Cat we all just get along?

Haha bad pun, sorry. 

My two cats can't seem to coexist peacefully. After 6 months of trying numerous ways to calm and integrate them, we had to physically segregate them. Keeping them apart is a real pain in the butt and I'd like to try integrating them again but could use suggestions. 

Here's the full timeline and background:

January 2007: Brought female into the house. She was about 1.5 years old. Previously feral for a little while then fostered somewhere. Very sweet and gentle calico / maine coone mix. No problems with humans whatsoever.

March 2007: Brought male into the house. Very athletic and wary American short hair. He was 9 months old and feral until the adoption group got him off the street. He's high strung and hides a lot. I first introduced him to one room only. After a couple of weeks of spending time with him in there, I opened the door and allowed him and the female to see each other. She hissed and blustered. He got scared and attacked her.

Next month or two: They slowly integrated and got along basically okay. Sat in same room. Slept on same bed. No great love between them but things seemed okay. Occasional minor swatting and growling but nothing bad.

This devolved into regular fights. Everything would seem fine, and then we'd hear "MRROOOOW-OW-OW!!!" from the other room. We'd run in to find hair everywhere and the cats facing off. Usually the female got the worst of it. It was usually her hair on the floor. We found his claws embedded in her skin once or twice.

We tried feeding them together, spending time soothing them together. We gave them separate cat boxes. We tried Feliway plugins and Rescue Remedy drops all designed to soothe them. We played with each of them. And they would spend most of their time coexisting peacefully. Then after weeks of peace we'd come home and find her face all bloody and cut up from fighting. She never seemed to do any damage to him.

After six months of trying to smooth things out, these sudden fights became too difficult to bear. We installed a door that separates our house into two halves. And they have not mixed since.

Now they just sniff each other under the crack of that door, and occasionally reach under it to take swipes at each other. Sometimes we open the central door to let them see each other. She hisses, he starts to run at her, we slam the door. 

Can these cats ever get along? We are afraid to even try since the male has actually harmed the female in the past.

Would appreciate any advice. We love them too much to give up either one. But it sucks having to split our house and keep them separate. We may move at some point to a house which isn't so easy to divide. And I don't know what we will do then...

Thanks!

Some cats will never get along with some other cats.  Depending on their feral experience, it may just be the nature of things.  Some cats can't get past just tolerating the existence of another cat.  Hey...we see it in people, too, and often for no apparent reason!

Well, this is tough. (And sorry, but the pun made me laugh. :anon: ).

First of all, thank you for adopting these former feral babies. You clearly love them and certainly put in the effort, and usually the slow introductions are all that's needed to at least work out a non-aggressive co-existence. But, that didn't happen, so let's see if we can help. :cross:

Now.... Like Mike says, sometimes cats just don't get along.

That said... I may have some ideas you can at least try. I can't be sure, but from the description, it seems the male is the aggressor and the more dominant of the two. Does she usually stand her ground? Or does she try to run, he's just able to catch her?

It doesn't make a lot of difference, it just may actually be a little easier to resolve if she's trying to run.

1) Do you have much vertical space for them? I don't mean the back of a couch... I mean tall cat trees with multiple levels, or do you have a wall or two where you can put up shelves just for them? Cats express their hierarchy with height, and having that height can help diffuse an aggressor's need to dominate.

2) Humans aren't part of a cat hierarchy (as some believe they are with dogs). When we break up a fight and chastise an aggressor and give our attention to the submissive kitty, according to cat behaviorists, we're reinforcing the need of the aggressor to be aggressive. We need to ignore our instinct to comfort the loser, and instead turn our attention to the aggressor, and not by telling him what a bad boy he is. Have a wand toy at the ready, and try to engage him in play. Reinforce that he's tops. This should help to reduce his need to dominate.

3) When you feed them, feed him first, and feed him "up," higher than she is.

4) Always give him attention first. Play with him first, pet him first, whatever it is, if they're both around.

