Sorry for the long post!
Last March I adopted a 12 week old kitten. She was never particularly affectionate, but the first few days she took more of a liking to my boyfriend. Then I tried to give her the first and only bath we've given her but my boyfriend had to step in to do it correctly because I couldn't stand the thought of traumatizing the poor thing (or myself) for more than a minute. When we took her to get her nails trimmed, my boyfriend always held her while the groomer clipped. Unfortunately, one day I got home I noticed her eye was red and we immediately took her to the vet who said she had hit her eye really hard - prescribed eyedrops 3 times a day which, if you can see a reoccuring theme here, my boyfriend took the responsibility of administering.
I know it's not a difficult connection to make when of WHY Xena (or Zeenie Zeenie Bo Beanie) hate him but I'm sure the damage is not irreparable. One of my roommates has accidentally stepped on her with heels on a few occasions and she still adores her. He was there from the minute we got her and feeds her just as much as I do. We tried having only him give her treats, him give her affection whenever she feels social, and him ignore her. She was born in the shelter so I can't imagine it's some bad experience with a man and he never raises his voice! I've searched and searched online for people with similar problems but the only advice I see people give to them is "cats have a great sense of intuition, get rid of the boyfriend!" I've also heard that she may be jealous but I think it's more than that it's haaatred.
We had this problem from March-June while I was away at college. When I went back home for summer the problem wasn't so bad because my parents' house is obviously much bigger than my college apartment (where she was confined to my room if my roommates and I were not home) so she could just stay away. She still slept on my bed with my boyfriend most nights at my parents' house but stayed at our feet. When he went on vacation for three weeks from the moment he left to the airport she did not leave my side and slept on my bed, on my pillow, purring nonstop. Then he came back and she was back to her old behavior. In fact she tends to leave the room when he enters. It breaks my heart but we agreed to just have him ignore her.
When it came time for school this semester, my mom was so so attached to Zeenie that she begged me not to take her yet (I had to come back in two weeks anyway and I didn't want to make her suffer the long roadtrip). She was so happy at the house that I agreed. When I came back she was great with me, but oddly one night my boyfriend came by and she ran under the tv entertainment center and wouldn't stop growling at him (she had never growled or hissed at him, just disliked his presence). When he left the room she came out but went to another hiding space (and wouldn't come out for hours of me calling -- she always responds) and I noticed she had pooped herself under the entertainment center -- she's never had an accident ever! When he left she was back to normal.
So I left her at home because I knew it wouldn't be good for her if she was stuck in a much smaller apartment with him all the time. And she was just so much happier there (my mom spoiled her rotten with giant cat tree and all the toys she could ever want and the best foods). When I came back again after another few weeks though, she was so cold to me. I think since she hadn't been with me and now I always come home with my boyfriend, she's beginning to associate me with him! She wouldn't sleep in my bed (he wasn't there) and doesn't let me pet her. She's not big on petting or being picked up in the first place, but I was the one exception always. I don't know what to do! I love her but I feel like it's time to turn things around with her and the boyfriend but I am out of ideas
