Im so frustrated

catnamedpanda

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So I hit a tight spot financially here recently. (long complicated story) I had some unexpected financial setbacks come up that landed me flat broke and I am just living day to day right now as I am a server I technically get paid everyday I work. Tips at work have decreased and what I was making I am not making as easily anymore. I am going to school as well, and because of that I am limited on how much I can work.

Tonight on my way home I got a ticket for apparently not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign on a back road with literally only me as traffic at 1 am. The cop was sitting in a parking lot and because my car did not rock backwards he says it was not enough of a stop. He was very rude shining a flashlight in my face and telling me I was lying when he asked me where I was coming from and I told him work. I really wanted to ask him if he thought I wore my uniform for fun considering I wear black pants and apron and a button down white shirt with a tie. How many girls wear ties on an everyday basis that he didn't believe that I was working. The fact that the cop was not very nice aside I now have a $250 ticket that I have to find a way to pay for.

Where my big dilemma comes in is deciding if I drop the day class that I am struggling in anyways. It is not hard, just a ton of work that I barely manage to do between going to school full time as well as working almost full time. I have contemplated it because I am praying none of the cats get sick while I am getting everything back to the way it was. I am really thankful that the momma cat and kittens are sponsored by someone I know who really wanted to help out with them. The only way I am going to be able to pay this ticket and get back where I was financially if I drop this class and get a second job. At the same time dropping a class is not something to just decide to do. I am so lost on what to do anymore. I have been very upset about it lately and have broken down into tears over it. Maybe I am just over stressed and being over emotional. I am hoping someone from the outside could give me some advice on what to do.
 

Winchester

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I really hesitate to recommend that you drop a class.....for me, it's a waste of money because you won't get that money back if you drop it. However, I understand what you're going through right know and yes, you need to pay that ticket. But good grief, $250 is a lot of money for coasting through a stop sign at 1:00 in the morning! (I'm not saying you coasted through the stop sign; the police seems to think you did. Sounds to me like it's the end of the month at the police station and some quotas need to be made at the station. Sorry, but that's how I feel.)

Several years ago, we were visiting with our kids about two hours away. I was driving home, it was after midnight, and I had taken the back way home to avoid a bunch of red lights and such. It's just a short cut, more than anything. A car came up behind me and started to follow. Thinking that it just might be the cops, I kept my speed steady and drove. Sure enough, when I went around the one curve, I went over into the other lane, just by a hair, mind you, but it was enough for the cop to pull me over. He shone his light into my eyes (probably to check my pupils, which is, no doubt why he did that to you, too), asked me where I had been and where I was going.  (He had also called for back-up, for crying out loud, but that's another story.) He wondered why I was driving instead of Rick, which, frankly, was none of his business....but I just said that I usually do the driving in the family, which is true.

Anyway, it was quite obvious that I was not drinking at all. It was simply the end of a very long and tiring day with kids and grandkids. He gave me a warning.....and followed me the rest of the way home. And believe me, that made me very nervous....I kept thinking that if I went over the line one more time, he was going to give me a ticket and he was just waiting for his chance. I was going to pull over and have Rick finish the trip, but it was only about two more miles til we got home. And we figured that would just send up a red flag to the cop. The cop was a bit of an idiot and I found out later that this guy really enjoys giving people a rough time.

But I'm getting off track here and I apologize. Can you talk to your parents and ask them to loan you the money (with the understanding that you pay them back)? Would they be willing to give you an early Christmas present of money to help out? Can you possibly pay the fine in monthly payments or something (and pardon me if that sounds really stupid....I simply don't know how that works)? Anything so that you don't have to drop the class...and again, it's simply because of the money issue that I never suggest dropping classes. If you have to do so to take on a second job, by all means, do so.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope it all works out for you.
 
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rafm

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Fight the ticket, go to court. For starters, it will push back the date you have to pay the ticket by, giving you a bit more time to devise a plan. Then take it to court, chances are, the cop won't even show up for it and it will dismissed outright. Minimum, you push the pay by date out. I think some places even have payment plans but I'm not totally sure on that. Go to the courthouse and see what your options are before you drop a class.

As for the class being too demanding on your time, well, that's how it goes. School isn't supposed to be easy. I know that working and going to school is tough, add to that financial pressure and it gets even harder but you will get through it. My DH and I fought through a ton of times when we didn't have all the money we needed. There were times when life flat out kicked us HARD while we were already down. In those times, it felt like we would never pull out of it. It felt insurmountable. But, we did get through it. We stayed our course, took care of all the lovely surprises (I didn't do a very good job of driving the speed limit there for a bit) and in e end, we came out the other side. It's not easy, and there are times when the decisions are tough, but always keep your future in mind. Don't stop moving forward on it to satisfy an immediate need. There will be ups and downs but one way to ensure you come out the other side is to get your education.

