Someone can tell me what went wrong????

She was absolutely adorable loving 3 years old Siamese, female, neutered. Her kidneys were small and not 100% OK, but it didn't cause her any problems except the fact that her stool didn't get humid enough to get out correctly. But i bought a special food with fiber and it helped, so she didn't seem to have any particular problem. Also her kidneys didn't damaged in time, their condition were still the same.

Only last Thursday Nov 24th when i came back from work I saw her sleeping, all the time, when i called her for playing she would usually be the first to come. This time she was just looking at me and wouldn't move. So i took her in my bed. She was looking very tired, so i thought she was playing the whole day with her sister and her son. Next morning I saw her coming to her food, not eating, no drinking, moving slowly, almost like a robot or machine. When she wanted to jump on the chair, she fall down. I took her directly to the vet, she had fever (39.6 C), so she gave her antibiotics, water under the skin, maybe some painkillers. She sent us home saying that if she doesn't start eating by Sunday we should come back on Monday. She didn't say anything about drinking... Next day, the same, she came to her water fountain, she was just standing there and staring at the water and drunk little bit. Then she went to the toilet to pee and then she went back to her bed. We called a vet emergency, went there, another vet saying that it can happen that antibiotics take sometimes 2-3 days to act. She had still the same fever, she gave her antibiotics, water took her blood, sent us home. Sat evening we had results saying that everything looks fine, only Bilirubin was higher, but she wouldn't worry much about it...Next day-Sunday, even worse, she was purring all day (she was purring very rarely, only with us in the bed), we took her to another vet, because the previous told us to disturb her only when it becomes very urgent (...?). She gave her AB and something for the liver. We went back home and seeing that she had difficulty with breathing, so we called the previous vet, she gave us 3 options: 1/ You wait until the Monday, keeping her at home; 2/ You bring her to my office and I will evaluate her condition either to go to the hospital or not or 3/ Go to the hospital directly. We choose the second, when she saw Lili, she didn't even give her any medication, she just directly called the hospital. We came there, the vet that saw Lili said that she is dehydrated and definitely must stay there for IV. But she wasn't anxious, me neither. My cat wasn't dying! So we let her there, thinking that we couldn't help more... Mistake of my life! I should have stayed next to her to give her the psychologic support, she needed. Maybe she was panicking that we were not there, or she thought we left her there for good... she hated the vets... already when she had problems with pooping she was tortured that i cried with her in the vet's office.... My poor little baby. We were driving back home, the hospital called that Lili is in a critical condition, she has a fluid in her lungs and dyspnea (heavy breathing). That they will call me later. My husband asked me if we are coming back to the hospital and I said no, i don't know why i did that. Why i just didn't say yes. I can't understand my own reaction. Maybe I was under the shock, I didn't know but it was stupid decision. Maybe i thought that anyway they wouldn't let me to see her, or i would be just disturbing, or i couldn't stand that helpless and powerless feeling I had last 3 days. We came back home, the hospital called that they are trying to stabilize Lili, that she is very sorry that she scared me so much. It sounded like it would be OK, Or maybe I wanted to believe that it will be OK. She told us that she won't call us each hour, only next morning or in case something serious happen... I was praying for her live and as soon as I finished with my "pray", the telephone rang...Lili is dead.... saying that they were trying everything, to re-animate her, but nothing helped. She had a blood in her lungs.

I am crying day and night. She was our preferred one. I lost very precious soul.

I want to understand what happened. Could I prevent it? Could I save her? I need to "justify" her death, she cannot be gone for something banal or something ordinary. I have regrets that I didn't stay with her, that i didn't come back, that i couldn't help her. I can't change anything on it. Yesterday I called the vet from the hospital, i asked her if she was suffering, if she was panicking, maybe the stress killed her. She told me that everything was going so quickly that she didn't have time to panic or to suffer, that she was laying down quietly and peacefully. I hope she didn't lie to me, just to bring a kind of comfort. Whoever decided that she should die, I HATE him/her/it! I mean it. We gave her happy life and she returned it 10times to us, that's how it was.

I am waiting for the results like it should help me.... I need to know if I did something wrong...

I terribly miss her!

RIP Lili 2008-2011

It must have been a horrible shock to lose her at such a young age, and I hope the vet can give you some answers. RIP, Lili.

Lili

What a heartbreaking story and I am truly sorry for you losing Lili...... So shocking. You did everything you could and so did the vets. We all do this to ourselves when we suddenly lose our beloved babies - should have done this, should have tried that, why didn't I .......... it is in our nature to beat ourselves up over the huge loss we feel and the deep pain in our hearts. Why, just why?? We will never know. I am sad for you and hope you can find the answers you are looking for from the vet.

Fly freely sweet Lili You were taken too soon and will be missed......

I'm so sorry for you, I have tears for you both right now at the thought of how you feel & how I know that I have been feeling about my own little Marmite who is at the vets right now.

Poor little Lili. I can see that you did the best you could for her & it sounds as though you gave her a wonderful life. Lili could not have asked for more from you.

Love, Marmite & me.

Hi,

Thank to all of you for your nice messages, believe me it really helps.

Biscuity, I hope your Marmite will be better soon!

I am wondering if there will be one morning that i will wake up and not cry. Mornings are the most difficult..

I have just created a photo book with picture's of Lili. I have no other photo book, I will have only for Lili, because she was special.

This morning i just recalled that she used to smell like a bisquit or like a baby powder, basically no smell, just a nice "identifier". When she came to my bed I used to gently put my face on her, in her fur and inhalate that soft, warm and calming scent she got...

