsettled kitty.  Cats don't normally act like this, even the mean ones, without having a reason and usually it's a change in their life.  In which case, she needs to feel stable again and that does require work... It's just a matter of whether you've given up on her or not. 

 

Another thing is, you may be giving her clues that you are afraid of her.  This is understandable due to the nature of her scratching and hurting you.  You can't be hesitant or show her fear.  You've got to show her you're the boss.  It'll help her to know she is not in control and goes back to the stability I was talking about.  How do you approach her and pick her up to move her?  What do you do, I mean?

*sigh* These issues are best addressed when they're kittens. From day 1, immediately upon receiving a kitten, the following three rules take effect:

 

1. No biting

2. No scratching

3. No hissing

 

They need to learn to be gentle with human skin. Who wants an aggressive cat? No compromises, no exceptions. My 2-year old tough, strong, male, unfixed tomcat wins fights when he goes outside. With people, he's gentle as could be, and the best pet I've ever owned. With proper training, he has nipped at three times, scratched me twice, and hissed/growled twice in his entire life--and it hasn't happened in over a year.

 

You have to mess with them when they're young--pull their tail a bit and harass them until they strike back at you. Then assert the rule. Under no circumstances are they to bite, scratch, or hiss at a human. They must learn to walk away--even your tipsy friend decides to grab at their tail, and they don't like it.

 

With a three-year-old cat, it's going to be a tough road.

 

 

Edited by tangoking - 1/23/12 at 10:40am

Don't beat yourself up. It is not easy to be a disciplinarian. The only reason that I was able to train this cat so well is because I was a teacher in a tough public school for a few years, and my discipline had to be spot-on.

 

Part of it is also the temperament of the cat. The one that I chose (the on that chose me?) has a great temperament.

Edited by tangoking - 1/23/12 at 11:01am

Harassing a cat until it strikes back and then punishing it is abusive (and allowing an unaltered cat out to father thousands of unwanted kittens is irresponsible, but that is not the point of this thread). All beings have the right to defend themselves when necessary. Any dominance-based treatment of cats has a high probability of causing aggression (and even in dogs. . .but again, not the point of this thread). Perhaps a few easy-going cats will tolerate that kind of nonsense but most won't. If you have ever become physical with this cat (hitting, slapping, scruffing, etc.) then this is your fault and I hope you don't have her killed because of your mistake. Do NOT try to "show her who's boss" or anything like that.

Cats are basically wild animals. If you want them to behave nicely, they have to trust you. If you do anything to break that trust, they feel like they have to defend themselves and that becomes "aggression". So if you want her to be nicer, immediately stop doing anything that can break trust. Never become frustrated (yes, they can sense this), and if you do feel the frustration coming, leave the room, do not touch her. This is a very, very frightened cat, and for some reason she feel like she needs to defend herself against you.

And don't kid yourself--there are no people lined up waiting to take on a cat like that. There is no way you'll be able to get rid of her without killing her. I still think meds would be a fine option, and helping her learn to trust you.

That's the thing about spaying and neutering, there is a lot of false belief out there that it calms a pet down and all the bad behavior goes away.  This is not true and often people are disappointed because they believe it is a magic fix all surgery... POOF their dog or cat is a perfect angel!  Not so.  Spaying and neutering just makes it so they can't reproduce.  It may get rid of the hormones but hormones are not always the problem.  Rubbing your legs is just something cats do.  They would do this to mama kitty to get her to lay down and nurse them.  They do this to us for the same reasons, food and love. 

 

She needs medication.  This is past the point of Feliway or the Calming Collar.  They might help in combination.  I know discipline is hard but you need to show her that you are alpha, not her.  A firm "NO" when she is bad.  Don't scream at her.  It'll just confuse her.  Just refuse her attention until she calms down.  If she swipes at you, turn away from her.  Don't get upset with her.  Don't show signs it's hurt your feelings.  Turn away from and ignore her.  She will understand being ignored isn't fun.  Reward system maybe needs to change a little?  You are rewarding bad behavior.  Maybe if you only reward good behavior, it will make a big difference?

 

Ask your vet about medication to help her with aggression and anxiety.  Maybe the Calming Collar or Feliway for good measure? 

 

 

*sigh* These issues are best addressed when they're kittens. From day 1, immediately upon receiving a kitten, the following three rules take effect:

 

1. No biting

2. No scratching

3. No hissing

 

They need to learn to be gentle with human skin. Who wants an aggressive cat? No compromises, no exceptions. My 2-year old tough, strong, male, unfixed tomcat wins fights when he goes outside. With people, he's gentle as could be, and the best pet I've ever owned. With proper training, he has nipped at three times, scratched me twice, and hissed/growled twice in his entire life--and it hasn't happened in over a year.

 

You have to mess with them when they're young--pull their tail a bit and harass them until they strike back at you. Then assert the rule. Under no circumstances are they to bite, scratch, or hiss at a human. They must learn to walk away--even your tipsy friend decides to grab at their tail, and they don't like it.

 

With a three-year-old cat, it's going to be a tough road.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry, but I think this is horrible advice. Pulling a kittens tail and encouraging it to bite you .... then punishing it?? Good Lord...

