need impartial advice!

My husband and I live in NYC and have been talking for years about moving to South Carolina.

We found a town we love and visited a few times, met some great people, saw a few houses that could work for us.

I've always just had this caveat that I want to stay in NYC until after I have a baby.

My family lives here and I'm a labor and delivery nurse so I know all the doctors and nurses here.

But lately I've been itching to move sooner.

I'm not happy at my job here, and am not having success with finding a new one, the cold weather is bringing me down and the crowds and noise of NYC wears me out.

I think we'll both be much happier in SC.

My husband works from home so he can do it anywhere.

We're trying to get pregnant, but no luck so far (only been like 2 months...) but if we put our lives on hold until after I have a baby we could stay here another year or more, unhappy.

If we start the process of moving down there now, there are a few options - if I'm already pregnant at the time of the move we could stay with my parents for a months here in NY around the time I'm due, so I can still have the baby at the hospital where I work.

Or I could just deliver down there and my parents would come visit.

My husband likes the idea of moving before a baby enters the picture and he argues that it'll be physically easier and less stressful to move before having a baby than after.

I agree there's some truth to that.

It'd be nice to be settled in a house before bringing a baby home.

I'm just bad with change.... It's something we both really want but it makes me anxious.

I worry I won't be able to handle the stress of moving combined with the stress of having a baby at the same time.

It's also hard because I'm close with my mom, but she can be very opinionated and overbearing.

She obviously wants me to stay here as long as possible and I don't think she'll be supportive if we announce we're moving now.

But I also think that BECAUSE she's overbearing it'd be good for my husband and I to get some space from her and create our own lives as a family and we see that taking place in SC.

Such a hard decision....

And there's nothing pushing us out of our comfort zone except each other.

Hm.  I was 10 weeks pregnant with my DD when we moved.  It was just 30 min away and it was exhausting.  She's almost 2 and there are still boxes we haven't unpacked.  And baby #2 is on the way.  (I also worked outside the home back then.  I'm a stay-at-home-mom now.)  So I definitely think moving now would be easier from that aspect. 

I do agree sometimes you need space to really stretch your wings.  I really appreciated the help I got from my mother when DD was a newborn (and what I still get) but my Mom knows when to leave me be and lets me make my own decisions.  My MIL came for a week when DD was about a week and a half old.  That was a huge help; but again, we get along great.  So that one is a really tough call.  I'd hate to have to change doctors and what you are used to before having a baby; but it might be fine there.  Do you want to be a L&D nurse in SC?  If you moved with a job like that lined up it would help you get an idea of who to work with.  Also moving sooner would let you make some friends who might give some good recommendations.  I know how important those are when it comes to your OB-GYN!  (My last doc was fabulous but moved before this pregnancy; so I've gone through my rounds twice to find an OB-GYN in the last 3 years!)

I hate moving and I hate change too.  I love where DH is from in Tennessee; but I'm also happy here and I can't see leaving my Mom and Step-dad anytime soon.  I think they would have to leave the area before I'd go!  And I've already forbidden them from doing that!   Adding babies to your family is stressful enough. I would really consider if you will find it more or less stressful to have your parents have easy access to you.  For me it's good; for my step-sis it's not.  (Her MIL is ...wow...that's all I can say here.)  Whatever you decide; I'm sure things will work out.  If you stay you may find yourself so distracted with  your pregnancy that you don't notice what used to irritate you in the same way.  Being a new mom is hard whether you have your family to help or not.  It's really up to you.  But either way I'm sure you will do fine!  Esp if you can schedule visits from your parents every so often.  Give you something to look forward to when the hard times are going on.  It's a really tough call.  If only we had crystal balls to look into the future!

Please keep in mind that I'm 19 and single with no children, but here is my advice anyway. :lol3:

If you absolutely have your heart set on moving, whatever the costs, I would do it before the child and not after. The process of moving with a newborn child, or a toddler, or what have you, just sounds like an absolute nightmare, especially for a first time parent. My god, I can't even imagine it.

I vote you move now, get pregnant in SC, and deliver down there. Your mom can come visit for the first week/month/whatever until you get on your feet with your first baby. Or you can move now and deliver in NYC, I guess, but again, even traveling with a newborn sounds like no fun to me. Then again, I want no kids of my own anyway, so take this with a grain of salt.

Also... I know people get sick of the cold weather up north, but as a lifelong (and unhappy) Southerner, from north Florida, let me say that South Carolina is going to be VERY.... very... HOT in the summertime, as well as colder than you might think in the winter, although obviously not for as long as up there.

Out of curiosity, are you a NYC native? I have always, always, ALWAYS wanted to live there, and I still do, even after visiting two years ago and everyone saying how "disillusioned" I would be. I'm not.

Thanks for the advice!

Keep it coming!

To speakhandsforme:  Yes I actually was born and raised in Manhattan!  I'd say go for it!  Living in NYC is something everyone should experience.  Just to warn you though, it is expensive!

Oh and as for the hot summers, we've already worked out a plan  : )   Since my husband can work from anywhere, in the summer we plan to visit my family in NY for a few weeks and go up to his sister's house in Maine for a few weeks.  Sounds good to me  : )

From your post, what I got was that you both want to move now, you just need some reassurance. Make a pro and con list.

I'd say go ahead and do it while you're young.  Once you get older change is more difficult.

My husband and I were both born and raised in NY and moved here to FL 39 years ago.     I don't miss the snow, ice, freezing weather, subways.   You get used to the heat, and NYC certainly gets hot also.   In any hot climate you don't have to be exposed to the heat any more than necessary.  Everything is air-conditioned, and it's so nice to see beautiful blue skies with white clouds, rather than misty gray depressing skies.     Don't get me wrong, living in NY was an education and of course I miss things like Rockefeller Center, Broadway shows, certain foods than you can't duplicate here.   But overall it's a better life and if you're planning on raising a family it would b e the best thing for  you.   Where in SC are you planning to relocate to   I used to work for a synagogue here in Naples and 2 of the former Rabbis are now in SC - one in Hilton Head and one in Columbia.   The one in Hilton Head is absolutely in love with the place and the one in Columbia is raising 2 children there and finds it a much healthier family atmosphere.

Good luck in whatever decision you make.