5) Anytime they're near each other and ignoring each other, praise him to high heaven.

6) Before you open the door again, put some time into scent swapping with the purpose of getting them to associate each other's scent with "good" things. Rub each of them particularly around their "friendly" scent glands (cheeks, above the eyes, under the chin) with several wash cloths (best if no dryer sheets or fabric softener was used) or clean rags, whatever (a couple of rags on each cat). Put one of the female-scented rags under the male's food dish. Put one of the male-scented rags under the female's food dish. After a good play session, put treats down on the female-scented rag for the male. Do the same for her. After a couple of weeks or so of this, swap their beds. (And "refresh" the scent on their rags every couple of days).

Can you buy a cheap piece of plexiglass to put across the open door - so they can see each other, but he can't get at her? If so, I'd try that too. Play with him so she can see. Don't play with her so he can see, just him. If she doesn't stick around to watch, don't worry about it. Just give it a try for a while.

And I don't know where you feed them now, or where you would want to feed them... but if there's any way you can feed them so they can see each other through the plexiglass (if you do that) (may even be easier to just swap out the door separating them with a screen door? :dk: ), and there's room for something - a thin end table, a cat tree - something - so he's "up" while eating, and she's on the floor, and they can see each other - and you feed him first, I'd try that too.

Other than that.... I'd really just keep their claws well clipped. You may even want to try using Soft Paws or a similar product on their front paws. Some cats take to them without too much problem. Obviously if one of them freaks out about it and tries to rip them off, I wouldn't force it. And if getting them on them is an issue, but money isn't, you may want to get the vet to do it. Most charge $10 or $15 to put them on for you, and they need to go on every 4 to 6 weeks. (But again, if they try to get them off, I wouldn't take them back to the vet to get them put on, I'd let it go).

I expect others will have further ideas... but I do hope this helps, and your babies can at least have a non-harmful co-existence. :nod: :cross:

LDG said:

2) Humans aren't part of a cat hierarchy (as some believe they are with dogs). When we break up a fight and chastise an aggressor and give our attention to the submissive kitty, according to cat behaviorists, we're reinforcing the need of the aggressor to be aggressive. We need to ignore our instinct to comfort the loser, and instead turn our attention to the aggressor, and not by telling him what a bad boy he is. Have a wand toy at the ready, and try to engage him in play. Reinforce that he's tops. This should help to reduce his need to dominate.
 

Click to expand...

If I read it right, breaking up a fight and then playing with the aggressor - isn't it actually rewarding aggressive behavior? At my home, fights have been minimized by putting the instigators on time out. Since I believe that cats basically prefer a peaceful coexistence, time outs are just reminders of it. 

Although I must admit that at my home, the top cat position seems to be on a rotating basis among my crew.   It is won via hissing contests. Also, fights have not occurred since Virac, my dog, always puts himself between two arguing cats. Don't know why he does it, but the cats go their separate ways.when he starts yapping and barking.at them. 

yayi, that was my thinking. But if you read up on aggressive cat behavior by just about any cat behaviorist, apparently the way to look at it is not that you're rewarding the aggressor, but you're redirecting the aggression and reinforcing his or her dominant position.

Good to see you here, Andy!

Laurie (LDG) gave you some excellent advice! Definitely take your time with the scent-exchange phase - don't rush this one.

One thing I would add, and Laurie did touch on this, is to avoid reprimanding any of the cats when they show signs of aggression. Like Laurie very rightly said, you cannot affect their hierarchy - this one is entirely up to them. With that in mind, to a certain extent they need to be allowed to work this out on their own (obviously, not to the point of bloodshed). It's crucial that you never shout at them, or in any other way reprimand them for aggression displays. All this would do is add more tension into an already stressful situation. If and when spats occur, do your best to stay calm.

I have a couple more ideas for the future, once you reach the phase they're in the same room together. But, one step at a time! Keep us posted on what you decide to do and we can work on this together.

These kitties are very lucky to have you! Best of luck!