A while ago now a kitten of mine died.
She was from a little of four and two had already died (One, named Snow had frozen to death as their mother had, had two kittens in one place and then two in the lounge room with me. It had been the mews of my miracle baby Finnlay (Who survived and is a healthy, happy and handsome boy now) that lead me to them, sadly not in time to save Snow. The other kitten died a few days after he was born, his name was Wash and he was a lovely little thing.)
So me and my partner decided we would keep Finnlay and Epsilon (After dealing with the other two deaths I just felt compelled to protect these kittens) weeks passed and our two new editions to the family were beautiful. Epsilon was a short haired little ginger girl and Finnlay a big, burly, incredibly fluffy rose colored boy. Everything was fine and we were glad to be past the sadness that had came with the litter.
I had been unwell and my partner had insisted I take a bath. All my life I've had a terrible habit of leaving the bath water in. I remember my mother yelling at me about it. I hardly have baths though and this time, like many others I left the bath water in. It was no real problem though as we always keep the bathroom door closed. However events played out poorly. That morning my partner got ready for work while I myself got to have a sleep in he was gone before I woke up and in my day of lazing about on the computer and the tv. I had never even gone near the bathroom. My partner had accidentally of course left the door open and I hadn't even noticed.
I did however notice Epsilon missing, around late afternoon. They normally had a nap her and Finnlay at that time but it had just been Finn. I looked around, the front yard, feeling a little panicked but stopped myself. My partner always tells me I worry too much about the cats and so I decided that she was probably just playing and she would wonder back eventually. By the time my partner had come home I was a mess, convinced she had gotten lost or something. I had searched the house but somehow still not noticed the bathroom door being slightly open. After consoling me my partner decided he would have a look.
About five minutes later i heard him holler out, as if he had stubbed his toe or something. Getting up I had said, half laughing. "What have you done now" as I made my way to check on him. He met me in the hallway with a very stiff and very wet kitten in his arms. I screamed and fell back against the wall, I just burst into tears and screamed into my hand. She was so wet that she looked so much smaller and thinner and darker. Even though I knew it was Epsilon It just didn't look anything like her.
My partner has always been a soft touch with animals and faced with the death of them he breaks down. He was crying and hugging poor Epsilon and I had to harden up a little, comfort him and tell him that we should wrap her up in her favorite blanket and bury her out the back yard under our window in a little area that our dog cannot get to and that's what we did. In the pouring rain we dug a hole and said our goodbyes to Epsilon. We decided to have a memorial day from then on every year in her honor and I spent the rest of the night comforting my partner and dealing with the grief.
Months later now and I still think about her. Even though we were both to blame. I left the bath in and he left the bathroom door open. I have a very hard time dealing with the guilt even to this day. For a few weeks after her death I considered taking out cats to a shelter. Melodramatic of me I know but I had told myself I would protect my cats and I had completely and utterly failed to. Its gotten better since then, I feel less detached from my cats. I hug them and love them. They are like children to me and they piratically run my house.
Basically I felt the need to talk about this as I haven't really gotten the chance to, other then to my partner.
I was also wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar, maybe leaving the door open and had their pet run away or maybe something worse. How do you deal with the guilt and the feeling that your no longer a protector?
Anyway sorry this was long and I really hope no one thinks I'm a bad person. >.>
She was from a little of four and two had already died (One, named Snow had frozen to death as their mother had, had two kittens in one place and then two in the lounge room with me. It had been the mews of my miracle baby Finnlay (Who survived and is a healthy, happy and handsome boy now) that lead me to them, sadly not in time to save Snow. The other kitten died a few days after he was born, his name was Wash and he was a lovely little thing.)
So me and my partner decided we would keep Finnlay and Epsilon (After dealing with the other two deaths I just felt compelled to protect these kittens) weeks passed and our two new editions to the family were beautiful. Epsilon was a short haired little ginger girl and Finnlay a big, burly, incredibly fluffy rose colored boy. Everything was fine and we were glad to be past the sadness that had came with the litter.
I had been unwell and my partner had insisted I take a bath. All my life I've had a terrible habit of leaving the bath water in. I remember my mother yelling at me about it. I hardly have baths though and this time, like many others I left the bath water in. It was no real problem though as we always keep the bathroom door closed. However events played out poorly. That morning my partner got ready for work while I myself got to have a sleep in he was gone before I woke up and in my day of lazing about on the computer and the tv. I had never even gone near the bathroom. My partner had accidentally of course left the door open and I hadn't even noticed.
I did however notice Epsilon missing, around late afternoon. They normally had a nap her and Finnlay at that time but it had just been Finn. I looked around, the front yard, feeling a little panicked but stopped myself. My partner always tells me I worry too much about the cats and so I decided that she was probably just playing and she would wonder back eventually. By the time my partner had come home I was a mess, convinced she had gotten lost or something. I had searched the house but somehow still not noticed the bathroom door being slightly open. After consoling me my partner decided he would have a look.
About five minutes later i heard him holler out, as if he had stubbed his toe or something. Getting up I had said, half laughing. "What have you done now" as I made my way to check on him. He met me in the hallway with a very stiff and very wet kitten in his arms. I screamed and fell back against the wall, I just burst into tears and screamed into my hand. She was so wet that she looked so much smaller and thinner and darker. Even though I knew it was Epsilon It just didn't look anything like her.
My partner has always been a soft touch with animals and faced with the death of them he breaks down. He was crying and hugging poor Epsilon and I had to harden up a little, comfort him and tell him that we should wrap her up in her favorite blanket and bury her out the back yard under our window in a little area that our dog cannot get to and that's what we did. In the pouring rain we dug a hole and said our goodbyes to Epsilon. We decided to have a memorial day from then on every year in her honor and I spent the rest of the night comforting my partner and dealing with the grief.
Months later now and I still think about her. Even though we were both to blame. I left the bath in and he left the bathroom door open. I have a very hard time dealing with the guilt even to this day. For a few weeks after her death I considered taking out cats to a shelter. Melodramatic of me I know but I had told myself I would protect my cats and I had completely and utterly failed to. Its gotten better since then, I feel less detached from my cats. I hug them and love them. They are like children to me and they piratically run my house.
Basically I felt the need to talk about this as I haven't really gotten the chance to, other then to my partner.
I was also wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar, maybe leaving the door open and had their pet run away or maybe something worse. How do you deal with the guilt and the feeling that your no longer a protector?
Anyway sorry this was long and I really hope no one thinks I'm a bad person. >.>
RIP, Epsilon.