That may have worked for you up to now...but I think you have been lucky to have submissive cats. This advice is sure to get

someone seriously hurt!

I was appalled at that, too.  I didn't want to say anything.  Sounds like a guy to me.  Please, Truffleshuffle... DO NOT pull your cats tail or punish it.  My suggestions were to reprogram it in a humane way.  I hope you understand that.
 

 

How does this even begin to help the OP?  They don't have a kitten, they have a three-year-old cat.  The rest of your post is not only off-topic but really offensive.  Cats also aren't pack animals and therefore don't have an "alpha" they will obey, so that sort of mindset is irrelevant.

 

To the OP: Time-outs have been effective for Simon & me (but not in a cat carrier, in the bathroom).  He gets too rough with Joni sometimes (meaning full-on 20-30 minute onslaught of chasing and fighting, with her running away - but unfortunately there's no place for her to hide to get away from him where he can't follow), so every once in awhile he spends 10 minutes in the bathroom lounging in the clothes hamper and cooling off, and he comes out happy and ready to play with us.  Of course, that's a really different situation, but I just wanted to share that sometimes time-outs can work as you experienced a few weeks ago.

 

I agree with the other posters that Mousy sounds very scared of you and feels like she needs to defend herself.  I read that you don't want her on the counters or table, but didn't see if she has other ways to get up off the floor - if not, could you install some shelving for her to climb up on and observe you (and the room) from?  That might make her feel safer, that you're not sneaking up on her.  It shouldn't be too costly and depending on the shelving it shouldn't put too many (or too large) holes in the wall, since I know you're in an apartment.  No more than hanging a picture or something similar, at any rate.

 

Willowy is right, unfortunately.  If you surrender Mousy she will be euthanized.  Some posters have had luck with Prozac, and it's worth a shot before condemning her to death.

Good to know that you won't give up on her no matter the outcome. 

 

I had a cat Angel that was deaf and probably mostly blind.  Usually white cats with pale blue eyes are more prone to this.  Especially if the eyes kinda cross?  It is worth having the vet check out.  It can be a source of upset for her if she can't see you until you're right there or even hear you too good.  I would definately have the vet check into it along with asking about anxiety medicine.  And get some Feliway and the Calming Collar for good measure. 

 

You are a good cat owner.  Things will work out.  Believe that.

Definately get not only sight but hearing checked, too... That is what my Angel would do when he first started really losing his hearing... Howl and go nuts.  It was really loud and eerie sounding.  You couldn't shut him up for anything.  But, he couldn't hear himself let alone us trying to comfort him... The good news is, that the anxiety meds will help her calm down and adjust.  She won't be as afraid.  It's not you.  It's her world turning on her.  Poor kitty.  But, once Angel settled down and got the swing of things, he lived a normal and very happy life.  It is possible.  They start relying on other senses more.  Also, don't rearrange furniture too often.  She will come to rely on things remaining the same for her to get around good. 

 

How quick you are to throw the "abuse" word out there!!! Far from abuse, this is responsible pet ownership.

 

What happens when a child grabs the cat's tail? Does that give him permission to slash at them? What if it doesn't like the way my elderly mother is petting him? Can it bite her? A cat bite is not a small thing; it can send her to the hospital, and at her age even kill her! Imagine if this animal was a child;: if he or she doesn't like what you have to tell them, does that give them the right to slash you with a knife? A cat is a much lower life form than a child. Are you empowering the cat to slash if it doesn't like something? That's just irresponsible pet ownership.

 

My actions were a lesson--with an objective. If someone harasses, teases, or does something that my cat doesn't like, he doesn't slash, bite, or hiss--he just walks away (which, by the way, is a great way to avoid a lot of trouble in human-to-human relationships).

 

This is exactly the battle that TruffleShuffle0 is going to have to fight. She needs to decide in her mind that. as the is the handler, master, owner, and boss of that animal, her desires are non-negotiable; they are LAW. She is ultimately responsible for this bad behavior, and putting a stop to it. This is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship, and she as the dictator must make it clear that biting, scratching, and hissing are unacceptable behavior. Zero tolerance. Even if someone pulls his tail or does something that he doesn't like--the animal must walk away.

 

 

You can't be the boss of a cat. Dictatorship is likely to create an aggressive cat, not prevent aggression. Do you endorse hurting the cat if it does bite or scratch? That's entirely unacceptable. If a cat trusts you it won't bite or scratch you. If you hurt a cat you deserve to be bitten or scratched. If you cannot protect your pet from being hurt by someone you shouldn't have a pet.

Responsible if you own a dog.  Cats are different.  I think people are appalled that you seem to be tormenting the cat.  True, children pull tails.  That's a given.  But you should be instructing the CHILD on how to respect and treat an animal and not subjecting the CAT/KITTEN to mind games.    Zero tolerance?  Dude, calm down.  This is a defenseless animal... Not a unruly child.  Do you know you "sound" in these post?  It makes me wonder if you really are an animal lover or not?  This isn't love, this is control.  It borders on abuse.  You have to see it from the animals eyes.  Not yours. 

 

A cat is a lower life form than you?  Why do you have them?  If you feel this way about animals... Why have them.  Someone should turn you in.  I am appalled at this message.  You should be ashamed.