Major dilemma

Hubby and I are facing a major dilemma and I thought maybe some of you would have some advice or can share their experience -

The question is whether to send Ron to day care this year or to keep him at home with me.

He is 19 months old and we already found a good day care center. He will be in a group of 15 toddler ages 15 months to 2 years (at the beginning of the year). There will be 4 caregivers there with the children. We have seen many places before choosing this one and we are happy with the caring easy going nature of the staff. The facility is also clean and they keep the toddlers busy with a variety of activities. It's not cheap - twice the price of subsidised kinder gardens. If Ron goes he will be there from 7 AM to 4 PM.

Still, we (especially I) have some misgivings. Is it too young to seperate Ron from his home environment? I work from home and I can manage keeping him at home. Granted, it will cut down on my work time, but then again I'm due in November so I won't have a lot of work time anyway...

Right now Ron is living in a small paradise. He has constant attention from me, his dad and his loving grandparents (hubby's parents who live next door). I didn't see that much interaction between toddlers his age when I spent some time baby watching in the day care center. I think he mainly needs interaction with his mom and family right now.

Hubby says that although staying at home would probably be best for Ron, it would be too much of a sacrifice for me to make. He says that although I'm willing to make that sacrifice and I think I'll enjoy being with Ron (and later both Ron and his little brother), it would be too hard on me and I would get tired of it and frustrated.

I just don't know what to do. Any parents here can share their experience?

Originally posted by Anne

Right now Ron is living in a small paradise. He has constant attention from me, his dad and his loving grandparents (hubby's parents who live next door). I didn't see that much interaction between toddlers his age when I spent some time baby watching in the day care center. I think he mainly needs interaction with his mom and family right now.

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Anne-

If I were you I'd keep the little guy at home with you.
I never had such an opportunity.
I was a working mom and was forced to find sitters or day care for both of my children when they were infants.
I yearned to be a stay at home mom (you don't know how lucky you are!).
I had a mix of good sitters and bad.
The worst part of the day care scene (and any exposure to many children) are the chronic illnesses. I think it would add more stress on you and your husband when you will be caring for a newborn to contend with a child who always has whatever is going around at daycare.
Even if it's a wonderful daycare center . . . your baby will not get the same love and attention that he has with you and your family.
And he is still so young. . .
I also think he should have the chance to bond with his new sibling.
I think it would be a lot of change at once for the little guy. . . to be away from his loving parents and grandparents all day. . . and then to come home to share the company with your new arrival - he may not understand at such a young age what's going on. . . not to mention he will soon be approaching the wonderful potty training years. . . another challenging time that can add stress to your son's life (and yours).

You will also save a bundle. Day cares are not cheap. . . neither are doctor's appointments which will increase when your children are exposed to the crud.

If you want your son to have more interaction with children. . . perhaps there's something available for a shorter duration. . . like a play hour where you could both interact (you with adults. . . he with little ones)? And if it's time you need for your at home job and your new baby. . . perhaps you could have a mommy's helper come in for a few hours?

Just a thought.

Laurie

Keep him home Anne until he is of an age that he will benefit from the learning experience of a daycare. Too many children spend way too many hours with people other than their parents, and this is the most important times of their little lives. They need mom and dad, and the nurturing and teachings of both of you right now.

I think once he is 3 or so, then a 'preschool' type of learning may be great for him, where it will prepare him for regular school.

I would keep him at home. Especially since you have the help of his grandparents right next door. And 9 hours is a very long day for a 19 month old! Also, you don't want him to feel like he has to go so the new one can come (and he feels replaced). I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but I would only send my kids to daycare if it was absolutely necessary. He needs the security of his home and parents. Good luck.

I would say, since you work from home you should keep him with you as long as you can. It will be better for him and YOU. He will be away from you for so long in years to come, keep him while you have the chance.

Anne

When my daughter was about the same age I had to send her to a daycare center because of work. Before she went there she was a very polite child saying please, thank you etc. etc. etc. After a short while in daycare she thought that she could do as the other children in her little group did by mimicing their behavior and rudeness. I worked hard with her to keep the standard of politeness that I was raised with ingrained in her and it has paid off.

On the other hand, she did learn the value of sharing while she was in the daycare center(she is an only child) and having friends her own age was a big plus for her.

Now that my daughter is an adult I often regrett that I couldn't spend the neccessary time with her while she was in her most critical learning years on a full time basis. She has told me that I did a good job of being a Mom to her.