We were the first thing she used to "do" in the morning, to say hello to us...

I have 2 other cats - her son Lumi and her sister Mina. It doesn't seem they care much about Lili not being there.... Mina was always obssessed by me, only by me.... no other cats, no other people (she is even afraid of my husband...). But I remember when Mina was younger she used to play with Lili..... But now nothing, she is maybe living in her own world.... Lumi, for him Lili was like a friend to play with, they used to play really lot together. So now, Lumi instead of bothering Lili, bothers us 24/7. He tried to bother Mina, but she is not really a playful cat so when Lumi tries Mina let him know that she doesn't want to. I play with him a lot too, but not enough for the energy he has. And he is still quite young cat, he is 1year and 8 months old.

I think he missed her this Tuesday, when i was leaving the house, he was sitting close to the door, maybe thinking Lili was behind that door.... He also calls Lili to play, it's a typical call that wherever Lili would be that call would bring her to him....not this time my friend, not this time.... Maybe he is naively hoping that she will be back - the same what i was hoping when i was leaving the hospital last Sunday....

My chest, heart and stomach are squeezed. I can't take a deep breath. But I am sure that one day i will be able to breathe normally and it won't hurt so much...

Now it's helping me to "talk" to you guys, here.

Attaching a funny photo of Lili, not sure what she was doing to have that face.... She was my sunshine!

What a lovely photo of Lili.

It may be nice to have a little photo printed of her & have a little candle next to it to light in the evenings. My wife is Russian & she has a little thing where we "remember" loved ones on special days like their birthdays. At the start of an evening meal, we pour a glass of wine each & remember something about the loved one. It's not a toast, we don't clink glasses or hold the glass up, just hold the glass, think about the loved one & then drink the whole glass of wine, only placing the glass back on the table when the glass is empty.

I am sure that her furry friends will indeed miss her. They can show it in many ways & it can affect them for 6 months or more. Give them extra love & attention as they are also suffering. I know just how you are feeling, the squeezed feeling in your chest, heart & stomach. I have been feeling that every day since I was first told that my Marmite had cancer almost a month ago.

Be strong so that you can remember your Lili & the goods times you had together. Your other furry people need you too.

Oh my...where to start. Come to this board and find all of the support and comfort that you can. Without the beautiful souls here, I would be losing my mind. The boy in the pic here is my Petey  boy, only 5 months old and I lost him to a sick, sick, unmerciful, needless disease just over a week ago and he suffered more than any baby should have to suffer. I knew no matter what I did, what money I spent, how many vets I saw, he would not be alive very long. He was a loving angel and I am still angry that "someone" took him from me. It's not fair and if I could make FIP a person, I would do torturous things in return. I cry still everyday, as few cats/kittens have ever gotten to my heart the way that little boy did. It is night, he is buried under my tree out front and I still wander out in the dark to tell him I miss him. I don't care what it looks like to anyone else. It hurts. These losses are painful.

   It sounds to me like you should be the last one second guessing yourself. You took that loved girl everywhere you could, gave her any opportunity you could, spent money, effort and love doing all that you did. You observed, cared, helped, adjusted and put your soul into it. You adored her, lovingly cared for her and gave her a life of kindness. I wish I had answers as to why things happen. Many of us wonder over and again if we did the right thing. We just don't know what to do with our grief or how to make sense of a non-sensical world. All I know is we follow our gut and if we do what we do based on love, we didn't do ANYthing wrong. You did everything imaginable. This year alone, since February, I have lost 1 adult cat to Leukemia and 4 beautiful (too young) kittens of a stray litter to FIP. It's just alot to wonder about as cat lovers.

   Your sunshine Lili was a beautiful baby. I know she is missing you too but I like to think our babies are running free and happy, waiting to see us again when it is our time. I don't know but I think that way. You are a wonderfully loving person and Lili was a special girl. I am so sorry for your loss.                 Brenda

Oh bless her heart look at her!  I'm so sorry for your loss, but l hope your vet can give you an answer

Hi There--- First off sorry for your loss

There are going to be some days better than others. We lost ace (a dog not cat but still my baby) like 6 years ago and I still have days I cry, it is like losing a child or family member.

Everything you are feeling is normal and will eventually pass. The concern about not breathing is there, you need to keep tabs on it make sure you're not having an attack of sorts.

The photo book is a great thing to do!

The stages of grief are:

Denial (This isn't happening)

Anger (WHY is this happening?!!?)

Bargaining (If I had done this, then that...)

Depression (Why me, Why now, and why him/her)

Acceptance (It's OK. I will heal and my baby is in a better place)

Everyone goes through them at different rates. Wondering if I had done this , then- would be part of bairganing and is completely normal.

From the sounds and looks of it, there is nothing you could have done. With the progression of death in an otherwise normal kitty, something went majorly wrong and i would be sitting on the results until they give them to you..

Nobody can tell you what is a "normal" rate to "get over it" and you  won't ever probably just "get over it". There will always be a longing to hold that fur baby again, I know there is with Ace...

Every year on the anniversary of his death I'm a wreck and not fit to be around people. I usually do something to remember him-- light a candle, share a glass of wine with hubby, print a picture of him (last year I did a poster print of us together), and of course lots of time spent crying, praying, and pouring over photos & videos. In fact his death anniversary is coming up next week..

Time does make things better,  This board is a great source of support-

Hang in there hugs & prayers