Gosh, I remember times when I'd put my debit card in the gas pump and pray there was $5 left for me to get some gas. Been there....it's not fun, I understand.
 

ldg

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Fight the ticket, go to court. For starters, it will push back the date you have to pay the ticket by, giving you a bit more time to devise a plan. Then take it to court, chances are, the cop won't even show up for it and it will dismissed outright. Minimum, you push the pay by date out. I think some places even have payment plans but I'm not totally sure on that. Go to the courthouse and see what your options are before you drop a class.
As for the class being too demanding on your time, well, that's how it goes. School isn't supposed to be easy. I know that working and going to school is tough, add to that financial pressure and it gets even harder but you will get through it. My DH and I fought through a ton of times when we didn't have all the money we needed. There were times when life flat out kicked us HARD while we were already down. In those times, it felt like we would never pull out of it. It felt insurmountable. But, we did get through it. We stayed our course, took care of all the lovely surprises (I didn't do a very good job of driving the speed limit there for a bit) and in e end, we came out the other side. It's not easy, and there are times when the decisions are tough, but always keep your future in mind. Don't stop moving forward on it to satisfy an immediate need. There will be ups and downs but one way to ensure you come out the other side is to get your education.
Gosh, I remember times when I'd put my debit card in the gas pump and pray there was $5 left for me to get some gas. Been there....it's not fun, I understand.
:yeah: The car didn't rock backwards? Really? That's the definition of "not a full stop?" I'd fight it. He said he didn't believe you were coming from work? Get a statement from work with your hours on it for that day right now. Even if the cop does show up, the fact that YOU believe you stopped, that you WERE coming from work as you say you were, and that you could CLEARLY see there were no other cars on the road... even if he does show up (which he probably won't), I think it gets thrown out. :nod: :cross:
 

mrblanche

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Most states can make arrangements for you to take a defensive driving course instead of paying the fine, if you haven't done it in the last 2 years or so.

You might want to contact the National Motorists Association.  http://www.motorists.org   They can give you a lot of pointers, even help you get a ticket dismissed or reduced.

It IS true that the definition of a full stop is the car "settling" level.
 
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catnamedpanda

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Thank you everyone... I am hoping I can get it thrown out. I talked to a few friends at work and they think I should at least go talk to the DA. I don't know if there is any truth in this or not, but I had someone tell me that they are not allowed to sit in the dark without any lights, that they have to have on at least their dims... this guy did not, he only turned them on after I drove by so he could get behind me. Hopefully when I go talk to them I can get this taken care of quickly. IMO there at 1am on the weekend in a college town there are more important things to be looking for, like maybe drunk divers leaving the bars, there are no bars anywhere near where he was. My parents have always told them that if I got a ticket that it was my responsibility to figure out how to pay for it because I got it. They are mad about it right now, and likely wont help, maybe later when they are not so mad I could ask again. I just wont go home as long for Christmas, just two days instead of the week I usually go home for, that way I have a day for each parent.

I am not going to drop my class because the semester is almost over. I know school is not supposed to be easy, but I do know I have taken on too much at one time I am taking 16 credit hours and work anywhere from 35-40 hours a week. I am just going to have to make my schedule so I can work more next semester to get caught back up, and start a savings again. It has been one thing after the next that has drained the savings I had. I am thankful it was there when I needed it, but now I am stuck in a rut. I know I will get through this, and it is not going to be easy. I have a lot to be thankful for and things could be worse than they are.
 

3catsn1dog

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I would definately fight the ticket..in general most times with tickets like those cops wont show for the hearing because it actually costs more for the county to fight back with the ticket than it does for them to pull you over and issue the ticket. Also heaven forbid you fight it and lose...a lot of district court offices will offer payment plans for tickets..especially very expensive tickets like that one. BTW...$250 for 'rolling thru a stop sign'....*** Thats more expensive than getting a ticket for possession of a drug or paraphanalia...heck thats more than most speeding tickets Ive heard about unless you were going double the speed limit which thats automatic removal of your license.

I feel your pain about being a server. It sucks..you do ten time the work a normal restaurant worker does and make peanuts compared to the rest of the employees. When our area got hit with the bad economy servers took a HUGE hit. People went from tipping $5 bucks for two people and a twenty five dollar bill to tipping $2 bucks if you were lucky. A lot more servers got stiffed because people still want to go out to eat but dont want to give that little extra to their servers. Most people dont realize that servers in most states only make about $3 bucks an hour. In my area the best rate you will find is $2.87 an hour, no raises no matter how long you worked somewhere and you have to fight tooth and nail for your sections and tables. I hope things pick up for you because I know how much it sucks living off a servers wages.
 
