Is it leverage or comfort?

As some of you know, I'm in the process of introducing my princess Holland and my new guy Daymon. So far it has been going pretty smoothly. Holland definitely hisses at him when he gets too close, but until now it hasn't gone any further than that. I had to work my part time job tonight (well, technically last night, I guess) and when I came home I fed and played with Holland before letting Daymon out of the bedroom.

When I did let him out, Holland was much more hissy than she has been, and even made a couple of aggressive moves toward him (no contact, just her kind of almost lunging at him - not really sure how to describe it). After a little while he went into the bedroom to eat, and she calmed down for the most part. Then he came back out and proceeded to jump to the top of "her" condo, and after hissing at him a few times, she came over and plopped herself in my lap.

She usually sits in my lap for a half hour or so at least once a night, so that itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary. But I was absolutely shocked that she wanted to cuddle when he was in the room - it was VERY unlike her. She kept looking at Daymon as if to make sure he knows who the boss is around here. Then she would look at me as if to assure herself that she's still my little princess. I'm trying to avoid hurt feelings for both of them as much as I possibly can, and I really wish that they could just tell me what they are feeling! I'm sensing that Daymon's feelings are hurt when Holland hisses at him, especially just a little bit ago, when he was bouncing around, just wanting to play, and she just sat there and hissed at him. And I'm definitely sensing hurt feelings from Holland every time I pet Daymon or give him a kiss.

So for those of you with experience in introductions... have you ever had your "old" one try to use you as a pawn to make the "new" one jealous? I am constantly telling Holland how much I love her, how proud I am of her, etc... but when I look at Daymon's sweet face I suddenly feel like I'm playing favorites. When I put him away in the bedroom so that Holland feels "normal" again, I feel guilty that I'm neglecting him. At the same time, I feel horrible for turning Holland's world upside down. All I want is to make them both understand that they would just love each other if they gave it a small chance. I'm a recovering Catholic, so guilt is like second nature to me, but I just don't want to feel guilty about what I'm doing to either of my babies!!!

Is this normal? I know it's only been a little over a week, and I know I'm being impatient, but I just want this whole phase to be over with and I want to see them playing and cuddling together!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by StefanZ 

Mind you, it is not so bad for Daymon as it looks. He is new, so for him the friendship he has with is OK.  It is only a little unfair, not more.

He doesnt know anything else, he is not in any way detronized.

That is a good point, Stefan, thank you. At least Daymon isn't in the shelter anymore. I just wish I knew his history (he was brought in as a lost and found). It's pretty clear to me that he's been around people, and that he was loved. The shelter I adopted them both from is probably the largest in the city, so I can't imagine someone not checking there if they'd lost him. He's just the sweetest guy, and I can't imagine anyone having him and then not wanting to get him back.

Thanks also to everyone else for the replies!

It's just breaking my heart that Holland was in her anti-social hidey place tonight under the comforter on the bed after Daymon had been out for a while. And it breaks my heart to hear Daymon crying to get out of the bedroom when I get home, because I am spending time alone with Holland before letting him out. They're both sleeping right now - Holland on my fleece blanket, and Daymon in Holland's bed... Which could prove to be another problem. He just LOVES her bed. It's just a basic pet bed with a fleece blanket covering it, the same thing that he's got for himself (though Holland's fleece is plusher and thicker). I even brought his bed & fleece out from the bedroom to the couch, and he just wants her bed. She got pretty pissy about it earlier, which was when I brought his bed out and physically picked him up out of her bed into his bed, but apparently she didn't really want her bed, she just wanted him out of it.

I just keep reminding myself how early it is in this game, they only met face to face a few days ago. And Holland cuddled with me for a good half hour when I got home tonight. She will occasionally hiss at me when I pet her when he's in the room, but she's not vicious about it. I know it's only a matter of time before neither of them remembers life without each other, but this part just really sucks. And I have to go back to my full time job on Tuesday, so I won't have as much time with them as I've had this week.

Ugh, kids are SO much work!!

ETA - I just have to laugh because apparently nap time has turned into bath time... they're now both grooming themselves on their respective fleece blankets.