How to survive & even enjoy Xmas w/out a family

Some of you may remember my past Christmas posts over the past few years.  My family has not spoken to me in 6 years. DH & I are childless, too, which makes things even more sad for me.  Last year & this year, I've tried a different approach to dealing with a family-less Christmas, and thought I'd share it here--especially for those in the same boat as I.

Last year was the first time since 2005 that I didn't cry at least once on 12/25.  I had tried to muddle through the day, with fake cheeriness, but it just didn't work.  I decided that DH & I would not put pressure on ourselves to be merry, nor to make it seem too Christmasy on that day.  It worked. We spent the day cuddled on the sofa, watching Netflix movies, documentaries, etc.  I didn't cook a "special" dinner. On Christmas Eve, we ordered pizza, and got a big blast from tipping the delivery woman $25 (for a $25 order!). It was so nice to be able to make someone else's Christmas happy. Maybe that seems a bit corny, but we still treasure that memory.  For Christmas dinner, I set out pre-made appetizers and desserts. We just waddled over to the table in the dining room between movies!  We had the cats on the sofa with us, too. It was wonderful! I literally forgot about the family 4 miles down the road who hated me.

Last year, I also started enjoying doing random acts of kindness while in stores--nothing great, just taking pleasure in being sincere while wishing total strangers, "Merry Christmas", and just striking up conversations with them while shopping, and being especially helpful, such as giving crafts advice in the craft store; helping a stranger pick out jewelry, and enjoying watching her try it on, etc.   I would walk away with a smile on my face.  I tried to find charitable things to do, but i never got a reply from the charities (despite their begging for help on their website), or the event was canceled.  I figured that God wanted me, at least this year, to find another way to spread goodwill.

I also made a lot of sweets to take into work; everyone loved them.

Yesterday, our neighbor gave DH an ormament just out of the blue.  I made a tin of my famous decadent fudge to take over to them.

I love Christmas.

May you and your family have a WONDERFUL Christmas!

I think so many of us get caught up in this fantasy of a Norman Rockwell Christmas.  Very few people have a Christmas like that and a lot of people live with being disappointed because Christmas didn't live up to the fantasy.  I was caught up in that fantasy for a long time but I finally figured it out and let go of it.  I don't even notice a lot of the overblown things in stores anymore, it really doesn't even register with me anymore. 

I am not in the same boat as you...not exactly...but I do understand.  My family lives far away, my MIL is starting into Alzheimers which makes that situation challenging too.  My oldest son is from my first marriage and he goes to his dad's on Christmas Eve and stays for 2 weeks after that!!! (which I will never, ever just "get used to").  My grandmother died just before Christmas 15 years ago.  My husband and I don't buy gifts for one another and my kids don't believe in Santa anymore.  It takes work to make Christmas seem "merry," but like you, I have found such joy in giving to others during this season.  I have also found joy in teaching my children to love Christmas and celebrate it as a religious holiday moreso than a pagan one.  For instance, we went to a candle light service last night and spent this morning from 11-12 at church too!    We also keep things low-key...eat a small turkey dinner on Christmas eve...just dh, our ds, and I.  Today, it has been just the three of us enjoying the down time by the fire.  Right now, dh is sleeping, ds is playing nintendo, and I am visiting TCS.  It has been a wonderful, relaxing Christmas!

I buy a lot for my cats and the dog too...and I love watching them be comfy and happy. 

You aren't without a family!  You have your hubby and kitties, and that's a great family!

I believe that Christmas is what you make of it, and it looks like you made the most out of yours!!  It sounds like a wonderful Christmas!

Next year you can think about inviting some friends, or co-workers over.  Over maybe even hosting a foreign-exchange student who is going to university.

So far as volunteering, you can volunteer for things all year long, not just at Christmas. Perhaps be a friendly visitor through a senior centre. Lots of elderly people don't have any friends or family and rely on volunteers to visit them.  If you happen to get paired up with someone you enjoy spending time with, and have gotten to know over the months, you can invite that person over to spend the Holidays with you.

Natalie_ca said:

You aren't without a family!  You have your hubby and kitties, and that's a great family!

I believe that Christmas is what you make of it, and it looks like you made the most out of yours!!  It sounds like a wonderful Christmas!
 

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I agree that you're not without family.....your husband is family and so are your cats. That's just the way it is.

But I understand. My sister and I didn't speak for 14 years and it was horrible. We're both proud and neither of us would back down over an incident that happened years and years ago. It was simply the culmination of a lot of stuff that was going on at the time. And then two years ago, my niece was getting married and she wanted us at her wedding. We got the invitation, I threw a fit and said I wasn't going, no way was I going......got it all out of my system and I went to the wedding. And had a blast. My sister and I are now very close, closer than I think we've ever been. We were never really all that close when we were kids and as we grew up, there was a lot of jealousy between us. (I think I pitied my poor brother most because he spent years walking that fine line between my sister and me.....he has told me that we didn't realize how difficult that was for him.)

It sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas.

I think you did a wonderful job!

I am in the same boat as you, but you are one step above me.

I cut off my dad's family because they are very toxic and negative (they were never part of my life and I am not missing out on anything). Thankfully,  they live far, far away. The only family I have left that cares anything about me lives across the ocean.

Christmas doesn't have much meaning for me because there is nothing left for me. I am not married, have no children, no siblings, and both my parents are gone.

I still do random acts of kindness because it is all I know, but now I just try to get through the season. Friends invite me over, but it just is not the same. So this year, I didn't feel like doing or seeing anyone and just stayed home and did what I felt like doing instead of trying to please everyone else.

Do not let your family get to you. Sometimes, they are more harm than good and it is their loss if they feel the way they do.

Honey, your Christmas sounds absolutely lovely!  Wouldn't it be great if everyone could enjoy a calm, peaceful holiday like the one you had?  

How wonderful you've found a way to be happy and enjoy the holidays!

Your Christmas sounds like ours - cats, cuddles, and good movies. A perfect day!

Random acts of kindness ROCK - and you definitely need not limit them to just around the holidays. ALWAYS provide many smiles to everyone involved.

Sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas.      We don't have much family either.    Our nephew and his wife are going thru a divorce.  We haven't heard from Scott (nephew) in over a year.   But his soon-to-be ex wife keeps in touch and we spent Christmas with her and her boyfriend and her 2 children.     Deciding we were going to be the "smart" ones we called Friday morning, left a msg for our nephew to wish him a happy holiday, but as of today he has not even returned our call.    And I'm not going to worry about it.  We made th effort and the next step is his.

We all just have to make the best of the situations we are in and sometimes extended family is closer than your real family.

Have a Happy New Year!!    Ours will probably be spent at home, eating snacks, and enjoying the kitties.  Our niece did mention coming over for dinner, but honestly we don't like to drive on New Years.   But since we do like the new man in her life a lot, we might just go there and make it an early evening.