Now that my daughter is a Mom herself she is passing what she learned on to my grandchildren and she is doing an excellent job of raising them(you can't tell that I am very proud of her can you?) Anywho, that is just my $0.02 worth. Good luck in your decision.

Another vote for keeping him home. I had Anthony at a sitter's after he was born, but when Allie came along the next year, I left my job and stayed at home until both were in kindergarten. When they were older (4, I believe), I did send each to a preschool on a part time basis for some social interaction and to get them ready for school. Ron is going to have enough of an adjustment when his brother comes along. Why should he be be also going to be at daycare from 7-4 everyday? He's only 1 and a half. There are many wonderful daycares for moms who must work outside the home, but why do this unless it's necessary?

Anne,

I know I don't have children, but I vote you keep him close to you as well. Yes, it will be overwhelming at times, and the business will take a back seat to Ron and the new baby's needs, (and that is fine you and I can work with that) But after dealing with what has happened to my good friend, I just strongly believe that Ron is better off in your care than off with others right now. He is so young, and by the looks of the news last night, the unrest in your country is growing overwhelmingly more out of control. Why risk it? He needs to adjust to his new brother, and my thoughts are once he gets over the surprise of a new one arriving, he will want nothing else but to be helpful to mom in Guy's care.

My mother took all of us to work with her when I was growing up. She used to seat us in the Children's Section of the library and had my sisters read to me while she worked. She had the option of putting us with a babysitter, but she wanted us with her. Not that she is Mother of the Year, but I am grateful that she did keep an eye on us at such a young age.

Just another thought, the new baby arrives and Ron is "sent" away, he could resent the baby, thinking it is his new brother's fault he is no longer with his wonderful mom. That could have repercussions later on.

I agree,keep him home for now,maybe you could find a play group that is only a couple of hours a week.

Thank you so much everyone. You've really helped us reach the decision. I did a lot of reading on the internet today, looking for some research, but it all boils down to personal opinion really.

We have decided to cancel the day care center for this year. We would still have to pay for the first month, but that's a small price to pay for avoiding what would probably would have been wrong for Ron as well as ourselves.

Ron is staying with mom this year

I am so happy,Ron will be also!

Originally posted by Anne
Thank you so much everyone. You've really helped us reach the decision. I did a lot of reading on the internet today, looking for some research, but it all boils down to personal opinion really.

We have decided to cancel the day care center for this year. We would still have to pay for the first month, but that's a small price to pay for avoiding what would probably would have been wrong for Ron as well as ourselves.

Ron is staying with mom this year

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YAY!!! I think you will always feel good about this decission!

I'm glad you made this decision.

Anne this is wonderful news! We will work around your schedule, you know where I will be the majority of the time- so we will just go from there.

Anne, I'm so glad you decided to keep him with you!

I wasn't going to "vote" one way or another, but I did want to share the experience of my friend with you.

Everyone here was pro-keeping Ron with you for now, and there are one or two stories here of not great experiences with "early age" day care.

My best friend from high school and I aren't terribly close now, but we've kept in touch over the years, and I see her probably every other year or so. But when she first had her little girl, we were talking every month or so, and we saw them every year.

She had one daughter, Jeannie. Lisa was very dedicated to her work, and had Jeannie in daycare within three months of giving birth. When she or hubby could, they'd take off from work early and "rescue" Jeannie from daycare - this happened several times a month.

Jeannie was in daycare for four years. But she was a happy, outgoing, really well-adjusted, polite and just generally wonderful little girl. At that point, Lisa could afford not to work anymore and wanted to become a stay-at-home mom. Of course Jeannie started school, but Lisa got about a year in before that started.

I am glad Ron will be with you. But I think the issue of day care, down the road, is both the quality of the care they receive when not with their mom or dad, AND one of the quality of time spent with the children when with mom and/or dad, not so much the quantity of time. When Lisa and John were with Jeannie, they played with her and gave her lots of attention and learning games, etc. They always read to her. It wasn't - pick her up from day care, run the errands, make dinner, etc. And I think, in the end, that makes a big difference.

Just thoughts for your future decisions.

I'm happy that he will be staying with you! My mom stayed home with us when we were little and she says it was the best thing she could have done.

I would say definitely keep him at home if you are able. He will treasure having this time alone with his Mama before the new arrival comes.

OOPS, I didn't read the replies thru to the end! Glad you're keeping him at home!!

If I would have had a choice...I would have kept Amber home with me.

Of course you would Debby!No one thinks less of you because you have to work.