Hi

Hi...

This week has been... one week I don't want to relive.

I lost an uncle on Monday.  My boss cut my 2 weekend days and gave them to a new girl who hasn't opened by herself. That was Monday I learned that.  Not to mention at work we literally ran out of almost everything.  We had no large or small doughs for pizzas.  We had no chicken, no Peperoni, ran out of cheddar and spinach.  We ran out of medium thin crusts and large deep dish.  With no small doughs there were no pasta bowls, or the new artisen pizzas.  With no large doughs, we had to make the new stuffed cheesy breads out of mediums.  So I spent the night at work appologizing to customers that we were out of all that.  Getting yelled at by them because we couldn't give them what they wanted.  Having to call the internet orderers to let them know we were out of the product they wanted.  That was Monday.

Yesterday I was off, so I spent the whole day sleeping and crying.  When I finally was up and trying to be more positive and happy, I really needed to go see my dad, cuz it was one of his brothers who passed.  We headed out to his house, and he wasn't home.  On the way back from his house, two baby deer popped up right in front of us.  We hit them, one died instantly, the other rolled under our car.  I love animals with all my heart.  There is nothing that hurts me more then humans running over and killing them.  I jumped out of the car before my husband could, and saw the deer laying there scared and trying to breathe.  I wanted nothing more then to hug him and let him know he was loved.  My husband had to end his life so he wouldn't suffer (he could have been a she).  We could only see their heads above the hood of our car they were so small.  I cried and sobbed for a half hour, freaking out and feeling really bad.  we were fine, our car is fine.  Minor damage.  When they poped up in front of us, I tried to crawl over the back of my seat to get away from it.  I was yelling No NO NO no NO NO No.  When I got out of the car and saw it laying there, I said "I am so sorry baby deer.  I am so sorry. I'm sorry..."  and I prayed for forgiveness.  I wasn't driving, but I was in the car.  My heart, broken and smashed and run over.  Plus it irritated the injury from last feb when we got rearended, so now I can't hardly move my neck.  (that is such a small thing comparitively to everythng else)

so we found my parents at the vfw, and my grandpa was there.  I stopped and wrapped my arms around him and just held onto him because I needed my family.  While we were there his girlfriend called my Althea (My mom's name, she's been gone for 10 years, I didn't even know she knew my mom). ANd she kept saying "when he goes".  THen I fidn out for the last week my hubby knew my grandpa had a lump in his lung, and they weren't going to operate because his lung will collapse.  Now I know my grandfather is not going to live much longer. ... I don't want anymore.  I want to curl up in bed under blankets and cry my eyes out. 

When I went to sleep last night the deer were there again, and we ran over them again.  I woke up freaked out.  Everytime I close my eyes I see them.  I just want to fall off the face of the earth and not care about animals or people ever again.  I just want to dissapear.

SOrry to vent.  SOrry for the negative post.  I had to get it out of my head.  It is still there and I still feel us going over the deer.  I still see it laying there.  I can't close my eyes because I see it all.  To me... In my heart, in my mind, I felt like we ran over two human children.  Animals ARE people to me.  I talk to them.  I love them. I respect them. 

I hate being me right now. I wish I wasn't so in tune with animals.  I wish I didn't care. I wish I was a person with no feelings and no love in my heart.  I just don't want to feel this anymore. I am truely sad and hurt. worse then I ever had been before.

My heart is in a billion pieces, and some are wiht my uncle who just passed, some with the two baby deer on the side of the road, some with my grandpa... Ugh!

*hugs* I'm sorry you're going through rough times.  

Love & Light.

I'm really sorry that you've had such a tough week. I really can't imagine how bad it must feel to have so many things go wrong at once. Hope things get better.

Oh sweetheart  . You have had a week I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm so sorry about your Uncle and the bad news about your grandfather. Spend as much time with your grandfather as possible and concentrate on the present, not what the future will bring. Dreading the future will ruin the time you have now. Enjoy the time you have now and make wonderful memories. And spend time with your dad remembering your uncle. Sometimes the best mourning you can do is share stories and cry together.

As for the deer, I hit one a few years ago and felt terrible. I cried off and on for 2 weeks. He came out of nowhere on the highway. There were actually 2 crossing the highway. I hit the buck. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the doe come up and sniff the buck that was trying to get up but couldn't (apparently I demolished his back end). I still have that image in my mind, the fact that I killed someone's husband. I still get emotional about it, but it happens. It was an accident. Just keep telling yourself that.

And for the running out of stuff at work, I worked at a pizza place for 9 years and that happened frequently. Most people were understanding but the ones that weren't I simply told them to complain to the manager. HE did the ordering, not me (I said it in a nice way though). 

I hope things get better for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

Loads and loads of . I'm so sorry for your week  and all the heartache - sometimes it's just overwhelming.

Hopefully things will calm down a bit and you can salvage the rest of the week, though.

 

Why things happen all at once is just hard to take, but I do know that awful, painful feeling of hitting an animal. We hit a deer before too and it died instantly, and I was grateful for that anyway, but it does haunt you when you when you care so much. so sorry for your bad week.

Thank you all for the hugs and kind words.  I took some time to me and just let myself feel the emotions churning inside.  Happily I am much better now.  I can still see the deer in my mind when I close my eyes, but not as frequently.  It was my first time being in a vehicle when a deer was hit.  I'm glad that moment is over, but I really wish it had never happened

I am so glad to be over the funk of earlier this week.    Thank you all again.

be safe.

I"m so glad you're in a better place now. That week was difficult for you to get through and I'm sorry you had to deal with everything at one time.