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catnamedpanda

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I would definately fight the ticket..in general most times with tickets like those cops wont show for the hearing because it actually costs more for the county to fight back with the ticket than it does for them to pull you over and issue the ticket. Also heaven forbid you fight it and lose...a lot of district court offices will offer payment plans for tickets..especially very expensive tickets like that one. BTW...$250 for 'rolling thru a stop sign'....*** Thats more expensive than getting a ticket for possession of a drug or paraphanalia...heck thats more than most speeding tickets Ive heard about unless you were going double the speed limit which thats automatic removal of your license.

I feel your pain about being a server. It sucks..you do ten time the work a normal restaurant worker does and make peanuts compared to the rest of the employees. When our area got hit with the bad economy servers took a HUGE hit. People went from tipping $5 bucks for two people and a twenty five dollar bill to tipping $2 bucks if you were lucky. A lot more servers got stiffed because people still want to go out to eat but dont want to give that little extra to their servers. Most people dont realize that servers in most states only make about $3 bucks an hour. In my area the best rate you will find is $2.87 an hour, no raises no matter how long you worked somewhere and you have to fight tooth and nail for your sections and tables. I hope things pick up for you because I know how much it sucks living off a servers wages.
I know I thought $250 was ridiculous too, my speeding ticket a few years ago was less or at least about the same. Its 2.13 an hour here. I live in an area where there is a large amount of people who barely tip, to get 15% is getting lucky. I work for a large chain restaurant and I have to tip out 3% of my sales to go to the bussers, hostesses and bartenders. So when I get tables who run up a $70 bill and don't tip I still have to pay out $2. On an average night I work I tip out $20 or more. With the economy I am being pushed to sell more, but it doesn't always benefit me. I had one table make me mad once by telling me that times were tough so they didn't have a tip for their $120 check for 4 people. There were a lot of things I would have loved to tell them, but they were not worth losing my job over, so i didn't say anything and just walked away. Luckily I started at this restaurant when it opened 6 months ago, so I get closing sections most of the time or a decent one at least. Sometime if I can catch the manager making the floor chart for the next day I can choose what section I want. I think I am going to try to take night classes next semester and so online and get a day job where I can get paid an hourly rate and that way I know how much will be coming in weekly, and I can serve on random nights and weekends.
 

speakhandsforme

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I had one table make me mad once by telling me that times were tough so they didn't have a tip for their $120 check for 4 people.
:argh:

They have the money to spend $30 a person on dinner but not leave an extra $5 or $6 apiece for you? I don't EVEN think so. If I had been a server two years ago when I was in high school, and I had my parents to rely on while living at home, I would have told them off and not cared whether or not I lost my job. That is just unacceptable.
 

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I'm so sorry you're having all this stress and right before the holidays too. I agree, go to court. The fine will at least be reduced and if the cop doesn't show up it will probably be thrown out.

I worked for 9 years as a server/shift manager in a chain restaurant in a college town....I feel your pain. The tips were usually pretty decent the beginning of the semester but towards the end everyone was broke so nada in the tipping. And, for me at least, it was IMPOSSIBLE to budget because I didn't know what I was going to bring home for the week. I had a bad habit of spending money on stupid things figuring "I can make more tomorrow", then not having money for my bills. Not saying that is what you do at all. It took me a long time to grow up and become responsible. I ended up moving back in with my parents then after a few years bit the bullet and moved away where I didn't have them to rely on and got things back on track. Anyway, off topic. Anyway, I actually loved waitressing except for the fact that the tips relied on the time of the year and now the economy.

I'm guessing you will be having a winter break between semesters. Can you maybe get a part time job during the down time to help you get caught back up? Good luck hon. :hugs:
 

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I completely understand where you are coming from. I have SO been there financially. Even now I sometimes lay awake at night if my husbands side job is slow, as to how we'll pay bills and mortgage. 

I am a little curious as to why it mattered WHERE you were coming from at 1am. If there is no curfew in your town, you're pretty much allowed to drive where and when you desire. It's not his business or anyone else's if you are coming from work. The cop sounds like a jerk.

Anyhow, I second and third the fight the ticket advice. Your court date will probably be after the holidays which may make it easier. They also may reduce the fine, depending on what happened. Of course the problem is, you have to show up at court, which means taking time off of work or school, but sometimes, if you have a convincing appearance, and story, the judge will rule you not guilty and the fine will be dismissed. 
 
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